Greetings! :D just for those who don't know, D 'n' M stands for Deep and Meaningful, like anintense conversation about... urr, deep things.  anyway, slightly curious....is anyone reading this?  I'm all alooone *donkey voice*  have a good week anyway :D

 

“Nae.”  Bethany was looking slightly worried.  “I’m sorry… for everything Ji.  Really.  I guess…”

Jiyong let his arm drop to his side, stopping her.  Stressed and impatient JiYong might be but by nature he was not rude or impolite and knowing this girl had understood the things he was saying about her – to say nothing of how much he had said about himself… JiYong swallowed in silent despair.  “Anniyo.  I’m sorry. I should never have said those things… ahh, forget it.”

Turning JiYong strode back up the bank to the car.  The three people on the sand watched as he leaned slowly over the roof, his head dropping onto the cool metal in defeat.  Then Bethany took a deep breath and started going after him.  Daesung jumped forward and caught her arm.  “Where you go to??”

“I’m going to talk to JiYong.  Don’t worry, I’m assuming he’ll keep me alive to drive you guys home.”  Daesung stared at her.  He wasn’t listening to her words. After a moment he released her arm and watched her continue trudging through the sand to her car.  Bethany was a stronger person than any of the BigBang members would have been in the same situation.  As she walked, somewhat reluctantly, Bethany felt nervousness in the pit of her stomach.  Please Lord, don’t let him be angry with me, please… give me the right words to show him I’m not just a crazy fangirl.  Help me to show you by what I say.

“JiYong-ssi?”

It took a long time for JiYong to answer and when he did it was in Korean.  “I wouldn’t try talking to me now please.”

“Ok.  But JiYong?  I don’t like those fangirls either.  I think they’re wrong.  You’re only a person, you’ll never be perfect and expecting you to be is just stupid.  They worship you Ji and I hate watching them do it!  They’re stupid and they completely lose their minds.  I never want to be like that. I respect you as a brilliant songwriter and composer or whatever you’re called and I’m sure that somewhere underneath G-Dragon is a really great guy. But I don’t know that guy so I can’t say whether I’m madly in love with him or not.  I probably am interfering but no one else knows where you are yet and I’ve had a couple of hours to tell them: if I was going to tell them.”  She stopped and sighed, drumming her fingers on the bonnet of her car.  “I’m sorry JiYong.  I won’t come near you for the rest of your holiday.  I’ll take you guys home and you won’t see me again.  I’m sorry I wrecked your holiday.”

There was no blame or “guilt tripping” in her voice.  She sincerely apologising to him for what she viewed as ruining his holiday.  He tilted his head to look at her in the street light and started when he saw the tears glinting in her eyes.  “You really mean it don’t you.  If I say yes, you wouldn’t try to see us again while we’re here would you?” 

“No.  Just don’t come to Bunnings again because I’m pretty much working there every day now.”

“You sound so… unselfish.”  Said JiYong suspiciously and Bethany smiled suddenly.

“I guess I’m not a very good fangirl.  I don’t worship BigBang; I worship God.  He is the only one I will ever worship and… BigBang are only human.  They aren’t that great. Just like I’m not that great.  We’re only human and equally made as God’s creation.  I don’t particularly mind if God gave you more talent than me, he made me for other things.  You are only a person to me JiYong, nothing more. I just happen to know a bit more about you than you do about me.”

Jiyong snickered, a half snorting chuckle that instantly chilled his own blood. He had not intended to let Bethany hear that amount of bitterness.  “Yeah, you’re a fangirl. You would know soooo much about me.” 

Bethany heard the immense amount of bleak sadness in his voice and felt it wrench her heart.  Her words came much slower as she strove to make him understand.  “I mean… I know your birthday, favourite colour, names of your family… things like that.  You don’t know any of those things about me.  I don’t know a lot about Kwon JiYong but Jiyong?”

He looked at her, his gaze hard and uncompromising.  In those few seconds he had withdrawn and his face was the aloof, arrogant mask of G-Dragon.  Bethany ignored it.  “I do know that Kwon Jiyong is a real person and underneath all that dazzling flawlessness is a real person who just wants to be left alone and not judged for breathing wrong.  That’s why you’re so showy and controversial as a celebrity isn’t it?  You can’t fit the mould if you stay the real JiYong and you feel like fans would crush the real JiYong so you’ve created this whole other image and you’re living behind it but it won’t work Ji.  It’ll kill you and I’d hate to see you killed. I hate seeing you sing and perform now, I hate seeing the airport pictures of you, they zoom in so much and any one should be able to tell that the last thing you want is fans trying to get ten thousand megapixel photos of your face after a plane trip…” she stopped suddenly.  “Mianhae.”

“Why is you apologise?”  Asked JiYong calmly.

“I dunno.” 

JiYong began rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Ok. If you, don’t... um, be fangirl over me, then I will be… hmm... always, most honest?  To you; If that is suiting to you.  Ok?”

The look Bethany gave him was so sharp that JiYong almost felt physical pain under its scrutiny.  Uncomfortable, he returned the look, wondering why it felt as though he was the one being evaluated.   Finally Bethany’s expression melted into, pity? And she held her hand out with a small smile.  “Deal.  Does that mean I can see Daes and Seunghyun again?”

“Nae.”  JiYong hadn’t taken her hand yet.  “Who do you see me as?”

Bethany glanced at him again and her words were slow in answering.  “I see you as a person who was brought up to think that, if you can just life for yourself and do what you want then you’ll be happy.  So you became a singer because you thought that would make you happy. But it hasn’t.  It’s made you unhappy and now you’re in too deep and you can’t go back.  That’s what you said in Crooked but I don’t know if anyone really listened to you.  The thing that you thought would be so wonderful has started to suffocate you and all you want to be is normal.  But you can’t now.”

“Please… stop.”  JiYong raised his hand.  “You said, I live for myself because I think that will make me happy.  Why did you say that?”  Neither person had realised that their conversation had switched to Korean.

“No one becomes happy by living for themselves.  It’s in the Bible.  ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

“Is that from the Bible??” 

“Nae.  A lot of sensible sayings are originally from the Bible.  But a lot of people either choose to ignore that or just don’t know. ‘The love of money is the root of all evil’ is another saying from the Bible.”

“Hmm.”  Said JiYong ruefully. “So what am I to you?”

“You are… Part of BigBang that happens to come along with Daesung and Seunghyun.  And you’re… someone I pray for every night because you’re desperately unhappy and I wish you could be happy.  You’re searching for... satisfaction. But you won’t find it without God.  What are you to me? I don’t know.  You’re just a person.  A very talented person sure! You’re lyrics are really clever and very well written and I enjoy reading them in the same way I enjoy reading a well written book in English.  But that’s it.  I certainly don’t spend my time fawning over pictures of you in the internet.  I think you’d be a lot more attractive if you actually tried to look like a guy.”

JiYong chuckled.  He found her abrasive honesty refreshing.  It was almost like the painful relief of cutting without the physical marks.  Slowly he held his hand out.  “Deal.”  He said and Bethany’sface slowly relaxed into a grin of offered peace.