Chapter 2

I remember...

I remember that I had a weird but somehow really satisfying dream after what happened the day before. I dreamed about the two guys I yesterday met – the one who helped me to get my bag back and the one who said I was cute. In addition to that I was a singer. But is this really the right thing for me? Asking that I remembered that I took a photo of the audition poster. Looking at the screen of my phone I sighed. It was next week. There were so many things which I could not do or have. For example I was not really charismatic, beautiful or cute. Well I cannot dance or perform either. So to become a singer was probably not the right thing. But still I could not forget about it. “ Just try it!” My inner voice motivated me – but well I stopped listening to it a long time ago.

Just before arriving at my school – I sensed that something was wrong. Ordinary I was bullied and teased after I took my seat in class but at that day it was different. All the girls and boys pointed at me and swore at me directly. I was surprised but did not mind it at all. and why should I care about what they are thinking about me. I thought that they are bored because the examination period was over – so they have to bully others to pass time. I went straight to the class room where I found my desk and chair flipped, my notes laid all around my seat, the desk were full with written swears. That must have been fun. My classmates observed my reaction but I did not want to satisfy their expectations. So I just smiled and started to tidy up my place.

Then I heard some heavy steps becoming louder. Someone grabbed my arm and turned me around – confronting me with a furious stare. //WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! JUST LET ME ALONE! // This was what I wanted to yell at him but I could not say anything. Suddenly he pulled me out of the room. “ What the hell are you doing ? Who do you think you are? Where are we going?” This was the first time I was so angry that I lost my temper. He did not answer me until we arrived in an unused classroom. “ You are so stupid you know?” This was more than enough. I got rid of his tight grab. “ SO THIS IS NOT ENOUGH? YOU WANT TO CONTINUE BULLYING ME HERE ALONE? WHY NOT IN FRONT OF ALL THE OTHERS – SO ALL OF YOU CAN LAUGH! YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK ME BUT YOU NEVER WILL! I DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY OR DO! BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE IGNORANT BASTARDS WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING TO ACHIEVE ALL YOUR FU**ING AIMS! I AM RATHER BEING ALONE! ” He looked quite shocked after my outburst. I felt somehow free but also empty. I could not breathe anymore and I nearly cried. I always cry when I am angry. But this time I did not want to repress me tears. It reminded me at that time again. Old memories popped up and I started to feel dizzy. “ I did not mean it like this... Are you okay? You do not really look like you are.” These were the last words I heard before I got unconscious.

“Na Min Joo! Na Min Joo! Wake up! Please, Wake Up!” So he was still there. I opened my eyes only to see him in a confused and desperate state. “Don´t be so loud. I have headache!” I said annoyed. Wow I could show the side of me which I locked up for so long. I felt somehow relieved and free. He looked at me surprised but also relieved. I was laying on the ground and he was sitting next to me. Now that I was not angry anymore I had time to look at him properly. I did not know him. Well I did not know the most of my classmates. He looked kinda awkward like he wanted to say something. “ Do you want to say something?” I got up. “ Yeah, I am sorry. I did not mean that.” “What do you mean with “that”?” “ That you are stupid and so on.” “ Even if you did not meant it – I do not care what you think.” I made already my way out of the room but he grabbed my upper arm again. “ What?” I was so annoyed. I fainted. I remembered. I wanted to go home. I wanted to disappear.

“ My name is Jung Ilhoon.”

“ So what? “

“ I wanted to protect you. Not bully you. Let´s become friends.”