j

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you? 
Why are you beset with gloom? 
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? 
Bowed head and lowered eyes? 
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you? 
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my iness upset you? 
Does it come as a sur-

 

Baekhyun stops his singing as the metals holding the swing make a sound with the sudden amount of pressure applied on it. He turns and finds Chanyeol, staring straight ahead. His guitar leaning on the swing's handle.

"Mr. Lee wanted me to ask you why you didn't attend class today," Chanyeol says after five minutes of impenetrable silence.

Baekhyun turns his head away and starts moving his swing. "I didn't feel like it," he answers as the swing moves back and forth slowly.

"I heard about what happened yesterday. After I left," Chanyeol hesitantly says. He sneaks a glance at Baekhyun, whose face remains impassive, unchanging, unresponsive.

What an . 

Thinking he's all that. Such an attention seeker. 

You'd think he'd be all fat by now since he has such thick skin. 

Where does he get such an attitude?

He's nothing without Chanyeol. Sticks to Park like a leech.

Aish! So noisy and annoying

He's nothing but an insecure, attention-, thick-skinned bastard. He doesn't even look like much. I wonder how he'd feel if I shove my fist down his throat.

I'm tired of him. Everyone's tired of him. I bet Chanyeol feels the same way but he's too much of a nice guy to say it to his face.

Seriously, Baekhyun should just disappear.

Baekhyun starts swinging even harder as the voices fill his head. He goes higher and higher and he closes his eyes, wishing the heavens to swallow him up and make him forget pains etched in his heart with every memory that comes forcing their way even in his moments of unconsciousness.

".. Are you-?" Chanyeol couldn't finish his question as he watches Baekhyun swing higher.

Baekhyun finally laughs and quickly tries to create friction between his feet and the ground to make the swing stop. He turns to Chanyeol with amused eyes and laughs.

"Okay? Did you really think that what they said would make a scratch on this really strong Baekhyun? Of course I'm fine. They were just words from immature pricks. I, obviously, was born to be a star so I understand their insecure hearts," Baekhyun says and he fans his face with his hand like some agitated diva.

Chanyeol stands up from his swing and holds Baekhyun in a headlock. Baekhyun gets startled by the sudden action and he shouts in surprise. He tries to pry Chanyeol's long upper left limb off his shoulder when he notices the bruises on the man's knuckles.

"What happened to your hand?" He asks in surprise. 

Chanyeol stares at him and then smiles sheepishly. "I heard them talking about it when I went to the bathroom. So before music class started, I threw in a couple of punches here and there."

Baekhyun then stands up, turns around, and cups Chanyeol's face. He looks around wildly at Chanyeol's body and checks for any injuries. "Are you hurt? Are you bleeding somewhere?"

Chanyeol thinks for a moment before flicking Baekhyun's forehead.  "Of course not. I'm a man," he says with wagging eyebrows.

Baekhyun slaps Chanyeol's forehead.

"Why did you even do that?"

Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun and hides his face in his chest. He answers with a gentle tone, "Because when I heard it, I got mad and hurt. Even when it wasn't directed at me. So I thought of how you must have felt and I couldn't control myself after that."

Baekhyun doesn't answer and Chanyeol just hugs him tighter.

"By the way, I just wanted to ask you if you were cold. Not if you were okay. Nobody would be if they heard what you heard," Chanyeol says as he tugs on Baekhyun's pathetic excuse of a winter coat. Baekhyun still does not respond and when Chanyeol tries to move his face so he can see it, Baekhyun buries his face even deeper on his chest.

"You know it's okay for you to cry," Chanyeol says as he wraps his arm around Baekhyun more tighter than before. "I'd still love you even then."

And Chanyeol smiles, teeth and all, as Baekhyun lets out a short sob, all the while clasping the ends of his jacket tightly in his hands.

That was when Baekhyun first fell in love. With Chanyeol, Baekhyun loved and lost.

Baekhyun packs the last of his things in his suitcase and zips it up with a relieved sigh.

"Can't wait to leave?"

Baekhyun looks up and sees Jongin leaning on the doorframe of his bedroom looking sad, yet still as beautiful as ever.

"That. And I'm glad to finally finish packing the last of my things. I think I burned at least 50 calories with all the packing I did," he says with a groan as he flops down on his soft bed for the last time.

Jongin rolls his eyes at Baekhyun's words. "You only packed one tiny suitcase. You didn't even clean your room. You're just being a dramaqueen as usual. Fifty calories my ."

"Your parting words? Beautiful. Definitely leaves a lasting memory on my mind," Baekhyun says with a sarcastic tone as he looks up at the bare ceiling. He screams in fright as Jongin's white-colored face suddenly obstructs his view.

"! Jongin, you scared me to death."

Baekhyun clutches his heart to emphasize his point. Jongin looks at him through mischievious and amused eyes before laughing and lying down on the space beside his. After he gets over his initial shock, Baekhyun laughs along with him and slowly wipes the tears from his eyes.

