I don’t know why I had decided to risk going to the supermarket when the clouds overhead were as dark and threatening as they were. So thick they were that I had thought it must be getting late in the day, at least past seven, but checking my watch, I had been surprised to note that it was only four in the afternoon. Fooled by the lack of rain yet falling from the billowing water tanks above, I at least had worn one of my longer coats, donning leather gloves and a thick scarf to protect from the chilling wind. As a last minute decision, I had taken a hat from my collection, dropping it on my head as I left the house, but none of this prepared me for the onslaught that fell from the heavens on my way back.

When the clouds opened their flood-gates, I felt as though I must have been at the base of waterfall, so heavy did the rain fall on the city. I guess it was a good thing I only needed to buy one thing from Safeway, else I would have had to call a cab, and I did not have enough change from buying the meat for my dinner to pay the fare to get me just four blocks away. Needless to say, I was using as many store fronts and front porches in my mad dash back.

Never did I expect I would run into him on my way home. Or slip over on the wet pavement when I tried to avoid literally running into him.

“Ease up there,” his voice called above the thundering of the rain around us. A hand on my arm pulled me off the pavement, setting me right on my feet again. “Rushing about in this weather as you were will send you to hospital with broken bones if you are not careful.”

Passing a glare at Jiseok, I quickly checked my parcel was still contained, and was pleased to find both bag and contents were as they had been packaged. A sudden thought occurred and I turned back to the focus of my not-so-secret affections to confirm what I had seen. Scowling, I glanced up at him as I said, “Were you even thinking about the weather when you left your house?”

Guilty smile plastering itself on his face, another scowl easing past my lips, he replied, “I guess I may have overlooked that tiny detail.”

“It would be more likely for you to end up in hospital with pneumonia than me with broken bones.” Scanning around, I recognised the area as the last block before where my home was located and indicated as such to Jiseok. “Come with me and we’ll get you dry before you get too sick.”

Taking his arm, I pulled him across the street dividing the blocks and raced past the four houses before reaching my home. Pushing him up the path and onto the porch, we stopped to catch our breaths, a smile present on his face, to which, I am sure a small smile of my own reflected back at him. Sure, I was wet, I was cooling down too quickly in the slight breeze accompanying the rain, but I was with Jiseok, and what could be better than being able to spend time with the one who had claimed nearly all of your thoughts for the past month and a bit.

“So,” Jiseok spoke over the quietening drumming of raindrops on the roof, straightening as he slicked his hair back. I personally found the way the dark hair fell into his eyes rather attractive, but he could find out about that later. “Are you going to let me in, or are we going to both develop nasty illnesses from freezing in our water-logged suits?”

An eye-roll and tongue-click answered him. Turning to the door, I fished around in the hidden pocket of my coat before pulling the key to the house out. Unlocking and opening the door, I gestured for Jiseok to enter before me, the tall male smirking as he stepped into the entryway. Not for the first time, I was glad the front hallway was tiled, for as I stepped in, I saw the water running off Jiseok in rivers, leaving pools of water to form around him.

“Look, I don’t want to you to think that I’m chewing out on you or anything,” I began as I eyed the wet-rag before me. “But I don’t think I have seen anyone as ill-prepared for the weather as you have been today, especially this close to when the first snow falls occur.”

Jiseok shrugged, sheepish smile ever present and his eyes never leaving mine. “Guess I was in too much of a rush to get out of the house to think about the weather.”

His reply made me suspicious, but the usually bright gaze had darkened, and I dare not question him. Stepping close, I rested a hand on his shoulder, trying to show through both gesture and the contact between our eyes that I was there for him, and that whenever he was ready, I would listen. He must have understood some of what I was trying to relay because his eyes brightened, though not to the same extent they were a moment earlier.

“For now, let’s get you out of those clothes and into something drier,” I said as I removed my hand from his shoulder.

“Was that you making a move on me?” Jiseok taunted, wiggling his eyebrows.

It was only halfway accidental that my fist connected with his shoulder. “Don’t push it Jiseok, or I might just throw you back into the street to let you get sick.”

“Aw, Jungwoo, don’t be like that.”

Spinning back around, I pressed a finger into his chest, my voice dropping to an octave I reserved for getting my point across, especially when I was threatening people who were trying to cause trouble with my group. “Don’t twist my words then, Mr Woo, and I won’t have to be.”

Pushing him back a step, I strode away from him, smirk plastered on my face when my back was turned towards him. It felt good to have one up on him for once, instead of letting my nature slip up and turn me into the shy, bumbling idiot I knew I could be around most people.

“Did you have to hit me so hard?”

Peering over my shoulder, I saw that he had removed his shoes and was walking towards me, rubbing his arm gingerly. “I only partially intended to hit you as such.”

“And what was unintended?”

“The force of the hit. Now come on, the bathroom is just here,” I gestured towards the door next to the one leading into the kitchen, before pointing down the corridor to the other three doors. “I’ll be in the room at the end, getting changed, and the door will be locked.”

“Dang.”

“So feel free to warm yourself by having a bath, and once you’re done, I’ll find you some clothes.” Without sparing him a glance, I took off towards my room, eager to change out of the material that was almost like a second skin to me. I could not afford to be in these clothes for much longer at all.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bathe as well, Jungwoo?”

“I will chase you out of the house if you do not watch your words,” I threatened as I stepped into my room, glaring at him as he stood in the doorway to the bathroom with a mighty cheeky grin. “Now do as I said, or there will be no dinner for you. I barely have enough for myself, let alone someone who could eat my pantry clean as you could.”

Without another word, he was in the bathroom, the door closing solidly behind him. Grinning, I swung the door of my room shut, locking it as I said I would, but also just to make sure that if he came and tried to enter, it would prove I meant my words. Leaning against the door, I let out a long sigh, exhausted from just the amount of energy I had used up in the last half an hour. If this weather did not let up, I was certain that my guest would have to stay the night, and that meant I would have to prepare the spare room, and make sure I had enough food for breakfast. Then I also had to make sure I made something decent for dinner…

“Argh!”

