DONGHAE POV

 

 

“Hyukkie? Are you okay?” I asked him worried when I saw his hand is stuttered. Does he really didn’t like the flowers and was being forced to receive it?

 

 

Then he’s nodding, but I can see doubt in his eyes.

 

Ah, he's definitely not okay.

 

 

But… what’s happening to him?

 

His face looks like… ugh, I can’t stand to see this expression. He looks suffered. Did I hurt him?

 

 

Before I could say anything more, suddenly he ran quickly, leaving me behind.

 

I was really shocked I don’t even know where he goes. Maybe… To the bathroom? Is that the reason why his face looks suffering?

 

 

Aw, he makes me worried.

 

When I was about to followed him to the bathroom, I captured a figure who’s been watching me from the library direction.

 

“Minho?”

 

 

He stared expressionless and seems startled with what happened between me and Hyukkie. He glance at me and sighing a little.

 

“Hi, Hae hyung,”

 

 

I looked at him in worried. “He’s… He’s okay, right?” I was making sure by myself that Hyukkie is okay, just need to go to the restroom but I feel like I have to ask.

 

 

He stared at nowhere.

 

“I don’t know, hyung…”

 

What? He doesn’t know?

 

 

"I think he's having a hard times these days,"

 

I crossed my brows in confuse. hard times? Why? Is he having problems?

 

Oh wait, is he getting annoyed with me?

 

 

Omo.

 

What if it is?

 

 

But maybe--

 

 

"just don't think about that so much, hyung ah." he said sighing, then walked closer to me.

 

He raised a hand towards me. "he's being sensitive these days. Maybe you should go now... I can give this milk to him," He said and took the strawberry milk from my hand.

 

Aw Hyukkie...

 

 

What happened?

 

I hope he's okay.

 

I hope he doesn't mad at me.

 

 

Then, I just nodded. “okay, please uhm… take care of him, ok?” I asked him as I stared directly at his eyes. I really meant it, I want him to take care of my Hyukkie if he really have some problems since I can’t be with Hyukkie more often.

 

“Leave it to me, hyung,”

 

I smiled hearing his reply.

 

 

I hope Hyukkie will be okay.

 

 

 

---

 

 

I walked along the corridor as I sighed.

 

 

What are those teachers thinking about? They gave us so many assignments. Moreover, I have to participate with little events that be held in Rakooga since I’m the president.

 

It’s not that I don’t like it, but…

 

Sometimes I feel tired.

 

And these things, too, make me harder to meet Hyukkie.

 

 

“Hae,” I felt someone tapped my shoulder from behind and as I turned, I caught a figure. It’s Sungmin. “What?”

 

 

“aish, don’t be too serious… I just want to ask you to eat together at usual place in cafeteria… and I’m not take a ‘no’ as the answer… so c’mon!” he said without letting me react to his words, and dragged me along the way to the cafeteria.

 

 

At the corner of cafeteria, which is Rox’s usual spot, I already see everyone. Leeteuk hyung and Kangin hyung, Heechul hyung and Hankyung hyung, Kyu, Wookie, Yesung and Siwon.

 

“Hi Hae,” Leeteuk hyung greeted me I while I just nodded at him.

 

 

“you look tired, is it because those assignments?”

 

I just shook my head.

 

 

“why Hae’s so quiet? Yah, Siwon ah. Do you know anything?” I can hear Heechul hyung asked to Siwon after I take a seat.

 

“I’m okay, hyung,” I murmured and sighed. I just not in mood to chat and stuffs since I have to think about so many things.

 

 

Then I saw a plate of food been pushed in front of me. “There, eat first Hae,” Sungmin said. Just nodded and murmured a little thank you.

 

They’re been so nice and care to me, so maybe I will talk to them when they ask…

 

 

“So, Hae…” Kangin hyung started to speak as I touch my meal with a spoon. “Have you confessed?”

 

 

Ah, here it is again.

 

 

I just stared down. “I have,”

 

“whoa! Really? To Hyukjae?” everyone chorused and I just nodded lightly responding them without even stared at them.

 

“so what did he say?”

 

 

I’m a bit frowned with Leeteuk hyung’s question. What should I… ugh, never mind.

 

“He said that he doesn’t love me,” I just try to stay calm even…

 

 

Actually, just actually, my heart hurts remembering that. I know I have to be the only one who changes his heart to make him love me, but the process is somehow, tiring. But yeah, of course I won’t stop.

