The morning sunshine greeted my face as I lay peacefully on my bed. Seeing a couple of books all around my bed, I presumed that I read myself to sleep again - like I always would. It's funny how the birds and the "oh-so-normal-human-beings" would start their day with a smile, unlike me who starts a day with a frown. Oh great. It was one of those ordinary days again that my heart and soul sank in the depths of my body. No, it wasn't because of stress; and no, it wasn't because of love. It's because too much grief and despair had accumulated my body and I couldn't take it anymore.

How long has it been since I last felt alive? How long has it been since I last got a nice peaceful sleep? How long has it been since I last smiled? Oh yeah. Before that ty major accident occurred causing my career and ambition to shatter. The career that I yearned for God knows how long was ruined by an accident. Somehow, I decline to believe that it was an accident. I guess it was a way of the Gods of saying that I don't even deserve being a famous violinist. Even if I were to spread these hands of mine, it won't reach my dream again. Even the stars in the night sky, after billons of light years; beyond the darkness, my dreams were still shining yet still unreachable.

I refuse to believe that I'm lucky for surviving that gruesome accident that took away the lives of my grandparents. I refuse to believe that my right hand is badly injured. I refuse to believe that I couldn't play violin anymore. I refuse to believe everything. After all, I couldn't trust something or someone in this rotten chaotic world of us. Conspiracy will always happen and anyone could be prey of that phenomenon. But, my grandparents are dead and I was the only one alive in that accident. My right hand was badly injured and couldn't play violin anymore. Playing violin is synonyms with bringing up the rear of my career and death.

"I wish to die..."

I unconsciously uttered those words as I sat up in my bead and hugged my knees. I know girls like me shouldn't be crying over some injured hand and a ruined career. Call me pathetic or what but, my career is everything to me. I don't care if I have no social interactions or love life, as long as I play my violin, everything would be alright. But how the hell could I play the violin with an injured hand? Should I instead take up a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration, inherit Dad's company and forget that I was once soul united with a music instrument called violin? Like hell it would be easy to forget everything, those bitter-sweet memories.

"Stephi?"

The door of my room opened and revealed a familiar figure holding a tray with breakfast on it. My sister pouted when she saw the dinner she brought last night untouched. Ever since I lost the capability of playing the violin, I lost all the will and the motivation to live in this world. I would eat if I only feel like it. I would go out from my room if I only feel like it. I would do things if I only feel like it. Spacing out was also been a convention of mine in which I'm currently doing right now that made my sister very worried about me.

“Hi Mich” I gave her a short response without even smiling. She pouted again and sat by me in the bed. It stayed quite for some time until she broke the ice. She said that I should eat frequently since I will get sick if I didn’t. As expected from a doctor slash dietician, always concerned on the health of our family. I don’t need it though, because as much as possible, I want to perish from this frenzied world.

“Stephi, quit being a hard-headed person and try to listen to us for once…” My sister suddenly snapped out of nowhere startling the out of me. I understand that she is just concerned about my over-all being but, this is way too much. The person I believe to understand me the most is turning her back against me. As I though, I couldn’t really trust people anymore. They are all scumbag who can’t even understand someone like me.  

“You don’t understand Mich… You don’t understand…” I muttered with quite frightful face. Frightful on what will she say to me as a comeback. But, I really don’t care a single thing now. Humans aren’t worthy enough for my trust and couldn’t understand any situation.

This time for sure, I’m fed up with this life.

"It's been a year Stephanie! Get over with it!"

"I will not get over with it! Not with my career ruined!" For the first time in my life, I talked back to my own sister. I exploded to my own sister that took great care of me when Mom died. If I was shocked on what just happened, she was the same as me and it was evident with her eyes wide open and jaw dropped. Since I was ashamed of what I just did, I quickly ran out of my room and sooner later, our house. I ran into our house with tears on my eyes. So much tears indeed. I let my foot took me somewhere I could find my peace of mind. As long as I calm the freak out, I don’t mind where I head to.

Magically, I ended up in the rooftop of an old abandoned building. Is this I sign that I should end my life and go somewhere where pain, despair and grief don’t exist? Yeah. That’s the only explanation I could think of. The Gods are really cruel towards me aren’t they? Cornering me to the point of no return as I stood on the edge of this rooftop, they’re really cruel for that but not as cruel as the human beings, a thing that they call saviors of the world.

“Like hell someone would stop me here…” I muttered whilst crying hard

I was ready to jump of this building and end my life when I heard a woman’s voice. I was so sure that I was hallucinating. I mean, I went to an abandoned building where no humans inhabited it. My contemplation ended when I felt a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. She pulled me with such force that it hurts a little. She took me in her arms, put my head in her chest and said....

"Don't end your life just yet. It's unfair for us people whose days are numbered"

And that was the last thing I heard before my vision became all white and my body grew weak.