Redirecting

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Himchan,

You got me backspacing and undoing the address to, because, are you dear to me, now? Well, it’s not something you can answer, I understand, but certainly, my call is mostly about how you wanted me to behave about everything, about me leaving Korea to suddenly you contacting me like this. By ‘like this’, I meant everything between you apologizing for never contacting, blaming me for falling in love with you (Yes, that’s what you were doing, I don’t see it any other way), confessing to me ten years late, and then asking to be friends again.

Did it ever occur to you that perhaps replying to you, in this ungodly hour of the night; may perhaps be the hardest task to ever fall in my list? What that makes me uneasy about the situation is that, ever since I saw your message, at about eight, maybe, I was at work. I was at work and I lost my head for the day. You always do that. I’m home now, mostly backspacing than typing.

Well, surprisingly for you, I was one of the first to be told about Daehyun and Youngjaes’ marriage. Between me and you, you’re the only one I don’t hold strings with anymore. Jongups’ actually working in a telebanking branch, somewhere in Seoul, and he’s working part time in a laboratory. Junhongs still struggling with jobs, and he’s dating someone. (Maybe you should go dig it up a bit, you’ll be surprised, my word.)
Guess that summarizes to you that the only chapter I’ve shut close in my version of life, was about you. (PS. Jongups’ going to break up with that girl real soon, I bet my wallet on this.)

I don’t know the kind of reply you are expecting for your mail, Himchan… if it’s about visiting me, then I suggest you don’t. I’ve kept thinking that we parted for good, because like you said, I had goals and you didn’t want your heartbroken. If you ask me then, why I am replying you at all… I don’t have a clear answer for that. Maybe it’s because I feel obliged to reply you, when you took enough time and effort to reach me again. I can’t pretend to my mind that you had probably forgotten all about me, when you haven’t.

It’s nice that you’ve kept the clover. (I don’t personally believe in them, however.)

Also, don’t think it was just you who never contacted me. I didn’t either. Maybe we both didn’t really want this to happen. Why, however, I don’t quite grasp. In my case, which I can explain, is only because, although it’s been a long time now, about eight, eight and half years – back in the days I did love you.

Genuinely speaking I don’t understand how the love concept works, because they say people run out of love, then at the point, doesn’t your memories count? I can’t put feelings in a box and label it 2003 and rack them in a shelf. You carry them with you, like it or not.

I suppose that’s all I’ve got to say. Since we never really parted with a proper good bye, so maybe this can be it.

I’ll just answer your questions now.

Am I speaking like a gangster yet? – No. My job doesn’t let me to.

Whose there to force me into swallowing breakfast anymore? – No one. I eat because or else I’ll pass out before the lunch break.

Do I remember playing bad jokes on Jongups Grandpa? – No, I’m ashamed of you Himchan. Such things never happened. (#OfcourseIdo)

And about Eunji, I really have no comment. Maybe you could try a little bit with your boss and keep yourself together at work.
Since you mentioned a little about yourself, I suppose I’ll just take my turn now.

Well, unlike you, I don’t deal with feelings of people in a half-assed way. It would only make sense to you, me saying ‘I’m dating Jiho’. He’s a couple of months younger, and was a street rapper, at least at the time I found him (Three years now, my goodness) He’s a performing singer now, does a couple of shows here and there. His parents are Korean but he was raised in Italy. He’s charming, but I’ll stop at that. I’m sure you wouldn’t want me boasting about my singer boyfriend when you’re having a rough time around relationships… You’re not generally a bad person, you just deal with things the wrong way about. Settle down now Himchan, Youth runs out really soon.

Good bye then.