 

 

“aww… Don’t give up, Hae,” Minnie said beside me, rubbing my back.

 

“of course you can’t give up now!” Kangin hyung exclaimed. “I bet he’s blushing everytime you did something to him, am I right?”

 

 

I just blinked. He is, but is that even make sense?

 

 

“if he do blushing, then you’re already succeed!!” Kangin hyung said excitedly.

 

Succeed? Why the hell I already succeed when the truth he always trying to get rid of me?

 

 

“How did you know?” I asked.

 

“if someone always blushed secretly after talking to a person, it’s obvious that he loves him right?” Minnie said.

 

Yeah, I just hope that true.

 

 

I won’t give up anyway.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

I entered Fukuura as I saw there’re only few students around, like usual.

 

What am I doing? Of course I want to see Hyukkie.

 

 

Yesterday, I only can see him for about 15 minutes since he’s been really busy with his Fox things. I just hope today he will be free and chat with me so I can get my mood back by talking to him.

 

 

I entered the library slowly, and crossed my brows in confuse when I saw the whole library is empty.

 

Hmm. Where's Hyukkie?

 

Is he got home already?

 

Aw, why he didn't wait for me!

Maybe he's tired.

 

But, why he didn't let me to see him just--

 

 

What is that?

 

Wait.

 

Isn't that Hyukkie's?

 

 

I stared at a backpack who's lied down on the long couch. I examined it as I smile knowing that it's really Hyukkie's.

 

So Hyukkie's not home yet?

 

Where is he?

 

 

I glance around, but still didn't find anyone here. Hmm, maybe he's outside.

 

So I walked outside the library and looked inside the class one by one and I almost jumped in happiness when I saw Hyukkie's sitting on a chair inside a class.

 

Ah, so this is Hyukkie's class.

 

I never see his class since every time I came here, he already inside the library.

 

 

I tried to peek inside and it seems like he didn't recognize me, too serious of what he's doing.

 

What is he doing anyway?

 

 

I looked at him carefully.

 

Oh! It looks like he's making an assignment. Aw, it's getting late now and he's still making some assignments? Alone?

 

And why he doing it in the class?

 

 

Does he want to avoid me? He know that I will come to the library that's why he choose to do it at class, right?

 

Aw...

 

 

 

Okay. Hae, think positive! Maybe he just not in mood to do it there.

 

So what should I do now?

 

Let's just wait in the library. He surely will take his bag right?

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

I felt something on my forehead as I back to my consciousness.

 

W-who is it?

 

I didn't dare to open my eyes but then I felt really comfortable by its touch.

 

 

Suddenly I heard a whisper. It's only a little whisper but I can hear it clearly since I can't hear anything except silence in the whole room.

 

"Hae..."

 

 

My heart seems stopped. Is that Hyukkie? Wait. When did I fall asleep? I don't even remember when I close my eyes. I just know that now I am waiting for Hyukkie, but it seems like Hyukkie's back.

 

Now let's just pretend that I'm still asleep.

 

 

This hand is my hair slowly after sweeping my bangs from my forehead. Aw, Hyukkie.. I really love it everytime you touch me. This is just addicting.

 

 

Suddenly, I felt his hand is moving to my lips and rubbed it.

 

Oh my god.

 

 

He touched my lips gently and I can feel his warm breath on my face now.

 

 

Please don't say it's just a dream.

 

 

What is he doing?

 

Damn, I can't think clearly.

 

 

I feel my heartbeat gone super wild as I feel his warm breath getting really close it maybe just an inch from his face.

 

 

This scent is really Hyukkie's.

 

His hand is now cupping my face carefully and suddenly, his soft lips touches mine.

 

 

His soft lips, his delicious lips is now touching mine.

 

 

God.

 

I can't hold it any longer to open my eyes, but I'm afraid he will pulled off from the kiss and I don't want that.

 

 

What should I do?

 

I want to touch him and respond to the kiss but I'm still pretending that I'm asleep.

 

 

Ugh, I can’t hold it anymore.

 

 

I cupped his face and deepened the kiss, make him gasped and shocked because of my sudden act. Hmph, that’s for being so naughty.

 

He tried to pulled away the kiss but then I cupped his face with both of my hands so he can’t pulled away from the kiss. He seems panicked now, and I swear he looks so cute. And y.

 

 

“Hae—mmm... hh..”

 

Gosh, how dare he moan now? I his lips, asking permission with my tongue so it can go inside exploring his hot cavern. But he still didn’t want to part his lips for me.

