-

"Jongin, please—" "Sehun, why is you and that goddamn man your wallpaper again?" The loud voice of Kim Jongin boomed throughout Sehun's home and he winced at the high volume.

"Jongin, hun, Jongdae's just my friend—" "Uh-huh. A friend you always talk about. A friend you always want to see at the end of your busy day. A friend more important than I, your own boyfriend. Isn't that all true?" Jongin spat to the younger male, distaste lacing his voice.

"What? No, no, that's not true at all! You're my everything, Jongin! Why would you even assume that?" Sehun's voice cracked in the building up of emotions. He loves Jongin so much and it hurts his head and heart to know that his lover is accusing him of loving another. 

"Because it's always that dae before me! He always manages to make his way into our conversations, and not to mention it took a month of convincing to get you to take down those 'couple' pictures of you two around your walls." Jongin mentioned, pointing to the walls of the living room. 

"What's so wrong with having a few pictures up of my friend and I? And don't you dare call him that, Kim Jongin!" Sehun's eyes were burning with tears that threatened to fall. Jongin was possessive indeed, but not once has he grown this angry. 

"Oh, so now you are defending him? What's so wrong with calling him dae?" He pressed, his eyes showing an angry glare.

"B-Because he's my friend and you should at least give him the respect! You don't even know him!" Sehun bursted out, his face growing red in frustration. Why was Jongin acting like this? And over a wallpaper?

"Well, I don't see why I should give respect to a man who is probably whispering secret nothings and showing you affection when I'm not around." The older accused and Sehun's heart shattered at his words.

Was Jongin actually accusing him of cheating? 

Sehun opened his mouth to say something, but only a whimper came out as Jongin pushed him against the wall, placing his arms on either side of the helpless male. 

"He may be your best friend, but babe... Remember that you are mine." Jongin's eyes narrowed and Sehun did all he could to swallow back the tears, his hands formed into tight fists at his sides.

"I would never cheat on you, Jongin." Sehun's voice could only come out in a whisper and Jongin let out a low, quiet chuckle.

"Uh-huh. Whatever." Jongin's lips slowly formed into a smirk as he leaned in, his toned body pressing against Sehun's who just stood still. 

"I'm going to make him know you're mine." The elder said, his lips latching themselves onto Sehun's neck and beginning to harshly until a dark hickey formed.

And Sehun knew that he was in trouble.

-

Soft whimpers escaped Sehun's lips as he laid alone on the bed, clutching onto a pillow tightly as he sobbed into it.
 
Jongin just left him as soon as they finished, and Sehun couldn't help but feel so used.

Jongin hurt him so much, but why couldn't he just gather the courage to break from him? Why did, how could he, still love him so much?

Jongin was his insanity along with his clarity. He was the drug Sehun could not live without no matter what came his way.

And though he felt a tremendous amount of hurt at that very moment of lying on the bed alone as the air bit at his bare skin, the only thought that could cross his mind was,"I love him. That's why."

-

He knew he couldn't stay in the bed to brood forever, so he forced himself up to get dressed. He wore a simple tank top and jeans with his hair styled messy. Sniffles would occasionally be created along with soft sobs as the male recollected the cruel, accusing words Jongin said previously.

Why was it killing him so slowly inside?

Sehun considered it best to go to the park despite his tarnished appearance.

He was still crying, a few tears fighting their way down his cheeks, but to hell with it. It's not like he would meet the same people he encountered today everyday.

Wiping his eyes with a sleeve and biting his lip, he headed out. The wind was cold, but he simply ignored it. The winter in his heart was a larger pain.

His gaze would occasionally linger on the sweet couples walking along the streets, sharing a lunch at a cafe, or even holding hands with their child. 

Sehun wished for something like that.

But the only time Jongin would ever be so sweet was after their fights, but that sweetness only lasted at least a week. 

As the moments continued on passing by, the more weary Sehun's heart grew to be. It was like every beat was a strong tug. Instead of keeping him alive, it felt like his heart was trying to kill him. 

When he reached the park, he practically stumbled onto a bench, his eyes stinging with a new batch of hot tears. 

"Damn you, Kim Jongin..." He muttered, his face contorting in pain.

Sehun lifted his hands and covered his face, not wishing for the kids playing around or the parents supervising to stare at him as if he were crazy.

Heck, who were they to judge anyways?

It hurt everywhere; his heart, his body, his head. It was like he had been rag dolled and was left alone on the cold floor.

How does the man he loves so much manage to do this to him?

Why can't he just let go?

-

As the sun slowly began to set above the busy city of Seoul, the more Sehun didn't wish to walk home. He knew that he would remain this crying mess, so he picked up his phone and dialed his dear friend.

Kim Jongdae. 

The reason for the fight. The reason his boyfriend was so angry.

The reason that was really nothing.

"J-Jongdae..." Sehun's voice came out hoarse and broken. He knew he should've warmed up his voice— now the male across the line would most likely be worried.

