It's suffocating sometimes.
Life is suffocating.
You stand in the line of fire each day of your life and the saddest part is that you don't even care anymore.
You don't care who will be there and who will not,you don't care about the pain or how you'll die.
You only care about one thing.
What you've done up till now.
 

"Does it hurt?" The brunette asked and Yongguk looked up from his arm.
"It stings a little when the needle enters but other then that,no" it was an honest question and he gave an honest answer.


If he had known what it would lead to he would have lied.


"Then can I try?" The other asked with hopeful eyes.
Yongguk sighed and put the syringe down "Dae...you know you can't".
Daehyun frowned as he picked up the syringe and stared at it.
"I want to know how it feels too...to be high and all..." He muttered and put it back where it was with a deep sigh then got up and headed towards the door.
Before opening it he turned around and smiled, "I mean,it must be really nice if people get addicted to this so easily" he said then walked out,Yongguk just shook his head and continued with the injection,letting the drug settle then release a high through his whole body.
 

If people had the chance to erase the bad and the stupid things they did they would probably jump on the opportunity.
And he would have done it as well,but his bad choices sometimes led to pretty good out comes.
If he would have stopped sooner Daehyun would have left,and he would be right to, he stayed just to get a shot at it,to know how it feels.
It didn't take time before Yongguk fell for his trap and he let the boy abuse.
He regretted that specific moment for the rest of his life.
 

"Don't take in too much on your first try,start small then build your way up" he instructed the younger as he tied the tourniquet around his arm and gave him the syringe.
Daehyun nodded as he took the syringe then waited for his hyung to find his artery,when Yongguk did,he followed his careful guidance and let the needle puncher through his skin and into the blood vessel,he pressed the syringe as the liquid poured in and took a deep breath.
 

Yongguk got up and walked away,feeling empty.
Empty from pain,happiness,sadness,anger,just empty.
Some would say its good,that sometimes feeling is like taking a breath of cold air,letting the wind nip at the inside walls of your throat.
But they were wrong.
He missed feelings,he hated being numb.
Being painfully unaware yet knowing it's all on purpose.
What could he do?he lost that spark, that one thing he was passionate of keeping.
What's more is that there was no one else to blame aside from him.
 

Daehyun shook violently as he searched through the house frantically.
Yongguk finally returned home when he saw the younger, a huge mess.
"Dae!i need you to calm down!breath!" He said to him but the other shook his head.
"N-no! I need m-more! Where is t-the rest?!" He stuttered as he stumbled across the apartment.
"Damn it...just breath! Just ing breath!" He yelled and Daehyun stopped and turned around to look at him, he suddenly collapsed onto his knees as tears welled up in his eyes and he started sniffing and stifling sobs.
"I need it! Hyung please! I don't know what to do! You need to help me!!" He cried and the older wrapped his arms around him for a hug,letting the younger cry to his heart content.
 

He should've stopped it,maybe then he would've felt less guilty.
But he loved Daehyuns attention,he strived for more of it each day that went by.

Yongguk turned around and stared at him for a while,or maybe he was a ghost because Yongguk was sure he couldn't have been there.
He knew he couldn't be there.
He sighed as he realized he brought a bouquet but forgot to give it to him so he went back with heavy steps.
He bent down and smiled softly then brushed the name carved in the stone.
"Hey...I forgot to give you this..." He said,knowing perfectly well that he was talking to himself.
He stood up and looked at the figure in front of him.

"I shouldn't have let it go this far,you were just a kid,you had your whole life planned out for you...you were just a kid".
He walked away then he heard the other call his name and stopped,turning around and walking back to him.

"You're not here,you're under there" he pointed at the ground next to the stone.
"You were just a kid,and that's how it goes right?suffocating or not we just live...and I know it's on me,you are buried down there because of me and I know it,I know it's on me,but you don't get to blame me,the whole world blames me so you don't get to blame me."

Yongguk stepped on some flowers in his bouquet as he passed by,ignoring the imaginary ghost he has been putting up with for so long as it bent down and looked at the roses laid on his grave.
Yongguk stopped in his tracks once again and turned around then yelled, "I love you,I was the only one who cared,you weren't missed...your mother would've sold you for drugs if you were still alive,your dad still relies only on the silent words of his fists and belt,I was the only one who cared!!"

The small amount of people in the grave yard stared at him.
though He only had eyes for the ghost of his loved one.

His voice cracked as he spoke again,"and it's suffocating!!so damn suffocating to know its on me...so you don't get to blame me...I was the one left behind,alone...so you don't get to blame me..."

ohhhh....sad... yeah well! hope you enjoyed and i somehow made you relate to them a little! ;)