No One POV:

With a heavy breath, Yoona tried to open the door with her trembling hand.

And when the door opened, in front of her was completely disaster. Her nightmare became alive.

The  room is not the same anymore.  His room before was arranged neatly, he always hate when someone messing his room. He always kept it clean.

But now,

The room is beyond messy. His clothes scattered around, some of empty bottles spread near the door, the air is so stuffy because of the smoke of cigarette and alcohol.  The only light on the room is come from the door that Yoona open before.

He stay in the dark. Far from the light.

And on the center of the room, she found him.

The man she’s looking for.

Sit on the wooden chair, cigarette hanging loosely between his finger. Head resting against the chair and his eyes look so empty. Look at the ceiling with blankly stare.

It broke her heart even more seeing him like this. He’s changed. He is not the same lee Donghae she knows before.

Yoona tried to hold her tears when she decided to step inside.

“At least, open the window. The air is so stuffy here.” She said , headed to the window and opened it widely. And the other thing she do after that was turn on the light. The room  need a light for sure. It’s so dark there.

And Yoona need to look at Donghae clearly. She needed to look at him closely.

“Yoong..” he said weakly when he see the woman of his life. His only love. The girl who always owned his heart. “Yoong.. you were here.” His voice seems so husky and deep. He tried to stand but fall again.

Yoona froze on her spot when she looked at Donghae clearly. What she see right now is slicing her heart.

Donghae. the man that she used to love before was… she didn’t know how to describe her feeling.

He looks so skinny with his hollow cheek. His body looks so fragile, he even can’t stand on his own foot. She spotted big circle black eye bag on him, indicated that he rarely sleep. His clothes is a mess. She can tell that the most strong scent came from his body, not the perfume she used to know but the reek of alcohol and smoke. She can tell that Donghae haven’t eaten, sleep nor bath for couple days.

“When the last time you eat oppa?” she tried to look at his eyes once more.

Yes, his eyes.

The more she looked at the eyes. The more her heart clenched hard. Feel hurt.

His eyes full of sorrow, deep in pain. Cloudy with a labyrinth that she couldn’t described. Maybe because of his lack of consciousness. The eyes didn’t spark anymore. The eyes seem so dead.

“Yoong..” his voice cracked. His hand tried to reach Yoona.

“Oppa.. You haven’t eat, sleep or bath didn’t you? You look so skinny.”

“Are you real?” his eyes look at Yoona deeply. “Am I dreaming about you again?” he rubbed his eyes and tried to look at Yoona once again.

“it’s me oppa…” she said weakly, more like whispered.

“I must be crazy. You look so real.” For the second time, he tried to reach Yoona.

“It’s really me oppa. Yoona” she hold his hand. “Can you feel it? It’s really me.”

“Yoona..” He smiling at her so sweetly. “Yoona… my Yoona.” He tighten his grip. That was when his tears strolling down his cheek. “Yoona..” like a mantra, he repeated Yoona’s name more and more.

“Neh.. it’s me.” Seeing Donghae cry, she can’t prevent her own tears to come out anymore. But she wiped it quickly.

“You’re here.” He didn’t stop smiling. Even when the tears didn’t stop flowing, he didn’t stop smiling either.

“You need to take a bath first oppa. After that, you will eat. I bought you some chicken soup.”

Donghae didn’t answer, he just smiling. He looks so happy like he’s been dreaming.

“Come on, stand up.” She helped Donghae to stand and bring him to the bathroom. She knows that he couldn’t do anything with his weak strength right now, that’s why she decided to do everything to help him.

She put Donghae down so he can sit on the side edge of the bath up. She began to open his shirt button one by one. Revealing his skin. His chest. Once she can look at his chest completely, she burst in cry. She cried so hard.

She fell on her knee in front of Donghae. Her right hand covering , prevent from screaming and her left hand stay on Donghae’s chest.

She just looked up when she feels another hand hold her hand.

“Don’t cry Yoong..” Donghae look at Yoona deeply. “Don’t cry..”

But it just makes the girl cry harder, bit her inner check harder. Her tears came out heavily when their eyes locked at each other.

She wiped her tears and her gaze shifting to his chest. Her finger tracing the skin. No, the scars. His scars. His chest full of scars.

When did he get those scars? Did he hurt himself?

She forced herself to talk even when her tears nonstop strolling down the cheek. “Why you hurt yourself?” she sobbed while still tracing each scar he had.

“I’m okay.” He said.

Yoona didn’t believe what she see. She didn’t remember Donghae had so much scars.  He cut himself, didn’t he?  It broke Yoona’s hurt even more .