Pushing away from the door, I stomped over to my dresser, flinging the doors open to scan the interior where too many clothes awaited my choosing. I could not be too casual, I did have a guest, so the five years old slacks would not suffice, but being too formal would be stiff, crossing off the properly hung and pressed suits. Possibly sticking to a slightly dressier sweater and everyday slacks would prove best, as I still had to prepare the evening meal.

Alright, that’ll do, I thought as I pulled a white and green diamond patterned sweater, beige slacks, and a white shirt from the dresser, tossing them onto the large bed taking up most of the room. Eager to dress in the dry clothes, I peeled the cold, wet suit off my body, drying myself with the towel I had discarded on the floor this morning before finally slipping into my clothes. Turning around, I was about to close the doors when I remembered I had yet to decide what Jiseok would wear. Forget it, I’ll wait until he’s out before deciding that. Which reminds me…

Making my way out of my room, nearly smacking into the door having forgotten that I had locked it, I hastily made my way to the bathroom. Stopping at the cupboard beside the door, I pulled a towel from it, and then stepped in front of the entrance. Before I opened the barrier between me and my guest, I hesitated, thinking of some way I could possibly embarrass him. Knowing him as long as I have, I should have realised there was no way he would be shocked by anything I did, but I still went ahead with the first idea that came to mind.

“I forgot to offer you a towel,” I blurted as I swung the door open, keeping my eyes low and hoping the curtain was pulled across as I threw the towel towards the sink.

“I was wondering when you would join me.”

Glancing up, I saw him peeking out from behind the curtain, smirk wide. A rather unmanly squeak escaped me seeing him and I quickly backed out of the area, door slamming in my wake. Wide-eyed, I leant against the door, listening to him chuckle.

“If you want to act in such a sly way, dear Jungwoo, you must have the confidence to back it up.”

Scowling at his remark, I scurried into the kitchen, hoping to distract myself with preparing something to eat until he came out. My earlier bravado had faded, and I could not get his image out of my head. Sure, I had seen many a guy shirtless, and it had been no small feat to keep myself under control when Richard and Kenneth had returned from the War – I can easily admit I was among the women who swooned when the soldiers came back for their ‘breaks’ from the war – but seeing Jiseok shirtless and knowing that he was otherwise …

Simply put, all reasonable thought was damned.

So as I prepared the evening meal, I tried to distract myself from recalling his shirtless form through remembering the times we had run into each other, planned and unplanned, over the last month and a bit since we met at the bar. Some had been fun, some romantic, and some serious, and I had been able to learn so much about who he was as person, but not much about who he really was except for what he had given away at the bar. That is, until the time he had asked if he could stay with me barely two weeks after getting to know him.

* * *

“Check… Yes, checkmate!” I exclaimed making sure the king had no place to go. Leaning back in my chair, smirking at my bewildered father, I drawled, “Time’s a-changing old man. Your throne is being threatened.”

“What is that I hear?”

Mother came into the dining room then, eyes passing between my father and me curiously until they dropped to the board between us. Though father or I would never admit it, mother was the one person we never wanted on the other side of a chess board to us. She had gained quite the name for herself after attending a ‘Go’ competition a while back, coming close to defeating the champion himself. After that, father had challenged her to a game of chess which he believed would prove to be a different style of thinking to ‘Go’, but no matter what strategy or technique he used, at most, he could hold her off for a seven move checkmate.  Since then, neither of us dare offer to challenge her.

“Oh Jungwoo,” she exclaimed happily, turning to me. “You actually got him!”

“Uh, yeah,” I muttered, embarrassed at her excitement. “I was lucky…”

Bzzt, bzzt

Hearing the doorbell, I used the opportunity to escape before a challenge could be issued from mother. “I’ll get that.”

“I want to get it!”

“Oh no you don’t Jongkook!” I called, seeing my brother get up from where he had been drawing in the lounge area.

When he ignored me, giggle escaping him as he dashed towards the front door, I lengthened my stride, not quite running, to catch up to him. Just as he was reaching up to twist the door handle, I lifted him up, causing him to yelp in surprise. When he started to struggle, I moved him around until he was under my arm, telling him to calm down so I could open the door. After he had settled, I smirked as I opened the door, lifting my eyes from Jongkook to see who it was, and froze.

“What are you doing here?”

I was glad I had not opened the door further, and that I was standing so that Jongkook could not see past it, because seeing Jiseok here, seeing the emotions raging in his eyes, I was confused. At my question, Jiseok sighed, running a hand through his hair and loosening it from its styled form. “Can I come in?”

“It’s not a good time Jiseok,” I replied, shifting Jongkook to a slightly more comfortable position, trying to ignore his little fists hitting my stomach.

“Just for a moment,” Jiseok pleaded. “I just need to talk.”

Studying his eyes, I saw the desperation in them, and caved. “I can give you a minute, that’s all,” I told him. “Wait just a moment.”

Closing the door, I put Jongkook down on the ground. “Who is it?”

“A friend,” I replied honestly as I walked down to the kitchen. Mother and father got the same response when I dashed over to the bench, pulling a sheet of paper from my notebook and scrawling an address onto it. Dropping the pen back onto the bench, I dashed back out, slipping out the front door to stand in front of Jiseok, paper scrunched up in my hand.

Observing him, I watched as he shuffled in his spot, fiddling with the brim of his hat. I had never seen him agitated before, and it did not sit well with me. Someone as wild and carefree as he was should not be able to be agitated, and yet, somehow, he was, and I wanted to know just why he had come to find me with such an appearance.

“What happened?”

“You remember the reason I gave for being open about being attracted to men?” Jiseok asked, glancing at me, then turning away.

I nodded, even though he would not have been able to see it. “Something about rebelling against your parents…” Then it clicked. “You’re running away aren’t you?”

“They are trying to marry me off to some director’s daughter,” Jiseok explained, turning back to me.