 

Hmph! You ask for it, Hyukkie.

 

 

I bit his lips and now making him gasped. His lips taste really good, making me want it more and more.

 

“H-hae—“

 

Yes, he’s parted his lips! I can sneak my tongue inside him now, and exploring his mouth. Mmmh, it really delicious and I feel really happy because his tongue now mine which means he responding to the kiss, even I know he kissed me first.

 

I opened my eyes and caught his eyes staring at me.

 

 

Those beautiful eyes.

 

Which I never tired to look at.

 

 

Uh,

 

I feel so hot now.

 

 

Can’t hold it anymore, I try to switch our position and pushed him to the couch so now he’s sitting on it while I kneeled down kissing his lips in front of him so that I can taste more of his lips and deepened the kiss more.

 

“mmmh—“

 

 

Gosh, he’s so y.

 

 

I stared at him right on his eyes and he closed his eyes slowly, and it seems like he’s trying to enjoy our kiss. He grabbed my front shirt and clenched it while my right hand now holding the back of the couch.

 

 

This is better than our first kiss.

 

 

After a minute, I’m feeling lack of breath and I pulled out the kiss as I stared at him and found his disappointed expression.

 

Awh, Hyukkie...

 

 

He just kissed me and he really wants it.

 

 

I smirked at him seeing his expression, “Hyukkie’s so naughty,” I said, still panting.

 

He blushed, then stared down cutely.

 

“I-I didn’t mean to k-kiss... you...” he stuttered. Ah, what excuse he will say now?

 

 

“Huh? So what did you do with your lips? First you touch my lips then you kissed it, isn’t that obvious?” I said, chuckling and he quickly avoiding my stare. How cute.

 

 

“I-I don’t... y-you are... you are... um... drooling in y-your sleep so... I tried to clean it..”

 

Huh? I drool?

 

That’s impossible since I know I never drooling in my sleep. This monkey is really adorable with his excuse~!

 

I laughed and he pouted a little. “Clean it with your lips? Anyway, I never know that I drool in my sleep. I never do that,” I said and lifted his chin with my fingers. When his eyes meet mine, he quickly blushed harder. Really, didn’t he say that he don’t love me?

 

 

“You’re loving me now eh?” I asked while smiling, feeling happy because of my own thought of him loving me.

 

He widened his eyes and shook his head. “N-no... I said, I didn’t mean to kiss... Kiss you,”

 

 

Aw...

He still... uh, okay.

 

Maybe it’s really that hard to love me.

 

 

He will love you, Hae.

 

Trust yourself.

 

 

Didn’t you see he’s blushing really hard and looks disappointed when you separated the kiss?

It’s a good sign.

 

 

I smiled and try to take a carton of strawberry milk I’ve bought for him before like usual.

 

“Okay, then. I’ll wait for you, baby. Here, I bring you strawberry milk,” I said while handed him the milk.

 

 

He stunned for awhile, and accepts the milk expressionless. Uhm, why is it? Is he bored because I always give this milk everyday?

 

“H-hae...”

 

 

I titled my head so I can see his face clearly. “Yes?”

 

“what are you doing here?”

 

 

Is he really had to ask?

 

“aw, of course I’m here to see you,” I answered and he bit his lower lip.

 

 

“but… you don’t even know I’m still here…”

 

 

“of course I know,” I said, “I saw you in your class and I saw your backpack here, so I decided to wait for you, but I think… I unconsciously slept,” I explained and feel sad because I really didn’t know why did I sleep, but then I remember how did I woke up. “Thanks to you I could wake up quickly by your kiss~”

 

 

His face is blushing again.

 

See?

 

He’s really cute.

 

I love him so much.

 

 

Suddenly, I remember what time is it. it’s surely late now, and I just don’t want him to go home this late alone. I don’t want anything happened to him.

 

“Hey, Hyukkie~”

 

He glanced at me shyly.

 

I rubbed his shoulder. “You want me to accompany you home?”

 

 

He stared blankly for a second, then he sighed as he closed his eyes. “But I-I don’t love you, Hae.”

 

 

Aw… I already understand that, Hyukkie. I just want you to be safe. That’s all.

 

 

I caressed his cheek softly. “I know. But I love you,” I whispered. I love you Hyukkie that’s why I want you to be safe.

 

 

He just stared down and I really can see sadness that’s super obvious in his eyes, and it looks like he want to cry.

 

 

And I was right.

 

 

A tear suddenly flows from his beautiful eyes. Oh my god. What did I do?

