chapter two
When It Snows______________
CHAPTERTWO
______________
by
paizley
Kris frowned as he looked out at the runway, the snow falling underneath the moon’s glow. It’s snowing, he thought as he leant against the pillar. He snorted bitterly at the tug on his heart as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Even after all this time, five months since they parted, he still kept her number.
It was under her nickname now. Day. Just in case, he had thought, changing it after the first time his phone was lost since debut.
A sigh escaped his lips as he stared at the screen. Could he call? He wondered, his long fingers tracing the outline of his phone. No, he tucked his phone back in his pocket, his frown setting deeper. He was too much of a coward to call. Because if he heard her voice, he might never be able to let go again.
His hands balled into fists as his gaze returned to the sky, watching as the white flakes fell in a synchronized dance to the ground. On days like this, he remembers the night they ended. The night when he wished he could have held her in his arms for one moment longer, when he could have kissed her for one minute longer, when he could have told her that he loved her a million times over.
Are you taking care of yourself? He wondered, picturing her in that wool coat, her cheeks tinted red from the cold. Did you get into Seoul University? Did you find a roommate, or are you still in your tiny apartment? He sighed, thinking selfishly, Daheun, you didn’t fall in love with someone else, did you?
“Duizhang?” Lay touched Kris’s shoulder, “They called our flight.”
“Hm?” Kris turned to the shorter man, “Oh.”
After the flight to Beijing, after the last minute practice, after performances on music shows and after a radio program, he was finally in bed. He felt drained, his shoulders tight, his body aching.
“,” he muttered as he massaged his shoulder, glaring at the blonde man on the other bed who was sleeping soundly. If only he too had the ability to fall asleep anywhere. With a heavy sigh his gaze moved to the window, it was even snowing here. He thought as he moved up, rubbing his face. It was past three in the morning now, they had an early call at six yet here he was, unable to sleep.
He sighed again as his thoughts returned to her. Ever since they said goodbye, he had put his all into practicing for the debut. He distracted himself from missing her by exhausting himself every night so all he could do was sleep when he came back to the dorms. And since they’ve debuted, he had put his all into being an idol, a leader. Into each practice, each performance, each radio show, and each television program.
But there were times when he lost track, when he felt like he was standing still, in the centre of the chaos around him. And then there were times in the middle of the night like this, when there were no distractions, the voices of the five other members no longer keeping him from his thoughts.
Times like this when he missed her the most.
Kris turned his head, staring at the drawer in his bedside table, knowing exactly where that letter was.
‘I want you to keep this.’
He closed his eyes, remembering those honey brown eyes, and her sweet voice. ‘To remember me by. And if you want, you can read it when you’re having a hard time'
His hand inched forward, quietly opening his drawer as he pulled out his phone and the envelope. He stared at the sealed envelope, holding his phone over it for light. Could he do it? He asked himself, his finger tracing the back. The letter had been with him since that day, unopened. Countless nights spent staring at the envelope, wondering about what she wrote but never brave enough to read it. He sighed as his finger caught underneath the seal as he slowly began to lift it.
He pulled his hand back when it was unsealed, pinching the centre of his nose. God Kris, you’re in your twenties, don’t cry over a girl. He cursed as he tried to stop those tears that threatened to fall.
Because he should feel like he’s on top of the world right now.
“Damn it,” he muttered as he finally pulled out the letter, the corners of his lip lifting at the sketches of little animals on the backside of the letter. He chuckled as he looked at them closer, a koala, an owl, a rabbit, and a turtle. You’re definitely better at drawing than me, he mused as he moved so his back was against the wall as he sat.
He stared at the paper longer, just read it. He told himself, his hand shaky and unsteady. Just unfold the letter and read it.
Oppa,
I knew you were special from the first day I met you. That tall, handsome man who I dropped my ice-cream on. You were so grumpy that day, that I couldn’t help but want to make you smile. Even if you were sour at first, I warmed up to you, and then fell. Head over heels, so fast, so hard, for you.
You have my heart oppa, I’ve never told you, but you’ve had it since that moment you first smiled.
Since the day we’ve met, you’ve been the person who could make me smile when I was down. The person who made me laugh until I cried and held me when I was sad. You’ve been with me through so much, and I’m so thankful to have met you, my first love.
I knew you’d do amazing things, you’re so talented and charismatic, and handsome, have I mentioned handsome? Kekeke :) but really, you’re the best. And I believe in you. Even if sometimes you don’t, even when sometimes you feel like giving up and that everything is really hard. Even if you feel like it’s not worth it, don’t give up. Because I believe in you. You’re going to be a worldstar oppa, and reach your dreams. And I’ll always be rooting for you, wishing you the best.