“Damn it Jiseok,” I groaned, resting a hand across my eyes. “This is not the way to win an argument.”

“It gets me away from my insufferable mother.”

Dropping my hand to my waist, I looked out over the front garden, trying to calm my annoyance. “You are acting like a child Jiseok.”

“I just need somewhere to stay until she settles down,” he whined.

“Not here Jiseok,” I whispered. “We barely know each other.”

“It’s just until she calms down,” Jiseok insisted, resting a hand on my shoulder. Squeezing it, he continued, “I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour. I’ll sleep on the couch, or the floor if you insist.”

“No Jiseok,” I stated, glaring into his eyes. “I will not allow it.”

“Jungwoo.”

Pushing his hand off, I held the piece of paper out to him. “Take this. It’s Philip’s address. They always have space available for someone who needs it.” When he took the sheet from my hand, I re-entered my house, stopping the door from closing when he called out.

“Wait, Jungwoo.” I turned to look at him, ignoring the punch to my gut when I saw the confusion and anxiety in his eyes. “Why?”

“I’m sorry,” I replied, grabbing the inside door handle. “If you had come at another time, I might have considered it.”

I closed the door on whatever he was going to say in response, biting my lip as the guilt of pushing him away hit me. It was true though. If he had not come when my family had been around, there would have been a higher chance of me considering it. They were not ready to meet him yet, in all his free speech and manner. Not yet.

* * *

I guess it was fortunate for him that this time as well, my family had not been around. With the weather looking out to be the way it was going to as well, there was a chance that he would not meet my family this time around as well. Which was good actually, especially with the way he had been acting around me. Openly flirting, behaving like an elementary child, and revealing his body so easily…

As the image of half- Jiseok entered my head once again, I lost grip of the tongs I had been using to flip the steak with, and they clattered to the floor. Covering my eyes and resting a hand on the bench, I groaned as I felt my face heat up. males was nothing new to me, I had seen Philip and his brothers plenty of times before in nothing but their boxers, so why did I have to react now? And why the heck was I reacting like a teenage girl.

Still resting a hand on the bench, I removed the hand covering my eyes and fanned my face, trying to cool it somewhat. I could always blame it on cooking later if Jiseok asked, although I doubt he would fall for that. Dropping into a crouch, I picked the cursed object off the floor, tossing it into the sink. I had a spare pair, those could get washed with the rest.

“So what made you drop those?”

“Damn it Jiseok,” I screeched when I dropped the tongs I had just grabbed. Fortunately, they landed on the bench, but it did not stop me from whirling about to glare at him as he smirked at me from the door way. “Can you at least knock on the door before saying something next time?”

The idiot raised an eyebrow at me, smirk seeming to grow at my response. “Well, if you had been paying any attention,” he drawled, leaning on the doorframe. “You would have heard me come in just before you dropped the tongs the first time.”

Any and all annoyance I had been feeling at him suddenly deflated and was immediately replaced with embarrassment. “You saw that?” I whispered, wishing I could just disappear into thin air.

“I wouldn’t be asking about it if I hadn’t.”

“Ah.” Damn it. It had already been embarrassing enough for me to have that image of him in my mind, and now he wanted to know why I had dropped the tongs? “Well, ah…”

“Come on Jungwoo,” he teased, leaning forwards a bit, loose bits of hair falling into his eyes. “It can’t be that bad?”

His eyes. If there was one thing I had learnt about these eyes over the time I had known him, they could see through lies, were always mischievous unless upset, and had a nasty habit of making me want to kiss him senseless. Stuck between the latter and throwing something at him, I forced myself to turn away again so I would not have to decide on either, trying to think of something else.

“Oh, but I do need some clothes…”

“Follow me,” I ordered. Switching the stove burners off, I raced past Jiseok and out the kitchen, keeping my eyes focussed on the door at the end of the hallway. “I couldn’t decide what to give you earlier, so I decided I’d let you choose.”

“Or you were too lazy and couldn’t be bothered,” Jiseok countered.

Spinning on him, I was about to retort when I was caught in his grasp. One hand caught my raised wrist, another slipping around my waist, pulling me flush against his bare-chest. Stunned at the turn of events, I did not fight him when he pushed me into the wall, trapping me there. When his face approached mine however, my leg kicked out, shin connecting with his knee, and released me from his grip.

Okay, so it probably was not the best reaction to someone about to kiss me, but in all fairness, he had jumped me.

“Ah, sorry,” I mumbled, biting my lip as he rubbed his knee, pained expression on his face.

“No, it’s my fault,” Jiseok grumbled as he straightened, favouring his left leg. “You were already jumpy, and you are a fighter, so I should have acted accordingly.”

“I’m glad you realise that.”

“Oh shut up.”

Smirking at his put out tone, I slipped away from him and entered my room. Opening my closet, I waited until he had hobbled in, stepping back to allow him free range of the clothes I had. “Just, don’t touch the suits,” I told him as I walked out of the room.

“Yes mum,” came the teasing response. I was tempted to turn to go back in there and send him on his way, wet clothes or , but the image of him stopped me short. Running a hand over my eyes, I forced myself to continue on to the kitchen. It had just dawned on me that I had managed to act perfectly normal, as though it were not a strange affair for it to happen, and though there was a bit of pride making me smile, the embarrassment of the situation was heating my face up impossibly.

Entering the kitchen, I cast a brief glance at the stove to check the food, pleased with the smell that had filled the small room in my absence. Once I made sure that everything had cooked well, I went about serving the meal onto plates and clearing the table of the mess of newspapers and books. As I stacked the books into three piles, about ten in each I noticed, mother’s offer to donate their unused bookshelf suddenly seemed rather appealing. I had already filled one with various forms of literature; novels, ranging from Oscar Wilde to the more recent George Orwell, biographies and autobiographies, essays, and textbooks. There were also other works which I would hide in my room when I had visitors, such as those of Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters.

Unless someone discovered them, my love for the romance presented by those writers, and thorough appreciation for Mr Darcy, would remain a secret to my grave.