 

 

“H-hyukkie?” I called him, can’t hide my concern.

 

 

He stared at me confusedly. “w-what?”

 

 

My heart is hurt seeing these tears flowing from his eyes and didn’t he realize that he’s crying? I quickly stood up because of I’m not ready to see those tears, then I hugged his head carefully.

 

 

“Hyukkie, I’m sorry,”

 

 

Maybe it was my fault. I was the one who forcing him to love me.

 

 

He clenched his hand to my shirt again and I can say his tears are flowing again.

 

 

“ssh… don’t cry. I’m sorry baby,” I whispered, trying to soothing him.

 

He just silence while keep sobbing and I can heard his sobs are getting loud, scattering my heart into pieces.

 

I kissed his head and his hair slowly. “Mianhae, Hyukkie… please,” I started to beg because hearing his sobs is really painful for me to hear. Then I squatted down again while caressing his cheek and try to erase those tears with my thumb, “don’t cry,”

 

 

His beautiful but hurt eyes staring at mine and those tears never stopped to flow. He then palmed his face, trying to hide those tears but still, I can see his suffering face.

 

I hold his hand and kissed it, don’t know what should I do.

 

“I-I don’t… L-love y…you…” He murmured between his sobs and I just keep kissing his hand.

 

Anything but not his tears.

 

 

“I know baby, I know…”

 

Please stop crying, Hyukkie…

 

 

But his sobs are getting louder, hurting my heart even more.

 

“S-stop calling m-me…that.. I … I don’t love… you,”

 

 

Oh.

 

 

So he doesn’t like it when I called him ‘baby’?

 

Of course he’s not.

 

So stupid.

 

 

Don’t know what to say, I just kissed his hand once again while hoping that he won’t pulled his hand from me since I don’t know how to make those tears stopped.

 

 

I really need him in my life.

 

I don’t want him to be like this.

 

 

Then I can hear another words coming out again from his lips.

 

 

“Stop… Disturbing m-me…”

 

 

My heart seems stopped.

 

 

So he feels disturbed.

 

I’m really stupid.

 

 

I shouldn’t force him to love me.

 

Now he hates you and cry because of you.

 

Those tears, Hae.

 

 

Those tears. Are. Because. Of. You.

 

 

 

I don’t want him to cry anymore like this.

 

 

I know he’s tired now, but he still didn’t stop his tears from flowing hard.

 

Awh.

 

 

I’m sorry Hyukkie.

 

I release his hand for awhile, because I want to tidy everything. I took strawberry milk from his side as I took his backpack, securing it on my back.

 

While I’m still tidying his things, I can heard him sobbing harder and I swear my heart is already broken by hearing that.

 

It’s really painful…

 

 

He never cry in front of me.

 

 

I want to stop those tears.

 

 

I quicken my activity and carefully lifted and carrying his body bridal style. He looks shocked but I don’t care. I want him to go home to rest because I don’t want him to cry like this.

 

 

“H-Hae…?” he called me with surprised expression all over his face.

 

 

I walked outside the library and try to shushing him. “Sshh… I’ll bring you home, okay?” I whispered softly to him and try to reach my car.

 

 

My eyes never leave his, and I’m really shocked when he suddenly hugged my neck and buried his face in it.

 

 

Awh…

 

Hyukkie.

 

 

By the time I arrived to my car, I realized Hyukkie’s already asleep while hugging me. His face’s really calm but I still can see suffers in his expression.

 

I put him on passenger seat then I sat on the driver seat to drive back home.

 

 

I’m glad he’s stop crying now.

 

I hope he can sleep until morning so he won’t remember about what happened today which maybe can make him crying again. And I really don’t want that.

 

Even I’m not beside him,

 

I’m not happy when he cry.

 

 

I just want him to be happy.

 

And I know I am really stupid for being the reason of why his tears flowing that hard.

 

You’re really stupid, fish.

 

 

No one loves you.

 

Why you keep forcing Hyukkie to love you?

 

He already said to you, he don’t love you and you already know it too since the beginning. Just because Leeteuk hyung and Kangin hyung’s past is same like you, don’t think that it will be same forever and you can be happy with Hyukkie, don’t.

 

Such a fool.

 

 

 

Just right after arriving to Hyukkie’s house, I quickly lifted him up again and when I realize, I know his house is locked.

 

What should I do?

 

I can’t wake him up.

 

He need to rest.

 

I need to stop seeing his tears.

