That night was magical. We stayed up all night talking to each other about different things. He was the first person I've met that's had it harder than I have. He gave me that feeling where I wanted to be with him. Like, I was the one chasing him. I've never in my whole life have encountered that feling. That cycle repeated for a while. We would just talk to each other like we were the only two people in the world, and it seemed that time, space, the stars, and everything else wanted us to be together. That it all worked in sync for us to be able to be together for a while.

I learned about his past. His present. The things he's done. His intrest. How he lives. Everything that I thought was difficult in my life would seem like a small obstacle comapred to his. Kris would always have an event in his life that was was harder than mine. But, that is what made me mad about him. Maybe, I just liked bad boys. 

Kris was so cold. He would never smile. I wanted to break that. I wanted to be the thing that made him smile again. Was I being selfish? Is it wrong to want someone? 

One day, we were talking, and he told me that he would like it if I was his girlfriend. I was so excited. It was so difficult to contain the smile that was about to show on my bright red face. But then he said, "but you can't be my girlfriend."  What was I suppose to do? What was I suppose to say? I didn't wanna seem like I really cared because I have too much pride for that. So, I shrugged it off like it was nothing, and said okay. But, that didn't shut him up. He went on to explain why he didn't want me to be his girlfriend. 

"I don't want you to be my girlfriend because I don't want you to become like my ex girlfriends. First, you start with the simple stuff like kissing, but then it gets worse. Up to the point where its so bad that you cant stop. It starts with smoking and drinking a little, but it beomes an addiction." 

I told him that I wouldn't become like his exs. That I was stronger than that. 

"That's what they all say at first. "

I couldn't say anything more, so I just left it at that. 

That day, he told more about him than he has ever had before. Kris told me about his brothers. His late mom. His dad that abused him. How he enjoyed working at the guitar shop because his boss would allow him to drink and smoke on the job. 

The part that made me sad was when he told me about his current situation. That he was part of low middle class society. How has apartment was so junked up. This is the part that got me most. What he ate for dinner. Beans and bread. I was so sad to hear that, and I told him that he shouldn't do that. His excuse was that he did that so he would have more money to spend on smokes and weed. That was it. I had heard enough. So, I left with that. But, for the whole night I couldn't stop thinking about today. 

Is it selfish for me to want someone to love me? For me to want to be in a relationship with someone?