With an area clear on the table big enough for Jiseok and I to sit, I carried the plates from the bench to the table, dashing over to the cutlery draw to find suitable utensils. Knowing that the meat could have toughened slightly now it had chilled, I pulled the more appropriate knives for cutting out with a smile. Closing the drawer, I turned to make my way back, and stopped when I saw Jiseok entering the kitchen.

“Apart from being a bit slim across the shoulders, I think this fits alright?”

I could not find my voice to respond. Sure, it was expected that I would be impressed by his form, but seeing him dressed in my clothes, and looking as stunning as he did, I was speechless. The plain navy sweater combined with the casual beige slacks never looked that good on me, I am sure of it. Then there was also the fact that his hair was not slicked back, brown locks falling into his eyes and overall just an image I would not have expected to see from someone like him who I had known to keep the best appearance at all times.

“Jungwoo?”

“Oh, um, yeah, it’s good.” Five words, and not even a proper sentence. Well done me. I tried covering my blush as I set the knives and forks on the table, gesturing for him to sit down as I sat.

“Good?” Jiseok teased, eyes disappearing in a smile as he too settled onto a chair. “If my eyes do not deceive me, Jungwoo, I would say that you think they are more than good?”

“Shut up and eat up,” I scowled, digging into my meal hastily.

Chuckling, he rolled his sleeves up, and followed suit, eagerly cutting a slice of the meat and taking a large mouthful. A tense moment passed where he seemed to stop chewing, considering the meat and I worried that it had not been cooked well enough. Resisting the urge to ask if it was alright, I cut another slice of my own meat, which I thought was quite perfect, and shovelled it into my mouth to prevent myself from speaking.

“Oh, Jungwoo,” he moaned, cutting another slice as he swallowed the last piece. “This is delicious.”

He had to moan. Of course he just had to moan to say that. Cheeks now burning, I mumbled, “That’s good.” I did not trust myself to say anything more, not with him trying to provoke me as he had been since he stepped onto my front porch. If I did not know better, I would think he was trying to make something occur today.

After a long moment of silence, only broken by the sound of us eating, he asked, “So, you live on your own?”

“What is it to you,” I asked, flinching at my harsher than needed tone.

I waited for him to say something about my tone, or just being curious as he always was. When I was greeted with silence however, I peeked at him and saw that his gaze was on me, inquisitive and dark. Unable to handle the intensity of the gaze, I hastily finished my meal, getting up to wash the dishes as soon as the plate was clear.

“I don’t know what it is about you Jungwoo,” Jiseok muttered as I filled the sink with hot water and found a new bar of soap. “I would tell you anything about my life if you asked, but when I turn it back on you, a wall is built between us. Why are you so scared of revealing yourself to me, when I am probably the best person to…”

“That’s the problem you see,” I cut in, resting my hands on the edge of the sink. “I’m not sure if you are the best person I can reveal myself to.”

“Why?”

I heard his chair scrape against the tiles, meaning he must have stood up. “You have this stupid confidence about who you are, something that could get you killed if you were found out. I don’t want to let myself trust you when you could throw everything away with how open you are.”

His hand rested on my right shoulder as he placed his empty plate with the others on my left, body pressed into mine. It was not a movement meant to seduce, I could tell with the way his hand squeezed my shoulder gently, chin resting on my other shoulder, but I still froze up. “Hey, relax,” he murmured, body heat fading as he stepped back.

“I’m sorry.”

Keeping my gaze focussed on the sink in front of me, I heard him lean against the bench beside me, seeing in my peripherals his face turn towards me. “What happened to you Jungwoo? From what you told me of your family, though minimal, I did not think that any of their actions would cause you to behave like this.”

It was not my family, it would never be my family. Words from dark alleys no one else can hear, fights at night away from prying eyes, situations that I nearly lose control of, those were the nightmares invading my waking hours. My family were my solace, my home my shelter, but the fear was ever present, haunting me when I did not expect it. With the memories brought to surface, the shadowed faces, the dark smiles, groping hands from the night, I could feel an attack starting. Heart beating faster in my chest, body trembling, and uncomfortable heat spreading through my body. Why did I have to lose control now, right when I most needed to keep myself under control?

Warmth surrounded me, pulling my body against a solid presence, hiding my face in darkness, and though it felt safe for a moment, all I could feel was the restriction of my movement. Thrashing out, I hit at the presence, crying in terror as whatever held me tightened, trying to still me. Not again, I could not be held like this again, I needed to get out.

“Calm down,” a voice said, breaking through the darkness. “It’s just me, it’s just Jiseok.”

Jiseok. “Ji?” I mumbled, the tremors in my body no longer of fear. Gripping at his sides as my body weakened, I pressed myself into him, his arms pressing into my back, fingers threading into my hair. His soft cooing and whispered words, the gentle massage of his fingers on my head, the warmth of his body, all of it together settled me and drew tears from me. Apart from mother, only one other person who knew of my panic attacks could calm me like this.

“Come on,” Jiseok murmured, lifting me from his body and looking into my eyes. The worry I saw there threatened to leave me crying again, the burn of unshed tears rising once again. “Let’s sit you down somewhere so you can calm down.”

“But the dishes…”

“I can do them,” Jiseok whispered, a finger pressing over my lips. “I want you to recover first before I let you do anything else.”

“Don’t baby me Ji,” I whined, pouting. He merely raised an eyebrow at me, turning us to walk out of the kitchen.

“Is there anything that you use to calm yourself normally?”

Tugging at his sweater, my sweater, I gestured at the front living area. “In there,” I muttered, leaning onto him as his arm wrapped around my waist. Realising how dependant I must look at the moment, I dropped my head, smiling. Though there was a reason behind it, it still felt better to have someone to be dependent on and not have to try and support myself as I usually would.

We stumbled into the front room, mostly because my legs gave out as a post attack tremor ran through me, and when I turned the light on Jiseok let out a low whistle. “Are those the complete First and Second Collected Editions of Oscar Wilde? All twenty-six volumes?”