 

 

So what should I do?

 

Oh, maybe there’s the key in his bag.

 

 

I opened his backpack and searching for any key and fortunately, I easily found it. I smiled happily and opened his house’s door.

 

After I opened the door, I’m back to the car, put on his backpack and lifted him up once again, to put him on his bed.

 

 

I saw him winced abit, and about to collect his consciousness again but I quickly told him to go back to sleep.

 

 

“you’re tired, Hyukkie. Take some rest,” I told him and he back to sleep.

 

 

After I laid him on his bed, I stepped outside carefully right after putting his backpack beside him. I hope he will still sleep until morning. Or, I hope he won’t cry again.

 

Whether if I see it or not, I still feel uneasy.

 

 

God, please make him happy.

 

 

 

I entered the car and start the engine about heading to my house that’s only separate by few houses.

 

My heart is still hurt so much.

 

Seeing the only one in my heart cried.

 

 

Hyukkie.

 

 

I’m sorry.

 

I don’t mean it.

 

I just thought, if I keep give you some affection and proves that I really love you, maybe you can open your heart for me.

 

But maybe it doesn’t as easy as it heard.

 

I’m sorry I just make everything hard for you.

 

 

You know, I won’t give up even you already said that.

 

I just… maybe I just reducing my appearance in front of you.

 

I don’t want to hurt you,

 

To make you suffer.

 

 

I love you so much.

 

And I’m hurt like hell seeing those tears coming out from your pretty eyes.

 

Make me hate myself.

 

 

I’m sorry.

 

I’m really selfish, even you already told me you don’t love me, I still keep clinging to you with my super confidence feeling.

 

Maybe that’s why you always give me super short reply for my messages I’ve sent to you.

 

Maybe you want to tell me since the beginning to not disturbing you anymore and that’s one of the reason why you free me from being your servant.

 

 

Now I know.

 

I’ll try my best to not disturbing you anymore, baby.

 

And I’m sorry for calling you that.

 

 

 

I’m sorry.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Are we going to go to the bookstore today, oppa?”

 

 

It’s Victoria asked just now.

 

I just hummed slowly since I’m not in mood.

 

The fact is, I’m never in mood since days ago. I have no passion and I’m really feeling empty, which it’s obvious why.

 

 

Hyukkie.

 

I can’t skip even a second to stop thinking about him.

 

I’m not even can sleep these days.

 

I stop seeing Hyukkie since Saturday and I never know that it will be this hard for me to hold this suffering feelings.

 

Maybe he’s happy now.

 

I hope he is.

 

 

“Oppa, are you okay?”

 

Tsk, isn’t she heard it? I already responded to her question before and I don’t want any conversation anymore.

 

 

 I just sighed. “Yes we’re going to the bookstore Victoria,” I said now louder because maybe she didn’t hear it earlier.

 

But then she looks confused.

 

“I mean… are you okay? you didn’t look well,”

 

Ah, so that what she means.

 

 

Why should I didn’t look well?

 

“I’m fine,” I answered.

 

Then she just go silence. That’s good, then. I’m really not in mood to talking to anyone. Not even Rox. I don’t know why either…

 

 

About 10 minutes later, we’ve arrived to the bookstore. I stopped the car and decided to not going with her since I have nothing to do inside.

 

“Arrive now, I’ll wait here,”

 

 

She raised his brows and looks nowhere. I waited for her to respond but she just sitting still motionless.

 

“yah, aren’t you going?” I asked impatiently.

 

 

Hearing my words, she quickly nodded as her eyes stared at me for awhile. Huh? why is she staring at me?

 

But before I could say a word, she already stepped out from the car.

 

 

Yah, whatever.

 

 

I sighed for nth times already today and pulled out my phone from my pocket while waiting for Victoria. I remember that I feel my phone vibrated earlier but I’m not too cared to check on it. besides, I’m driving.

 

 

It’s a message from Leeteuk hyung.

 

‘Hae, are you okay? Wookie said u’re not feeling well today, is it true? –Teuk hyung’

 

 

Aish, what is it again?

 

Really, I just not in mood to make a conversation with anyone. I know Leeteuk hyung is meant to be nice and caring, but I just… need more time alone.

 

Okay he don’t know about this. But I don’t think he should know.

 

 

So I just reply him shortly.

 

‘I’m fine –Hae’

 

 

I’m not lying. I’m fine. I just fine with this condition. Without seeing Hyukkie for this 3 days. I’m fine without saying to Hyukkie that I love him. fine without seeing Hyukkie’s expression, without seeing his cute blushing face.

