when it snows - chapter one

 

by

paizley

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Inspired by a recent snowstorm… it’s supposed to be spring… T.T

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I’ll always remember… I’ll never forget, how you took my breath away, the first time we met. No matter what happens… no matter what we do, I’ll always remember the first time I saw you. - Unknown

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Kris could not help but smile as he remembered the day they met. She had stumbled into him one night after a long practice. He had been a sweaty mess that evening, his hair tied back in a messy bun, his face covered with a sheen of sweat. It had been sweltering hot that day, and the broken AC in the practice room did not help alleviate the heat. He felt irritable and moody, critiques from trainers about his lack of progress nearly pushing him over the edge. 

 

But then there she was, a breath of fresh air, with an ice cream cone in her hand and a bright smile on her face that fell as soon as she stumbled into him. 

 

“Oh my gosh,” she had looked at him in utter horror, her ice cream smeared across his shirt. She was frozen as she stared at the white streak. “I… I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry,” she bowed her head repeatedly, “I… oh my gosh. What can I do?” She whimpered as she searched her purse for tissues. “I only have a receipt,” she pitifully held up the paper, “Maybe you can scrape off some of it with this?” 

 

He sighed, another thing to add to a bad day. “It’s fine,” he grumbled, flicking the cold cream off of his shirt. 

 

“No, no really, it’s not.” She touched his arm and he had sworn there had been a spark where her soft hands touched his skin. “I… I know! Let me at least buy you a new shirt to wear,” she gestured around them, “It is a night market afterall.” 

 

He shook his head, sighing, “It’s fine.” 

 

“No,” she pleaded softly, “Please, let me make it up for you.”

 

“I,” he should have said no. He was tired and all he wanted to do was grab some food before he went back to the dorms. But that look on her face, those honey brown eyes… “Fine.” 

 

“Really?” She smiled, clapping her hands. “Great!” She pointed to the nearby stall, “There are shirts over there for really good prices,” she glanced at his shirt, “Not that your clothes are cheap or anything. I didn’t mean it like that,” she stammered, “I… I’m still a high school student so I don’t have that much money and I…” 

 

He snorted as he walked with her, she doesn’t stop talking, does she. He looked at her through the corner of his eyes, taking in her yellow dress that fell mid-thigh and the blue purse strapped across her body. She was shorter than him, reaching his collarbone. Her hair was long and midnight black. She was… cute. 

 

He sighed again. He probably should have been more pissed, considering he was walking through the market with an ice-cream stain on his shirt, but he couldn’t help but be lulled by her voice. 

 

It was enchanting.

 

He watched as she moved over to the stall, “Annyeong-hasimnikka.” Her voice was soft as she greeted the attendant, her movements graceful and fluid as she bowed. She was like a ballerina, the way she danced when she moved. 

 

“Do you think this would fit you?” She asked as she held up a grey t-shirt with a pocket to his chest. “Oh, no,” she laughed at herself, “You’re really tall. This definitely wouldn’t fit.” 

 

He scanned the wall, “The black one.” He pointed to the navy t-shirt with a black logo on the front. Well, he might as well get a nice shirt. 

 

“Oh, perfect, it’s a large,” she checked the tag, “That’d fit you for sure, right?” 

 

“Yeah,” he pointed to the small change room, “I’ll be back.”

 

“Neh,” she bowed her head, waiting patiently as he changed. She bit her lip as he stepped out, her taking the moment to inspect him. His hair was long and black, and dark circles were visible under his eyes. Maybe he’s stressed out about school too, she mused, toying with the strap of her purse. He was tall, much taller than her, with an athletic build. And quite handsome, she thought as her cheeks tinted pink. How had she not noticed that before? “It uh… looks good.” 

 

“Hm,” he held his other shirt in his hand as he glanced at himself in the mirror, “Yeah, it’ll do.” 

 

“Perfect,” she pulled out her wallet and paid for it, them exiting the stall and walking together through the market in silence. 

 

“Er…” she glanced shyly in his direction, what do I say now? “I’m Park Daheun, by the way,” she smiled as she bowed low, “Second grade high school student.” 

