Never ever in his twenty-seven-going-on-twenty-eight years had Huang Zitao anticipated being in this situation.

At least, not with Kris Wu.

But here he was, trying for two weeks to awkwardly fumble into some kind of conversation about relationships and- and- love- and there Kris was, being the most oblivious schmuck in the world.

Jesus Christ.

-

The first time he had tried, it was one of the nights Kris invited him over to stay the night.

"I'll make food, we can have a nice, quiet night." - the other man had said to him.

Turns out that Kris wasn't exactly the most... skilled in the kitchen, so what Tao had imagined being a culinary adventure ended up with Kris clumsily making rolls of kimbap on the counter, Tao watching over him closely to make sure the man didn't chop any fingers off.

The timing seemed alright though, and Tao knew he looked handsome that night - so Tao leaned over the counter, as ily as he could, making sure that his button-up shirt was flaring open at the top just enough to give the other man a teasing glimpse of bare flesh.

"Kris..."  Tao called, making his voice as sickeningly sweet as possible.

"Mmm?"  The man half grunted, focusing intensely on his task of chopping the roll into (very uneven) pieces.

Tao leaned over further, putting his chin on his hand as he pursed his lips cutely.

"Listen, I've been thinking, and I think I want-"

"- some kimbap?!"  Kris triumphantly held up his first piece, taking Tao's open-mouthed stare as sign of encouragement to stuff the piece into his mouth.

Tao felt his eyebrows knit together as he coughed on the huge portion, chewing as quickly as he could.

"Mm, dath naw wha-"  Tao finally swallowed.  "That's not what I meant.  I-"

-and in popped another piece of kimbap.

Tao grunted.  "Wadderheh!"

"What do you think, does it taste good?!" 

Tao rolled his eyes, chewing and swallowing the kimbap piece as best he could before nodding briefly and opening his mouth again.

"I knew you'd like it!  Here, have another -"

Tao gave a mangled growl of frustration.

-

The second time Tao tried, it was weeks later. 

"Oh- , , , oh my God- Kris- I- coming again- !!!!"

"...Tao!"

...they were panting on top of Tao's small kitchen table.  Tao his lips and moaned in satisfaction, pushing his fogged up glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he slid off of the other man's .

As usual, lacking the other's energy, post- Kris was as floppy and as lazy as a baby seal.  He grunted as he lifted his hips, the yardstick slowly unsticking from his skin from where it had been uncomfortably pressed beneath him.

"Ow, Tao.  That's the last time I let you talk me into doing something crazy again."

Tao winked flirtatiously, reaching over to tug lightly at the other's school tie, undoing the knot and freeing the older man's hands.  "Oh come on.  You were definitely enjoying yourself there, from the way you kept screaming my name."

Ducking to dodge the fist that came lazily swinging his way as he hopped off the table to disappear down the hall, Tao continued to howl in laughter. 

" 'Oh, Mr. Huang!  Mr. Huang!  I've been a bad student!' "

Kris finally caught up with the other man, tackling him in the middle of the hallway with a back hug.

"That's it.  You're going down."

Tao shrieked in laughter as the other tightened his grip, picking him up off the ground only to wrestle him onto the floor.  Kris fell on top of him, forcing Tao to lose his breath for a second, wheezing even as his stomach began to hurt from the force of his chuckles. 

Kris was nibbling at his throat, making his way up until he was cupping the other man's face in his hands, nuzzling their noses together.

Tao hummed, laughter dying down into warm, delighted giggles.

He stared up, holding the older man's warm gaze, feeling a thumb rub gently across his cheek.

Tao's eyes softened.  "...Kris, I-"

The mood was broken by a loud series of knocks against the door.

Tao furrowed his eyes, his hands shooting out to grab onto Kris' arms as the man began to get up, pulling him back down onto his body.

"Probably just some door-to-door salesman, whoever it is, they'll go away soon.  Now, as I was saying-"

The knocking came again, louder this time.

"...okay, who the -"

"YOOOOOOO, IT'S SEHUN, OPEN UP MOTHER FFFFERRRRRRRR."

They both froze.

"Hey, sorry for not calling - Luhan's being a because I may or may not have spilled pasta sauce onto his laptop - sooooo I've decided to ride out the nuclear fallout here - but I'll make it worth your time, promise.  Listen to this: a case of Shiner and the entire Police Academy series - you bet your tight we're having a marathon tonight, ol' buddy ol' pal!"

Tao smacked his hand over his face.

"...Hello?!   I know you're in here, Tao, your bike is still outside!   ...Are you in the shower again?  Okay, I'm calling your cell!  I'm calling!"

Kris banged his hand against the ground, growling in irritation.  Pulling himself off of in a huff, he began to crack his knuckles, heading to the door with a look in his eyes that promised death. 

Tao scrambled to his feet.

"Ah!  No no no-  Kris, put some underwear on at least- for 's sake-"

-

Third time's the charm, and Tao would make damn sure the man was alert and paying attention, this time.