 

 

I just incredibly fine.

 

 

But I need more time to make sure that I really am.

 

 

 

When I just leaned on the seat, trying to make myself comfortable by closing my eyes, suddenly I heard someone knocking at the car’s window.

 

I opened my eyes and saw 2 guys with serious face and smirk on their faces are knocking my window.

 

Who are they?

 

I didn’t bother them and choose to not opened it for them but then, they knocked it louder makes me furious.

 

 

“what do you want?” I asked coldly after I opened the door, when suddenly one of them dragged me as he grab my collar.

 

What the?

 

Are they want to beat me up?

 

 

“Yah! Release me,” I yelled, trying to get rid of them but they securing me tightly. Damn this. Who are they? I didn’t even do anything with them. I don’t know them but their faces looks familiar to me.

 

 

“hmph, you’re that queer?”

 

I glared at them. What!? Queer?

 

 

I struggled a little since I know they won’t release me but then I found out that there’re only 2 of them.

 

After they dragged me to the back of the bookstore building, I caught another figure there.

 

 

My eyes widened.

 

“you… That ! What do you want!?”

 

 

I asked to her.

 

It’s…

 

 

Hyukkie’s ex.

 

Gina or something, I didn’t really remember since I don’t really care about it.

 

She smirked at me like she can do anything she wants. “hmph! Do you think I can give up just like that? Such a poor guy,” she walked towards me and trailing her finger along my jaw line.

 

Damn this .

 

 

“how are you, handsome?” she asked now putting his hand on my chest. Both of my arms are being held by 2 of her bodyguards so I can’t go anywhere.

 

This girl made me want to puke. So disgusting. I looked away as she held my chin.

 

 

“looked at me when I’m talking,”

 

 

Of course I didn’t want to obey that. She’s nothing.

 

 

But then she cupped my face with her both hands and made me facing her. “leave Hyukjae now,”

 

 

I sniffed.

 

That’s what she wants?

 

Me and Hyukkie.

 

 

We’re not even couple.

 

 

Okay it’s true that I’ve said it that way to her but that doesn’t mean it became reality right?

But I just stay silent because I’m afraid she’ll do something bad to Hyukkie.

 

 

“if you not, I’ll ask them to beat you up right now,” she said now whispered in my ear. off, . You’re disgusting me so much.

 

“Beat me then, I’m not afraid,” I said calmly to her and as expected, her face become really unbelievingly and furious.

 

She stared at her bodyguards in mad expression and give a sign to them and pointing at me.

 

 

Then I feel someone hit my face hard.

 

So now just only one person who held me?

 

 

Didn’t they know that I’m strong now?

 

Hmph.

 

 

When the guy wants to punch me again, I quickly kick him and kick back to the guy who held me until he release the grip.

 

“are you guys forgot that I already beat you up? Huh?” I exclaimed as I hit them and avoiding their attack. Gina looks shocked and she stepped backwards.

 

 

Just take minutes later, they’re both already lying down on the ground with suffering expression.

 

 

I glared at Gina and stepped closer to her and pinning her on the wall as she stared at me with scared expression.

 

“don’t you dare do something bad to Hyukjae,” I hissed, trapping her on wall so she can escape from me.

 

 

“if you do, I’ll sent you straight to hell, ,”

 

I said, and leave her with her bodyguards.

 

 

Even I’m not his anything now,

 

I’ll still protect him with my life.

 

 

 

 

 

---2 weeks later

 

 

 

“YAH, Hae, really, talk to us!”

 

I heard Heechul hyung snapped at me when we’re at the Rox room now. I just stared at him and sighed. “I’m talking to you hyung,”

 

 

Yeah, I know they’re curious about me since 2 weeks ago. I’m being really quiet and don’t care about everything around me. I just feeling I’m not myself, and there are nothing they should know about.

 

 

“not like that, Hae. What we mean is… tell us about your problem,” Sungmin said and sat beside me. it’s official that Sungmin and Kyuhyun dating now, since they already announce it a week ago.

 

 

I sighed and leaned my head on the couch. “I don’t have any,”

 

“don’t lie,”

 

 

I stared around. Almost everyone who’s inside this room stared at me with serious expression. Aish, what should I say now? I really don’t have any problem, just my mood is never been better since the day… I kissed Hyukkie. Maybe the day when he kissed me since he’s the one who started it. But never mind, tough.