 

“Wu Yifan,” he bowed in return, “Trainee.” 

 

“Oh,” she furrowed her brows, “You mean idol training?” 

 

He nodded slowly, taking in her expression, “You don’t look impressed.” 

 

She laughed, “No, it’s not like that. My best friend’s brother is a trainee at YG, it seems… really hard. A lot of uncertainty, isn’t it?” 

 

He smiled bitterly, “Yeah, it’s tough.”

 

She smiled back weakly, “It’ll be worth it though, won’t it? When you’re famous and topping charts?” 

 

He chuckled, tucking one hand in his pocket, “Yeah,” he affirmed with a nod, “It’ll be worth it then.” 

 

“You have a bit of an accent,” she pointed out, “Not that your Korean is bad or anything, you’re pretty good. Unless you have a speech impediment then I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. That’s really rude of me, isn’t it?” She closed her eyes, oh god Daheun, why did you just word vomit? He doesn’t make you nervous, just, just imagine that he’s not that handsome. 

 

He grinned, his gummy smile melting her heart, “It’s ok, I’m from China.” 

 

“Oh,” she grinned, “I took a Chinese course last summer,” she tapped her chin. “Ni you yi ge mei li de wei xiao.” 

 

He burst out into laughter, “What? Do you know what you just said?” 

 

“I… that your smile is handsome?” 

 

He looked at her, astonished. “Yeah,” he ran his hand through his hair, “I guess… I just wasn’t expecting that. You know, most people go for hi or nice to meet you.” 

 

She giggled, “We’ll I guess I’m not most people.” 

 

He nodded, his gaze fixed on her enchanting form, no, you’re definitely not. 

 

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“sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” - melissa marr 

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“If any of you have relationships, end them.” 

 

Kris felt his heart sink into his chest at those words. End them, he thought, his fists clenching tight. He looked at the eleven other faces around the table, wondering which other members would have their heart broken tonight. 

 

End them. 

 

.

 

After the meeting Kris lingered in his seat, the others having left the minute it ended. He had seen the looks on a few of their faces as they left, the pain they hid beneath a calm facade. The same facade he held throughout the rest of the meeting. 

 

He pulled out his phone and searched through his contacts for that one name. 

 

Park Daheun. 

 

He read through their texts, reminiscing. He had gone back to the very beginning, to that first text he had sent to her. That night, it had taken him only three minutes within receiving her number to text her. He had sent it as soon as they parted. 

 

‘I owe you an ice-cream.’

 

He cursed, his fist clenched around his phone. He knew this day would come since he had been cast. Their end. His thumb pressed her icon, lifting the phone to his ear as he waited for her to answer.

 

“Oppa!” Her voice was bright as she answered, “Happy 500 days!” 

 

“I,” he was at a loss for words. “H-happy 500 days,” he replied, that hand clenched around his heart tightening. 

 

500 days. 

 

“Oppa?” She sounded concerned, “Are you ok? Did you have a rough practice tonight?” 

 

“I,” he rubbed his face with his hand, “No. Just… Daheun, can I see you tonight?” 

 

“Of course,” he swore he could hear her smile. He could imagine it all too well too. How her eyes sparkled and how her cheeks lifted when she smiled. “That park bench by the Han River looks lovely at night. Plus, I have to give you your present.” 

 

“Right.” 

 

He felt like , he felt utterly and completely like . 

 

“Oppa? Is 8:00 ok?”

 

“Yeah, 8:00,” he looked down at the table.

 

“Ok.” She paused, hesitant to continue, “I love you.” 

 

He didn’t reply, couldn’t reply. He cursed himself as she hung up. 

 

With a heavy heart he walked out of the room, stopping as he found Tao waiting in the hallway. 

 

“Hey,” Tao gave him a consoling smile as he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against, “I thought you might need to talk.” 

 

Kris nodded, moving towards him, “Thanks.” 

