The stench of past rain hung in the air, clung to her skin, made her feel sticky and humid and the sun’s warm rays only made it worse, made it feel vulgar.

     Fingers clasped against balcony railings, she’d been here before, not once or twice, not too often to be called a nuisance but often enough to be called a guest. She was always welcome; the railing was always cool underneath the pads of her fingers, always ready to clink as her nails tapped upon it, always ready to hold the weight of her self-hatred and disgust time and time again.

     This wasn’t how things were supposed to be, this wasn’t how things were meant to go.

     She was meant to avoid her, meant to continue on with her night after passing her house, meant to drive through the rain and hope it washed away their filth from the street and down it into the storm drains, leave it in the sewers where it belonged.

     But these feelings wouldn’t wash away. Not when the rain had come and she was sitting in her car, not when she was on the doorstep and the rain was drenching her, not when she had come inside and been offered a new change of clothes and a cup of cocoa.

     Nothing had left, no matter how many times she did, the feelings always stayed, always lingered, always won.

     The smell of rain clung to her body as she lowered her head, still able to see droplets running from the balcony and falling onto the bustling town below. She wondered where the people underneath her were headed to, if they were on their way to work, if they were on their way home, if they had been broken up with and were trying to stay strong.

     She wondered if they were hurt, if it was them who did the hurting and if they did it for the right reasons or because they were being selfish. She wondered if the person they hurt would ever forgive them, she wonders if they would accept them if they came running onto their doorstep after today, if they would offer them a change of clothes and a cup of cocoa when they didn’t deserve it.

     She tapped her fingers against the railing, eyes fixated on the firm handprints beside her own, leftover from the night before. It was cold, chilled them both to the bone but that didn’t matter because bridges were being burned down and she was etching her teeth onto another set of lips and her nails slicing their way up another’s back and for those few moments where her back was against the railing and pure heat was meeting hers and sultry words were being uttered against her skin, she just couldn’t find a single to give.

     She ran a lone finger through the handprint, a line sketching through the condensation, evaporating a part of the evidence. She thought for a split second if she could just get rid of it, if she could erase those damned handprints that it would erase from her mind, too. That last night and every other morning, afternoon, and night with her would become no more than fiction, than something her sick and twisted mind had fabricated, something that had never happened and will never happen.

     But no such luck would come, because once the handprints were gone and she was panting and she felt like her ribs were cements blocks creaking and crumbling into her lungs, she heard footsteps.

     She heard footsteps, she heard solemn breathing and god ing dammit it she could hear the regret in the way the breathing hitched and in the way lightning began to crackle over her head. She could hear fear when she heard the footsteps stop, she could hear hesitance when the breathing started again and she hates herself because maybe if she kept her hands to herself none of this would’ve happened because she ed up, she ed up, she’s so ed up and now she’s ed her up, too.

     She didn’t want to turn around because she just knew that she wouldn’t like what she’d see. She knew she’d see shattered innocence and hesitant hands reaching for her and she’d see her entire world disintegrate around her because nothing else would matter if she were to turn around.

     She kept her eyes forward, focused on the handprints she’d scribbled out, just messy lines that spoke the words never let her squeeze out.

     She was seething, anger bubbling inside her. She hates herself, she ing hates herself.

     Her fingers clamped around the railing, she felt her forearms shake and she saw her knuckles go white and she had to remind herself to breathe because the love of her life was right behind her and yet she couldn’t even look at her.

     She couldn’t, she shouldn’t, and she likes to think she wouldn’t. She liked to think she wouldn’t end up back here, liked to think that this won’t happen again, liked to think that if maybe she had snuck out earlier some of these feelings could’ve been avoided.

     But it’s too late, far too late.

     Warm fingers pry hers away from the railing, soothing her skin as a thumb along the centre of her palm and she really tries to not look up, but everything is always in vain.

     She’s so – , she’s beautiful. Her eyes cant tear away from the girl in front of her, stuck to her, attentive to every movement and reaction and god, she’s so in love with this girl that she feels it from her curled toes to her tinted cheeks.

     The warm fingers twine with hers and she forgets the world around them for a moment, forgets that there’s a plane to catch, a job to do, a world around her to remember. She forgets it all, nothing matter more right now – nothing had ever mattered more.

