To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 8:43

Ur gonna tell me when u arrive, rite? Let me kno when u get there, k?

 

 

 

 

          Regardless of how they’re formed, how you string them together, words are still just words, and without inflection—without a different, a particular, voice saying them, text written on a piece of paper, on an illuminate computer screen—words that are simply written out in plain black text are just words. It doesn’t matter who types them, because unless you’re watching the person directly write out those words—for that matter—it could be anyone pledging their undying love to you and you wouldn’t know the difference.

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 10:31

R u already stalking me?

i got here last night but i was 2 tired so i went 2 sleep w/o turning my phone on Lsrry, ahjusshi

 

 

 

Each and every expression of your heart

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 17:57

Did u eat? Dont eat 2 much at first just cuz its French. Especially the cake. If u eat 2 much cake and puke, im gonna laugh, Yang Yoseob

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 1:18

Didn’t eat. Might puke. Not cuz of cake.

 

 

 

 

You’re so beautiful—your beautiful smile

 

 

 

          “Yah,” Doojoon says softly after the retching sounds seem to have died down and he hears the clang of the toilet seat being put back into place. “Yah, you have water, right? Make sure you drink some of that after the mouthwash. And try to get some of the staff to bring you some medicine before you go to sleep.”

          There’s silence on the other line for a minute, but he continues to hear shuffling here and there and maybe even a sniffle or two before he senses the crackle that means Yoseob’s picked up the phone again even though Doojoon knows he’s on speaker phone already. “Okay,” the younger man says in a small voice. “Thanks.”

          Doojoon closes his eyes, glad that Yoseob can’t see him right now. “No problem. Don’t drink so much next time, you moron.”

          “Sorry, hyung,” Yoseob says and Doojoon’s hand grips the phone so tightly again that he’s scared he might break it—which would ultimately just because then he’d have to look for a new one and he’d have to depend on the others telling Yoseob about it but in the mean time who knows what Yoseob would want to tell Doojoon in the few days it’d take for Doojoon to find a new phone?

          Yoseob is never supposed to sound like this, and it kills Doojoon that not only does Yoseob sound like this—but he’s halfway around the world, somewhere where Doojoon can’t stop him from sounding the way Yang Yoseob should never sound.

          “Get some sleep,” Doojoon whispers. “It’s late, and you have a presentation tomorrow, right?”

          Some more silence.

          Then, “Yeah.” The sink turns on. “Bye, ahjusshi.”

 

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 19:09

HYUNG OMG THEY ING SAID MY PRESENTATION WAS THE BEST ONE. I MEAN, ONE OF THE REPS I COULDN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND CUZ HE TALKED SO FAST BUT HYUNG THEY LIKED MINE THE BEST

 

 

 

If it’s not you, I’m thirsty for happiness

 

 

 

          Maybe it’s the knowledge—the knowing—that the person on the other end of the line is the one who’s typing, who’s writing, who’s forming those words that mean so much to you. Without knowing who it is, it doesn’t matter at all, which means that the faith you put into who’s on the other end of the line speaking to you through symbols put together by black lines on a piece of paper or a glowing screen—maybe it’s that kind of knowledge that makes those words different.

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 2:13

Hold on for a sec ill call u

 

 

 

 

          In the background, Doojoon hears all sorts of booming music and cheerful shouting and even some drunken chanting going on. But he shakes off his sleepiness as best he can, and focuses on Yoseob’s voice coming through his cell phone—excited and happy, so happy, about how his presentation received the most attention, the most notice, how some of the others were even criticized for various parts of their presentation, but his had nothing but praise—about how even randomly, some of the representatives would tell him playfully that his accent is perfect.

          Doojoon just listens and smiles to himself and is just as excited and happy, gloriously happy, for Yoseob despite it being two in the morning in Korea and despite that Yoseob can’t stay on the phone for long because he’s at a club, celebrating the results of the presentations with the other students in his group. They hang up after only twenty minutes of talking, but Yoseob says he’ll call Doojoon again once he’s reached Belgium tomorrow night.