They were on Kris' couch, only half paying attention to the TV in front of them. 

Tao checked his watch, running his mind through what their schedule looked like for the next day.

Finding it clear, Tao grabbed for the remote, turning the sound down lower over a confused and quiet protest. 

He straddled the older man, grabbing the lapel of his blazer and running playful fingers over it.

"Honey..."

Tao watched as an Adam’s apple bobbed in quick succession, the other man's eyes pulling from the TV to immediately focus on his own, hands already wrapping tight around his hips.

Oh, he was paying attention alright.

"Baby, I was just thinking..."

"-You were thinking?  Something's got to be wrong- what's wrong?"  Kris pressed, leaning forward with jokingly frantic eyes. 

"Ha, ha, very funny."  Tao groaned, using the tip of his finger on Kris' forehead to push the other man back, ignoring the man's deep chuckles. 

"Hey, listen though, what I'm trying to say is really important.  I-"

The sound of Kris' loud cellphone cut through the air, and the man was already fishing the phone out from his pockets, looking at the name displayed on it with a look of surprise on his face.

Before Tao could say a word, Kris was sliding off the couch, gently depositing his younger lover onto the couch as he made an apologetic face. 

Picking up the call with a swipe of his finger against the phone -

"Hello - mom?"

Tao watched the man disappear out from the room, flopping back into the couch cushions to let out a half-hearted groan of exasperation.

-

Half an hour later and Kris was still talking to his mom on the phone. 

Tao was never really the patient type, so he took the time to wander curiously around the house, stopping again by the bookcase to take a closer look at the woman Kris was currently on the phone with. 

Kris definitely looked more like his father than his mother... but he had undoubtedly took some of her best features as well - her sparkling eyes, that flawless smile.

Tao tapped on the glass frame with his finger, smiling fondly.

Backing up from the bookcase, his eyes fell upon the other items lining it - ships in a bottle, conch shells, other miscellaneous trinkets - and then his eyes refocused on the one thing he had seen those weeks before. 

Ah - their yearbook.

It was still slightly pulled out from the shelf, a stark difference from the rest of the books which lay in otherwise perfect order on the shelf.

Tao reached out, pulling it out carefully, slowly sliding it out from where it was wedged between the other books.

Walking over to Kris' office desk, Tao set the heavy tome on it, sitting on the edge of the table as he pulled it open, beginning to thumb through the pages.

Waves of nostalgia hit him as he saw for the first time in ten years the pictures of their teenage years in between those pages. 

But as much as Tao enjoyed the sights, he had to wonder - why had Kris bothered to buy a yearbook?  For Tao, it was no question that he would have bought one if he had had the money.  Even with just a quick glance, it was so easy for him to find himself in the pictures.  There he was, page 25, playing soccer with Luhan and Minseok, and there he was again on page 73, standing with a volleyball tucked under his arm, his tie flipped over his shoulder.

But Kris?  The other hadn't walked with them, hadn't even been in any clubs as far as Tao had known...

He'd come in every day for class and leave straight after when the bell rang, driven away in a long black car. 

Tao frowned, flipping to the last page of their class section, scanning row by row until-

Wu, Kris.

The same man, a decade younger, staring up at the camera sullenly with a frown on his mouth. 

Tao wondered whether or not that frown had been his doing.  More than likely, indirectly or not, it had.

Tao sighed, the picture with a finger, looking at it thoughtfully for a second longer before turning back a page, in search for himself.

It didn't take long. 

On the page in which he appeared, his picture was circled with a deep, red marker.

-

Red circles drawn multiple times around his picture.

Cryptic words, written in the same pen, next to it -

This time -

This time I'll get him.

-

"Yeah, mom, I'll tell him.  Alright, I'll talk to you soon.  Bye."

Kris ended the call, opening the porch door to come back inside - only to leap out of the way of a quickly departing Tao who came bursting through the door, his book bag already slung over his shoulder.

Kris reached out and took hold of the other's arm, pulling him back.

"Tao- what- are you leaving?  What's wrong?"

Tao looked back at him, his eyes haunted and distracted.  He gave a small, tight smile, shaking his head.

"I- I need to do a few things.  Have a few errands I forgot to run."

Kris let go his arm, already patting down his pockets for his keys.

"Errands?  Wait for me - I'll go grab my car keys, let me drive you -"

"- No.  No, it's okay.  I'll be fine on my own." 

Kris stared, watching bewildered as Tao turned to step off the porch, grabbing his bike from where it was leaning against the steps.

"I'll... I'll just see you on Monday, Kris."

Without looking back, Tao slung his leg over the other side of the bike, kicking clouds of dirt out from beneath him as he began to pedal away.

Kris watched him leave, standing on the porch of his home with an expression of confusion and worry in his eyes.

When he went back inside, he could find no traces of the man's distress.

