" You can deny it. But we both know how it works here and how it works anywhere else. There are classes, there are standards, there are groups and being in a certain group means keeping a certain standard. Come back to your senses, come back with us. " - that was the last message Nana sent her which Nicole ignored and went on with what she already decided.

They grew up together and used to know everything about each other. So similar but so different. They used to be the shoulder they'd lean on whenever they were down. They used to be the hand they'd reach when they were in trouble. They used to be the voice they'd listen to when they were lost. Nana and Nicole used to be bestfriends.

Nicole had to reach the school rooftop after her encounter with Nana. She needed some time alone, time to stop, reflect and take a breath before going back to the life she chose to live.

" We didn't leave you, Nicole. We just didn't like the decision you made and you left. You turned your back and started distancing yourself from your friends and from me.

Yes, we put on branded clothes, heels and heavy make up. So what? What's wrong in trying to look the best?

We party and we do it hard. What's wrong with having fun? If we don't have fun now then when? We're young and we have to enjoy ourselves.

Tell me. What did you gain from your change? And is that you? Is that really you? Or just someone you'd want to be.

You used to have everything, Nicole. A boyfriend, a bestfriend, a lot of friends, admiration, popularity, respect. Well, a life. "

 

 [Nicole's POV] 

I took a deep sigh as I leaned myself forward. I looked down and I wondered for a brief moment if I'd get hurt throwing myself from up here. Of course, I would. But why was I thinking about hurting myself I didn't know.

Maybe it was my bestfriend, my used to be bestfriend and her piercing words. As always she was able to turn the tables and make me look at things the way she wanted. I can't believe how certain things never change and I can't believe that I'm really reflecting on what she said.

What's wrong in trying to look the best?

I admit that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. With the branded clothes, heels and heavy make up.. I felt the others looking at me in amazement. They'd long for me to look back at them and I'd feel beautiful. I felt like I could do anything I wanted and I could make others do anything I wanted. I was that confident. A confidence I got from the others' perspective of me. A confidence that dropped after the others stopped worshipping me.

Now, with a bun, glasses and sneakers. I barely look at myself. I like it, I feel fresh but I don't like how I'd think of the others opinions on me. There isn't that amazement in their eyes anymore. They'd raise a brow and an almost disgusted expression would appear in their faces.

What's wrong with having fun?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that too. I used to have fun, a lot of fun. A smile naturally curved as I recalled the nights I spent out drinking, dancing and partying. It was fun, it was a lot of fun but it got so repetitive that it got boring and that's why I thought about leaving everything.

Now, it's still as boring. My days are all about school, being in front of the PC watching dramas or reading books. Everything quite forgettable, I must say. But I feel like I'm resting, resting from the tiring life I used to live. A sigh escaped my lips.

What did you gain from your change? You used to have everything.

I can't list her anything that she'd think it was worth, actually I can't list anything at all because truth to be told I don't think I gained anything from the decision I made.

Now, I don't have a boyfriend. The person I wrote a confession letter to ignored it and I must admit the view I had of him changed. I didn't expect for him to return my feelings, I didn't expect anything but I was at least pretending for him to have the balls to face me. He got a girlfriend instead.

Coincidence wanted that his girlfriend is one of the few people I talk to. They're those I have short conversations with from time to time within the school walls. I got a few of them and she is one of them. She's really pretty, nice and feminine. She's like the female version of him in terms of image. She is Seohyun.

Now, I don't have admiration, popularity, respect from those who used to give them to me anymore. In short, I only got those who raise their brows, the few ones I can talk to and the majority who simply choose to ignore me. The person I used to like and my very own sister included.

Now, as if I pressed a pause, stop or reset botton, I feel empty and I guess so is my life.

Another sigh escaped my lips.

♦♦♦♦♦

" Don't.. " Sehun spoke hesitantly. Throat going dry, voice refusing to come out knowing what he could expect if he continued. He glanced at her and saw her putting another spoon in .

" Don't you think that we could at least.. greet her? " he asked his girlfriend who immediately turned to him with an evil glare.

Earlier they saw Nicole in the hallway, Jiyoung passed by ignoring her as always while Sehun met her eyes and nodded as an acknowledgement. He didn't like it. Why was Jiyoung so cold towards her older sister? When Nicole looked so nice, so loving towards her.

Jiyoung told him that Nicole chose her path where she didn't belong to. " She chose to be a loner then let her be. I won't go down with her. " She said firmly giving him a look telling him to drop that topic.

" I don't want to fight " she muttered turning back to her food again.

He knew it, he felt it. She was angry and he had to make up for it. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to give her a kiss on the cheek.

" I'm sorry " he whispered.

He wasn't supposed to ask her that, not again because that reaction was expected. She didn't want to be asked about her sister, she didn't want to talk about her. Sehun still tried because he liked Nicole and he respected her.

Nicole was the person who raised Jiyoung as the girl he got attracted to, the girl he loved with his whole heart. She welcomed him in their place, she was always nice to him and treated him like a real brother. They happened to converse when Jiyoung wasn't around and Nicole asked him to take care of her and be patient because deep inside Jiyoung was still the girl he first met.

Jiyoung tilted her head and pecked his lips signaling that she was fine " I'm thirsty "

Sehun gave her a nod and went to get a bottled water.

Sehun and Jiyoung have known each other since they first entered that school. She was this bright, cute and confident girl that instantly got his attention. He approached her with no second thoughts pushed by new feelings taking over him. Was it love at first sight? He started following her around and as he talked to her he learned that she was a girl with her head on her shoulders who grew up with solid values and principles. 