 

Tao gave him a hug, “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Me too,” he cursed as they parted. “, I hate this.” He muttered, frustrated. “I hate this so much.” He glanced at the younger boy, “She’s been there for me through so much, and when I make it, I’m the one who ends it? It’s not fair, especially for her.” He pulled out the small red box he had kept in his pocket, “And you know what’s the ing best part? It’s our 500th day.” 

 

“That ring?” Tao murmured, remembering his last shopping trip with Kris to a jewellery store. It was a sterling silver ring that looked like a twig, with a black stone in the centre. He had saved up for months to buy it. 

 

“Yeah, happy ing 500 days. Let’s break up.” He scoffed, shoving the velvet box back in his pocket, “She’s going to hate me.”

 

Tao frowned, “I think we both know Daheun enough to know that she won’t.” 

 

Maybe she wouldn’t hate me, thought Kris as he stepped out of the building. He made his way to the river, but I’ll hate myself for ending it. 

 

His boots crunched against the new layer of snow as he walked along the path, finding his way to that bench they sat on for their first date. His thoughts were filled of her. And dread filled his every pore. 

 

He couldn’t say goodbye. 

 

“Oppa,” she smiled as she spotted him. She stood up from the bench, dressed in her bright red coat and black skinny jeans, her head covered with his black beanie he had lent her last winter. 

 

“Daheun,” he murmured, his steps towards her moving quickly as he embraced her. He wrapped his arms around her petite form, his lips pressing to the top of her head. 

 

I missed you. 

 

“Oppa,” she giggled, “You’re squeezing me too tight.” She tickled his sides, “Come on you giant!” 

 

He chuckled as he relaxed his hold on her, “Sorry.” 

 

“It’s ok,” she leaned up and kissed his cheek, “Happy 500 days.” 

 

It’s like that meeting didn’t happen, he thought, his stresses, his worries disappearing by just being in her presence. He grinned at the feel of her soft lips on his cheek. “I think you can do better than that,” he tapped his own lips teasingly. 

 

She blushed, biting her bottom lip abashedly, “Ani… that’s the best I can do.” 

 

“Really?” He sighed exaggeratedly, tilting his head, “I’m disappointed.” 

 

She pouted, “Your expectations are too high Mr. Yifan.” 

 

He smirked and stole a quick kiss. “I can’t help it when you look at me like that,” he explained, tugging down the beanie to cover her forehead.

 

She snorted, “You’re extra mushy today,” she teased, taking his hand as she led them back to the bench. “Ok,” she grinned, “Cover your eyes,” she told him, “I have to give you your present.” 

 

“Ah,” he closed his eyes, “Is it big?” He asked, his eyes opening as soon as he felt something on his lap. He looked at the bag, “What is this?” 

 

She shrugged, “Dunno, why don’t you open it.”

 

He grinned as he moved the tissue paper and lifted a black shoebox from the bag. He set the bag aside and lifted the top of the shoebox, revealing the black leather vintage high-top sneakers. “No way.” He muttered in disbelief, eyeing the gift. 

 

She nodded, beaming, “You like it?” 

 

“Love it,” he grinned, inspecting the shoe, “It’s gorgeous. You’re gorgeous,” he leaned over and stole another kiss, “God… you’re amazing. Thank you.” 

 

She laughed, “Keep the compliments coming.” 

 

He chuckled and set it back in the box, taking his hands to cup her cheeks as he brought his lips to hers once again. “I love you. You’re smart, you’re charming, you’re so pretty and kind.” I can’t say goodbye, he thought, his chest tight. Not to her. 

 

She grinned at his words, “I love you too.” She murmured, her eyes misting. Why was he so mushy today? She wondered as he took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. 

 

“I have a present for you too,” he told her as he pulled out the red box and placed it in her hand.

 

Her eyes widened as she opened the box, revealing the ring. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered, her finger grazing over the sterling silver. “But oppa, you shouldn’t have.” 

 

“Wae?” He teased, “You think I’ll just take all the presents and give you nothing?” 

 

She shook her head, “Ani, I just… it must have been expensive.” 

 

“It’s ok, if it’s for you, I’ll eat egg bread for the next three months.” 

 

Her smile fell, “Ne! Oppa! Return it!” 