"Sehun? Is everything okay?" Jongdae asked, the already predicted worry lacing his voice.

"Jongin and I," Sehun fought through the sob wishing to tear through his body. "We had another fight."

He quickly pulled away from the phone and covered his mouth with a hand as the cry escaped his lips. "Really? Would you wait for a bit?" Sehun tried his best to calm down when he heard Jongdae's voice through the line. He pressed the phone back to his ear and swallowed hard. "I'll come now to pick you up." The elder said and Sehun attempted to say something, but it only came out a mere whimper.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at... I'm at the park. The one Jongin and I met at... You know what I-I'm talking about, right?" He finally managed, brushing off the stares he received from kids across the park.

"Yes, I do. I'll be there in a moment; just wait." And with that, the call was dropped and Sehun sighed, leaning back into the bench. 

He was so tired of all this. All this fighting, sadness, these tears.

But he knew he couldn't live without the person causing this.

Why?

-

The wind nabbed at Sehun's arms. He cursed inwardly for wearing a short sleeve on such a cold day.

Hugging himself tight for warmth, his gaze danced around the present setting laid out before him.

This wasn't just the place he met Jongin.

It was his hangout with Jongdae when they were still in grade school.

Nothing changed aside from the people playing inside.

He remembered the time he skinned his knee on the sidewalk and Jongdae used his hard earned allowance money to buy him ice cream.

He also remembered the time he was getting picked on by some older kids while waiting for Jongdae and said male jumped in suddenly and stood up for him, using wit and humor as comebacks.

The memories were enough to grace a small smile upon his face. He wished he was a child again. He would have only Jongdae as a friend, really, but no one else mattered because Jongdae was practically the epitome of Sehun's happiness. 

Sehun's happiness. Where did that go throughout the years? Did it go away like Jongdae, who became more distant when he started dating Jongin?

Or was it he, Sehun, that became more distant?

Sehun snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a faint call of his name, looking up to see Jongdae. He assumed he looked like a mess, eyes probably bloodshot and hair sticking out at crazy angles.

"That person... Did that person just leave you and go?" Jongdae blurted out, and Sehun sniffled.

'He always forgets Jongin's name.' He thought to himself, but just the mere thought of his boyfriend managed to bring a sob in his slender body, making his frame shake uncontrollably.

"Hurry, I will take you home." He heard Jongdae say softly to him and he looked up wearily, seeing the older's hand stretched out. Slowly, he accepted the hand and stood up, his legs threatening to fail him.

Jongdae guided Sehun to his car, only to pause for a moment to hand the younger his sweater. Sehun gave him an unsure look as he snuggled into the sweater that was still radiating Jongdae's body warmth.

But the other simply shook his head and smiled assuringly while saying,"Let's go, because the wind is cold."

Sehun couldn't object and followed his hyung to the car, getting into the passenger's seat. The younger silently leaned his head on the window and closed his eyes, enjoying the now quiet setting.

He heard Jongdae sigh along with the whir of the engine starting up, and he smiled slightly. The silence was perfect. Not awkward at all, nor tense. 

Just like it had always been.

「Sehun POV」

After awhile, I glanced at Jongdae and noted his gentle features. The way his lips curled slightly at the corners, his prominent cheekbones, his sharp jawline— I never really noticed it, but my best friend was indeed very handsome.

Handsome in a way that wasn't striking, like Jongin, but more gentle and warm. A handsomeness that not everyone would notice, but really, it's something that should be acknowledged more.

And I remembered another thing that should be acknowledged.

"Jongdae?" I spoke up softly, casting my gaze down to my lap as Jongdae replies with a quiet "yes?".

"Th-thank you... You're always here for me no matter what, and I'm grateful." I murmured quietly, pinching my lips into a line. It's true. Jongdae was always there for me.

"That's what friends are for, right?" I smiled widely at his reply and nodded as I looked at him, chuckling.

He gazed at me for a second before speaking. "Your laughing appearance... Did you know it's more beautiful than anyone?" Jongdae said with puffed cheeks and I could only laugh. What an odd compliment.

"Aw, you think so? I should laugh more often, then." I scratched my head and smiled, looking out the window.

And with the silence that lead after, something told me that he definitely didn't mean to say that.

-

When we finally arrived at my home, I offered (or more like demanded) Jongdae to stay over for awhile.

Of course, he couldn't deny me and my whining, so he gave in and followed me into the house. 

"As a present, I'll make you dinner tonight!" I declared proudly as I stepped in with him right behind me. 

"Okay, but don't burn down the kitchen like you did at my house, yeah?" I looked at him while pouting as he brought back that memory.

I was cooking kimchi spaghetti for him since I finally mastered it and he kept tickling me, causing a small kitchen fire. Damn, I thought he forgot that by now.