So don’t miss me. Because I’ll always be in your heart. Just like you’ll always be in mine.
Wo ai ni.
Je t’aime.
I love you.
Oppa fighting!! <3
Daheun
your number one fan
Kris laughed bitterly as he felt a single tear drip down his cheek. Don’t miss you? He asked himself, how can I not miss you when you write things like this?
“Pabo,” he murmured fondly, those memories rushing back. The first time they hugged, the first time they kissed, the first time she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. The times they met by Han River at night, the times when they explored Seoul and danced in the rain. He missed her. It was impossible not to. She was his better half for so long.
“500 days of Day,” he muttered as he folded the letter and tucked it back in the envelope. He laid down, slipping it underneath his pillow. He missed her, he thought as he closed his eyes. He missed her smile, her laugh, her voice calling out his name.
He pulled the other pillow to his chest, remembering those nights when he slept next to her. When he held her close, his arm wrapped around her small waist, his body curled around hers. How when she slept she would always end up with the blankets tucked to her chin. How when he woke up first, he would spend those precious moments watching her sleep. How her eyelashes fluttered, how her lips were red and parted, chapped from the night before.
‘So don’t miss me.’
He scoffed, that fist on his heart tightening, how could he not miss his first love?
“Daheun-ah!” A tall brunette waved to her friend as she spotted the petite brunette walk into the student lounge. “Over here!”
“Good morning!” Daheun’s smile was bright as she greeted the two girls at the table. “Here are your coffees.” She set the tray onto the table, “Americano for Hana and Latte for Eunji.”
“You’re such a life-saver,” Eunji thanked her as she smelled the coffee. “I’m already so much more awake.”
Daheun giggled as she took a seat next to them. “So how far have you gotten on the project?”
“Not far at all,” Hana admitted sheepishly, pointing to the laptop screen. “Eunji was showing me the new boy group that just debuted. What were they called again?” She asked the older girl, “XO?”
“E-X-O,” Eunji pronounced with a grin, “They’re so handsome.”
Daheun swallowed as she heard that word, EXO. Her shoulders stiffened, isn't that? His... “Uhm… oh….”
“Don’t you think they’re handsome Daheun?” She pressed the spacebar and the video started. Eunji grinned, pointing to the screen. “Look at this guy dance! I mean come on, my heart,” she clutched her hand to her chest. “It’s exploding. They’re so hot!”
Daheun bit her tongue, wondering why her eyes were misting as she watched the music video. He wouldn’t be in this, right? She wondered, scanning the title, EXO-K. He was in M.
Eunji squealed at the dance break, “Just look at those lines! Those movements are so powerful, whoa…”
Daheun felt the corner of her lips lift at the part where one of the boys did a kick. She would recognize those intense dark eyes anywhere. Tao, she thought with a smile, taking a sip of her tea, you’re doing well.
“I think the guy in the centre is the hottest,” Hana leaned forward to touch the screen, “He kind of reminds me of the guy from SHINee.”
“Oohhh, yeah, I can totally see that.”
Daheun tuned out their voices, her concentration set on the video. She swore her heart stopped as she spotted him. It was brief but it was him. He was blonde now, she thought as she bit her lip, holding back those tears that begged to fall. And then he had his own shot, her chest tightened in response, herself finding it hard to breath.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
“So Daheun-ah, who’s your favourite?” Eunji asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
“I… uh,” Daheun cleared as she took a step back. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. “Excuse me, I have to,” she pointed behind her, stumbling over her heels, “Bathroom.”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” Eunji replied absently, turning her attention back to the screen as she selected the next video, “Oohh, there’s an M version.”
“Cool, let’s watch that too.”
Daheun closed her eyes as she walked away, quickly rushing into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, clutching the marble countertop. So they’ve officially debuted, she thought as she felt tears fill her honey brown eyes. She sniffed, dabbing the corners of her eyes with her hand.
Come on Daheun. You knew this day would happen, she told herself, when you would start seeing him everywhere.
She sighed, hanging her head. But she wasn’t ready. Not yet, and probably never. She didn’t know if she would be able to watch his MV without crying. Without feeling her heart squeeze, without thinking about how alone she was now.
Her hand clutched that ring he had given her that hung off the long, gold chain around her neck. I miss you, she thought, so much. I miss the way you made me laugh, the way you could just look at me and make my troubles disappear. I miss you by my side, I miss the long phone calls and the goodnight kisses.