Did I hurt you so bad oppa? Did all of this because of me? – She thought.

Of course Yoona knows every single part of his body. She memorized every curve of his body. Even when she closed her eyes, she knows who’s this body belongs to. They had relationship for over 5 years. That time is enough for knowing each other. They’re so fall in love before. They’re crazy for each other before. They’re always thinking that they are meant to be together until the end of time. But it’s not.

They had each other, not only their heart but their body was belong to each other already. They had each other completely before.

It was before.

“I beg you oppa. Stop hurting yourself.” She said, begging.

“I’m okay Yoong, I’m okay.”

⩪⩪⩪ ᴥ ⩪⩪⩪

After the shower, Yoona lay him down on the couch.

Donghae let Yoona do anything she want over his body. He just silent but his eyes locked at Yoona all the time. He still didn’t believe that she was there.

He didn’t believe that the girl in front of him right now was her. His supposed to be girl. His Im Yoona.

He stare at Yoona all the time, following every moved she makes. He even too afraid to blinked. He’s afraid if he closed his eyes even for a second, Yoona will disappeared.

He still believed that’s he’s dreaming. And too afraid to wake up.

She suddenly appeared in front of him. Sit on his side bringing cup of chicken soup.

“Open your mouth oppa.” She said.

She feed him.

He feels better right now. He gain the energy after session of bathing and eating.  Moreover because Yoona was with him.

He also tried hard to gain his consciousness back. He knows he can. He is not dreaming isn’t he?

Slowly, he grabs Yoona’s hand. His thumb caressing each slender finger Yoona’s had. “I still couldn’t believe you’ve coma, Yoong.” The smiled appeared again on his face.

Yoona smiled back at him, she didn’t even have urge to pull her hand back.

How I missed his touch – She taught.

And the silence deafening the room after that. Looks like each other busy with their own mind.

 They haven’t really talked for a long time. After Donghae gain his consciousness, he lost his words.

“I missed you.” Donghae was the once who break the silence.

“Thanks oppa.” Suddenly, she had the courage to look up at him.

“How have you been Yoong?”

“I’m good.”

“That’s great.”

Then, once again.

Silence filling the air. Yoona feels so awkward with him. She looked at her watch for a couple times. She thinks that she needs to go.

“I need to go. It’s almost midnight.” She said while pulling back her hand.

She tried to stand up, but Donghae pulled back her body to sit.

“Stay.” His words was so firm.

“I can’t oppa. I __”

“I said stay!!” He shouted while tighten his grip.

She flinched a little. She shocked with his suddenly loud voice.

“Oppa! Let me go!” She tried to pull back her hand again but Donghae just too much strong. She even didn’t have any strength when Donghae pulled her body against his, embracing her forcefully.

Yoona tried to struggle in his arm, but his grip just getting strong even more.

“I’d miss you.” He said, burying his head deeper in the crock of Yoona’s neck.

“Don’t be like this oppa. Let me go.” She tried to push Donghae’s chest. But he didn’t even budge.

“I missed you.”

“I need to go.”

“Don’t.” His voice looks like begging.

“Oppa.. Please~”

“Don’t leave me.” His voice more like whispered now.

“Please…”

Donghae sighed before he loosening his grip. He let Yoona’s body free.

“You really want to go did you?” His eyes penetrating Yoona’s.

She bit her lips. The looks on his eyes seems familiar. His eyes softened more when when Yoona give him an apology looks.

Softened yet full of warm and love. The look that fade away when Yoona deciding to broke everything apart.

Now “it” back in there.

“I’ll stay longer if you want.” Now Yoona melted because of the eyes. There’s no way she could refused such a gentle eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.” He give more serious tone in his voice. “Don’t leave me again.”

“Oppa… I__”

“Be mine again.”

The words like choke in .

And those eye. His pleading eyes.

His pleading eye is something that Yoona can’t resist.

But even she can’t refuse the eye, there’s nothing she can do.

“You know we can’t.”

“Did you love him that much, so you wouldn’t come back to me?”

“Oppa … you know that’s not the case.”

“Did you love him?”

The question is something that Yoona can’t answer.

She looks away.

“Did you love him?” He repeated his words. His hand went to Yoona’s both side cheek. He make Yoona face him. “Look at me Yoong and tell me if you really love him.”

Their eyes locked to each other for a second.

“Oppa … don’t do this.” her voice trembled. She tried not to cry again but it’s hard.

“Why you can’t answer me, Yoona? Why?”

“I said stop it oppa!!”

He silenced himself.