"I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss your jokes, your nagging.... and you. I'm going to miss you," Baekhyun says in a melancholic tone.

Jongin suddenly intertwines their fingers and holds Baekhyun's hand tightly. He looks into his eyes and says, "You know you can stay, right?"

Baekhyun looks away from Jongin but does not let his hand go. "I can't," he says in a sad tone.

"Yes you can. You can stay and you won't have to miss this, my jokes, my nagging, me. You won't have to miss me, hyung. You wouldn't have to miss anything," Jongin says, voice breaking the further he goes on.

"I'll do nothing but hurt you," Baekhyun says and he looks at Jongin with eyes begging for understanding.

"I'll be fine," Jongin says in a more desperate tone as he feels the end coming nearer as the time ticks by.

When he feels Baekhyun letting his hand go, he closes his eyes and allows the tears to escape. It was over. He knew it the moment he laid his heart bare.

"I'm sorry. I love you, Jongin," Baekhyun says as he leans in and kisses Jongin lightly on the lips. 

Baekhyun watches as Jongin lies still, not opening his eyes while tears run down the side of his face. Baekhyun bites his lip before he takes his suitcase and heads for the door. He takes one last look at the fifth place he's leaving within the span of eight months. And then he disappears, leaving nothing but memories as he shuts the door with a barely audible slam.

Jongin chokes as he hears the sound of the door being shut. And more tears flow with the realization that Baekhyun is truly gone.

"But not enough," Jongin finishes Baekhyun's words as he tightly holds the piece of paper in his left hand where Baekhyun's hand used to be. "You don't love me enough."

I will luve thee still, my dear, while the sands o' life shall run. And fare thee well, my only Luve. And fare thee well, a while! And I will come again, my Luve, tho' it were ten thousand mile. 

"Who's the guy talking to the manager?"

"I don't know. Suho said he's Kris's childhood friend and he's trying to apply to be the bar's singer."

"Kris has a friend?"

"Kris had a childhood?"

Kyungsoo secretly rolls his eyes at his colleagues talking while stealing glances through the barely uncovered door of their boss's office. He takes out a book from his knapsack and slips on his earphones. He shuts out the noises around him as much as possible. Soon, he loses himself in the music while the book lay forgotten on the bar's shiny counter. When he opens his eyes, he finds unfamiliar eyes heavily outlined with dark eyeliner staring straight into his large ones. He doubles back in shock as the stranger grins at him with pearly-white teeth.

"You have such an amazing voice," the man with brunette hair exclaims.

Kyungsoo offers a respectful curt and an obligatory smile in response before he gets off the stool and heads for the door. However, a hand on his sleeve halts his footsteps. He stares at long candle-shaped fingers and traces them to an uncomfortably becoming-all-too-familiar face.

"Hello. I'm Byun Baekhyun. I'm the bar's newly hired singer," Baekhyun says in a chirpy voice. 

Too chirpy, Kyungsoo thinks. He offers another curt nod before he heads straight for the door, off to find a more private place.

"Hello Baekhyun. I'm Jongdae, a singer here as well" was the last thing he heard before the door shuts with a thundering slam.

Kyungsoo checks his phone for the time and unconsciously notes the date. August 15, 2013.

"Heard your name was Kyungsoo. Jongdae said you were a singer too," Baekhyun greets him as soon as he enters the bar.

"Kyung, it's such a surprise you didn't enter through the backdoor," Lu Han says, mildly surprised. Then suddenly, he winks as he hands Kyungsoo the menu.

"Didn't feel like it," Kyungsoo replies when suddenly, he stops and an unconscious smile slips on his face seeing Kris's new approved delicacy on the bar's menu. Curry rice.

"Like it? I forced Kris to add it. Lu Han told me you like that food," Baekhyun suddenly says as he points at the space between curry rice and fried chicken.

"Thank you," Kyungsoo says and he gives Baekhyun a sincere smile.

"Oho! The cold city man smiles," Baekhyun says with a teasing tone then he continues in a louder voice, "AND THE WORLD MELTS."

Kyungsoo's smile drops and he chooses to turn away from Baekhyun who pouts at the sudden cold attitude. The door opens once again to reveal a Suho heavily laden with bags.

"Oooooh! Goodies!" Baekhyun exclaims and he quickly runs over to where Suho is, ignoring the slightly older man, paying more attention to the plastic bags instead of the sweaty supervisor.

"Shook and changed the whole bar just one day after he arrived. He ordered Kris to give in to our little requests. He made him give everyone a raise, give bubble tea a chance to frequent the drinks menu, more special treatment for Tao and Jongdae like free food and drinks for the employees, and a chance for Minseok to sing and rap more on stage, those and many more. Your curry rice was the last one he fought for," Lu Han amusedly comments as Kyungsoo watches Suho just shaking his head and patting Baekhyun's head with raised eyebrows.

