Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything.

 

---Present Time, Date: 3^rd April.  Day: Monday. Time: 4:03pm---

Bonfire; I stared as the flickers disappeared into nothingness. Just like them.

The crackling sound was somewhat soothing to my ears. The orange flames beneath burning fiercely. They wouldn’t waver even with the chilly breeze that sent goosbumps all over my skin.

Just like the memory of that night.

It was in my head, still fresh and clear after all this time. It never failed to come to life, here; in the Black Forest.

 

I continued to stare at the dancing fire. Surrounded by woods and a gloomy sky. It was lit on the very same spot.

It was same as that day.

Eating away into the wood, it continued to live just like the guilt buried somewhere deep down in my mind.

Shoved aside, hidden, but still managing to creep through, especially on this day, April 3rd.

 

When thoughts felt overwhelming, when my body would freeze up, when everything came back to haunt me. The worst nightmare, that day. A repetitive cycle now.

My eyes were trained on the source of light and warmth in front of me in the slowly descending evening. I found the surroundings disappearing, simply a distant vacuum where I was left alone with myself.

 

“Kira…”

I reflexively jumped when a hand was placed on my shoulder, effectively jerking me out from the trance of the past.

I turn to see Lee Joon pulling away his hand away, concerned eyes speaking for him through his signature thick oval framed black glasses. His head was a wavy mess of browns and blondes hair dye, which I had fondly nick named as sunshine.

I manage a small reassuring smile in response to his subtle worry. Lee Joon could easily read off people, pick up hints, reactions, even thoughts at times and respond accordingly. Much more so, myself in this case. He was a close friend after all.

An idiot nonetheless, a professional prankster, an unstoppable blabber mouth and I could go on, yet today he doesn’t speak.

Almost no one does after the small talk that took place after we arrived. I shifted my gaze at the other four people present in the area, all indulged in their own thoughts.

 

“It’s okay” My voice didn’t rise above a whisper. I didn’t want to disrupt the silence looming over us.

My eyes shifted to Young Saeng.

This one was the complete opposite on the other hand. Quiet and serious in nature. His voice never rose above a certain level and he would usually keep to himself. Though that shouldn’t be mistaken as arrogance, far from it. He was just a very shy person in nature, usually turning red at the speed of light and quietly laughing off a situation that caused it. Yet one thing he had in common with Lee Joon was the sense of fashion style. Everything had to be up to par, especially his hair, Always.

Though much shorter than in the past, today, even his brunet treasure seemed to be unkempt, barely brushed, much less styled to a spiked volume on the side. His chubby cheeks despite the lean build showed no signs of the dimples that he possessed and showed off while smiling.

My eyes met his own dark smaller ones that he complexes about. I bite down on my bottom lip and quickly turned away when I the reflection of my own anguish shone in his. He was a trusted friend of the one I fondly named my ‘bro’ and he was there at night too.

 

Hyun Joong cleared his throat and shifted clearly uncomfortably under the thick air of gloominess. It almost triggered a smile, he was never known for dealing with awkward or unusual situations.

The man who spoke in monotone the entire time I’ve known him and seemed to be half in dreamland at best, had his black bangs swept to the side as he continued to shift his sitting position. I could still see the brooding expression on his usually blank face and bored eyes though. It wasn’t surprising, after all, he was a huge part of the former group. A good friend. Their ‘Leader’.

The thought caused a fleeting smile to appear on my face. I remembered the fondness with which the one I used to call a ‘bro’, the quiet and patient one, had said that. The half-hearted skeptical comments that were offered on the other hand by the other loud, energetic and charismatic member, claiming that he was more suited for the role and title despite his age and behaviour. Both were now gone.

Kyu Jong, he was my neighbour when I had first moved into the area. Getting accustomed to my new surroundings and the responsibilities of living independently, we had gotten acquainted. I had been adapting to my recent job back then, while simultaneously keeping up with my university classes. It was a slow but sure process, and within less than a year, Kyu Jong has grew onto as a brotherly figure. Unfortunately it ended there, because Kyu Jong was no more, and neither was Jungmin…

 

Nora silently passed me a drink to which I responded with a little appreciative smile. The girl with large eyes and miniature body that I’ve known since school days only offered a silent nod in response. Today she had too, thrown all the appearance value out of the window, boots, tights and an oversized sweater. It was more in favour of the environment we residing at, but the awkwardness of the situation was getting to her.

 

Young Saeng spoke up, his soft voice breaking the silence.

“It’s been three years since the disappearance…”

Watching him gulp down hard, I felt a lump form in my own throat. “May they rest in peace”

My fingers tightened around the glass. Pressing the neck of the bottle to my lips, I tossed the liquid down my throat in an attempt to drown the sorrow.  Focusing my gaze on the flames yet again, I clenched my teeth; No, I had promised myself that I wouldn’t. That I’d finally let it go.

Still yet, I was convinced of the opposite. Really a er at keeping promises to myself.

I would just have to deal with it. I had no need or place for pity. Not in front of people at the very least. Not after Hyung Jun. The thought of him was enough fuel for my grief to turn to fury; filing me to the brim in a matter of seconds.