 

 

“I’ve said to you guys. I’m okay and I’m fine. Sorry, I have to fetch Victoria,” I said as I stood up and took my bag before walking outside room.

 

I heard Leeteuk hyung sighed heavily.

 

 

“Don’t force yourself Hae, you deserve to be happy,”

 

 

I just inhaled deeply and leave the room.

 

 

 

How can I be happy when I’m not feeling anything at all?

 

It’s true that I’m not myself these days. But I won’t blame anyone about this and there’re no reason of why is it like this. It’s just flow.

 

I admit.

 

It’s about Hyukkie.

 

 

I thought I can stop feeling these pains when thinking about him but I’m wrong.

 

It’s hurt.

 

But of course I’m not thinking to forget him since…

 

 

Actually I see him almost everyday to fetch Victoria.

 

Actually I still followed him just to make sure he’s okay and no one do something bad on him.

 

I can’t forget him.

 

I can’t stop thinking about him.

 

I can’t force myself to not protecting him.

 

And of course,

 

 

I can’t stop loving him.

 

 

Aish.

 

 

Why this is so hard?

 

 

“Oppa, you’re fast,” Victoria said after seeing me entering Fukuura’s gate.

 

I just nodded without staring at her. “can I you wait a bit? I have to give my friend something,” she said and I just hummed responding her. I glance around and yeah, it’s still many students haven’t go home.

 

Victoria left and I walked around the school, searching for any place for me to sit. I’m bored if I wait at the car, so I decided to wait inside.

 

“aw, there’s Hae oppa!” I heard someone exclaimed behind me and when I turned, there are a bunch of girls staring at me and giggled. Aish, I better ignore them.

 

 

“H-Hi, oppa~”

 

One of them greeted me as I sit on a bench. I just nodded at her, not showing interest at all.

 

“yah, just leave him... he seems not in mood,” someone whispered to her. Yeah, I’m not in mood so please leave me alone.

 

 

“b-but… I just curious why he stop hanging around with Hyuk oppa… are they broke up?”

 

My eyes widened. Are they talking about me and Hyukkie? And they said I’ve broke up with Hyukkie?

 

“yah! Of course it’s because Victoria. I heard from her friend that she’s his fiancée!”

 

 

I stared at them, make them shocked and quickly bowed. “w-we’re sorry, oppa… for saying such a… uhm, such a nonsense… we’re going now!” they said and quickly ran away.

 

 

I frowned. How I wish that could be true.

 

Not the broke up part and the fiancée part, but the couple part which I really want that to happen.

 

 

Yah, stop dreaming, fishy.

It won’t happen and he already told you.

 

Your relationship with him is not getting better but getting worse and you already know that since weeks ago.

 

 

Minutes later, I felt someone touch my shoulder from behind and exclaimed at me, “Oppa, I’m done. Let’s go now~”

 

I sighed as I stood up.

 

 

I’m not seeing Hyukkie again today.

 

The last time I saw him is 4 days ago in Fukuura when I about to fetch Victoria, I saw him with Xiah and I’m not dare to see him when he saw me so… I just saw him for about 3 minutes.

 

He’s not smiling.

 

 

Last week, I always followed him home since I’m getting paranoid that Gina will come to him and beat him up with her bodyguards but the longer I saw him from behind, the more I want to hug him and say I missed him.

 

So I gave up and stop following him—or maybe, stalking him.

 

I just want to protect him from danger.

 

 

I followed Victoria from behind as we’re going towards my car when suddenly, I bumped into someone.

 

 

“S-sorry,”

 

 

My eyes widened.

 

 

It’s Hyukkie.

 

Omg.

 

We’re really close.

 

 

 

He stared at me in shocked just like the way I stared at him. Maybe he’s surprised of why I am here.

 

We both staring to each other like the time has stopped.

 

Those beautiful eyes.

 

Finally stared at mine again.

 

 

Awh.

 

 

That lips.

 

Can I kiss it again?

 

 

His soft hair.

 

His milky skin.

 

 

His—

 

“yah, Hyuk ah, c’mon!”

 

Suddenly I heard someone yelling from behind me, making him gasped and then quickly turn his gaze away.

 

 

Damn.

 

Who dare disturb our moment?

 

 

Aish.

 

I messed my hair in desperate as Victoria turn back at me. “Oppa, what are you doing? Can we go now?”

 

I just nodded while sighing, and then walked to my car without turning back to Hyukkie because I know I won’t let him go if I stared at him again.