 

He laughed, his gummy smile melting her heart. “I was kidding. I saved up and bought it. And it wasn’t that much.” He took the band and placed it on her ring finger, “There, perfect fit.” 

 

She quirked her lips as she looked at her hand, “You’ve never bought me jewellery before,” she murmured. “Thank you.” She was touched, “I love it, really. I’ll wear it forever.” 

 

“You’re welcome,” he sighed as he pushed her long hair behind her ear. Those two words ringing in his mind, end it. “You’re beautiful, you know?” 

 

“Am I?” She laughed softly, “You’re even more handsome.” She tapped his nose with her index finger, “Why are you so weird today?” 

 

“I,” he couldn’t, not now. Not today. “We uh… I had a long day.” He murmured, his fingers lingering on her rose-tinted cheeks. 

 

“Oh, here,” she rubbed her mitten clad hands together and held them to his cheeks. “It’s cold and you’re not wearing a hat,” she explained. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

 

He chuckled, looking fondly at the younger girl, “You’re always taking care of me, aren’t you?”

 

“Of course!” She grinned, taking his bare hands in hers. “Who else is going to take care of my 6 ft. 2 baby?” 

 

He smirked and shifted closer so their legs touched. “Lean on me,” he told her, smiling as she curled into him, the side of her head resting on his broad shoulder. 

 

“Oppa,” she played with his hands. “It’s really pretty tonight, isn’t it? The first snowfall by the Han River.” She grinned up at him, those honey brown eyes lit up with excitement. “It makes all my stress melt alway.” 

 

“Stress?” He asked, his arm wrapped around her small waist, “For your interviews?” 

 

“Neh,” she let out a breath, “I’ve practiced so much that I think I’ll be ok. Maybe at least I’ll get into a lower tier university.”

 

“No,” he grinned, “You’ll get into Seoul University. My girl’s a genius.” 

 

She giggled, “Thanks.” She started to chat about her week, it had been three days since they’ve last seen each other in person. “How about you?” She asked, looking towards her handsome boyfriend. He was looking at the river, his gaze hard, his mind distracted by his thoughts. Are you ok? She wondered, “Oppa?” She called him again, trying to grab his attention but he remained impassive.   

 

“Oppa,” she shifted to face him, taking off her gloves to touch her fingers to his cheeks. “You’re not here. What’s wrong?” Her voice was soft, calming. 

 

He closed his eyes at her touch, his chest tight. He didn’t want to let her go. It was selfish, so ing selfish, but he wanted one more day. “Nothing,” he struggled to answer, “Just… I’m tired.”

 

She pursed her lips, “Oppa, I’ve known you for 500 days, I know when you’re lying.” She tapped his Adam’s apple, “Your voice goes up and you don’t look me in the eyes.” 

 

He snorted, “Am I that obvious?”

 

Her head bobbed up and down, “Neh, so… what’s wrong?” 

 

What’s wrong? He sighed, he couldn’t lie to her. Not to Daheun. “It’s official.” He started, hating the situation. “We had the meeting today,” he murmured, sorrow filling his dark gaze. “We debut in the spring, and I start training now with the group.” He winced as he remembered the meeting. 

 

If any of you have relationships, end them. They’re nothing but distractions. Your goal is to debut, not to keep your girlfriends. Understood? 

 

Her eyes widened as he spoke, tightening at his words. “You…” He’s debuting, she thought, her heart constricting. She should be happy, she thought, so why did she feel like a part of her was dying inside? “That’s…” she glanced down their entangled hands, “Congratulations.” She smiled, her eyes watering as she whispered, “I’m so proud of you oppa.” 

 

Don’t cry, she told herself, don’t cry, don’t cry. 

 

He looked into those brown eyes and cursed. Tears had filled her honey brown gaze. 

 

When he had promised he would never make her cry. 

 

“… Daheun,” he placed a firm kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her petite form. “I…” He couldn’t find himself able to speak, I don’t want to say goodbye. 