“Kira it’s not your fault - ”

“It’s my fault that they died!” My abrupt and harsh protest to Lee Joon’s attempt at condolence quickly backfired when all gazes had shifted to my form; startled. Realizing the effect of my outburst, I balled my wrists and clenched my jaw turning away.

We have been over this more than I could ever count, with more so people than was necessary. I released a heavy sigh and looked back at Lee Joon, guilt washing over me.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…sorry” My reply was defeated, giving up on trying to explain the sudden whirlwind of emotions that had built up inside of me.

He only gave me a warm smile in return that had me back up on my guilt trip. He was taking on all of my blows today. Never mind my grand morning mood and it wasn’t even his fault. How much more pathetic could I get?

“I’ll just… take a stroll. “

“Where? Are you crazy?” This time, Nora cut me short. Her voice rang, loud and assertive. A far cry from Lee Joon’s responses. Not taking any of it and making her point come clear across. She was speaking up for the first time in long dull hours of mourning minus her germ phobic complaints and antics about insects and dirt being everywhere at the beginning of today’s journey.

“Somewhere!” I countered trying to force down that bubble of anger swelling all over again. I wasn’t going to take it from others, about what to or not to do.

“If you want to be alone we can go home right now. But definitely not over there” She spoke her voice firm pointing to the daunting tress up ahead.

Thick trunks, dead dried leaves, clumps of bushes and other plantations covered the barely visible trail in the distance. Yet I knew better of what was in there. And I wanted to see it.

About to retort she beat me to it. “Do you want to end up the same way as them?!”

I felt fury slack at her ‘as a matter of fact’ tone only to be replaced by grief.

”Being alone is not what you need right now” She added, voice reduced to a whisper. Was my expression that doleful, or does my best friend just know me too well?

Casting my gaze down at the uneven surface beneath, I looked at the patches of baby grass that were at my feet, mostly trampled. Soil, dirt and a few tiny rocks scattered around. I knew that my bravery was uncalled for. She was right.

 

Young Seang’s phone suddenly blasted with life surprising everyone. Getting up, he dug into his pocket, struggling to pull out the said item. Cursing under his breath he finally managed to grasp and force the metal piece out from the confines of his jeans. He answered before the ringing could drop, walking off to continue his conversation in private.

Hyun Joong too, got up to follow suit.

 

“Joon, Nora, I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to snap like that, I don’t know what’s come over me these da-“

“It’s okay. Let it out, you’ll feel better.”

Shaking my head, I laughed bitterly. “Really, you’re no help Joon”

“Look we can utmost only presume how hard this could be for you, more so, coming here…” He paused before continuing. “The guilt is eating you up, let it out and let it go, trust that they’re both in a better place now.” 

“And we’re here for you” Nora smiled.

“Thanks you guys. I appreciate it…and I’m trying.” I’ve been trying all this time.

Clenching my wrists tightly at the sides, I stared at the ground.

“It’ll be alright” Joon stretched out his arm over my shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. in a deep breath I willed to get my emotions under control. I was not going to mop around.

The edges of his mouth curved upwards “Cry baby”

“Dork.”

“Do you want my shoulder to cry on?” He asked grinning.

A chuckle escaped my mouth. “And drool all over your shirt?”

“Yes drool, drool for all what he’s done to me.” Nora added swatting at the fly in front of her.

Rolling his eyes he made a face which Nora countered with a crocked expression of her own.

“Such kids” I muttered.

“You’re one to talk!”

Honestly, sometimes their synchrony amazed me.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

 

“Kira”

I hummed in response and looked up. Lee Joon’s face turned stone serious and I blinked half expecting him to throw in a lame joke right now.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hear him out, at least what he has to say?”

The small smile slipped off my face and I shifted “Lee Joon, I told you guys that – “

“I know what you told us.”

I turned away attempting for the hundredth time to avoid this conversation.

“I also know that you don’t want to talk about it.”

I sighed tiredly. “So if you know then don’t – “

“And finally, I know you well enough to see just how much it’s bothering you.”

“It’s not!”

“It is” Nora nodded not even sparing me a glance.

“It is and you know it. Listen to me Kira…” Lee Joon gripped my shoulders. I had no choice but to look him straight in the eye.

“I am not asking of this for his sake, not at all, but for yours. You haven’t been you ever since he came back.”

I groaned attempting to turn away. “Lee Joon – “

“Just give it a shot. One only. How long has it been since then? Hear him out. If you don’t like it, you can always leave.” He pressed.

Exhaling frustratingly, I wriggled out from his grasp. “What could possibly be decent enough – “

“Talk to him and find out, do yourself a favor.” God damn it Lee Joon could be such a –

Before I could retort, we caught onto some rustling behind us. Turning back swiftly, alerted, my breath caught in my throat when we were greeted with the sight of that very person.

He locked his sharp onyx eyes with my own and I froze. Hyung Jun.

No. Not now. Not again.

 

End of Chapter 1.

A/N: Reviews and Comments are much appreciated. Thanks. Enjoy! xD