“Yes, it is. Now let me sit before you gawp over the books I’ve collected,” I groaned. Helping me over to the couch, he gently lowered me onto the plush two-seater, resting a hand on my shoulder as I shifted in the seat to a more comfortable position.

“May I?” Jiseok asked, gesturing at the bookshelf.

I could not deny him when he looked like a child in a candy store, so I nodded, waving a hand at the bookshelf. He would come across what I needed to look at soon enough. Barely concealing his gleeful smile, Jiseok took two larges steps over to stand in front of the bookshelf, eyes immediately locking onto the aforementioned Editions of Oscar Wilde. Guess I had just discovered one of our common interests.

“I cannot believe you got these,” Jiseok whispered, pulling one from the shelf. His large hands cradled it like a baby as he opened it, treating it like a precious gem. “I saw them and could not justify the money to spend even though I have too much of it to spare.”

“Obviously you are not as devoted as I am,” I mocked, smirking when he glared at me. “I had no money to spare and I still bought them.”

“Whatever.” Turning his gaze back to the volume he held, he closed it with a sigh and returned it to where it belonged. “What was it that you wanted?”

“Bottom shelf,” I directed. When he crouched down, I told him, “The thick folder, black cover.”

His eyebrow quirked up when he lifted it. “A photo album?” Glancing at me as he stood, he asked, “Just what sort of job do your parents have?”

“Dad’s a vice-president for some large company,” I replied as carefree as I could, holding a hand out for the album. “Nothing important considering you’re the heir to the CEO of a company.”

“Nothing important?” Disbelief coloured his tone. I could only glare at him as I waved my hand at him. “So all those times you let me pay for you, when you were perfectly capable to do so yourself was of no consequence to you?”

“You were being courteous,” I retorted. Finding myself smiling suddenly, I added smugly, “Anyways, how could I deny the chance to save money for making purchases such as what is in my shelf there.”

“Stinge.”

At that, my jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

Jiseok smirked. “I’m sure that is a better term to call you by than to compare you with Ebenezer Scrooge my friend,” he drawled as he stepped within arm’s reach.

Gotcha.

Pushing up from the seat, I grabbed the album, dropping it beside me as my other hand gripped at his collar, pulling him with me as I fell back in the seat. Keeping at least ten centimetres between our faces, close enough to be threatening but not close enough for him to pull any stunts I hoped, I glared at him as I hissed, “Firstly, I am not so frugal that it should warrant that name over my head. Secondly, I am not some old miser who needs to be visited by the Ghosts of Past and Present to right my future. Finally,” I pulled him a fraction closer, raising a hand to rest on his jaw. The effect was instantaneous, and it would be negligent of me to say I was not aroused by the way his eyes darkened. “You said earlier that you would…”

“Yeah?” The way his voice had dropped sent a pleasant tingle through my frame.

“Wash the dishes for me.” Slapping his cheek gently, I sat back, releasing his collar. Smirking at his bewildered eyes, I waved him away, stating innocently, “Go on now. It’d be the least you could do to help around here if you are staying.”

Shaking his head, he frowned, standing straight. “That wasn’t fair Jungwoo.”

“So two can’t play at your game, am I right?”

Scowling at me, he stomped out of the room, obviously unimpressed that I got him back for the many times he had done similar to me. Chuckling at his childishness, I waited until I heard the tell-tale chink of metal and ceramics against each other before turning to look at the photo album beside me. Now that he had started, I could calm myself with the memories bound in the black album.

Opening it on the couch, I turned sideways, crossing one leg up and leaving the other hanging off the edge, and smiled at the first page. It was a letter, comprised of the writing of the three closest to me, each and every word I had committed to heart. First, the almost perfect flowing English script of my elder brother, wishing that there could have been more photos of us together growing up. My mother’s delicate Korean next, her pride at me for finally flying from the nest and wishing that my life be as eventful without her as it had been with. Lastly, my youngest brother’s, Jongkook’s, whirl of English and Korean, alternating sentences and words where he knew them from either language, telling me to not forget him and let him stay over frequently. Even knowing the sentiments shown within, remembering the words and seeing them written drew different emotional responses, and after the attacks, when I was emotionally low, I could not stop the tears of longing escape.

Flicking over a page, I wiped at the fiery droplets slipping from my eyes, chuckling through my sobs. The first photo, taken two months after my birth if I was to go by mother’s handwriting, showed a chubby me laughing in my brother’s lap as he stared towards the photographer. He looked a bit scared, possibly unsure of how to react. It was no wonder my older brother appeared like that, but a couple of months after his third birthday. As far as I knew, not many kids at that age knew how to properly react to a screaming baby, happy or sad.

A familiar tug in my gut nearly had me tearing up again as I continued to look through the album. All of these photos were dear memories, the smiles and laughter, the friends and family, and the growth shown in the yearly family shots. By the time I was eight, the photographer had started taking photos just of the community I grew up with in general, the stories captured telling tales of forming and breaking relationships, fear and joy, discrimination and equity. It was not just a tale of how my family and I grew up, how we dealt with being different in our community, but how the photographer began to find stories in the everyday occurrence, with us as the focal characters. Here in this album however, it became a reminder, and as I got older, more and more people disappeared from being in the photos, starting with my elder brother and eventually, even my friends seemed to leave me. The final shot was one taken a year ago, one where I had not seen him taking shots, alone in the city streets with the bustle of life around me.

Without realising it, I had grown lonely.

A dip in the couch alerted me to Jiseok’s return, but I did not look up. I feared that, if I were to look at him now, I would fall apart. He had come from nowhere and become a part of life so quickly, something I had questioned so many times at how it could be possible, and yet, the explanation was simple. His attention to me, the way he was always there when I had no one else to fall back on, it was as though he had been given to me to fill that hole that Marietta, Philip, and the gang could not. When his arm slung around me, I leant back onto him, keeping my eyes on the picture of me.