 

 

 

“oppa, what’s wrong?” Victoria asked beside me who’s now busy driving to her apartment.

 

 

“nothing,”

 

My mood is getting better now, even a bit. So I can answer her without sighing or something.

 

 

“really?”

 

Aish.

 

“yeah. what’s the matter?”

 

Wow. I even asked back. I know I’m a bit pissed off because I only can see him for 43 seconds but deep inside, I feel happy because I can see him. maybe that’s why my mood is good. But still, if someone asked me to smile, maybe I can’t do it.

 

 

“you know tomorrow is the day, right?”

 

I crossed my brows. Okay I don’t freaking know what is going on tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. And then?

 

 

Victoria sighed while staring at me helplessly. “your dad is married tomorrow, oppa. How come you didn’t know?”

 

 

Ah. really?

 

“that fast?”

 

 

“is not that fast… it’s been weeks since the announcement of the date. Maybe you just forgot, oppa,”

 

 

Damn it.

 

If that person is getting married tomorrow, that means the engagement is getting closer too.

 

And I can’t, I don’t, and I wouldn’t love Victoria even Hyukkie has rejected me.

 

 

Gosh.

 

Can I make it?

 

 

“Oppa?”

 

“huh? maybe I forgot,” I just answered.

 

 

Why Victoria is still calm when the day of our engagement is getting near? Or maybe… she make it? she succeed liking me?

 

Oh damn.

I just don’t want this to happen.

 

If she against this engagement, we will able to refuse it together and maybe Yuka will understand, since that person will do what Yuka wants to do. Am I right?

 

Yuka surely loves Victoria so much.

 

She won’t force her unless Victoria is against this.

 

But Victoria doesn’t refuse it.

 

 

So it’s only me?

 

 

Aish, damn.

 

 

 

What should I do?

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“you may kiss the bride,” I heard the priest said as I saw that person kissed Yuka.

 

 

Yeah, Yuka is beautiful.

 

But she doesn’t deserve that person.

 

 

It’s only just make my life worst.

 

Maybe make Victoria suffered too, even from her expression she’s not.

 

 

“now is your turn, right? Such a handsome son he has,” I heard an ahjumma said beside me. I just stared down and nodded for politeness. I bet she’s Yuka’s guests.

 

 

I only want to do it with Hyukkie…

 

 

Why this is going to happen?

 

Now mom is replaced.

 

 

I’m sorry mom.

 

 

I sit on a chair and stared down for I don’t know how long when suddenly I heard that person talking with the microphone. It seems like all the guests are now partying.

 

 

“thank you for all the guests who come to this party. I really appreciate it,” he said.

 

I sniffed. Happy now huh? happy after everything you have done to your real family?

 

 

“actually, I want to announce something as I want everyone to participate with it too,” I glared towards him. what does he wants?

 

 

“My son, Lee Donghae, will going to have an engagement with my wife’s niece, Victoria Song next week.”

 

 

My eyes widened and I can’t think clearly.

 

He said what?

 

 

I stood up and stared at him unbelievingly.

 

 

This can’t be true.

 

I glance around and caught Victoria is palmed in unbelievingly.

 

 

 

So she’s surprised too.

 

 

Oh god.

 

 

No.

 

Please.

 

 

I feel my feet are frozen in place.

 

Next week.

 

 

Next week.

 

I’m not expected it will be this fast.

 

 

I don’t want this.

 

Victoria stared at me uneasily.

 

 

Please Victoria.

 

Say that you don’t want it too.

 

 

I’m begging you.

 

I want to be with Hyukkie.

 

Even maybe he doesn’t want me by his side.

 

 

But I love him.

 

 

Once I’m engaged with Victoria, it will be harder for me to separate from her. Maybe I never can get separate from her and…

 

I really don’t want it.

 

 

Most of the guests are cheering and staring at me with smile plastered on their face, some people even offer me a handshake to congrats me but I can’t even say a word.

 

 

This is unwanted.

 

 

If only Victoria against this.

 

If only Hyukkie loves me.

 

If only that person wait for another months.

 

Maybe I could try with all my heart to make Hyukkie open his heart for me.

 

Or make Victoria against this or something that can make our engagement being canceled.

 

 

But

 

A week is just too fast.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyukkie…

 

 

 

 

If only.

 

 

 

 

 

 

======================================================================

[A/N]: aish! another late update. mianhae~ TT_TT 

but this is long enough rite? XD i put only Hae's pov in this chap.

tell me what do you think!! ^^