"And he's quite the talker like Jongdae," Minseok adds as he orders a glass of bubble tea.

Kyungsoo groans hearing Minseok's words. "Oh great! Another migraine-inducer coming our way." Lu Han and Minseok just laugh at Kyungsoo's troubled comment.

"He's socially inept," he hears Baekhyun say. And he gets the urge to punch the man as he meets Suho's amused eyes.

"Kyungsoo"

Kyungsoo doesn't answer.

"D.O."

Kyungsoo sighs and turns to stare at Baekhyun. What, he silently asks.

"Want to stay and watch me sing later, to be specific, tomorrow at dawn?" Baekhyun asks gleefully.

"Can't. I go home as soon as my gig ends. I sleep at dawn like normal people," Kyungsoo replies quickly. He quickly walks away, off to find another place to hide where Baekhyun can't find him.

"Hey Kyungsoo, here's a book on how to make friends," a voice, which he has grown to hate, welcomes him behind a thick book with an irritating title. Sociability 101

He gladly "accidentally" slaps the book on Baekhyun's face before taking it with an insincere 'Thank you'.

"Soosoo~"

"Go away Baekhyun."

"I hear you cry watching tennis. Heehee."

Lu Han watches in horror as a bump quickly grows on Baekhyun's forehead, and he frantically screams for Suho while Kyungsoo laughs in amusement as Baekhyun tears up at the pain.

"Do you look in the mirror and marvel at your eyes? They remind me of Betty Boop," Baekhyun says as he comically tries to copy Kyungsoo's eyes.

Kyungsoo raises his fist and Baekhyun makes a run for it. Kyungsoo laughs as he hears the man crying to Kris, something about banning fists.

"Especially Kyungsoo's fists hyung!" Baekhyun cries loudly. Kyungsoo chuckles and Sehun looks at him suggestively. Kyungsoo drinks Sehun's stocked bubble tea as revenge.

"Hi Kyungsoo," Baekhyun greets him, like usual, as soon as he enters through the bar's backdoor.

"Baekhyun, I have a searing headache. Please keep quiet," Kyungsoo replies as he pushes his way through a blinding smile, bright eyes, and private-space invader hands. Suddenly, Baekhyun disappears before appearing with a box of medicines and one glass of water.

"I- I don't really know the right medicine for headaches. Do you? Is it really bad? I think we should go to the hospital and have you checked," Baekhyun says as he holds out the box of medicines to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo looks at him weirdly before turning away.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about it," Kyungsoo says as he ignores Baekhyun's help and he heads for the dressing room.

"No. You can't ignore this. Your headache can be something worse," Baekhyun says as he starts panicking.

Kyungsoo looks at him weirdly before saying, "It's just a headache. I swear."

"You don't know that," Baekhyun hisses. He doesn't look at Kyungsoo as he stares at the glass which shakes along with his fingers. "Nobody did. Nobody will think otherwise," he says and his voice trembles with the spoken words.

Kyungsoo starts to panic and he holds Baekhyun's shoulders to make the man face him. Baekhyun jerks in shock and he drops the glass filled with water in shock.

"Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo exclaims.

Suddenly, he hears thundering footsteps and Kris appears through the door worry evident in his face while Baekhyun mutters a barely audible apology before he pushes himself through the crowd. Kyungsoo makes an attempt to follow him when Kris holds his hand to stop him.

"What happ-" Kris doesn't get to finish what he wanted to ask when Baekhyun comes back in bringing a broom.

"I'm seriously sorry. Kyungsoo gave me a shock," Baekhyun explains as he gives everyone a sheepish smile.

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to defend himself when Baekhyun cuts him off. "He touched me on my shoulder so suddenly. I got shocked beause I didn't expect skinship from a cold city man," Baekhyun says this in a casual tone with a teasing glance towards him while Kyungsoo just gapes in response.

Jongdae shakes his head and says, "Seriously? You scared me there Baek. But thank you though for the break. Kris is such a crankypants boss, making everyone work as waiters even though they applied for another job."

Kris shoots Jongdae with daggers. "I pay you more than you deserve. And besides, you rake in customers with your looks. And you don't hear me complaining about you pocketing tips when I specifically made a rule against accepting them."

"," Jongdae says under his breath as he leaves the dressing room.

"Why I ought to-" Kris says as he raises his fist in mock anger. He then turns to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun before patting Baekhyun's shoulders and leaving.

Baekhyun finishes cleaning the broken glass and quickly leaves the room not sparing Kyungsoo a glance. Kyungsoo just stares blankly at where Baekhyun used to be when he notices a new glass filled with water beside the box of medicines on the table.

He takes the glass and drinks the water till the glass is empty.

"I was lying about the headache," he says with a guilt-laden voice.

Do not stand at my grave and weep 
I am not there. I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow. 
I am the diamond glints on snow. 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 
When you awaken in the morning's hush 
I am the swift uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circled flight. 
I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry; 
I am not there. I did not die. 

