It’s so dark and cold. Well, what’s new anyways? I’ve been living like hell for a year.

In a four cornered room, here I am, sitting at the very edge where there’s a little window. I’m like living in a cell. Got my right foot chained up. Sleeping on the floor with a woven mat, a thin cover and a pillow. I never did imagine my future will be like this by just loving him.

I could still remember the days where we were look so happy together. How we met, how we dated and how we confessed to each other that we fell in love. But all I can do now is to reminisce the past because he’s totally a different person now. So much different the way I knew him. How I miss the old him.

Hearing loud foot steps outside my room, my heart beats abnormally fast. My hands got colder. My whole body is trembling and fear is visible in my eyes. The moment he opened the door, I shut my eyes and brace myself because I can smell another painful day.

“How are you Kibum-ah?” His voice. His soothing yet mischievous voice gave me more chills. He went closer to me and squatted down beside me. He traces his hand on my that made me gasped in horror. Though I’m already in the edge, I still tried to move away from him. He just chuckled. It’s scary.

“Aigoo. Aigoo.  My Kibum is scared? Don’t be baby. Anyway, I know you didn’t eat yet so here’s food. I’ll be gone in few hours but I’ll be back.” I wish he’ll be gone forever. “Don’t make any move or actions that I won’t like. Or you’ll know the consequence.”  He whispered to my eyes and patted my head before he walks out the room.

Hearing the door close, I lift my head a little to secure that he is really gone. Knowing he is, I instantly grabbed the food he left and started to eat. I’m so damn hungry and thirsty. I don’t know how I can still survive when he just gave me food and water whenever he wants to and that’s very seldom. I just eat and drink once a day. Those people who are really in jail can eat thrice a day and can drink whenever they want. But for me? I’m more than worst to them. Like I said, I’m living in hell. But I used to live in heaven.. With him.. Before..

After eating, I peek at the small window beside me. I opened it a little where enough air and light can pass through. His house is just in front of a park where I can see people walking happily with their loved ones or friends. Children happily play with each other. Running from here and there. Just all happy scenes. It’s painful in my eyes but more painful in my heart. I suddenly remembered when it was our first anniversary. It was sweet and all. But…

Flashback

“Kibum-ah! Good morning! See you at your later baby! Keke~ Happy Anniversary! I love you!”

I smiled as I read Jonghyun’s message to me. What a great morning to start. I got so hype up and happy because we will celebrate our first anniversary. I texted him back.

“Good morning to baby! Happy Anniversary too! Excited to see you later too! Hahaha. I love you more! Take care okay?”

I send it with a full smile on my face. Aigoo. What shall I cook? A pasta? Oh yes! He said he loves my white pasta so much. A steak too maybe? Aish. I have to prepare now because I know any moment, he’ll be here. I got up in my bed my did my daily routine.  I happily walked down the stairs and directly went to the kitchen to check if I still have complete ingredients and lucky yes! So I went to the living room for a while and open my ipod and started to play some music.

As I was happily preparing the food, I heard my doorbell. Not again. He’s here! Too early. Aish. This guy. I left my kitchen for a moment and hurriedly went to open my door and it revealed my oh-so-Jonghyun-baby. He smiled handsomely and gave me quick peck on the lips before he totally went inside my apartment. Getting back to my senses, I smiled and closed the door. He then, suddenly gave me bear hug.

“Happy Anniversary baby~ I love you.” He then gave me a sweet chaste kiss that turn into a passionate one. I smiled as we kiss. Before we go somewhere else I pulled away and pinch his nose. “Aigoo yeobo. Wait here for a while. I’m about to finish cooking but you suddenly budge in.” I playfully slap his arms because he doesn’t want to release me.

After eating our lunch, we both went back to the living room and did a movie marathon. Sitting in the couch happily cuddling with each other. Tickling me over and over again. Stealing some kisses and such. “I’m so happy I met you.” He said looking into my eyes. You could see the sincerity. I smiled at him and let my forehead rest to his. “I feel the same way too.” He cupped my face with his hands and said. “You don’t know how much you mean to me. How you made my days very cheerful. How you motivated me on keep on moving forward. Everything. I felt loved again. And this feels so good.” He smiled beautifully to me before his lips met mine. It was a lovable kiss.

