Dear Tiffany,

You’ll never understand.

You’ll never understand how much it means to me when you smile; the way the corners of your lips tug up just before the rest, the small exhale of air that leaves your mouth as you shake your head, eyebrows slightly furrowed, slightly raised.

You’ll never understand how much it elates me when you look at me from across the room; your round eyes set on me, drawing me in, into the beautiful oblivion. The way the edges of your eyes crinkle, almost squinting in some form of silly expression.

You’ll never understand how much it pains me when you tell me those words; they’re like shards of a mirror, sharp, jagged, slicing me with every syllable uttered. But at the same time, it reflects me, what I used to be like. I put you through something similar, and I guess it’s my turn now. But the difference is, you never knew what kind of state I was in. You never knew that with every word I told you, I was just replaying what I had been told months ago, sometimes I was even told these things by you.

You’ll never understand that when you get really quiet, it begins to suffocate me. It’s like I get locked inside a glass box; able to see everything going on around me, but am unable to reach outside my confines. I bang against the glass, trying to escape, trying to scream out for help. But all I achieve is a bruised hand, loss of voice and a discouraged heart. But still, I hang onto your silences. I hang onto them, trying to grasp at them, thread them through my fingers; because it’s in those moments that you seem most real.

You’ll never understand that while I’m in your arms, a certain warmth envelops me, closing in on me. I clutch tightly at your back to make sure I’m still grounded, because I think if I let go, I’d probably float away. The way you kiss me drags the air from my lungs, leaving me lightheaded, attempting to stand up straight when there’s nothing more that I want to do than fall even further. I never stop falling though. Not really. Just when I think I’ve fallen so hard that my face has engraved the pavement, your eyes meet mine, your heart beats against my skin, your breath ghosts over my lips, creating a never ending desire for you.

You’ll never understand that the reason I’m not happy anymore is because of you. Because you’re happy, with him. And I’m still standing here, discarded, slowly getting crushed into the pavement I’ve become so acquainted with. It kills me, the way the smiles you once had for me are no longer mine. Your eyes don’t meet mine across the room anymore, no, they meet his. You don’t speak those words to me anymore, because now you have no need for them, now you finally believe someone can love you, even though I still tell you I do. You don’t really get quiet anymore, the silence is now filled with conversation about him, about how happy you two are, and how you finally admitted you love him.

The thing you’ll never understand though, is the fact that you’ll probably never read this, or even if you do, I won’t sign it. You’ll assume it’s by someone else, someone who finds it easier to express things. But you should know, you’re the one who taught me how to express things. When I was diving into sadness, you gave me wings and taught me how to fly.

Now, my wings have been clipped, and this time, no one is going to stop me from falling.

Hell, maybe this will be the last time I meet the pavement.

That’s why you’ll never understand.

A/N: I'm sorry for the influx of angst lately, but I really needed to get this particular one-shot out in the open.

To be honest, it originally started as something I wrote for personal reasons, but seeing as I'll never do anything with it, I decided to tweak it for Taeny's use instead of my own.

Actually, if you guys like it, I might even make a sequel for it (or part two, whatever). But, that's only if you like it, because I would prefer for this to have a happier ending :)