"You have a nice voice."

Baekhyun slightly jerks in shock as he hears a man's voice and the shutting of the rooftop's door just seconds after he finishes singing. But he'd be lying to say if he wasn't expecting the company. He eyes Kyungsoo who sits beside him calmly. Baekhyun would have been fooled if he didn't see the way Kyungsoo's fingers absentmindedly tap the cold hard concrete floor. Baekhyun turns away to look at the stars once again while letting his skin grow cold with the night's humid air. Silence pass between them and for the second time, Kyungsoo breaks it first.

"I'm sorry. About the headache thing," he says and he looks at Baekhyun to watch any emotion that would cross the man's face.

"It's fine," Baekhyun says quickly. And he curses himself silently as he realizes he answered too quickly.

"I looked for you after I left. Suho-hyung told me you might be here............ Baekhyun-ah, I was lying about the headache. I'm really sorry. I- I-," Kyungsoo says trying to explain himself but the only truth he could come up with was because I didn't want to spend time with you or I wanted you to leave me alone or I found you annoying and more equally terrible reasons that he didn't have the guts to voice them out. Baekhyun doesn't respond and Kyungsoo wonders if he should just leave when Baekhyun's voice reaches his ears.

"It's my fault. I guess I was bothering you too much. The others did tell me about how you don't really like loud people like me but I saw how you act with Jongdae and I thought I could give it a shot," Baekhyun says with a laugh but Kyungsoo feels guilt pricking every nerve in his body as he watches Baekhyun's smile never reach his eyes.

"No- It's not that. I- I'm just not used to you yet. That's all," Kyungsoo says trying to alleviate Baekhyun's mood. He wildly makes a gesture with his hands and this ends up with Baekhyun holding them down, trying to calm him down. He doesn't pull away.

"Can I bother you until you get used to me?" Baekhyun says and Kyungsoo smiles in relief as something akin to a faint twinkle once again occupies Baekhyun's eyes.

Kyungsoo just shrugs in response.

Baekhyun squeals excitedly before staring out at the night sky once again. He removes his hands as soon as he feels his phone vibrate.

"It's Kris," he says in horror. Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo apologetically before he takes the call and silently gestures to Kyungsoo he'll be leaving.

"Wait! What was the song you were singing a while ago? I don't think I've heard it before," Kyungsoo says as Baekhyun's hand turns the door knob.

Baekhyun widens his eyes in surprise before he smiles. "It wasn't a song. It was a poem entitled "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep."

And with those words, Baekhyun disappears behind the door.

"No. It was Kyungsoo. I am not sleeping with random strangers, you doubtful jerk. I was on the rooftop," Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun say as his voice resonates through the stairs and into the cracks of the door's glass pane. He chuckles, amused at the thought of their conversation's path.

"Poems huh," he says to himself.

"Good morning Kyungsoo," Baekhyun greets him as soon as he enters through the backdoor, shivering at the cold winter's air.

"Morning Baek," Kyungsoo says awkwardly.

"Isn't it cold? I was so shocked to find snow covering my windows. I wanted to stay at home but Kris forced me to come to work," Baekhyun says with a pout.

"Kris barely gives everyone a day-off. You'll get used to it someday," Kyungsoo says as he pats Baekhyun's head.

"Really?" Baekhyun says digesting the information with a more visible pout on his face, clearly not liking the idea. "Will I?" He asks himself unsurely.

"You will. Now stop pouting and act like a grown man. You're taller and older than Kyungsoo yet you whine and pout at him like some overgrown baby," Kris's voice suddenly says behind Baekhyun, who jumps in surprise and clings to Kyungsoo while clutching his thundering chest in shock.

"KRIS!" Baekhyun shouts and Kyungsoo just stands awkwardly as Baekhyun removes himself from the awkward position they were engaged in a while ago, which, apparently, only Kyungsoo noticed, and starts chasing Kris around the bar.

Kyungsoo hears someone cough behind him and he turns to see Jongdae staring at him with suggestive eyes as he gestures to Kyungsoo's awkwardly outstretched hands. Kyungsoo grows red in response and he clocks Jongdae's head in retaliation.

"Kyungsoo, where do you live?" Baekhyun asks out of the blue as they stay warm inside the bar, waiting for customers to arrive. It was the second week of winter and as expected, the cold's keeping most of them away.

Kyungsoo looks up from his laptop and says, "I live with my brother two blocks from here."

"Ooh. That's really close to Kris's house. Want me to visit you next time?" Baekhyun asks eagerly as he leans on Kyungsoo's shoulders. Kyungsoo, already used to Baekhyun's occasional skinship after three months, just turns to his laptop and nods his head.

"Sure. You can come this Saturday," Kyungsoo says as he watches Hulk punch Thor.