"Oh, shush! It's only because you kept tickling me!" I glared as intimidatingly as I could at him.

"Hey, not my fault your ticklish." He cooed while winking. As much as I care for this idiot, there are times I want to punch him in the gut.

"Butthole." "I love you, too, Hunnie." He blew me a kiss and disappeared into my living room, much to my dismay.

I growled and whined to myself, stomping around as I put on my blue polka dot apron.

I pouted while gathering the ingredients, eventually deciding on steak. I'm pretty confident in making this, I really am.

I held onto the packet of meat and padded over to the living room, calling out to Jongdae. "Jongdae-ah! How do you like your steak cooked?" I asked, smiling. He stared at me for a moment, and I puffed out my cheeks. Was there something on my face?

"Prepare it like how you prepare yours." He says after awhile and I blink before grinning and nodding, dashing back into the kitchen.

I hum happily as I cook, honestly not knowing at what point I started making up things. "Salt or no salt? There's pepper, right? Ah, why..." I huffed in annoyance. I learnt a good recipe online, and now I can't remember it. 

Jongdae knows I at cooking anyways. He'll be forced to enjoy this whether he likes it or not.

I pick up a pair of tongs at one moment, but then I blink. "What the hell do I need these for? Um..." I bit my lip as I prodded the steak with the tip of the tongs, unsure of what to do.

When I felt a presence behind me though, I smiled knowingly and turned to see Jongdae. 

"Yes, Jongd—" but the world seemed to stop at that moment, along with my sentence, as Jongdae leaned in and pressed his lips against mine without saying even a word.

My eyes went wide and I automatically dropped the tongs in my hands out of surprise. I didn't push him off, though. I just allowed the softness and warmth of Jongdae's lips intoxicate my mind in a way I would never imagine from my best friend.

He pulled away after a moment and brought his gaze down to the floor. I stayed silent, wanting to hear him speak first (and also be because I was still in a state of shock.)

"I'll see you later, Sehun... I have to go. Enjoy dinner." He said quietly and turned, dashing and disappearing out of my house within seconds. 

I was still in shock at that moment, unable to comprehend the situation. 

My best friend.

My best friend just kissed me.

Slowly, I snapped out of the trance and scurried out, trying to reach Jongdae before he could leave.

But I was too late.

I watched, my eyes tearing slightly as Jongdae's car drove down the street and slowly disappearing from my view.

-

The day after that happened, I tried to call Jongdae, but he didn't answer. I was only greeted with his silly answering machine that consisted of me laughing in the background because of his stupidity. 

A week later, I went to visit Jongdae's apartment, but he wasn't there. Nothing was there except empty rooms. When I asked the landlord about Jongdae's whereabouts, the man could only say that Jongdae left in a rush, and that's that.

I tried tracing his location through Facebook, Instagram, but to no avail. He wasn't active on anything.

Days eventually turned to weeks and weeks at end.

I finally broke up with Jongin, but that's beside the point right now.

Maybe I really was too late. 

Not on the day I ran too slow in pursue of Jongdae after that kiss. Jongdae— who drove from my house without hesitation.

That wasn't the day I was too late or too slow.

Ever since the beginning of the string of fights with Jongin; that's when I was too late and too slow.

Because now, not only am I left alone with scars and sad memories, but now I'm left with an aching heart that realized too late and too slow how much Jongdae really meant to me.

I regret a lot now.

And eventually, weeks and weeks turned into months and months.

I'm still searching for him. I'm not giving up, definitely not. 

I even tried contacting his parents and older brother, but they are refusing to give me information. But I know I'll crack them eventually. Like Jongdae, they can't resist my constant whining. Even if I have to whine for years and years.

But then, eventually, months and months really did turn into years and years.

I gave up. They really are refusing to tell me anything about Jongdae's whereabouts. It's been four years; I can't search for him forever, right?

Now I sit here, alone at the park with tears in my eyes as I reminisce bitterly about all the chances I missed so foolishly.

And that day, when Jongdae left my home and also my life, that was ironically the day the thought that I loved him all this time finally entered my mind.

I really didn't see it until it was gone.

Because just like that, Kim Jongdae, that boy I became best friends with that one faithful day during my childhood, that boy with curled lips like a kitten, that boy with amazingly prominent cheekbones, that boy with the twinkling brown eyes, that man that had my heart this entire time and left with it; 

I never saw him again.

-

"It's still a dark night;

the stars are twinkling in the night sky.

Staring at my appearance, my appearance once in awhile,

It's still a dark night."

-

{ Ohoho, were you expecting such a sad ending, my dear readers? I hope you enjoyed this follow-up to the oneshot,"Please Love Him". I must admit, I did shed a few tears writing that ending. Ah, I never saw him again. ;;-;; On a different note... Sorry for making you all wait so long! I hope that my hard work in writing this pays off for all those lost months >.< Love you all, and thank you for reading! -the_rising_wolves }