I miss you.
She sighed, pulling out her phone as she looked through her contacts. Oppa, she thought, if I called you, would you answer? Or have you moved on? There’s hundreds of beautiful women around you now, isn’t there? I guess…. I guess I should just be happy to have had you in my life once. And as much as I want to hear your voice once more, I can’t. I won’t be selfish. I promised myself to let you go.
Even if it will break my heart.
She swiped left, that x appearing on the side of his name.
‘Delete contact?’
She felt her heart crush as she tapped on it and deleted his information. A single tear fell down her cheek, she really had let him go now. No more was there a way of contacting him. Now, now they were strangers.
Oppa, she thought, her gaze cast to the floor, isn’t it silly, that I’m still hopelessly in love with you? In love with a man I may never see again? I wish you well, sincerely. But I can’t help but wonder, is it selfish for me to hope that you won’t forget me? Because I think I’ll never forget you.
My first love.
Later that night Daheun stared at her computer screen as she curled her blanket around her. Her mind was torn, the rational part of her telling her to go to bed. It was past midnight now, and she had class early the next morning. She should shut down her computer, she told herself. To sleep, to try and forget him just for the night. But then that other part, that sadistic, hopeless romantic inside of her urged her to press play. To torture herself by watching him.
“I can’t,” she whispered as she closed the laptop and set it away from her on the desk.
She lifted her phone from the small nightstand selected her photos, that irrational part of her mind winning. She typed in her password to that one folder she had called ‘500 Days.’
She laughed lightly as she looked back at the photos, from their first couple selca to their first trip to Lotteworld. She was mesmerized by his dorky smiles and his handsome gaze.
It’s been five months, but I still miss you. She felt her heart squeeze, and I can’t help but wonder, do you even remember me? Do you remember that dorky girl who loved the way you laughed? The girl’s hand you held when her mother passed? The girl who made you cupcakes and cheesy ramen?
“You probably don’t miss me,” she murmured to herself as she turned off her phone, unable to look at the pictures any longer. You probably don’t even remember my name.
She had to move on. To forget about him. If not, her heart might break every time she saw him on TV, in magazines, on ads. Everytime she heard his voice on the radio, heard people around her calling his name.
I have to let you go. To erase such beautiful memories from my heart. To forget your gummy smile and the way my hand fit in yours.
But it’s not that easy.
Maybe one day, I’ll be able to watch you from the sidelines and my heart won’t ache. Maybe one day, I’ll see you again and I won’t be hurt that you don’t recognize who I am. Maybe one day, maybe one day it won't hurt…
twoyearslater
Daheun grinned as she stepped into the airy bedroom, her hands full with a large cardboard box. “So this one’s mine?”
“Yup!” Hana replied as she entered behind the shorter girl. She squealed as she slipped on the floor, the lid of the box in her hands flipping open as it fell onto the floor.
Daheun’s eyes widened as she dropped the box onto the floor and rushed to her friend and new roommate. “Omo, Hana, are you ok?”
“Y-yeah,” she groaned as she stood up, rubbing her bum, “I’m sorry I’m such a klutz.”
Daheun laughed, quickly picking up the contents of the box. “It’s ok, it’s in your nature.”
“Here,” Hana bent down to pick up the photos, “Let me help.” She quickly picked up the polaroids, briefly scanning each one before she paused, inspecting one further. “Hey,” she squinted, “This guy looks familiar.”
Daheun froze as she spotted the photo in her hands. It was of her and him, his arm around her waist, her head resting against his broad shoulder. “Uh… he does?” Think fast Daheun, think fast! “He uh… he went to your high school. Maybe you knew him through that?”
“Oh! Yeah, maybe,” Hana smiled as she placed the photos in the box, “So was he your boyfriend?” She teased the other girl, poking her side.
Daheun smiled uncomfortably, “Y-yeah…”
“Oh,” Hana frowned, sensing the other girl’s mood, “Did it end badly?”
“Um, no.” Daheun bit her lip, thinking carefully. “He… he moved away.”
“Oh,” Hana continued, “So this is why you’ve been single since I’ve met you? Because he was the one?”
Daheun laughed, “It’s not like that. It’s… we’re in school now and…”
“He was the one.” Hana affirmed, tucking the photos back in the box. She smiled at her friend, “Don’t worry Day, I’ve got a good feeling about you two. A couple that looks that cute together ends up together in the end.”
Daheun giggled, I doubt I’ll ever see him again. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m not! So what if I’m a hopeless romantic. I bet he misses you too.”