"Hey everyone, Kyungsoo says we can go to his house this Saturday," Baekhyun shouts excitedly as everyone cheers.

"I'll bring drinks," Lu Han exclaims.

"I'll buy junk foods," Jongdae and Minseok offer.

"I'll bring beer. Lu Han can't buy the expensive ones I prefer," Kris interjects.

"Bubble tea as well hyung please~" Sehun pleads with such powerful puppy eyes.

"What time shall we arrive?" Tao asks.

"How about at 7pm and we can all have a sleepover," Suho suggests.

"I'm sleeping on the bed," Lay says from his sleeping position on the sofa Kris bought for him because of Baekhyun.

"SLUMBERPARTEY!" Baekhyun shouts.

"Wait- I meant- Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo exclaims, shocked at the sudden turn of events. Baekhyun looks at him with wide eyes. Did I do something wrong?, his eyes ask.

Kyungsoo just sighs and shakes his head. "I'll cook dinner for us then."

Baekhyun smiles even wider and in the end, Kyungsoo finds himself smiling along.

Kyungsoo watches as everyone lie sprawled on his living room floor and couch. He hits them on the head and smiles in satisfaction as they rub it in their sleep, their face scrunching up in pain. He picks up beer cans and plastic utensils, not one to tolerate such untidiness.

As he moves Lay's feet off his coffee table and turns on the lampshade, he notices that Baekhyun is absent from his colleagues, okay friends, randomly spread accros his living room, looking like cadavers in his house. (He thanks the heavens for his brother choosing to sleep in his girlfriend's house because if he was here, more chaos would just ensue.)

He checks his bedroom in case Baekhyun wandered in it but he finds his room still neat and tidy like it always is. He tries to check his brother's room but finds it locked. Now, Kyungsoo panics and tries to remember if Baekhyun was with them a while ago or was he unable to come.

"I can't drink more than two glasses. I easily get drunk and I become red all over."

He was! Kyungsoo panics even more at the confirmation. What if he drank more than he could and got very drunk? What if he jumped off a building or ran in front of a moving vehivle or stabbed himself to death with my kitchen knives?, Kyungsoo fearfully thinks. He frantically checks the whole house when suddenly, a cold breeze opens the door to his balcony.

There he sees Baekhyun sitting on the wooden floor, covered in mounds of coats as he stares at the heavens while being beautifully shined on by the moonlight.

"A handful isn't he?"

Kyungsoo yelps at the sudden noise and he finds Kris staring at Baekhyun with an adoring stare.

"He comes head on like some typhoon and sticks to you like some leech until you cave in and let him in. He wanders around like some butterfly. He acts all silly and childish, like a madhatter. And all this time you'll think he has no shame but when you look closely, he has a lot of pride, wears it on his sleeve even. Thank you. For putting up with him. He's not all that strong."

Kyungsoo stares at Kris weirdly. Kris shrugs and just points to the beer cans in the plastic bag as if to say What I'm drunk?

Suddenly, Baekhyun shouts as a paper flies out of his hand and through the opening of the door. It lands on Kyungsoo's feet and he picks it up just as Baekhyun tries to subtly enter through the door, probably not to wake the others up.

"You're awake?" He hears Baekhyun ask in surprise as he picks up Baekhyun's paper, which looks like a page torn from a notebook, he midly suspects to be his. He doesn't answer as he watches short lyrics written on it along with notes and chords. Kyungsoo wonders if Baekhyun was composing a song when he stops and remembers their conversation on the rooftop.

"Is this a poem?" He asks as he raises his head to look at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun squints to look at what Kyungsoo was referring to though he already knew what it was. "Yes," he answers sheepishly. He rubs his neck in embarrassment as Kyungsoo smiles at him with admiration.

Baekhyun heads towards him and snatches the paper right out of his hands. "I thought everyone was asleep," he says, which Kyungsoo suspects to be Baekhyun's way of changing the subject. Kyungsoo just goes along with it for now and points to Kris. "I was talking to Kris," he says while Baekhyun looks at him weirdly. He turns and finds Kris with his eyes closed. But he notes the smirk gracing the man's lips and he curses Kris under his breath.

"I was cleaning the mess we made," he says after a moment of silence.

"Ah. Sorry about that. Well, I guess I should go to sleep now," Baekhyun says after they just stand awkwardly not looking at each other,

"I should too," Kyungsoo mumbles as another moment of silence envelops the two of them.

Baekhyun just nods his head and turns to look for a place to lie down on. He finds one right next to Jongdae. He moves towards Jongdae as Kyungsoo watches in horror. Knowing Jongdae for several years now, Kyungsoo knows what Jongdae is like when he's drunk.

"Wait; stop!" Kyungsoo says as he reaches out for Baekhyun's arm. Baekhyun looks at him with a curious stare and he hesitantly suggests, "Why don't we go sleep in my room?"

Baekhyun looks at him in shock. "I didn't know we were that close. I'm sure you haven't adjusted to me that much yet," he says.