          The older man stares at the ending time of the call displayed on his phone. He doesn’t know if he can sleep now. His arms ache—they ached when he first got the text from Yoseob because if he’d been with Yoseob or if Yoseob had been with him, Doojoon would’ve swept him away in a bone-crushing, breathtaking hug and they could’ve celebrated together and he would’ve kissed him and—

          It’s stupid.

          Doojoon is supposed to be happy in Korea, and Yoseob can only be happy when he’s anywhere but.

         

 

In my heart, love does not cool down

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 14:55

(Attachment)

:P Jealous, ahjusshi? Jieunie is prettier than u anyway

 

 

 

          Doojoon grins, and rolls his eyes. The picture was taken probably while Yoseob was still in France (since now, he’s gone on from Belgium and skipped all the way to Thailand). The younger man is at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, arm lightly linked with a pretty girl a head or so shorter than him. They both have peace signs towards the camera and Yoseob’s hair is falling over his face, probably the wind, since the girl’s pigtails are also slightly askew.

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 21:24

Yeah cuz u totally swing that way, Yang Yoseob XD

Tell her hi 4 me tho :)

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 15:00

(Attachment)

Fine how about this? ;) Daniel is better at English than u btw

 

 

 

My precious love—I’ve fallen in love

 

 

 

          It’s still in front of the Eiffel Tower, but instead of the pretty girl, it’s a young man who looks about the same age as Yoseob, about the same height as Yoseob and their arms are around each other’s shoulders. Instead of grinning at the camera like he did with Jieun, Yoseob’s mouth is wide open in a laugh and his eyes are scrunched tight as the other boy—Daniel—grits his teeth playfully.

          Doojoon’s still smiling, but for some reason as he looks at this picture, he feels the smile freeze a little on his face. It’s been a while since he’s seen that kind of smile—that kind of grin and laugh—on Yoseob’s face. It’s been a while since he’s been the one to put it there.

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 15:06

…Hyung u kno im jk rite?

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 15:08

Ahjusshi he’s just a friend like Jieunie

i’d tell u if he’s more

 

 

 

Because I love you, with an unchanging truth

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 22:12

i kno

 

 

 

 

          But then, when words go on and on and on—when they’re used beyond the first few sentences, when it’s like a tennis game of back and forth and back and forth, regardless of who is writing them or how simple the words are, the context becomes much greater—becomes of something more significant. By then, it doesn’t matter whether the person on the other side is the one you know or someone you don’t, because the words themselves have already existed too long—they’ve already been soaked to the bone in context and meaning.

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 13:15

LOLOL omg is her toe broken?

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 20:17

She still managed 2 kick his balls pretty well so i dont think so and u kno Hyuna. She always wears those crazy heels

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 13:20

Dongwoonie’s reflexes huh? …wait was it a rly BIG paperweight?

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 20:22

i mean it wasnt that heavy i dont think. But 2 b fair it was a rly scary beetle.

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 13:25

scarier than Junhyung-hyung’s face?

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 20:28

Rofl if it was that scary we wouldnt have a maknae anymore

 

 

 

 

That’s all my love is, but it makes you smile

 

 

 

          Words are a part of us because in the known, modern world, that’s how we communicate. Everything is conveyed through words, whether said or silent—whether written or typed, whether in plain simple text or elaborate and flashy. Words say everything and anything and sometimes, words are even meant to say nothing—sometimes, words are even used to say that nothing can be conveyed and that nothing is the meaning.

          Words can convey everything, but not everything can be conveyed in words. Sometimes, a lot of times, oftentimes, words just aren’t enough anymore and no matter how much emotion—how many feelings, how intense those feelings are—regardless of how much is put into those words when they’re written—

          It’s just not the same. It’s just not enough.

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 3:46

Cant sleep. Miss u.

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 10:49

Miss u 2. Do u need 2 talk?