Everything was clean- tidy as it had been- in perfect place.

He didn't notice the book, hidden back on the bookshelf, flat and even with the books that surrounded it. 

-

When Tao sat down to think about it, it all made terrible sense. 

The realization that a childish grudge, unsated and harbored for years, had turned into some kind of insidious, horrible game.

Tao had been so wrapped up in the experience - hadn't realized just how much he had placed in the other's hands until he finally looked at it all now.

His clothes, the glasses on his nose, the apartment he lived in, the job he had...

How had he been so stupid?

Tao held on to hope desperately - but when he finally gathered enough courage to check, he could see that there had been recent activity on his bank records.

And then he remembered a half-heard conversation, from weeks ago -

"...make sure the bank is made aware of the changes being made.  Yes, thank you."

His heart grew cold, and although tears never came, he felt his legs grow weak beneath him, collapsing onto his bed to stare at the wall in front of him with numb comprehension.

You've won, Kris.  You've won.

-

When Kris came in the next morning for work, he found Tao already waiting for him, sitting on the edge of his desk with a paper in his hands.

"...Tao?"

"Sir."

Kris immediately set his things down on the ground, stepping toward Tao with alarmed confusion.  But the other man stepped out of his reach, gesturing for him to sit down at his desk.  No matter how he tried, the other refused to come to him, so Kris did as he was asked, sinking down in the leather chair with a heart that beat at a rate which threatened to burst out of his chest.

Tao stepped back up to the desk, slowly sliding him the paper.

Kris picked up the piece of paper with fingers that began to tremble more and more with every word he read.  When he could no longer hold the page, the letter of resignation slipped out from between his slackened grip, falling back onto the table beneath it.

"...why?"  His voice cracked, eyes unseeing.

Tao slowly sank down in the seat opposite him.

"...you know, when I was young and times got rough, I would sneak out of whatever house I was living in at the time.  Take my bike out, ride it until I hit the nearest beach.  Sit in the sand.  ...watch the sun set."

"Back then, I liked to think of myself as the wave, trying so hard to- to leave my past behind.  But... it always comes back to the shore. And you... you'll never let me forget, will you?"

Kris remained deathly quiet, hands balling into fists.

"...I've told you things I haven't even told Sehun - my fears, my hopes, my dreams.  I... I opened up to you, Kris.  God, I even told you about my parents.  And, up until now, I thought you were..."

Tao sank into silence, gripping his knees tightly as he tried to find his words. 

"...I saw your yearbook."

He heard Kris shift.

"...checked my bank records."

Tao looked up to the other man who stared back at him with the same broken expression he had on his own face.

"Just... just tell me it's all a lie - a joke - and we can go back to what we were before, Kris please!"

Kris opened his mouth, as if wanting to say something, but then closed it again, clenching his eyes shut and looking away.

"Tao.  I'm so sorry, I never... never meant for it to go this far.  It wasn't my intention, I-"

Tao in a deep, wounded breath, the words washing over him numbly.  He stood abruptly from his chair, hearing it clatter to the ground behind him.  Tao whirled around, gathering his jacket as he pulled it on quickly, moving back toward the door.  Kris stood sharply at the sight, watching him begin to leave with wet eyes.

"Please, Tao, I didn't mean for it to be like this!"

Tao paused in his steps, turning back to him with anger and distrust in his eyes.

"If you want me to stay so bad, why don't you just order me?  Threaten me with that contract of yours?!"

Kris flinched, looking down in defeat.

"...I'm done giving orders."

Tao felt his heart crack as he smirked bitterly, moving to the door and opening it quietly. 

Before he could leave though, a shattered, quiet voice reached out to him, imploring.

"I-I'm so, so sorry.  I know what this all looks like - but I- I-... you'll come back, won't you?  If I wait... for as long as it takes."

Tao let out a shuddering laugh.

"Don't bother."

He slammed the door shut behind him.

The once smug, strong man sank defeated into his chair, tears already spilling out onto his cheeks as he folded his head onto his arms. 

"...you'll come back.  Promise me, you'll come back."

-

Sehun had been his best friend for years.

When he didn't receive any response to his texts for the next two hours, he knew something was wrong, even if the other man hadn't said a thing at all.

Sehun appeared at Tao's door half an hour later, pounding on it until the man finally unlocked the door to let him in.

Tao looked - shellshocked, haggard, his hair a mess, his eyes wide but unfocused. 

The living room was in a disarray, half-packed boxes lying strewn everywhere, and Sehun had to gingerly step over pieces of paper and clothing until he could pull Tao back onto the couch, throwing a comforting arm over the other's shoulder.

Slowly, over the course of an hour, he pulled the full story from him in bits and pieces.

When he finally understood what had happened, Sehun cupped a sympathetic hand over Tao's dry cheek, watching the man lock his feelings deeper into himself, in a place where not even he could touch them.

"What'll you do now, Tao?"

"I'll survive.  Just like I always have."