Kyungsoo shakes his hand. "No. No, it's fine. And you see, Jongdae has a habit of letting his hands roam freely around everyone's body when he's drunk."

Baekhyun widens his mouth in response. "Oh!" Then, he smiles. "It's okay. I usually touch other people's body as well. Lay even yelled at me for always touching his ," he says with a laugh.

Kyungsoo just shakes his head and drags Baekhyun with him. "I still think you should sleep with me." Baekhyun looks at him incredulously before asking, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am," Kyungsoo says as he easily drags Baekhyun into his room.

He pushes Baekhyun into his bed and he follows suit. Moments later, he hears something akin to a puppy whining somewhere on his left side and he turns to see them coming out of Baekhyun's mouth. He wonders what to do when they soon die out and he's left there staring at Baekhyun sleeping so soundly. He starts laughing and he quickly covers his mouth to muffle the sounds coming out from it. When his laughter dies down, he tries to close his eyes and fall asleep but he couldn't. He stares long and hard at the utter darkness that encompasses his room. And the more he does, the more Baekhyun's presence become  known to him. Then suddenly, he starts singing a song.

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind. 

And as soon as the song ends, he finds himself falling asleep. When he was about to close his eyes, Baekhyun suddenly snuggles close to him. He smiles and raises his arm to scoop in Baekhyun who quickly puts his head on his chest, mumbling, "That was not the tune I gave to the poem. It should be sadder."

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I thought you were sleeping. Get off me," he says while trying to push Baekhyun off him, albeit gently, with not much force at all.

"I was but you woke me up when you started singing 'I Am Not Yours' in a happier tune," Baekhyun says hugging Kyungsoo's torso tighter, not opening his eyes.

Kyungsoo decides to just wrap his left arm around Baekhyun once again. "It didn't fit me as a sad song. For me, that poem's love had hope. Don't you think so?"

Kyungsoo waits for Baekhyun to answer. When he just hears silence, he finds Baekhyun lying on his chest with his eyes closed. "I know you're not sleeping yet. You didn't make those puppy-like whining noises."

He feels Baekhyun's smile on his chest but the 1 cm taller man still does not respond. Five minutes later, Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun making those whining noises which was followed by silence. Kyungsoo feels his eyes slowly drooping and he decides to sing the poem one more time,

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind. 

"Had a nice sleep hyung?" Sehun smugly asks as he casually siddles next to Kyungsoo who was preparing their dinner. Kyungsoo ignores him as he tries to calmly break the egg.

"Morning everyone," a voice shouts down the hall. As soon as he hears the voice, Kyungsoo ends up breaking the egg in his hands while Sehun watches as pieces of egg shells fall to the bowl.

"Kyungsoo-yah!"

Kyungsoo doesn't know why but he panics as he hears more than sees Baekhyun coming closer. He clutches the spoon tightly before dropping it in surprise when Baekhyun suddenly hugs him from the back.

"Morning Short Person!"

Kyungsoo goes red from the contact but he thinks of the insult Baekhyun just threw at him. "Only by 1 cm!"

"Awww. He's insecure about his height," Baekhyun says as he pinches Kyungsoo's cheeks. Kyungsoo becomes even redder and he pushes Baekhyun away before ordering him to cook them rice. Baekhyun quickly runs to Jongdae, who he convinces to cook the rice for him while he lies down on the couch with his head on Kris's lap. Kyungsoo spots this and for some reason, feels a surge of anger coursing through his veins which he directs at Sehun.

"Won't you properly clean those dishes? You lazy bastard!"

Sehun jumps in surprise and fear. Then he spots Kris and Baekhyun on the couch and soon enough, a knowing smile graces his lips.

"Suho-hyung! Kyungsoo's getting jealous."

With those words, everyone turns their head and starts teasing Kyungsoo. They give Baekhyun teasing glances, Baekhyun misinterpreting this,  joins in teasing Kyungsoo too while Jongdae looks at Baekhyun in disbelief. Is he that stupid, he mouths to Kris. Kris shrugs in response.

"He always carries that notebook around. I wonder what's in it."

Kyungsoo jerks in shock hearing Lu Han's voice. He blushes as he realizes he's been caught staring at Baekhyun who was writing something in a worn-out black notebook, occasionally looking far ahead.

"Wh- Wh- Who?" He says trying to act like he wasn't caught at all.

"Baekhyun," Lu Han says, not backing down.

"Oh! He was there? I was staring at the air," Kyungsoo reasons weakly.

"I never said you were staring."

Lu Han smiles smugly as Kyungsoo blushes even redder. He chooses to ignore Lu Han and just go back to reading his newly-bought book when Lu Han points a finger at him accusingly.

"You bought a book of POEMS," he says the last word too loudly while Kyungsoo tries his hardest to shut him up.