“And please stop hurting yourself.” Yoona tried to make Donghae to look at her, but he looked down at his own lap. Look at somewhere else but not at Yoona. “Stop hurting.” She said it again.

If Hyoyeon said that Donghae was changing is not completely true. Yoona knows that in front of her now is the same Donghae that she loved before. He show the real him once again without pretending to be strong or to be someone else. She brought the old Donghae back.

Judging from his softened and warm eyes, his pleading, his clingy and caring to her, she knows that he hadn’t changed. At least not now. Not in front of Yoona.

But she’s afraid, if she’s gone again, the jerk will be back. He will hurt himself again.

“Promise me that you will stop hurting yourself oppa. I’m begging you.”

“You didn’t answer my question before. Why?” he still looking away.

“ Stop talking about that oppa. Just promise me that you will stop hurting yourself.”

“ So, it’s mean that you loved him. That’s why you won’t come back to me. It must be the reason.” He began to talking to himself. “it must be.”

It’s true that Donghae stop to listen if it comes to his bad habit.

“Oppa… listen to me.” She hold his hand. Caressing it slightly. “Stop hurting people. Moreover stop hurting yourself. It’s hurt me seeing you like this.”

“Did he kissed you?” His eyes finally looked at Yoona. but with the different looks. The eyes became dark, fierce and the labyrinth that she saw before was there. Covering his emotion.

“Oppa…” She feels a bit frightened.

“Did he hug you?” the fierce eyes stab her heart.

“Oppa!! Stop it!!.” Her voice get louder, nearly like screaming because his frightened act began to getting her nerves.  

He act like a crazy person.
 

“Did he touch you like I touched you before?” His face closer. His hand hold Yoona’s arm.

When she saw his eyes closer, she knows that pain dominated the most. it's not a fierce eyes, it's an eyes that dying from desperation.

“I promised you Yoong… I’ll stop everything you hated. I’ll stop drinking, I’ll stop smoking, I’ll stop___” His sad eyes looks more transparent. “ … .” And his voice more like whispered. “If only you come back to me. I promised.”

When he finished his words, Yoona’s tears strolling down again. Her hand caressing Donghae’s cheek.

“You know we can’t oppa.”

His head leaning on Yoona’s hand. But his eyes never leave her.

“If we can’t be together, it’s not because we didn’t love each other. You know that, don’t you?”

He nodded slightly.

“We tried to survive for 5 years together but everything is getting harder oppa… don’t force me to say it why…”

Donghae can’t say anything either. He knows exactly why both of them can’t be together. There’s too much reason.

“Come here oppa..” Yoona open her arm and he drowning himself in Yoona’s embrace.

“Life is unfair.” He said while closing his eyes. Burying his face deeper. “Why the company support him as your couple but not me. Why your appa like him while hate me. Why does the fans adoring both of you but curse at every little thing we do together. Why does everything against us to be together?”

Yoona didn’t say anything, she just caressing his hair while take a deep breath. She doesn’t have all the answer. She didn’t know.

“Why you accept him, Yoong? You know that it hurt me.”

Her breath stopped for a second. It’s hard to answer the question.

“I have a lot of debt of gratitude to him, well,  my family has. The company need something to covering the government’s issue. And he is too kind… I___” She takes a depth breath. “Everything requires me to do that.”

He shakes his head.

“No. you just give up on us. You’re too tired, aren't you?”

“I’m sorry oppa. I’m sorry. Let’s move on. it's better for us.”

“You can, but I’m not.”

There’s a silent.

“I love you so much Yoong.”

She knows.

She knows that he love her. She knows that he love her more than himself. And that is also the main reason why does she choose to end up their relationship.

He loved her too much that he almost killed someone and killed himself when he knows that one of his fans tried to poisoning Yoona. He love her too much that makes he fight against his own company, endanger his own career, his bandmate and everything he has. He love Yoona too much which makes he always hurt himself in the end.

He loves her too much and she can’t let someone she love destroying himself for her.

She can’t.

⩪⩪⩪ ᴥ ⩪⩪⩪

The morning comes and Donghae never been sleeping so calm like this for such a long time. Sleeping in someone else arm, the one he loved. He can’t ask for more.

He smiled widely when he found a note on his desk.

If you love someone, try to let her go.

If she comes back, then she will forever yours.

Yoona

It’s a promise Yoong, it’s a promised.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's ended here guys. i was planning to make it short from the beginning.

hope you guys like it. i write this done just to potray my own broken heart when i hear the news.


Call me delusional, but i'm still hope and pray for Yoonhae to be together in the end.



Thanks all guys ^^