For years I've felt a pair of eyes on me. They weren't spitefully glaring, and I didn't feel disgusted knowing they were watching- but shouldn't I have? Yet something in me screams to reach for the owner of the eyes that track my every movement. When I first figured out who it was that watched me so closely, my world seemed to grind to a halt. He's always been such a kind, caring hyung; and I do love him. Is what I feel brotherly love though? This question has tortured me silently for a long time now. Everyone willingly advertises how wrong loving another male is- but am I really supposed to listen to them at the expense or losing myself? I lost a lot of my personal privacy by becoming a member od an idol group- but does love REALLY have to be one of those things? He wants me, and my heart WANTS him to want me, but my mind says it's wrong. Is that because society says it's wrong? What if I ignore society? What if we date secretly, but then what if it all goes wrong? Wouldn't everything become strange and tense? Yet, these feelings! Do I really doubt my own heart? Do I really doubt my beloved hyung? He has always been there for me. Even when he was clearly upset over the accidental kiss I shared with Tae on Dream Team. Although Tae later admitted to Key and me that he had done it on purposes we would "know later." He was still there for me, quiet- but there. There was also a day when we were alone in the locker rooms after dance practice and I tripped. He ended up against the locker with my arms on either side of his head. I can still feel the heat radiating from him and I can recall how flushed his face became. That was only a month ago, and here we are. In our hotel room in Japan. I think I heard him lock the door behind us. But he grabbed my wrist and turned me around. What I wasn't expecting was for him to speak. "I love you, Minho." What? I mean, I had always assumed that Jonghyun had... but he's just said it. That one phrase 'I love you.' The same phrase that has had my heart and mind in turmoil for such a long time... "Minho, I love you as one would a lover, not a brother." The nail in the coffin. Why, Jonghyun? Why are you willing to trust me with your heart? How can you not experience this turmoil? Okay, you may have gone out with Sekyung and still paid more attention to me, but you admitted to Key it was a ruse and Key had blabbed to me... How are you able to do this, hyung? Do you even know how much I have been arguing with myself? That I know I love you, even when society frowns on such love? Why are you so willing to open you heart to me, and successfully flip my world upside down? The way you're looking at me right now makes it hard to fight the desire to kiss you. I barely managed to keep under control in the locker room that day, and you lock us in a hotel room and do this? I love you hyung, but can I really admit this outloud? I want to ask for advice, I've wanted this advice for a while now; but how can I ask the person I go to for advice on themself? Hyung, what am I supposed to do?