Kyungsoo waves his hand as if it would make the words Lu Han just uttered disappear. "Quiet!" He looks down at the book opened on page 3 and continues in a soft voice, "i was just curious.......about the poems he's been singing."

Suddenly, Jongdae pops out of nowhere and says, "Kris says Baekhyun used to stay up all night during their elementary days just to read poems."

"I didn't ask that," Kyungsoo hisses under his breath. "And where the hell did you come from anyway?"

"Are you curious to know what is in Baekhyun's notebook?" Sehun asks as he casually sits beside Kyungsoo.

"! Why are you guys ganging up on me?"

Kyungsoo looks at Suho for help but the older man raises his hand as if to say he won't be taking any part of it. He curses even more under his breath before he decides to use his fist. Just as he was about to hit Jongdae, Baekhyun comes in and Suho quickly addresses him.

"Hey Baekhyun! Kyungsoo wants to ask you something."

Kyungsoo gapes at Suho but the man just smirks at him and mouths You are ing welcome. And then suddenly, Luhan, Sehun, Jongdae, and Suho walk away muttering something about Kris calling them and doing ome chores they forgot to do. Kyungsoo suspects they're 99.9% lying. Baekhyun fakes a cough behind him. When he turns, Baekhyun looks at him with an eye-smile. Kyungsoo stares at the floor before stuttering, "Di- Di- Did you sleep well. Last night?"

Baekhyun looks at him with suspicion as if asking Is that what you really wanted to ask me? but he answers none the less. "I slept better," he says with a shrug.

"It's almost Christmas," Kyungsoo says in response. Baekhyun looks at him for a moment before laughing out loud. "Are you a 4D?"

Kyungsoo opens and closes his mouth like a gaping fish before he decides to just look down and ignore Baekhyun. Baekhyun's still laughing when he sits beside Kyungsoo, who's silently beating his friends to a pulp in his head.

"I'm sorry. You seemed really tense so I just wanted to break the tension," Baekhyun apologizes with tears in his eyes.

Kyungsoo still doesn't respond when suddenly, Baekhyun pulls his book right out of his grasp.

"Is this a book of poems?"

Baekhyun inspects it and grins so widely that Kyungsoo's afraid his mouth would tear. "I have a book just like this. They are exactly alike except for the fact that my book is old and a bit torn. I didn't know you were into poems."

Kyungsoo blushes before saying, "I wasn't."

"Oh!" Baekhyun says, responding a bit slowly. "Let me show you something," he says as he turns the pages looking for something with utmost concentration that his eyes start tolook like Kyungsoo's.

"Ah! Here it is!"

Baekhyun pushes the book towards Kyungsoo, who reads the title out loud.

"She Walks in Beauty?"

"Just read it," Baekhyun says, pointing to the poem. Kyungsoo starts reading as Baekhyun closes his eyes, listening.

She walks in beauty like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
meets in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
had half impair'd the nameless grace
which waves in every raven tress,
or softly lightens o'er her face -
where thoughts serenely sweet express
how pure, how dear their dwelling - place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
so soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
the smiles that win, the tints that glow,
but tells in days of goodness spent,
a mind at peace with all below,
a heart whose love is innocent. 

Baekhyun smiles as Kyungsoo finishes the poem. "This reminds me of you." Kyungsoo sputters in indignation. "It's for a girl," he says, trying to point out the obvious to Baekhyun.

"I know it's for a girl. But pushing aside the gender pronouns, the poem makes me think of you. I actually saw you sing the night before I applied to the bar. Your voice sounded so beautiful and while you sang you seemed so pure and perfect. Someone I wanted to be," Baekhyun explains. Then he goes beet red with the ounce of honesty. Kyungsoo still looks at him with doubtful and judging eyes so Baekhyun screams in annoyance, "Read it with a 'He' then! Aish!"

Kyungsoo laughs at Baekhyun who looks at him with a pout. It seems to be more about you, Kyungsoo thinks to himself as he is gifted with the image of Baekhyun being bathed by the moonlight that Saturday night, Baekhyun singing the poem on the rooftop, Baekhyun laughing, Baekhyun smiling, and then he stops.

"I have to leave," he says in hesitation.

"Ah, really?" Baekhyun says in a sad voice. "Who will I talk to? Can I come along?"

"Yo- You can't. It's something personal," Kyungsoo mumbles as he heads for the door to the dressing room. "Jongdae will accompany you."

And Kyungsoo opens the door to the dressing room where eight men are crouched together somewhere near the doorframe.

"I'll accompany you too Baek," Luhan says getting up with grace, as if he wasn't just eavesdropping on their conversation earlier. One by one they all stand up and leave. Before Suho could do so as well, Kyungsoo pulls him back. Suho looks at him with bewildered eyes before understanding. He nods his head and shuts the door.

"Hyung, something is wrong with me," Kyungsoo says with wide eyes.

"Kyungsoo-yah."

