"Do you know why, I spend a lot of time calling you different names?."  

My head spun.. as I squeezed my eyes shut..

I looked up at her and smiled, and though her eyes were red and puffy and her nose pink, I'd never seen her more beautiful. Inside and out. I reached up, smoothed my hand across her cheek, and looked into her eyes, the desire and the longing.. I could no longer see her as a girl again..

I didn't make a conscious decision to kiss her. It just sort of happened.. Our lips touching and all of my good intensions, all that stuff about us just being friends, flew right out the window. I wanted her more.. more than a man.. more than a woman maybe I felt was aching.. It was coming the first flutter of my heartbeats, not losing the taste of and the scent of her skin..

It stole my breath, all aware of her fingers on my hair.. suffocating life.. My heart raised as adrenaline saturated my body..completely helpless to stop. Deep shudders from my arms and legs had left me like a wet noodle..She must have somehow knew what was going to happen. She pulled me in taking my mouth very slow and hands that received warmth eventually everywhere.......sweet Baby-rin..

I knew it was coming almost on my feet as the same velocity and intensity.. I couldn't breathe and squeezing into my chest and my heart would have burst.. I could hear their voices.. I up the air.. Suffocating into the edges of my blurred vision.. Lights spinning to curl up into a ball.. I'm freezing my head started to spin..

Dara:"If I hadn't kissed you" I remembered how it hurt 

Chaerin:"Don't apologize.. I kissed you too... It not your fault. Its me. I'm...defective"  she said sitting opposite side of the bed.. tucking her legs against her body.. "Maybe it would be best if I leave.. "

Dara:"If I'm being here upsets you Baby-rin... I wished it were that easy. I wished I could snap my fingers and it will go away..

Chaerin:"Unnie , your comfortable around me right? I mean as long as were not kissing"

I nodded touching my mouth.. I can still feel her soft lips.. We were so close I could smell her .. the way her skin moved felt my pulse running.. Oh please think of her as your sister..C to the L,  Rin, Leadahh, CL-roo, ..my Baby-rin.

Is this really what I wanted? Instead of feeling relieved , I just felt sick inside.. I'm falling apart. ..I remember her face soften into something that resembled a smile.. I just don't want to see her hurt.. I love her..

I made it hard for her.. I kept quiet and distance were loathing ... I want my memories back the way that I love her now.. Could it be the same? I'm afraid I it never be the person she grew up loving.. Can I be enough?

It was the first time I fell in love with the way she smell.. and the way I love and respect her despite the differences of our ages or uality..  I remember how it rained that day when we met..  Her braggy shirt was too loose.. She haven't had any make up on.. How she was so aeygo calling a large bug as her friend.. How she always saw me crying about my failures, frustrations and about my family. How I needed her.. How I remember that I loved her despite any allegations, any hatred, any rumors and criticisms..

I'm scared of everything yet my heart saw everyday without the exception of heartaches.. I cried choking  I didn't made it to the hospital where my family was... I wasn't able to say thank you.. I wasn't able say goodbye.... The phone went of before I could have said a word.. I should have waited.. I should have told Baby-rin about my Appa.