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 3:51

no its ok. Just wanted 2 say that. Being stupid, srry :(

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 10:54

Yah then what am i? miss u all the time, Yang Yoseob

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 3:56

then ur a gianormous idiot, ahjusshi. Texting when u should b working. I hope Gayoon yells at u

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 10:59

Lol ok fine. U go 2 sleep and ill work b4 Gayoon throws her shoe at me k?

‘night, Yoseob-ah

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 4:01

kk. ‘night, hyung

 

 

I only love you—will you trust me?

 

 

 

          Doojoon stares at his phone, and resists the urge to hurl it across the room because not only would he have to pay for damages, but this is a rather high-and-mighty establishment and that kind of behavior would probably just plant him right across the front page of some tabloid as the young-heir-to-a-company gone completely haywire right after his recently-disowned-friend.

          He plops down onto the round, leather couch and tries not to meet gazes with the employee who continuously seems to think that staring at him will make the purchase go faster because that kind of thinking is completely delusional since how are they supposed to fit and alter and sell two tuxedos when only one man is in the room. He also doesn’t want to know why the employee assigned to him is a female and keeps smiling at him along with the other female staffs in the store.

          Thankfully, his phone pings with another text.

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 16:22

Omfg hyung keep ur on. Its just traffic ok? Im almost there

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 16:24

My r definitely on, , but ur like 20 min late so wtf am i supposed 2 do?

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 16:27

Well thats not good. Theyd better b off when i get there ;P

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 16:29

……..omg why do i want 2 marry u

 

 

 

 

To: Ahjusshi

From: Yang Yoseob

Sent: 16:32

LMFAO ok ok chill ahjusshi. Im pulling in 2 the parking lot. U have like 7 min 2 get ur off

 

 

 

 

To: Taxi-shii

From: Yoon Doojoon

Sent: 16:35

Omfg im gonna b stuck with u 4 eternity omfg and u i dont wear

 

 

 

If you go, if you leave—now I know

 

 

 

          Doojoon has barely any time to hear or process the door of the store opening when he’s knocked backward off of the round, leather sofa and almost goes tumbling onto a poor young woman who’s trying to try on shoes to match her wedding dress. He manages to catch himself, and catch the bundle of crazy that’s just hurled itself straight into his arms, warm from the outside weather and laughing into Doojoon’s chest despite the fact that nothing about this is funny at all.

          “You’re late,” Doojoon says irritably, as Yoseob gets off of him and slides down into the seat beside the older man.

          “You don’t wear ?” the younger man asks. “That’s disappointing.”

 

 

 

I know myself and that I will only look to you

 

 

 

          Doojoon rolls his eyes as he signals to the employees to start bringing out the rounds of tuxedo sets for them to look at. “You’ve seen my underwear,” he says, slinging an arm around Yoseob as the other few customers in the stores bulge their eyes. “And I think stolen some too.” He looks down at the younger man. “Which doesn’t even make sense, by the way, since it’s not like it’ll fit you or anything.”

          Yoseob grins as he stands up to sort through the rack of ties that’ve just been pushed forward in front of them. He glances at Doojoon. “Your underwear smells pretty nice, ahjusshi—mostly after you’ve worn it.”

         

 

 

If you go, if you leave—I’ll hide behind you

 

 

 

          Doojoon stares. “You don’t,” he says. “You—you—no.”

          Now it’s Yoseob’s turn to roll his eyes, smiling, as he takes out a dark, silk tie and puts it against Doojoon’s throat lightly, thoughtfully looking at the way it goes against the older man’s skin. Yoseob snorts. “C’mon, hyung. It’s not like I don’t know you do the same with my t-shirts.”

          Doojoon sputters and some of the employees start to stare—one of them even steps up and asks him if he would like some bottled water.

 

 

 

And with your white eyes—I’ll love you

 

 

 

          Because he doesn’t, for the record. He doesn’t use the younger man’s t-shirts.

          That’s what the Yoseob’s wifebeaters are for.