“He’s handsome,” Jiseok commented lazily over my shoulder.

I nodded, closing my eyes. “The Stranger.”

“Pardon?”

“That’s what he called it,” I muttered, leaning back and pushing Jiseok onto the arm of the chair. Though I was a bit hesitant about the action, the way he shifted beneath me to make the position more comfortable, arms slipping down to wrap around my waist, I wondered why I had been pushing him away the last month. Warm, safe, and comfortable, that was all I had felt from him this day. Annoyance too, but that was the case for most every time I ran into him. “The photographer who took all the photos in this album named this one The Stranger.”

“Why?” Hot breath tickled my neck as he spoke, followed by movement as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

I shrugged the shoulder he was not resting on, tilting my head until it met his. “Never asked. I always assumed it could be that I was the only Asian present in the photo, but now…” I sighed, moving my arms to rest over his. “I think it was his way of telling me that I was no longer the kid he knew. That to everyone around me, I had estranged myself, tried to make it so I would face this world on my own two feet and not drag anyone else into my problems.”

His chest rumbled as he chuckled, the vibrations carrying through to my ribs. “And how did that work out for you?”

“The idiots would not listen to me,” I replied. “They still look after me and care for me even though I beg them not to. Admittedly, I would probably be more scarred than I am now if it were not for them.”

We fell into silence when I stopped speaking; me to stop myself from becoming an emotional wreck in front of him, and he, I presumed, to mull over what we had just talked about. I was content with the quiet, revelling in the serenity of the moment as I lay on his chest, his hands crossed on my stomach. If I was not so wary of his behaviour about being homoual, if I did not fear how I would act with him, if I… No, stop. With so many if’s, I should be uncomfortable now, I should be wanting to get out of his hold as quick as possible. That was not the case however, that was far from the reality of the situation. In fact, I never wanted this moment to end.

“Jungwoo?”

“Mm?”

“Sit up for a moment please?”

I did as he asked, though it was accompanied with a lot of whining and complaining as I sat up. Twisting around, I watched as he moved himself around so his back was now against the back of the chair, gesturing to me once he was comfortable. Moving backwards, I stopped when my hands pressed into his thigh, waiting for him to dictate where he wanted me to go after that. When he hooked a hand under my legs, another around my back and under my arms, I was expecting him to stand up suddenly as part of another of his plots to embarrass me completely. A yelp escaped me when he merely lifted and placed me into his lap.

“Goodness me Jungwoo,” Jiseok chuckled, pulling me against his body so my head could rest on his shoulder. “I did not expect you to react to my actions like that!”

“Shut up,” I mumbled, lifting my head away from his shoulder so I could look into his eyes. There had to be an ulterior motive for this action other than just as another way to cuddle.

Meeting Jiseok’s dark eyes, my suspicions were confirmed. I knew it had to be coming at some point, if his earlier actions before dinner were anything to go by. Now though, I hoped he would act more according to how I would react, because even though I remained uncertain of him, I wanted this. A gentle touch of soft fingertips to my jaw, the cautious movement forwards, he knew, and now, I trusted him.

The atmosphere was thick with anticipation, neither of us daring to move before the other. A feeling unlike any I had known before consumed me as my eyes flicked between his eyes and his lips. All at once, my heart was trying to beat its way from my chest and my throat closing over, my mouth falling open slightly to draw breaths. Focussing on his eyes, desire clouded the dark irises, pupils dilated so much it was difficult to tell the difference between the colour and the black. I wondered if mine were like his.

Closing the gap a slight bit more, reaching a point where I almost could not focus on his features properly, he hesitated again, eyes flicking to mine as though to gauge my reaction. Feeling heat rising in my cheeks, I dropped my gaze, the intimacy of the moment driving my heart wild and confusing my thoughts. I was attracted to him physically yes, and just moments ago, I had discovered his personality to be just as beautiful when in certain situations, but… But what?

Ah…

“I haven’t... I’ve never…” The words would not come out, and the way I stuttered over the sentences made me sound foolish.

Slight pressure from his fingertips on my jaw told me to look at him again. Slowly, cautiously, I lifted my gaze to his. Met with compassion, the thumping in my chest grew exponentially, unable to control the blush I am sure had now coloured my cheeks a bright red.

“Let me tell you a secret Jungwoo,” he murmured, leaning closer so our lips were just a hairsbreadth apart, the slightest movement initiating a touch between them that sent electricity through me.

Gulping, I asked him what his secret was. Fingers gently sliding up my jaw, into my hair, then around to rest on my neck, he replied softly, a whisper I nearly did not catch even with our closeness.

“I haven’t either.”

Spared only a chance to blink in shock, he pressed forward, meeting my lips with his own soft ones. The effect was intense, so much more than I had ever imagined the first time being. Just at the touch, every pulse in my veins pounded like drums, the rhythm in my head so loud I was sure he could hear it.  Where his fingers touched, pleasant tingling sensations expanded as though my every nerve were attune and sensitive to his caress.

Realising I was not responding when the grip on my neck tightened faintly, I let my eyes close, lifting a hand to grip in his sweater, tilting my head as I moved my lips against his, acting purely on instinct. His response urged me on, and all previous worries flew from my mind as my body twisted on his lap, trying to make the angle less awkward for us both.

I don’t know when it changed from being something innocent, lips merely sliding against each other in an open-mouthed kiss, but I do remember the reaction from Jiseok when I caught his bottom lip between my teeth. The moan that slipped out as I nibbled on the plump lip, tongue trailing across it as I released it, sent waves of pleasure coursing from my head to pool at the pit of my stomach. From there, I was so lost in the heat that rose between us that I did not notice our positions change once again until we separated a moment to catch our breaths.

“Maybe you should have stayed down earlier,” I purred as I straddled him. He was lying back on the arm rest, legs spread across my couch as I hovered above him, hands on his waist.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so demanding,” he growled back, pulling my head down so we could once again engage in the passionate kiss. All the panic, the worry, and unwillingness of earlier had faded, and I could not get enough him now, running my hands up his body, annoyed at the layers of clothes that separated my hands from his skin, but not wanting to push things too far just yet.