     She thinks that maybe this could be the last time, that maybe she won’t cave in, that maybe she won’t show up in rain soaked clothes that shed only minutes later. She thinks that maybe they could go separate ways, that maybe, just maybe, if she manages to restrain herself once that it will never happen again.

     “You’re going to catch a cold.”

     She’s tugged inside; maroon walls surround her and her feet sink into carpet. There never was quite a home like this one, never one as welcoming to their sin, her insanity.

     She looks down, watches her toes wiggle against the carpet and the pair of feet across from hers move back and forth with a nervousness never known to either of them before. It was new, and it scared the absolute hell out of her.

     Her eyes trail up, creamy white skin matted with new rain, toned thighs with curved red lines she knew belonged to her nails, a stomach that quivered as she reached out and ran her hands along, snaking around her back and pulling the girl closer.

     The girl’s breath crashed against the nape of her neck, her head buried in her collar. She could feel the girl’s jaw against her, shaking, and she knew the girl was crying – she was always the one to cry first, always the one to let her emotions overcome the reality they both faced.

     Her arms tightened, she needed to give her security, needed to let her know that despite everything she was still a safe haven, that she still loved her with every ounce of her horrid being.

     The tear streaked face came into her line of sight, nose red and raw and eyes much the same. She felt horrible, so ing horrible. She caused this, this is her fault, she was the one to blame; for as much as she could love and be loved, ultimately, it was tearing the two of them to shreds.

     The girl sank to her knees in front of her, head in her hands and shaking her head. She followed suit, kneeling inches away from her, taking her hands away from her face and twining their fingers because she needed to prove it to her, needed to prove that one day it was going to be okay even though they both knew it wouldn’t be.

     So, she held her hands tight, thumbs rolling over her knuckles and kissed her.

     She kissed her with everything she had, kissed her with her sadness, kissed her with promises of happiness that would never truly be fulfilled, kissed her with her lips, her tongue, her breath. She kissed her like she was a princess, kissed her like she was her knight in shining armour and she kissed her like it was going to be their last.

     Hands left hers and wove into her hair, locked her in place and she felt her kissing her back with the same intensity and passion. The girl sighed against her, and she swallowed it, swallowed all the words she needed to say that came out as a sigh, swallowed all of her fear and judgement and pain and held the girl like she was stained glass about to shatter.

     She didn’t dare break away when the girl ran her thumb along her jaw, didn’t dare to move when the thumb was against , wondered if maybe she was going to choke her and finally blame her for everything they’ve been through – but her thumb moves lower and soon both the girl’s hands are on her shoulders and pushing her down to the floor and they’re panting and it’s raining again and the world doesn’t reek of past rain anymore.

     She keeps her hands steady on the girl’s hips, tongue meeting hers as the girl grinds against her, heat coursing between them that only the irregularity of their breathing could explain.

     The girl pulls away, rests her forehead against hers, eyes locked and she sees a fiery rage dance within them and maybe she does blame her and maybe she doesn’t but at least she can be certain of one thing.

     “I am so in love with you.”

     She smiled as the sentence filled her ears, inhaling and noticing the world smelt like new rain, all thundering clouds and dark skies and washed away pain.

     “Ditto.”

     Maybe it wasn’t perfect and maybe it was never going to be easy for them but she knows now that they’re both willing to try and maybe that’s what keeps her coming back, keeps her here, keeps her.

A/N: To be honest, this isn't any pairing I've written before. This was a new pairing with a new feeling and maybe it seems like Taeny or Kryber to you guys because that's what you expect from me but honestly, even though I didn't name names, this was written for SunSic - Jessica being the girl at the railing and Sunny being the one who brings her back inside. I'm not sure if I captured any of it right, I'm not even sure that it portrays Sunsic in the slightest, but once I saw the radio show gifset of Sunny talking about a friend that was always welcomed home, I just felt like it was about Jessica and I had the urge to write something like this.

Anyway, if it doesn't feel like Sunsic to you and you'd prefer it to be your otp, go ahead (that's why I never specifically put names in)

As always, I love you all, thank you for reading <3