What bothered him the most was that he'd never get to have kids or get married. 

He'd never get to meet his future wife, have the experience of proposing to someone, or have the chance to watch the beautiful wife that he'll never have walk down the isle.

He also wasn't even positive that he wanted children, but the choice that he would have liked to have isn't even within his reach anymore.

Experiences like watching his wife give birth, watching his children grow up and support them as they followed the paths they wanted to take were situations he would never get to experience.

Jongup also regretted never saying things he needed to say.

He once had an uncle who also had cancer and was never really been close to him, but had always wished he had been.

He use to hear his family talk about him all the time.

There were so many fond memories of how much of a great person he was that he never experienced, or could join in and share about.

Every time his family talked about him, the regret of never interacting with him when he'd had the chance rose up a little more each time. 

When he considered things like that, he also wondered if things he regretted were what other people would when he was gone.

He wondered if there was anything anyone wanted to tell him, or that they wished they had done something for her before his time started running out.  

If there were any words, phrases, or simple gestures that were meant to be done or said, but just never had the chance to be said to him.

He didn't even care if they were good or bad, he just wanted them to reach him, so people wouldn't experience the same regret he did when he also disappeared from earth.

    Thinking about that made him think about s, and how they were doing on tour right now. He knew they were probably having fun without him.

He thought that maybe he should have had hia parents call his manager and tell him that he might now make it today, but decided otherwise.

They had always been optimistic about his recovering through the years and he would have rather not seen their looks of despair if he died in front of them.

Yongguk was always a good hyung. No mattter what the problem was, he would try to fix it, even if we did have a barrier because of how quiet he is.

Himchan hyung was so motherly to me. He was actually like a second mom. Even when he was injured with a broken wrist, he would baby him to know end.

Daehyun and Youngjae were such good friends to him. They always would try to make Jongup laugh no matter what the situation. They were the two people who kept the group so lively.

And Junhong. He really wish he could have had more of an impact on his life since he's so young. Jongup's only a year older than him, but he still felt the responsibility of watching out for him. When he's gone, he hopes that the other hyungs will be there for him and watch out for him since he failed to do it.

Now as he lied in his hospital bed in the cancer unit of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to come in and finally get the courage to tell him the news, he couldn't really bring himself to cry about what he already knew was about to come.

He just felt emotionless.

He couldn't bring himself to feel the despair his parents were clearly trying to hide from him across the room, or pity himself like some of the nurses and doctors were doing to him outside as they passed his hospital room, probably all told what happened to her the night before.

Some of them probably even knew how much time he had left on this earth.

    He'd been sleeping when in the middle of the night, he was awaken by an intense pain in his stomach.

Since his parents had put a baby monitor in his room for times like that, they heard him screaming and rushed into his room.

He had been in pain before, but never like how he'd experienced the night before.

The pain had been so intense that it blurred his vision, and made his stomach empty its contents from the day's earlier meals all over the floor next to his bed.

The acrid and pungent smell of stomach acid and nearly digested foods had filled his bedroom, making him dry heave even more as he hunched over in pain and tears.

His parents had tried getting him to stand and walk to the car, but as soon as he tried uncurling hisself from the ball he'd put himself in, the pain intensified horribly, making him double over onto the floor next to the food from earlier that day that he'd thrown up.

After that, his parents had called an ambulance, and that's how he ended up where he was now, at the hospital with tubes running through various parts of his body.

    He'd still been deep in thought about last night when a doctor finally came in and closed the door behind him with papers in hand.

His parents and him, who had been sitting in silence, all looked up at him, and waited for him to tell them the news.

He already had the feeling that his time was about to be up for the past week, even before the incident the night before, but wanted to see what the doctor would say first.

    After standing there and looking at them sadly, he finally just told them what they had already expected. The cancer had spread through all parts of his body and there was no way to save him.

He looked at his parents to see pain spread across their faces, but still, the tears that they wanted to shed never left their eyes.

He wanted to thank his parents for that. No matter how much the things that happened to him hurt them, they'd never showed it to him. They tried so many times to put smiles on their faces through all of those times, and still did it today even though their only son was about to leave their lives.

    The doctor then turned to his parents and had the sign the finalization papers, papers that would finally end the pain he had gone through for so many years.

After they signed them, the doctor had a group of other doctors and nurses come in to be there for his last breath.

He guessed it was nice. He was glad that there were people besides his parents here to support him on his last day.
   

He turned around to look at his parents who had moved to stand on each side of his bed.

He gripped their hands with tears forming in his eyes.

The only thing they did was squeeze his hands tighter and as the doctors took out his IVs, the last thing he saw were his parents smiling at him as he faded away.