Our tongues tangled together in a frenzied dance, the fight for dominance quickly won when the hand he did not have wrapped around my neck, fingers tugging at my hair, slipped beneath my shirt. The chill of his fingers against my heated skin shocked me, giving him a chance to take over, exploring my mouth almost desperately. It was but moment longer before he had broken the lip lock, moving to kiss along my jaw and up to my ear.

“Ji.” Hearing myself moan when he nibbled on the skin below my ear brought me to my senses. Unsure whether to collapse on him or climb off to stop our actions, I chose the latter, but only moving so far until I was seated facing him on the couch, his stunned eyes staring up at me.

“Junggie?”

Shaking my head, I smiled. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“Too fast?”

I nodded quickly, dragging a hand through my mussed hair as I sighed, calming the desire to pick up from where we had left off with controlled breaths. “I didn’t realise I would get so carried away.”

Jiseok sat up, wrapping his arms around a leg as he bent it, resting his chin on his knee. “I did not think so either, especially after how adverse you have been to me this past month and a bit.”

Scowling, I fell sideways onto the back of my couch, covering my face with a hand. “It was not adversity,” I admitted, keeping my face covered. “I was just, unsure of you and the way you presented yourself.”

“I do not blame you.”

Uncovering my eyes, I raised an eyebrow at him. “I am glad you don’t, but I did not expect you to say so. That sounded almost as though you knew what you do is wrong?”

Jiseok studied me a moment, conflict in his eyes. When he shook his head, he said, “It is too early for you to find out why I act the way I do.”

Even though I did not like him avoiding the topic, I understood that a lot of things were revealed in their own time. Hopefully, this would be sooner rather than later. Looking up at the clock on the far wall, I noticed how late it had gotten. There was no way he would be heading home now.

“It seems that I am going to have to make you stay over tonight,” I mumbled, trying to sound unenthused by the idea.

“I am sure that goes against all your moral standards.”

Of course he saw right through it. Glaring at him, cheeky smile brightening his face, I stood. “Come on then,” I ordered, stalking away. “I need to clear the spare room a bit before it would be liveable in.”

Jiseok had caught up to me as I stepped into the hallway, slinging an arm around my waist as he fell in step. “Don’t be like that darling,” he cooed, pressing a soft kiss into my hair. “You really need to loosen up a bit.”

“At least I have enough morals to know to keep your kind as far from me as possible,” I hissed teasingly, poking his chest gently. So far, the idea was to put him in the spare room, but I don’t know if I would be able to resist him if he begged to be with me after the events of this evening.

Ignoring the pout on his face, I pulled clean linen for the small bed in the spare room from the cupboard as we passed it, passing it to him as we continued down to the closed doors beside my room open one. Opening the door on the left first, I told him that was my study, where we would move the ‘stuff’ cluttering the other bedroom. Crossing to the other door directly opposite, I opened it quickly, blocking the memories associated with it when I saw the boxes spread throughout.

“Wow,” Jiseok murmured as I flicked the light switch, carefully making my way into the room. “This place looks like it hasn’t seen a living person for…”

“One and a half years.”

I had no idea what his response to my words was, my back facing him as I stepped between the boxes. It did not matter anyways, my mind was far too occupied with trying to ignore the name scribbled on the boxes, trying to decide whether I should make Jiseok sleep in here or not. Seeing the state of the room, I did not realise that he had left so much behind, as though he wanted me to long for him like the days of our youth.

“That name…”

“What?” I asked, spinning to face Jiseok who was staring at one of the boxes intently, forehead creased.

“Nothing,” he murmured, turning to drop the sheets on the bed, a cloud of dust rising at their impact. Resting his hands on his hips, he glanced at me, eyebrow raised. “Now, are we clearing this area? Or, are you going to be nice and not make me clear this area out?”

A sudden yawn ripped through me, and I covered my mouth, eyes widening in shock. Jiseok laughed immediately, doubling over as he gestured at me. “Shut up!” I screeched, stepping around the boxes back towards him, waving my arms at him indignantly.

“I’m sorry, but…” I refused to let him finish that sentence, slapping his arms and chasing him out of the room.

“Forget it, you can sleep outside.” I tried pushing him towards the front of the house, but somehow, he managed to overpower me, pulling my arms around his body so I fell onto him.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say seriously as he held me, one hand rubbing circles into my back as the other arm wrapped securely around my waist. “I did not realise you were so tired already.”

“That was your fault,” I replied, realising a moment later I should not have said that.

He was silent for a moment, and I hoped that he would not have anything to comment on about that. “Well, I could always wear you out more?”

“Out!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he cried, laughing as I struggled to pull out of his grip. “Alright, no more teasing, I’ll stop!”

Aggravated actions stopping suddenly at his words, I whispered, “Promise?”

“Of course!”

I sighed, wholly believing he meant it. “Alright.” Swallowing nervously as I considered what to do with bedding arrangements for him, I realised that there really was only one option if I was not going to make him sleep on the couch. “Ah, Jiseok?”

The rubbing in my back halted for a moment before continuing again as he cautiously asked, “What is it Jungwoo?”

“If you promise to not do anything,” I started, pulling back from him, his hands falling to rest on my hips as my eyes met his. “I can let you have at least some form of comfort tonight…”

“Do you honestly think so low of me?” He asked. I heard some genuine hurt underneath the light tone, and I flinched.

“Not you, no, it’s just…” The words I wanted to say were not coming out again, and I dropped my head, ashamed of myself. Why could I not just be honest with Jiseok like I had him? I guess there was the face I had known him for longer than I had known Jiseok, but still…

“Ah, I understand.”

“I’m sorry, I would be fine, but… What?” My head shot up, eyes wide as I stared at him.

He smiled gently, brushing the back of his fingers against my cheek as he spoke. “Dear Jungwoo, don’t act so scared of me. I guessed when you had that panic attack earlier that your history was not as bright as mine, and you don’t have to tell me until you are ready.”