 

She was silent as her arms embraced him, snuggling her nose in the base of his neck, memorizing his smell. Laundry and deodorant, with a hint of spice that was him. She closed her eyes as she remembered their time together; when he had spoiled her with flowers and dinner for her 18th birthday. When he had danced with her in the moonlight one spring night. When he had held her hand at her mother’s funeral. He had been her rock for so long. 

 

Daheun whimpered, wiping those stubborn tears away, “Oppa… this… this is the end, isn’t it?”

 

His own eyes were watering as he answered, “I… the company,” he looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “They told us today to end our relationships.” 

 

She nodded, wiping her eyes with her gloves. “I see,” she whispered, the end, she thought. She knew this day would come. And as much as she wanted to keep him in her life, she couldn’t. She couldn’t be selfish, not when this was his dream.  

 

“I don’t want this to end.” He told her firmly, his hands finding hers, “I… I love you.” He fidgeted with the gloves, “You’re…” my happiness.  

 

She looked to the river, remembering their first kiss on this very bench. How nervous she had been in that very moment, how her fingers had trembled, how her stomach had flip-flopped as he moved towards her until their lips touched. 

 

My first kiss. 

 

My first love. 

 

Her gaze moved to the snow covered path. “If I told you that I didn’t love you,” she asked him softly, not daring to meet his gaze, “Do you think this would be easier to end?” 

 

He snorted at her question, his fingers now toying with the ends of her hair. “I know you love me.” He murmured, she had told him almost everyday since they confessed to each other. “It doesn’t make it easier.” 

 

She smiled bitterly. “That’s ok.” She glanced towards him, “I’m not very good at lying anyways.” 

 

He agreed, “Mm.” His thumb grazed her chin as he cupped her cheeks, bringing her close for one more kiss. Our last, he thought, his lips gentle against hers. Tender, savouring her scent, her taste. I love you. 

 

Daheun was crying when his lips left hers. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, her eyes closed as she struggled to stop her tears from running down her porcelain cheeks. “I shouldn’t cry because… because I’m so happy for you,” her voice broke. “I’m really, really proud of you.” She covered her face with her hands, “I just… I’ll miss you.” 

 

I’ll miss your smiles. Your laugh. Your terrible corny jokes. I’ll miss the way you call my name. The way you sing to me on the phone in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. The way your hand holds mine. 

 

Her first love.

 

She moved up from the bench, wiping her eyes as she tried to stop crying. I can’t be selfish, she told herself, urging herself to stay strong. Urging herself to resist from holding him close and asking him to stay. Because I love him, I can let him go. 

 

He felt numb as he stood up with her. “Daheun,” his hand reached for hers, gently pulling on her to turn her body to face his. “We can…”

 

She shook her head, “It’s your dream oppa, you can’t risk it to keep secrets.”

 

He nodded, looking to the river, “Daheun... I’m sorry.” 

 

“Wae?” She tried to smile for him, “There’s nothing to be sorry for. This is your dream. I’m so happy for you.” A bitter laugh escaped as the tears continued to fall, “Really. I’m crying because… I’ll miss you. But you know what? When I do, I’m going to listen to your CDs and watch you on TV because you’re going to be famous.” 

 

He cursed as his own tears dripped down onto his cheek. “Daheun,” his voice broke, “What am I going to do without you?” His rock. His solace, his ray of sunshine in his stressful life. , he loved her. “I mean,” he brought her back into his embrace, “Who’s going to cook me burnt ramen and call me in the middle of the night to kill cockroaches?” 

 

She laughed at the memories, her hands resting on his broad chest. Your hugs, she thought, I think I’ll miss those the most. “Maybe Tao will have to take care of you now.” 

 

“It won’t be the same,” he murmured, one hand resting on the small of her back, the other caressing her soft cheeks that were red from the cold. “Because I don’t want to kiss Tao.” 

 

She giggled, “He probably doesn’t want to kiss you either.” 

 

The corners of his lips lifted at the sound of her laugh. His weaknesses, he thought, her laugh. Her eye smile. The way she looks only at me. “I’ll miss you.” He murmured, already longing for one more smile. One more hug. One more kiss. 

