Jiyong is lying tiredly on the couch in “their” villa with bottles of beer scattered on the floor.

Tik tok… Tik tok… Tik tok…

He sighed deeply hearing the offending ticking of the clock. Indicating that he is alone again.

I missed her so much.

I miss the sound of her laugh echoing all over our house.

I miss her luscious lips, her voluptuous body, her sweet scent, her milky white skin.

I miss everything about her.

Even just the sound of her uneven breathing and soft snore at night.

Oh how I miss her.

I miss her so damn much. Jiyong painfully admitted to himself.

            I should’ve said sorry.

            I should’ve stopped her from leaving.

            I should’ve begged her.

But I was blinded.

I was blinded by my pride.

If not because of my damn useless pride, she could’ve been here. In my arms. Cuddling with me. Happily…

She was supposed to be… ALIVE.

Taeyeon, Taeyeon-ah, Taeyeon-ah. He repeatedly called her name helplessly.

Why did you leave me? Why?

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Jiyong was crying, again, blaming himself. Just like 6 days ago…

Jiyong’s POV:

It was her birthday, March 9, 2016.

I was so busy with my new album release that I forgot it was her special day.

After my press conference arranged by YG hyung that day, I partied all night with various girls dancing in front of me. Enjoying myself.

I forgot that we were supposed to have dinner together, in their house, with her family.

I was so damn drunk that night..

I didn’t know she was frantically looking for me. Worried. Yes, instead of being angry, she was worried. I was so stupid. She even cancelled our dinner together with her loving family.

She saw me. She saw me that night. On my bed. Pounding with another girl.

It was the biggest mistake of my life. I am such an , a douchebag, a jerk. You can call me everything you want. I don’t mind. I deserve it, after all.

I can still remember her face that night.

She was crying hard. It broke my heart into pieces.

It was the least thing I wanted to witness.

I know, I did wrong. I was wrong.

I even pretended to be angry at her for being a jealous, clingy, shameless girlfriend while in reality, she isn’t one. I was just being a jerk.

                “What do you think you’re doing? You’re being shameless right now.” Jiyong hissed upon hearing Taeyeon shouting at the girl on his bed after dismissing his “date”.

            “What?! I am being shameless? I am the one who is being shameless? Screw you, Jiyong. After what you did, I am still the one who’s being shameless? I can still forgive you ditching me and my family but seeing you happily having s*x with another girl, on my birthday, its already too much, Jiyong. Too much! You’re the one who’s being shameless here.” Taeyeon retorted angrily, reaching her limit.

It hit me hard hearing those words directly from my girl. She has always been the calm one, the understanding. But I did not love her less because of that.

“Taeyeon, we were just HANGING OUT.” Jiyong defensively reasoned.

“HANGING OUT? ON YOUR BED? ? Is that how you hang out with women when I’m not here, Jiyong? Are you always doing this to me?!"  Taeyeon now angrily shouted at her boyfriend.

“And now you’re accusing me? Do you always think of me this way huh, Taeyeon? Jiyong answered in an equally “ANGRY” tone.

“I won’t. If I haven’t seen you here with another girl.”

“No. admit it. You never trusted me. I have always been the dirty Jiyong for you. Always jealous of girls around me even though they’re just my friends. Kiko, Clara, Barbara, and even Paris Hilton, You never did trusted me, Taeyeon.”

“I did. I did with all my heart, Jiyong. You were the one who was so busy counting the guys around me and be jealous of them.”

“HUH. And now the blame is on me? WOW.” Jiyong said exaggeratedly.

“OK. You know what Jiyong, this is pointless. There is no point arguing with you. I’m done. I’m so done with this, Jiyong. I am going and I will never comeback. Never. We’re done, Jiyong. I can’t believe you’re turning the table now. How did I even trusted you with everything I have? I should’ve known. I should’ve known… BYE.”

With that, Taeyeon left the villa crying.

 I almost cried hearing that from Taeyeon.

I never thought this day will ever come.

I love her too much but I did wrong.

My legs are wobbling. I can’t breathe.

I wanted to stop her from leaving. From leaving me.

I want to run after her; beg and apologize.

But my useless pride says otherwise.

She left me. Taeyeon left me.

I was so disappointed. Not to Taeyeon but to myself for being a jerk.

That was when I remembered it was her birthday.

I decided to run after her and swallow my pride.

When I reached outside the building, I saw her crying. I was supposed to call her but I can’t. My tongue was held back due to a reason I can’t even comprehend.

My thoughts were cut off upon hearing the sound of a car bumping on to something or should I say someone.

My heart stopped beating. I can’t breathe. My body completely froze and my mind went blank when I saw Taeyeon lying on the ground in the middle of the street. I almost died.

I ran towards her body. I hugged her. I hugged her tightly.

Her blood are scattered on the ground.

Even my shirt is filled with her blood.

That shirt. It was her first gift to me as my girlfriend.

The one she gave me during our 100^th day together. It was so precious to me.                

                My body stopped functioning.

            The street seemed so hazy.

            It seemed like my world stopped but the world is still turning. Everything was so fast. I can’t understand what people are saying.

            I was crying. Crying so hard. Partly because of what I did and partly because of what is happening.

            I cried for help. I cried until nothing is left of my voice.

            She even held my hand tightly whispering things that made me regret everything that happened and cried my heart out. I feel so devastated seeing my beloved in this state but I can’t just say it. I don’t know why. I don’t know why.

            She was declared DOA. I thought I was gonna die too when I heard the doctor said the tragic news. Her family embraced me. They didn’t even know what happened. Guilt is creeping on me. It’s killing me. I died so many times within just a day. I’M SORRY. That’s all I could say. I’M SORRY…

---

            Riiiiiiiiiinnnnggggg… Riiiiiiiiiinnnnggggg… Riiiiiiiiiinnnnggggg… My alarm clock ringed sharply it crept the hell out of me. WOAH. Just a dream. Again.

“Jiyong-ah, you better prepare for the last day of her funeral”

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