It might not be the right time

I might not be the right one

But there's something about us I want to say

Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one

It might not be the right time

But there's something about us I've got to do

Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life

I want you more than anything in my life

I'll miss you more than anyone in my life

I love you more than anyone in my life

They adored me. Men and women. Worshipping me like I’m some kind of God. Of course I love that. Everytime they scream my name, I feel like another new level kind of God. Like a 21st century God.

Another plus point is they willing to do anything for me. Like literally anything. That’s why my bed is always warm day and night, if you know what I mean.

I’m not some kind of, you know, maniac or something, but those women (and some men) literally throwing theirself to me. How can I resist? Especially when they’re beautiful.

I love beautiful things. I admired them. I adored them. There’s some people that I consider very beautiful and some of them give me a fragile vibes. I want to caged them. Protect and admire them.

Just like my feeling for my Spring. I used to love her wholeheartedly. She used to be a light, my light, with a smile that could melt any man heart. Just like she melt me. My cold, cold, heart. I used to love her innocence, but now I feel like her innocence is tying me up with guilt. A double edged sword.

I remember waking up at 4 and sleeping becames to unbearable, especially when she sleeping next to me. I watch her beautiful face. She is so beautiful. I know she started to smoking because of me. I remember it was our first fight. It was the moment I just couldn’t go on and hurt her anymore.

‘hey, you already wake? It’s 4 in the morning,babe’ she said to me with a sleepy face. Her body is with only a white blanked wrapped her. She have a super delicious body, sometimes I craved for her body everytime I see how skinned models that always come to flirt me.

‘I.........let’s break up noona’

‘puahahaha since when you called me noona? You never called me noona again after our third time making love’ she laughed as if I’m joking.

‘I....I’m serious....let’s end this relationship....’

It’s been 5 years of our relationship. Her birthday is coming up as long as our anniversaries. I feel like this is the right time. The longer I’m with her, the more she would be hurt.

‘Ji......’ she cried really hard and hug my back. She’s saying she would never let me go, she said she would prefer to die than losing me. Then she started asking for her fault.

It’s never been your fault. It’s my fault. One and only me. But I couldn’t say it. I can’t even speak when saw her miserable state. Then I just hugged her, saying that how can I be serious, I’m just joking and want to .

She cried twice as hard and start hitting me softly, saying how could I do that to her. Breaking up is not a joke.

I’m sorry noona.

“hey handsome, what’s with the frown and deep thought? I’m here waiting for you and you ignore me?”

I looked at her. She’s a very popular young model and very beautiful. She practically begged and flirted with me so I could go to bed with her. I smiled at her and touch her chin. Didn't I tell you that I'm weak with beautiful things?

“sorry pretty girl, it’s just I’m so lost in thought at your beautiful body” I started to kissing her shoulder.

“reallyyy??” she giggling.

“you are so beautiful....” I said in between the kisses.

And with that I spend the rest of my night with Kiko. I feel like a hopeless romantics in a messed up relationship.

‘I can’t do this anymore Bom....’

‘What have we been doing for all this time?’  She asked me when I asked her to break up with me for the last time.

I light another cigarettes and she poured the wine to her glass.  This time there are no tears. It’s like she knew anything before I said it. This time she smiled to me. She light her cigarette and breathed in deeply. It’s like she’s gone in this cloud of smoke. I light my cigarette too. The situation is just too much for me to handle.

‘Bom.... I...’

‘don’t speak.....’

'okay, let’s break up’ she said it between the inhaling

If she was crying like crazy saying she can’t live without me, begging me, or showing any kind of weakness or tears, I probably would take my words and start to apologize to her. Saying that I can’t live without her. That I’m a very awful man who had many lover and mistress. But I can’t. Her smile  stopping me. She was so beautiful and she still is.

‘It was nice being with you for five years. Thanks for the gift,anyway. This had been a best birthday gift I’ve ever had’  she smiled, stood up, and left. Leaving me alone in my large apartment in Gangnam. She didn’t even look back. Didn’t even packed her things. She just left. Why does the apartment feel so empty right now?

But I know, tomorrow I will be like myself again. Or I must say, the trying-too-hard myself. The party lover Kwon Ji yong. The womanizer. The workaholic. And then for a brief of moment I could forget her. As every guy envied me when I have two beautiful ladies in my arms, begging me for them.

In the end I came home to my big and empty apartment. Feeling lonely again. Her face, her smell, her things, haunted my apartment. It’s like she left it on purpose. She never called back, I remember her said that she would never looking back because she only want to see the future. It’s like she erased anything about me. Like I never existed. But that’s good. That’s the way it supposed to be.