 

“What will you do,” she asked softly as she toyed with the zipper of his winter jacket. “When you miss me?” 

 

Will you miss me? 

 

He laid his chin on the top of her head as they embraced, “When I miss you, I’ll read our messages, and that letter you wrote me for our 300th day. And whenever I eat ice-cream, I’ll think of that day we first met. I don’t think there will ever be a day when I won’t. When I miss you, I’ll probably cry…” his lips quirked at the thought, “I think you’re the only girl that can make me cry. And then… then I’ll dream, and wish you were next to me.”

 

He heard her soft sniffles and he began to rub her back, trying to soothe her. “Daheun, I don’t us to end.” He cursed as he looked to the stars, “I don’t… I don’t know if I can just walk away.” 

 

Me neither, she thought as she took a step back, but I have to. “Oppa,” she murmured as she struggled to stop her tears. “You’re going to be so amazing.” She tucked her hair behind her ears, “I’m so proud of you, that you’ve reached your dream. And…” 

 

I won’t stand in the way of your dream.

 

She stepped towards the bench and lifted her purse, pulling out a pink envelope she had kept with her since she had heard the rumours of a new boy group being formed. “I… I want you to keep this. To remember me by. And if you want, you can read it when you’re having a hard time.”

 

He looked at the envelope, his fingers tracing over her handwriting. They stood in front of each other, unable to move. Unable to walk away. “I don’t want to say goodbye,” he murmured finally.  

 

“It’s not goodbye,” she smiled, those honey brown eyes watering as she looked at him. She kissed his cheek, one last time. “It’s a see you later.”

 

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Daheun felt numb as she walked into her small studio apartment, her gaze falling to the framed photos on her bedside table. The tears fell as she lifted the first frame. It was a photo of him giving her a piggyback ride. It had been at her birthday party, and her mother had taken the photo. 

 

Before she got sick, Daheun thought as she sunk onto her small twin-sized bed. 

 

She felt like her heart was being squeezed, the pain feeling so real. So this is heart break, she thought as she cried, this is what truly being alone feels like. 

 

After her mother had died, he had been there for her. Staying with her when she feeling lonely, being with her when she wanted to cry. 

 

Her rock. 

 

And now, now he was gone. He would become a famous idol and become the dream guy of millions of women across Asia. Because who wouldn’t love that gummy smile, his deep voice, and his laugh? 

 

His hugs, his kisses. 

 

She set the photo down and looked over the rest. The photo strip from the arcade, a photo of their first couple outfit, a photo of him giving her a kiss on the cheek. She whimpered as she looked at her hand, lifting the ring from her finger. Could she even wear this? She wondered as she toyed with the silver band, and not cry? And not break down and miss him? 

 

If she had known this was their last day, she would have kissed him harder. Hugged him more. But now she couldn’t. He was gone and here she was in her tiny apartment, alone.   

 

Will you forget me? 

 

She wondered as she hugged a pillow to her chest, her eyes dull as she turned to face the wall, unable to look at those photos. Those memories.

 

When you’re famous and surrounded by beautiful people, will you remember that clumsy girl who got ice-cream on your t-shirt? Will you remember how she smiles and how she melts when you sing? When you’re famous, performing on stages in front of thousands of fans, will you remember our first kiss? Our first hug? That time when you gave me this ring? And when you’re with another girl, will you even remember my name? 

 

It hurt, the pain in her heart. That aching, raw feeling of being alone. And all she wanted in this moment was to be with him. To be in his arms. To hear his heartbeat lull her to sleep.

 

 It was so selfish of her to wish she could hold onto him, to wish he would stay with her. But you did the right thing. She told herself, letting him go. 

 

Oppa, she thought as she closed her eyes, ignoring that ache in her chest. Ignoring the tears that ran down her porcelain cheeks, I wish you the best. I hope you become a successful idol and live your dreams. And I’ll always cheer you on. I’ll miss you. And I hope one day, I’ll be able to see you again. To give you one more hug. To congratulate you when you’ve made it. 

 

I love you.

 

Oppa, fighting. 

 

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