She slid open the spotless glass door separating the bedroom and the apartment balcony, grinning at the slippers labeled "Da" and "Ra" resting nearby.

       "I miss Tamtam," she cooed quietly, shuffling over to Dara, who was laying on her back on the concrete ground of the balcony, her hands tucked behind her head and Tamtam resting horizontally across her stomach. Her eyes were twinkling as they gazed up at the night sky, mesmerized. She broke her gaze for a short second to flash Chaerin a bright smile before turning back to look up.

       It wasn't the first time Chaerin found Dara laying on the bare ground in her pajamas, staring up at the stars. Chaerin just smiled, glancing at the guitar resting on the wall nearby without surprise and ignoring the chair they had set out for more comfortable stargazing. She sat on the cold ground, crossing her legs comfortably, shaking her head affectionately as she wondered for the millionth time why Dara insisted on laying on the cement and vehemently denied buying a carpet of some sort.

       So as not to disturb Dara's reverie, she pulled Tamtam off of her stomach with painstakingly careful hands, her fingers comfortably fiddling with the button eyes and worn purple fabric. The warm feeling of the stuffed animal in her hands and the knowledge that Dara kept it so close and so often was enough to bring a fascinating, simple but so magnified comfort over her.

       She felt brilliantly stress-free as she stared at Dara's face in front of her. She forgot all the suffocation as she tilted her head back and gazed at the stars, the person she loved the most resting right next to her, watching the same stars, undoubtedly with similar relief. The lights twinkled in the black abyss, not stuffy anymore but calming and serene.

       A light, comfortable silence settled over them and it creeped into the cracks of Chaerin's mind in an oddly sensitive way. She finally thought over everything, allowing herself to feel fully the impact of the album listeners and their comments. Somehow, she found that there was no urge to cry.

       She glanced down at Dara again and immediately knew why. Dara was her strength and she had to make sure now or never that she herself was more than that. She was more than an attention that snatched opportunities away from the group she was supposed to be leading.

       Dara was still smiling when Chaerin asked, "Dara, am I hurting 2NE1?"

       She watched with bated breath as Dara's smile disappeared and her eyes blinked a few times, not focusing on the twinkles up above anymore. Dara tilted her head and stared at Chaerin for what felt like a year, her eyebrows furrowed in silent confusion. Chaerin saw how her worried eyes shook slightly as they ran over all of Chaerin's face.

       Suddenly she saw recognition flash in Dara's deep orbs and Chaerin shook her head, chuckling to herself when she realized there really was nothing she could hide from the older girl. She might have been a mystery to everyone else, but to Dara she was an open book.

       Dara sat up slowly, her eyes never leaving Chaerin's face. Her expression changed from worry to sternness.

       "Chaerin, what are you talking about?" Chaerin was sure she knew the answer, but she was thankful Dara asked anyway, for whatever reason.

       "I'm not sure, I just..." Her fingers fiddled with Tamtam a little more urgently than before. "The album came out and I was thinking maybe I stole the spotlight from you three by composing and writing lyrics and even having a solo. I don't think I thought of the other members during this whole process!" she admitted, distressed.

       Dara scoffed loudly and Chaerin jumped a little in response. She sat up on the nearby chair and Chaerin looked up at her from the ground with curiosity. Dara reached over for her guitar, which was decorated top to bottom with 2NE1 stickers. Chaerin felt something shoot through her.

       She loves 2NE1 more than I ever will.

       "Lee Chaerin, you listen to me right now," Dara began, propping the guitar on her leg. Chaerin straightened up, although the hurt was still coursing through her.

       Dara played a chord effortlessly and she looked at Chaerin expectantly. Chaerin lightly shrugged, frowning a little when she couldn't instantly tell what song it was. Dara didn't seem disappointed as she turned her eyes to look down at the guitar strings again.

       The same chord came off the strings gently and Dara hummed a couple of notes. Chaerin blinked a little when she recognized the song. Baby I Miss You.

       "Dara, wha–"

       "Shh. I'm doing the talking now, okay?" Chaerin immediately closed , nodding agreeably. Dara rarely used this kind of tone and she rarely requested anything of Chaerin, at least in all seriousness. If there was anything Chaerin could do for her members, it would be listening to Dara the one time she asked for attention.