"I bought a book of poems because he said he likes them! Aish! I'm so stupid. Now, I'm so embarrassed. I think he found out," Kyungsoo says frustrated. Suho opens his mouth to say something when Kyungsoo pushes him out the door.

"Leave!" He screams the word with no care whatsoever about seniority.

"Where's Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo asks Kris while drinking punch to make it appear as if he doesn't care at all.

"Why?" Kris asks back and he eyes Kyungsoo with suspicion.

"Nothing. It's just that I noticed just now, JUST NOW OKAY?, that he isn't here." Kyungsoo emphasizes the two words. Kris looks at him with an emotion he couldn't decipher. Kyungsoo looks back at him with a curious stare and it appears as if Kris was going to say something before he changed his mind.

"He's at home," Kris says after a long pause.

"Really? On Christmas Day? I expected him to be here partying it up with us," Kyungsoo says in surprise. "I wanted to hear him sing today," he says in a softer and barely audible voice.

"When did you even care? I heard you refused to stay and hear him sing," Kris says with more suspicion lining his features.

"It was too late," Kyungsoo weakly reasons.

"You're just scared. Like how you should be," Kris says, inaudibly, in his glass.

"What?" Kyungsoo asks, unable to properly hear what Kris just said. Kris waves him off as if to say forget it.

"Umm.. Do you by any chance know his address? You know.. so..," Kyungsoo says trailing off.

"So what?"

"You know..," Kyungsoo says as he gestures wildly.

"I don't know," Kris deadpans.

'Oh-"

"He's currently living in the rundown apartment right beside my condo," Kris says, cutting him off.

"I see.."

They share a moment of silence while Kyungsoo calculates his next move.

"It's been a really long day. I think I'm going to-," Kyungsoo starts but Kris once again cuts him off. "Tell him I said hi."

Kyungsoo just ignores the fact that he got busted, though his ears turn red with shame, and he just decides to head towards the door.

"And- umm- Kyungsoo, I'm sorry," Kris shouts after him.

"What?" Kyungsoo asks as he beelines for the door.

"Hurry," Kris says and Kyungsoo waves him goodbye with a smile.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Baekhyun? Are you there? It's Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo knocks for twenty more times and wonders whether Baekhyun's truly home or did he leave. He was about to just walk away when the door creaks open and a muffled voice calls his name.

"Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo quickly turns to find a red-eyed Baekhyun looking messy, unruly, and more terrible than he has seen him in months.

"What happened to you?"

"Come in," Baekhyun says instead.

"I'm really sorry about the state of my living quarters. I couldn't clean since I wasn't expecting any guests. And though I doubt it could be as clean as you wanted it to be, it could be cleaner," Baekhyun says and he sniffs at the end of his sentence. Baekhyun sits down at the cold wooden floor and he motions for Kyungsoo to follow.

Kyungsoo notes a few stray petals and pieces of mud on Baekhyun's floor. He then notices a few number of beer cans in Baekhyun's living room floor along with a few pieces of galbi and tonkatsu.

"Were you drinking?"

Baekhyun giggles and Kyungsoo notices just how red Baekhyun looks. Kyungsoo was aout to scold Baekhyun for drinking more than he should when he notices the tears running down Baekhyun's face as he's laughing.

"Wha- What's wrong?" He approaches Baekhyun with quick steps. Baekhyun waves him away.

"You shouldn't have come Kyungsoo. You caught me at a bad moment....... And I'm sorry. But I couldn't push you away either. I'm such a bad person," Baekhyun says as his smile starts to tremble and he buries his face in his hands.

"What's wrong Baek?" Kyungsoo asks as he crouches down to Baekhyun's level.

"I don't like Christmas Kyungsoo-yah. I hate it. I hate it so much," Baekhyun says with a sad smile.

"Wh- Wh- Why?"

"See that man over there Kyungsoo? He's the best man out there. He's the best man you could ever meet," Baekhyun says as he points at a picture on the only piece of furniture in Baekhyun's living room, a small drawer. Baekhyun continues, "Is? Was? What should I use Kyungsoo-yah? You're the smarter one here. What should I use to address someone who's dead? Huh?" Baekhyun says with a bitter laugh as more tears spill from his eyes.

Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say and he chooses to just hold the crying Baekhyun in his arms.

"Park Chanyeol, a highschool student, dies on Christmas Day after he loses the war to cancer," Baekhyun recites in a soulless voice.

"Chanyeol would have punched our editor for writing and publishing such an article. You would have liked him, you know? He and Kris were best buddies in elementary. They protected me from bullies until Kris had to move away when we were about to enter middle school. He was talkative like me. And he would always try to look at the bright side of things. He isn't perfect. God knows how imperfect he is. But to me, he was the closest thing to perfect. I love him so much," Baekhyun says as he's reduced to nothing but sobs. Kyungsoo feels his heart constrict at the sight of Baekhyun's frail body shaking and he holds the boy even tighter.