Daheun bit the inside of her cheek, “Yeah… maybe.” She held the box to her chest, “Hey, let’s go get some BBQ afterwards? I’m starving from all this moving.”
“Yes!” Hana high-fived her, “I’ve got my parent’s credit card still so we can go all out.”
becausemaybeshewasright
Daheun hummed to herself as she pocketed the car keys in her jacket, walking out of the underground car park towards the airport gates. Five fifteen in the morning, she thought with a yawn, the things I do for you Hana.
She checked her bag for the sign Hana had made as she walked to the arrival gates, quickly scanning the tv screens for their flight. Just landed, she thought with a grin, perfect.
“Oh my god!” A large group of girls bumped into her as they ran towards the gates, their make up fully done, their hair impeccable. “It’s them! It’s them!”
“Excuse you,” Daheun muttered to herself as she rubbed her now aching elbow, kids these days. She thought absently as she moved to stand behind the railings, waiting for Hana’s parents to arrive from their trip to Beijing. Quickly more and more people arrived, the excitement palpable in the air.
What’s going on? She wondered as she pulled out the sign, standing next to an elderly couple who looked equally as confused as her.
“Who are you waiting for?” The older man asked her.
“Oh,” she smiled towards them, “My roommate’s parents. They’re coming from Beijing, and you?”
“Our granddaughter, it’s the first time she’s come to Seoul by herself.”
“Oh,” Daheun smiled, “That’s exciting!”
“They’re coming! They’re coming!” She was interrupted as squeals erupted as people began to walk through the glass doors.
The crowd waiting outside had grown exponentially, filled with girls her age and younger, holding signs, letters, and presents. Her brown eyes scanned the signs, Xiumin Oppa <3, TAO!!!!, Chen - Saranghae!!!, <3 Luhan <3 <3 <3 Lay will you marry me? Her heart stopped as she read the sign directly across from her, KRIS <3.
“EXO?” She asked herself, her gaze moving back to the glass doors. There were screams as the boys walked through, lead by a manager in front and in the back, flanked by him. Her breath hitched as she caught sight of him, her hold on the sign faltering as it fell to the floor.
You’re even more handsome, she thought as she took a step back, tempted to run. To him or away? She asked herself, goosebumps appearing on her arms. She couldn’t help but admire his tall, lean form. His dark brown hair was styled back, hidden under a black snapback. He wore a black leather biker jacket overtop a navy blue sweater and dark wash jeans that fit perfectly against his long legs.
Isn’t it crazy, she thought, her gaze moving to the floor, that once upon a time, I knew him? She bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears that almost fell. That once upon a time, I could have run into his arms and told him that I loved him? That once upon a time, he held my hand and gave me goodbye kisses?
It’s like that was all a dream.
“Oh,” she laughed at herself as she felt a tear run down her cheeks. “Why are you crying?” She murmured to herself, her head lifting up as she heard her name being called.
“Daheun-ah!”
Kris’s head turned as he heard someone call out that name. It couldn’t be, he thought as he found an older woman who was nosily calling for that girl. “Daheun-ah!” She scooped a young woman into her arms, “Oh Daheun-ah! Look at you! Aigoo, why are you so pretty this early in the morning? You’re still so skinny, have you been eating the kimchi I left with Hana?”
“Auntie,” the young woman blushed as the older woman released her, her face visible.
He froze, it’s her. He shook his head, still uncertain. Was his mind playing tricks? He wondered as his eyes quickly scanned the woman, her petite form clad in a floral print cardigan and black leggings. But those brown eyes, he’d know them anywhere. Those same brown eyes that have haunted his dreams for years.
“Kris,” Chen pulled the older man’s arm, “Stop spacing out.”
“Wh-what,” Kris stumbled forward, holding onto the shorter man’s forearm. He looked back at her, wanting to call out her name. Wanting to hear her voice, see her smile. It’s been two years, he cursed. Just once more, he thought, looking around at the crowd who was shouting their names. it.
“Day!” He shouted as he looked behind him, her head snapping up, their gaze meeting for a brief moment.
Daheun felt her heart constrict as their gaze met. Did he just call my name? She wondered as she looked into those dark eyes, unknowing what to do. It's him. Oppa, she thought, you’ve done so well. She didn’t realize it, but her hands moved on their own accord to form a heart against her chest.
Just like she used to when they said goodbye.
Kris grinned as he spotted her hands, allowing himself to be pulled forward. I’ll see you again, Daheun-ah. He thought as he moved through the crowd of fans.
xoxo
paizley
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