“But I could tell…”

“It does not matter if you could tell someone else easier than you can me,” Jiseok cut off, resting a finger over my lips. “When you are comfortable with me, which I know will be hard because of, as you have said, the way I display myself in public, then you can tell me. Until then, I think I want to sleep, and you look like you are well on your way to dozing.”

I blushed, admitting that indeed, I was starting to feel quite tired after the events of the day. Withdrawing completely from his arms now, I caught his hand before it fell to his side, beckoning for him to follow with my other. His hand was soft in mine, warm, and bigger. Safe. Closing the spare room and study, I led Jiseok into my room, lifting my eyes to look into his.

Soft and compassionate, his eyes held none of the earlier mischief or lust. Half-closed as he watched me, the simple gaze causing metaphorical butterflies to spread through my belly, I released his hand as I shyly stepped back. After the conversation we had just finished, I knew he would not misunderstand my actions, but the worry was still there as I opened my dresser and begin to change into my nightwear. I was trusting him, testing his restraint and my conviction, though it felt dirty to just strip in front of him like this.

I was dressed in just my boxers, singlet and shirt when he finally approached me, eyes still soft as he kept them locked on my own, fingers brushing my shoulder. Placing my hands at the base of the sweater he wore, I lifted it to indicate he needed it off. Resting his hands over mine, he removed the article of clothing with ease, handing it to me once he had turned it out the right way again. I folded it slowly as he slipped out of the slacks as well, placing the sweater back in its place as he hung the slacks on a coat hanger.

Turning to look at him, I nearly cried at the unchanged state of his eyes. It was impossible, and perfect. Stepping closer, I raised hands I did not know were shaking up to the shirt, only realising how affected I was when I fumbled with them. A chaste kiss to my forehead did nothing to settle me as I blinked on forming tears. Pressing my head against his cheek, I continued down, stopping at his navel where he took over, finishing it quickly, but not out of haste.

Whatever had been holding me back before from speaking about my past suddenly broke, and through tears that flowed as rivers of lava from my eyes, I told him everything. No names were mentioned, but every horror, the men and women through my childhood, the youths as I grew older, the hands, the pain, I told him. Dropping my forehead onto his shoulder, pressing my hands against his waist, I cried.

Reaching around my arms, Jiseok undid my shirt, fingers careful to not touch my skin until he had peeled the white material from my body, dropping it somewhere near the dresser. He did not try to remove the singlet, for which I was grateful, only taking careful steps sideways until he was able to lower me onto my bed. I felt him move up onto the bed slightly, the rustle of covers being moved disturbing the silence, his next action to sling an arm under my legs and around my shoulders to move me up onto the bed as well.

When he placed me onto the uncovered part of my bed, my eyes began to burn again. I could not believe that, though I had known him for just on a month and a half now, somehow, I had let every defence I had ever built crumble just by letting him into my home. He had come into my safety, come in and played with my nerves, discovered my weaknesses, and not run away. He had come into my safety, and he had become a part of it.

Just. Like. That.

As he slipped beneath the covers, I shuffled close, pressing into his body and rejoicing in the warmth. Draping an arm over my body, the other lifting my head so it could slide underneath, Jiseok pulled us closer, bodies touching everywhere. Snuggling under his chin, I blushed at his chuckle, but I could not find it in me to care. I needed this small comfort, this ability to feel small, but only in the sense that there was someone bigger who could protect me.

“Jungwoo?”

“Mm?”

He hesitated. “I want you to trust me, you know that?” I nodded, knocking his chin accidentally. After hissing quietly for a moment, he continued. “You told me the darkest parts of your past, and I know, believe, that I am not the person you expected to fall for, but I want to be the brightest part of your future from here on out.”

I wanted to so badly about how cheesy he was starting to sound, but I held my tongue as he spoke. My moment was over, and now, he believed that he had to speak, as though to make certain I knew he would change. If anything, just the change in his attitude since dinner were enough to prove it. I did not need any more confirmation.

“I’ve been a perfect prick of a person to be around, and I hope to change that, for you. Give me time Jungwoo,” he pleaded, mouth pressing into my hair as he spoke now. “Never have I ever fallen for anyone so much that I could do as much as I have today with you.”

“Not even to kiss them?” I did not mean for that to slip out, or for him to hear it.

“No, as I told you earlier. You were my first. It was perfect.” I smiled, unable to resist pressing a kiss into his collar bone. He sighed as he continued. “I will never be perfect, I will never completely get rid of this habitual behaviour I have developed, but I want to try for you. So please, will you wait for me to change? Will you help me to become someone suitable to stand by you?”

Leaning back, I pressed a finger onto his chin and tilted his head down. “I could not have asked for someone better for me than you are proving to be.” Pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, I muttered as I pulled back, “So yes, you crazy man. I will help you, and maybe, one day, you could teach me how to be like you.”

“A time when you would hide yourself no more?”

“A future we can only dream of,” I murmured, pulling him into a loving kiss, legs tangling with his.

Yes, I could see myself loving him and trusting him in the way a lover would now. As we finally settled down to sleep, the first truly peaceful sleep I was to experience, I believed that we would be able to face any trials that came our way now, that so long as we were together, though what we had was against the laws of the land, everything would be okay. Nothing is ever that easy though, and I anticipated when our first trial was to come, expecting it to come from a source far removed from either of us.

Oh how wrong I was to be.

 

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10,700 words... Whoops...

Anyways, here you go, and I hope it does not disappoint...
The last 2000 words literally just flowed from my fingers onto the page today O.O
And Rihanna's Diamonds was on repeat most of the time...

I did say it would be slow updates right??? RIGHT???

Heheh... anyways, subscribe and comment lovelies <3 
(Ohmygoodnessmyheartwontstoppoundingtoomuchangst....)

~Riri~

P.S. Expect chapters to be up to, but hopefully not exceeding, this length from now on :/