       "The composer of that song is named Lee Chaerin, and you know what? It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard; I learned it on the guitar in a matter of days. But I guess I'm biased because Lee Chaerin is one of the most important people in my life and she worked her off for Crush to be the best 2NE1 album ever.

       "She ventured into the horrifying realm of music-writing long before I was brave enough to even think about doing the same. She took risks and sacrificed time and effort so every member of 2NE1 could display their talents like never before, and she did nothing but succeed 100% in doing that. She spent so much time accommodating to her picky co-members and I don't know how she did it but she did.

       "So when I see a proud, exciting Lee Chaerin turn into an insecure, worrisome one, it hurts not only her but also me because I rely on her. She is my pillar of strength in this outrageously painful world, and if my CL-roo can be shot down by a few hateful words in an ocean of support, then I will be lost and 2NE1 will be lost and the fantasies some haters imagine in their heads will become reality."

       Chaerin bit her lip, feeling the case of pain surrounding her heart crack with stinging breaks, but the pieces gradually disappeared, slowly but surely. Dara sighed after a few seconds of silence, putting her guitar down and kneeling down on the floor. She cupped Chaerin's cheeks with the warmest of touches, wiping away the single tear that trickled from her eye.

       "You are not allowed to feel hated because I love you. I, Bommie, Minji, and all the Blackjacks across the world love you. And if there are some people out there who think otherwise, I am sure that all of us would fight back before allowing you to fall apart. You are the foundation of this group and everything you do for 2NE1, you do with us in mind, and we know that." She took a breath, fixing Chaerin with a firm but somewhat solemn gaze. And then she said the most impactful words Chaerin had heard for a long time.

       "As long as the people who matter know the truth, they will build and maintain a wall around you to protect you from anything and everything. And as long as you believe in them, this wall is invincible."

       Chaerin bit harder on her lip but her tears still began to cascade down, wetting Dara's hands. Chaerin threw herself into Dara's arms and Dara did not hesitate to wrap her arms around her, rubbing her back slowly and whispering words of comfort into her ear. Chaerin was sobbing loudly but every single one of Dara's words echoed above her choked cries and hiccups.

       She felt pain but Dara's healing words prevailed. She felt guilt but Dara's comforting looks prevailed. She felt hated but Dara's loving eyes prevailed.

       After half an hour, Dara pulled away and held Chaerin at arm's length, smiling gently.

       "Let's go inside, okay? We'll go to sleep and when you wake up tomorrow everything will be okay." She stood up and Chaerin stood up with her, nodding and sniffing, wiping her eyes messily.

       They quietly walked back into the bedroom and Dara set her guitar against the wall, sliding the glass door closed behind her before setting her arm around Chaerin again and walking her to the bed.

       They settled in the blankets and Chaerin immediately curled into Dara's side, tucking her head under Dara's chin. It was not a foreign position for either of them and Dara comfortably wrapped her arm around Chaerin, humming a familiar tune with a sweet voice.

       Her gentle fingers ran through soft blonde locks, scratching at sensitive spots of Chaerin's scalp with undeniable familiarity. Chaerin sighed inaudibly, relaxing further into the warmth beside her and feeling weight lift off her with such unbelievable relief.

       Suddenly, she realized with a pang that it was not a secret how much similar pain and guilt Dara had to deal with over so many years. She clutched Tamtam tightly as she realized that she needed to help Dara the same way Dara helped her, not only because she was obliged to but because she loved Dara the same way Dara loved her. She wanted to help, needed to help.

       "Dara, try listening to your own advice too," she said quietly, her eyes still closed. Dara's humming stopped abruptly, and Chaerin felt the hand in her hair freeze in its place before continuing to through again, this time a little slower, a little more thoughtful. Chaerin's head bounced a little on Dara's chest as a small chuckle escaped the older girl. She was trying to avoid the subject, Chaerin knew from years of experience and recognition.

       She silently, patiently waited and after a couple of quiet seconds, she heard Dara sigh slightly with what seemed like reluctance, and lips pressed against the crown of Chaerin's head.

       "I will, Chaerin. Thank you."

       Chaerin smiled with satisfaction, snuggling into Dara's side and breathing in her scent. Her breathing settled into a rhythm with Dara's resumed humming and she quickly fell asleep, lips curled up lightly. She knew when she woke up tomorrow everything would be okay, just like Dara said.

       Thank you too, unnie.

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