I slowly approached the changing room at the back of the building. My heart seemed like it was beating 100 miles a minute. Ever since my parents pressured me into being in beauty pageants, Ive been uneasy. I small twinge of fright lied deep inside me. Yeah, I had won medals but i wasnt as beautiful as most of the girls here.

I walked to my chair, heels clicking against the wooden floorboards. I breathed in and gave myself encouraging words. I could feel the other girls' angry gazes at my body. I hadnt even changed yet and they were already watching me. I grabbed my clothes and walked over to the changing room. I slipped into a longsleeved crop top and some shorts that they told me to wear. By now I was used to being completely exposed but it still felt weird.

I walked out and I felt their eyes on my again.

"Hey, are you new to the contest?" I whipped my head around and met eyes with a curious blonde boy. I stepped back and nearly fell but his hand caught mine. "no worries, I know everyone here! My noona is the one with short brown hair but shes mean to other girls." I nodded and looked around, avoiding his gaze. "So, your names Alex?" I was spacing out but I returned to my senses and smiled. "Yeah.." I began softly. "yours?" He grinned and his eyes turned into crecent moons. "Choi Junhong, but you can call me Zelo~!"

"..cute.." I acidentally muttered out and quickly covered my mouth. The boy just giggled. "So do you need help? im good with make up. I did that girl overthere" I turned and I saw a young girl with flawless (hehe) eyeliner. Her face looked beautiful. ".. can.. can you do that for me?" he nodded. "I'll do what i think suits you."

After a while of him tickling my face with brushes and eyeliners I decided to do my hair, nearly killing a girl over a hairdryer.

"it looks so pretty. Thanks Junhong" he just smiled and patted my shoulder. "Now go, you have to get measured and your number too!" I nodded and slipped on the heels i had next to me. I got up and expertly walked outside to a man who was measuring girl's waists and giving them their cards.I walked over and he looked at me up and down. Unamused. I shyly walked closer and he measured my waist with an annoyed look on his face. "Okay heres your number now go" he pushed me away like i was nothing.

 

I sat down and two girls near me began eyeing me and whispering amongst themselves. I smiled lightly but they just rolled their eyes and scooted away. Before I was called i quickly took two of my diet pills and swallowed them.

My number was being called next so I stood up and got ready. "Now we have Miss Alex Cho" I brethed in deeply and plasetered a smile on my face. I straightened my back and cleanly walked down the stage to the judge. I saw thousands of people including my parents. I was only doing this for them. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zelo smiling at me.

I stopped walking when I got to the announcer. "Miss Cho, what is your aspiration in life?" I stopped breathing. My whole life people have always been telling me what to do and where to be. I was never happy. I stared at my parents for a bit. "My aspiration is to be happy." I kept it short and simple. The announcer nodded and dismissed me I went back and changed into a tight-fitted dress that outlined every curve on my body.

My whole life consisted of barely any meals, working out, and drinking pills that would make me slimmer. But I still had natural curves. My was also big for a girl of my ethnicity and so were my s. I had no trouble in thinking i was ugly though. All because of the people that surrounded me.

I stood up, in my stomach and waited to be called again.

The moment came and it was the talent portion of the pagent. I walked to the mic and smiled as the lights came on.

http://simplysebastian.me/2013/12/13/audio-video-pretty-hurts-by-beyonce/

I finished and bowed. The judges just scribbled on their papers and I walked out.

I ate a sandwich while the others went up and i immediately felt different. Uneasy. It felt like i had to do the worst. Like i shouldnt have eaten. I quickly ran to the restroom and sruck my finger down my throat, causing myself to throw up the sandwich. I sighed and flushed the toilet. As soon as I went out I looked around and saw no one.

I got back to the waiting room and changed into a longer blue dress.

We all stepped out into our places and the judges gave us one last look before we exited the stage.

In the end I came in second place and I glared at the girl who had won against me. I tried so hard. 

The moment i got home I changed into shorts and an oversized sweater. I suddenly remembered my aspiration in life. I lifelessly walked over to my room and saw the many trophies I had stacked up on my bookshelve and walls. I got so angry remembering the i went through. The throwing up, the numbers, the pills.

I grabbed the second place trophie i had won and I broke down. I threw all the other trophies to the ground as I felt tears forming in my eyes. It was all so stupid! I cried harder when I remembered how much i suffered. I felt like I was drowning in despair when I had lost and that was pathetic! Once all the trophies were gone I had felt dizzy.

 

"I need air" I breathed out and walked outside. I took a big breath of air and walked to the sidewalk. "Hey, Alex!" I turned my head and saw Zelo. I was about to walk to him but my head started pounding. My legs began to tremble and I fell to the floor.

I sighed and tried to get up, I could hear Zelo's footsteps get closer. I tried to push myself up using my arms but I fell back and everything turned a nasty dark shade of black.

--

I woke up to an annoying beeping sound. I groaned and twisted wherever I was. "alex! youre awake!" I groaned and the preppy voice and scrunched my face "nhhhgggg" I muttered and lied down on my stomach.

"alex," i heard someone else call me. I sat upright and rubbed my eyes. "WHat dad?" he chuckled and rubbed my back. "Honey why didnt you tell us you werent doing well?" I looked at him weirdly. "I'm fine dad" I turned my head and saw zelo.. and a bunch of machines. I was in a hospital. "Honey the doctor said you were purging yourself and youre too underweight!"

"but the people at the pagent said i was fine" he stopped and furrowed his eyebrows. "oh im so sorry honey!" he hugged me and i felt warmth in my body.

And from the corner of my eye, I saw Zelo smiling.

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Perfection is a disease of a nation