❛ Star  -   Section  A❜

Reviewed by: Infinityjong

Title (7/10)
I would say your title is a title that could stir up interest but not enough. If user were to be browsing for stories, he/she may or may not click on your story to view it. Yes, it is unique but I won’t say that it’s mysterious or attractive enough to attract users to read your story. Nonetheless, it is original and fits into your story. 

Characterization (5/10)
Your characters are shallow. This is because they are not developed. Through the four chapters I have read, I cannot pin-point how your characters are like or what they like/ do for a hobby/ dislike so on so forth. I am sorry to say, but I did not enjoy any of your characters. Please also specify, Star Section-A’s position in the school. I don’t know why they are even called that or what they major in so on so forth. 
Okay. Let’s start off with your main character, Suzy. She for one is too vaguely described. You need to give her more life and feed her more information about her personal life. She is your main character. Focus on developing her more! With proper development, she can become a wonderful and interesting character that would add beauty to your story. Actually, this would apply to every single one of your characters. What I think you should have done is to slowly introduce them into the story. By flooding your first chapter with every single character, you are not only, causing the reader to be confused but you are also bringing down the brilliance of your story writing. 
This is what I think you should have done:
1. Introduce your characters slowly through the story. This way, you’re able to develop your characters more and bring more depth into their character building. 
2. If you find it hard to do character building, write out character portfolios. By doing so, you can keep a record of your characters and bring more depth into them. In fact, if you were to forget any special characteristics of your particular character, referring to these portfolios would be useful. 

Setting (6/10)
I see the effort to describe your surroundings which was great! However, it is not enough. I am aware that at the very start of each chapter, there is a picture of a particular place in the story that is shown. However, you cannot rely on the picture to do your job. In fact, you’re still supposed to describe your surroundings; instead the pictures are your EXTRA ENHANCED help. After all, your fan-fiction revolves around mystery and description of murder scenes is absolutely necessary. 

Problem/Conflict (9/20)
Problems and conflicts faced within the story are badly explained and slightly unrealistic. The following questions were questions that I had asked myself while reading your story. 

What was Suzy’s reason to investigate?
The reason was unclear. In fact, it was not explained at all. She just happened to dive right into the murder case with no reasons to.
Why was IU so revengeful when Wooyoung merely threw her a little insult? 
I’m sorry to disagree with you on IU’s behavior. Yes, I agree that she would be angry but no, I don’t to her wanting to get revenge! What has Wooyoung even done seriously enough to want to get revenge? It wasn’t like he had insulted her in front of the whole school. It wasn’t as if he was her boyfriend and that he had been lying the whole time. I think IU was going overboard. 
How was it Star Section-A’s duty or business to investigate the case? 

Please thoroughly explain it in the further chapters. I understand that it is only your first 4 chapters.

Organisation (10/20)
I must say that I like it. I like your plot because it is interesting