Yesterday my father left for a short business trip, and isn't supposed to come back back until tomorrow night. Conveniently for me, today is the day of my cousin Minji’s wedding. He has no clue about it because she’s on my mom's side of the family, and he doesn't involve himself with them.

Today was the first day in a while where I could finally dress the way I want to. I took off my glasses and ventured off into the back of my closet where I stashed all my normal clothes. My father didn't notice it because it was behind a poster I had against the wall in my closet.

Why do I have to hide the clothes I prefer to wear behind a poster in my closet is a thing some people may ask. The answer annoys me. When I was fifteen, my parents divorced and my father gained custody of me, while my mom gained custody of my twin sister, Sunmi.

After the divorce, my dad decided that people were not to be trusted and became convinced that one day someone was going to come and take me away from him and once I left, I’d be gone for good just like my mom. His solution to this was forcing me to wear huge clothes, and a pair of glasses (I didn’t require) that covered about half of my face. On top of that, my hair always had to look like a rat’s nest. He wanted people to avoid getting close to me and it definitely worked.

That’s why on select few occasions like these, I get totally giddy and spend forever trying to look nice. I grabbed a dress, heels, and some other accessories from the little space and headed into the bathroom to get ready. 

Once I’d finally finished I looked at myself in the mirror. I had on a navy blue dress that reached mid-thigh. It was supposed to rest a little above my knee originally, but I bought this dress when I was fourteen. I grew quite a bit before I’d gotten out of high school. I now stand at 180cm, which is much too tall for my liking.

I have really long legs as well, which is what makes the dress so short. I decided to swap the heels for red ballet flats, because even though they weren’t high, I still looked like a freaking giant and I want to minimize that effect as much as possible. I pinned my bangs back and put a thin red headband in my hair, leaving the rest of it down and flowing past my shoulders. It was such a nice change from wearing my bangs in my face with my trademark messy pigtail braids.

 I kept my outfit simple because I don’t have anything nicer that still fits. I did a quick round check to make sure I had everything, grabbed my clutch, put on my sunglasses and skipped down the stairs and out of the house. As I walked down the street I got a lot of looks from male passersby and it was freaking me the hell out. Normally people don’t even so much as glance in my direction, and when they do, it's usually to laugh. 

Finally I reached the bus stop at the end of my much too long street, and the bus came not long after. The wedding's being held in a park on the other side of Seoul so this ride is going to be a long one.

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"Oh my gosh, Sunyee! You actually came, I'm so happy! I can't believe you managed to get out of the house and you're wearing nice clothes, too! Wow, look how tall you are now. Taller than my husband! Husband, wow that’s really fun to say. Oh my-" 

"Unnie. Breathe, please. That man is on a business trip so I was easily able to dress up like this and leave the house, but either way I would have showed up. I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world." I told her, she smiled like crazy. The wedding ended a while ago but she didn't notice I was there until the reception started. Despite her hyperactive nature, Minji is still my favorite out of all my cousins.

"That's great! I have a surprise for you, follow me." I nodded and did as I was told, curiously following behind her and I felt my jaw drop as I saw the two people I thought I never would again coming into view. She pointed them out and without hesitation I ran over.

"Umma!! Sunmi! You guys are here?! I can't believe this!" I yelled, hugging them both tightly.

"Oh my...Sunyee, my baby girl! I missed you so much!" My mom exclaimed, I smiled and could tell I was about to tear up. Sunmi and mom were teary-eyed as well and soon enough we were a pitiful trio of crying messes.

"Unnie, I missed you! I hate that stupid man for not letting you live with us. I didn't want to go to America without you," Sunmi said, sniffling. She calls me ‘unnie’ as a joke because I was born first. "You didn't do anything wrong Sunmi, it’s okay."

I don't care how bad it may seem that I don't resent my mom and sister for moving to America. My father progressively came to lose himself in the couple of years leading to the divorce and unfortunately he gained custody of me. I didn't blame them for wanting to get away, I encouraged them to. However, my mom and Sunmi have no clue of the exact extent of the way my father treats me. No one knows about that.

---

I spent the whole reception catching up with Sunmi and my mom. I found out my mom had a boyfriend and Sunmi was almost finished college. I told them about what I’d been up to over the years as well, avoiding everything I could about my father. I even told them about my upcoming interview with SM entertainment, of course not as an artist like I really wanted, but as a coordinator.

Too quickly, the night came to an end and I had to hop back on the bus and go home. My mom and Sunmi had to catch their plane back home that night because Sunmi had classes that she couldn't miss and they'd already been here for three days.

The bus ride was long, I was tired and before I knew it, I fell asleep. 

"Omo" "What do we do?" "Do we wake her up?" "Hey hyung, she’s cute!"

I stirred at the sound of loud voices. When I eventually opened my eyes four guys loomed over me. I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I was seeing things correctly.

Standing in front of me was four very poorly disguised members of an idol group, EXO. EXO is a group I happen to be a big fan of. I recognized the boys as Tao, Kris, Chanyeol and Sehun. My eyes widened at their sudden appearance. "Oh, you're awake noona! We just wanted to make sure you didn't miss your stop or anything, you've been sleeping for about half an hour." Sehun said.

I blinked and looked out the window, realizing this was my stop and the bus was starting to move again. "WAIT AHJUSSI, THIS IS MY STOP!!" I yelled and stood up, causing the four in front of me to be taken aback by your height, an action I’m used to. I bowed to them. "Hi guys! I'm a big fan and just so you know your disguises are totally obvious. Anyway, I’d better go. Thanks for waking me up!” I said quickly, realizing how weird that sounded.

Reluctantly, after that I turned and walked off the bus. As it pulled away I waved at the boys and they waved back.

"What a strange girl," Tao said. The others nodded in agreement. "Strange but gorgeous, did you see how tall she was?! And she recognized us!" Sehun added. “Maybe we should take her advice and work on the disguises, you’re only wearing sunglasses and a hat, hyung!”

“I’m glad we picked today to reminisce on our predebut days and ride the bus again,”

 I took my time walking home, enjoying the sunset. As soon as I opened the front door I froze. My father's shoes were on the ground at the door, meaning he was home.

I tore upstairs to my room, threw off my clothes and then stuffed them behind the poster in the closet. After that I quickly changed into a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. I took all the clips and the headband out of my hair, put my glasses back on and double-checked in the mirror to make sure I wasn't missing something.

I ran down the stairs again to find my father in the kitchen. "Yah, Kang Sunyee! I don’t remember it being okay for you to go out without permission. You were out with a guy, weren’t you? I thought I told you not to go out with guys, or anyone for that matter!" He yelled. I tried to keep my face passive and not cringe when I caught a whiff of his breath. He’d been drinking again.

This is the way my father is, he goes to work,  gets drunk when he comes home and takes his frustrations out on me. "No, abeoji. I just went out for a walk around Seoul because I was bored cooped up in the house all day. How could I be with boys? No one would want to be friends with me, you made sure of that." I mentally cursed myself for letting that last spiteful comment slip out.

He caught that and angrily slapped me straight across the face so hard my glasses flew off my face and now lay cracked on the ground across the kitchen.

 He continued to slap and kick me and I began to cry. I always tried to act tough because he didn’t deserve the satisfaction, but it never worked. I have always been extremely sensitive, especially when it came to pain.

My weaknesses are always laid out on the table once someone said or did something negative towards me, which made me a fun target for people in high school. They called me freak and nothing else until I graduated and they’d even beat up several times, just because they could. I've never been able to escape the abuse.

Eventually, the lowly drunkard stopped beating me because he’d passed out. I slowly got up and walked to my room, eventually falling into a dreamless sleep.