“Ah yes! Before I forget, this is my gift to you!” I happily announced as I reach for my gift below the center table. “How about I will open this on my house.” He cheekily said and I raised my eyebrow at him. “Come on. Get dress and I will show your gift on my house.” He forcefully stand me up and push me to the stairs to go up. I immediately did and within 10 minutes we already left my apartment and went to his house.

His house looks simple. But the view in front of it is very pretty. It’s in front of the park. Where you can see people being so happy. He pulled my hand and guided me inside his house. “And for the thrill..” He said and blind folded me. “We will go upstairs. Trust me okay?” he whispered that gave me a ticklish sensation. After a minute, a heard the door close that means we are already inside the room. He removed he blindfold. At first I thought it was dark because of getting blindfolded but not. “Why is it dark here? Why are we here?” I was confused. I thought he will give me his present to me but what is this? He walked a few steps and faced me. “This is my gift for you.” He smirk. I got frightened. I never saw his smirking like that. “W-what do you mean?” Slowly taking a few steps back as he’s walking towards me to me. “This.”

He harshly grabbed my head and kissed me forcefully. I was pushing him so hard and slapped him. “What is wrong with you!” I yelled. “Oh baby. Don’t tell me you don’t like it.” He scoffed. “No. I don’t. I’ll leave now.” I said coldly. When I was about to twist the doorknob, he pulled me hardly and made me stumble on the ground. I look up on him and I saw a different Jonghyun. He looks so evil. Scary. A very different one.

“Please.. No..” I pleaded as I hastily crawl backwards. Trying to get a why from hungry animal trying to get its prey. “You won’t say no after this.” He grasped my hand started to harass me. He kissed me forcefully. He punched me in the stomach. He kissed me everywhere. I pleaded him to stop but he doesn’t. He just continued harassing me. He tore my clothes. me from my neck to my earlobe. If I tried to stop him, he will look at me with those scary eyes and brutally hurt me. Punch me everywhere. Kick me. Slap me ‘til my lip will bleed. I was screaming in pain but I can’t do anything.

The day I thought will be the happiest day turned into a nightmare.

End of flashback

Tears silently rushing down my cheeks. I stared blankly at the small open window. Thinking what did I do that made Jonghyun gone mad. I remembered my friends and family. Were they looking for me? Is this the reason why he doesn’t want to meet my family? Jonghyun, what happened to you? It’s been a year and still, I can’t get the answers. Feeling my eyelids getting heavy from crying, I closed my eyes and prayed I will wake up from this nightmare.

I was startled when I heard a loud banging of the door. I look at him and saw another side of him. My eyes already clouded in tears because of fear. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get away from him because I’ve been chain. He approaches me wearing his devilish smirk. “I got pissed at the casino, let’s have some fun.” I shoke my head in response and curled into a ball. He just laugh his off like a villain. Well he is. He pulled my leg that made me lie down. He pinned both of my hands beside my head. He started to give me kisses and . Tears keep on coming out. “Don’t cry you stupid . Don’t act you don’t like it.” He hissed and continued what he was doing. Even though I don’t have much energy, I still tried to fight. He stopped and slapped me hard. A really hard one that made my lips bleeds again. He cupped my face with his one hand with force. “Don’t fight because you know you can’t do anything about it.” He then spat on my face. He stands up and went outside. I thought it was done but just seconds, he came back holding a bat. A eyes grew in horror. While he just playfully smile at me.

“I told you, I want to play.” He started to hit me. In my legs. In my stomach. Everywhere. Even in my head. I spit out blood already but he didn’t stop him. Instead, he used more force. “P-please. S-stop. Jonghyun.” I crawled and held onto his leg. He looked down at me while I continue coughing. He kick me that made me let go of him. I remained stiff on my position because my body hurts. I was beaten up so badly. He squatted near my face. He caresses it like the way he used to. I cried. “W-what h-hap-pened to y-yo-you..” I manage to say between uneven breath. Eyelids half open. “I don’t know.” He answered and still caressing my face. I could feel this is my end. I was totally beaten up. I heard sob a little. “Kibum-ah.” He called me sweetly. “So..Sorry..” He said between his sobs. I tried to fully open my eyes but it won’t. With the little energy left with me, I reach for his hand that was on my face. I smiled bitterly. “P-pleas-e.. be.. we-ll.. I..love..you..still.” my breathing became slower and slower. Feeling losing all the oxygen I have. And before I close my eyes I heard him shouting my name.

And finally, my nightmare ends.