He liked listening to her telling him stories about her and her sister. He admired how close they were and how they could live by themselves at such a young age.

They started dating not long after. He could clearly remember how her eyes widened in surprise, they got watery when he repeated his question and she jumped on him to pull him into a tight hug before saying " Yes, yes. I want to be your girlfriend Oh Sehun "

They were cute, really cute together. Sehun treated her like a princess always showering her with attention. He never missed to open the door for her, to pull out a seat for her, to hug her and say sweet words to her.

It was like a fairytale.

A few months passed and Jiyoung started to change. She let her circle of friends influence her, her group of followers get into her head. She became what Nicole used to fear, she was lured in that world her sister often warned her from.

She started doing things that she wouldn't normally do, things that her sister told her were wrong and Sehun had to let them pass. He forgave her when she hang out with other guys behind his back or when she deliberately danced and flirted with them because she reassured him that she only did it to please her friends adding to always keep in mind that she only had her eyes for him anyway.

He believed in her because he loved her. He probably loved her to the point that he got blinded. Or maybe not, because it was true that Jiyoung loved him just as much. Despite everything they were each other's first love.

" This is only how it works, Sehun " she told him.

Sehun didn't like how it worked and he would've definitely preferred to go against it and distance themselves from that world just like what Nicole did but he had to stay because Jiyoung did but unlike her, he didn't let his circle of friends influence him. Even if they telling him that he had to experiment different things and experience different girls, he brushed them off saying that he'd rather stick with one worthy girl than having tons unworthy ones. 

" Hey " Jiyoung gasped when she heard his deep voice in her ear and his cold fingers placed on her thigh.

" Don't touch me " she sent him a glared and jerked him off.

He smirked and placed his hand back on her thigh as he eyed her knowingly. Jiyoung fixated her gaze on her food putting on a poker face not wanting for anyone to look at them suspiciously.

" You weren't against it the other night "

Park Chanyeol. 

She uttered trying her best to keep her composure.

He was a friend of Sehun and one of 'those friends' for her. He never hid his interest, his hunger for her. He told her from the start that he liked her, that he wanted her and he couldn't care less if she was his friend's girlfriend.

" Here it is " Sehun handed her the bottled water that he already opened for her " Oh, hyung you're here "

" I was.. " he squeezed her thigh causing her to bit her lower lip to refrain herself for making any awkward sound and movement. He then put his hands on the table and flashed his dongsaeng a bright smile " I was asking Jiyoung about your plans for tonight "

" Ahmm.. I got a dinner at home. I wanted her to come but she said she's going to die of boredom "

" Well, she can come with us "

Sehun looked at his girlfriend who swallowed her food and looked back at him " Yes, I guess I'm coming. You're fine with that, right? " she said casually and put another spoon in .

Sehun had no choice but to nod because even if it could sound like a question, it never was. She always decided for herself. She never felt the need to ask for his opinion nor for his permission and if he didn't like the idea of her going out without him she said that there was no one else to blame but him.

" If you weren't busy, I wouldn't have to go out without you " her words when he asked her in the past not to go out without him.

Jiyoung cheating on her boyfriend started one of those nights Sehun couldn't go out with her. Her friends told her that she needed to have fun and to explore other things, other guys  " We're young, Jing! " same words Nana used to tell Nicole. They kept on telling her that she was being too good-y because of Sehun's influence and they were afraid she was going to take the same path as her sister.

Jiyoung didn't want that. She didn't like how her sister ended up and promised herself not to do that.  She rolled her sleeves and went to the dance floor where she met him. The first guy she cheated on Sehun with. They started talking, they were dancing and before she knew it she getting it in with him.

She knew it was for fun, to fit the environment she was living in. She continued doing it and her friends could only be proud and happy about it.

From that night on she marked her decision on learning how it worked. She studied everything and everyone. She was going to act how she was supposed to, she was going to do things people expected to but in her heart there were the same values, solid principles and people she was going to treassure.

♦♦♦♦♦

 [Nicole's POV] 

I remember his voice coming from behind, I turned and there he was making his way to me. With a poker face, hands on his pocket he stared straightly into my eyes. I don't remember what he exactly told me but I remember the feeling of being saved, the feeling of a hand reaching for mine and dragging me away from the place I felt so burdensome and suffocating. It was only a feeling though because he didn't drag me, he didn't touch me. He just left and I found myself following him behind.

He handed me a helmet and I put it on without asking myself why was I doing it or where he was going to take me.

Kai.

This is his name.

We left the school and reached the beach.

" It must be frustrating, right? A past that keeps on coming back, memories that keep on haunting you. And questions.. a lot of them. You used to be what you were supposed to be, you used to do what others expected you to. You changed in what you thought was right. Someone who's quiet, responsible and mature. But is that right? Isn't that a little too extreme?

You should be who you really are, you should do what you really want. It's as simple as that."

He spoke in a sedate tone. He spoke like everything he said was true, everything he said was a fact and for someone like me who was confused and lost I listened to him attentively and agreed to every single word.

I left the school with someone I didn't know much. I was at the beach with nothing I could take a bath with or later dry myself with. I couldn't be who I really was because I didn't know it yet but I knew what I wanted to do I jumped into the water. I played, I swam, I looked at the waves and wished for them to brush away all the negativity and worries. I didn't realize it until he pointed it out. I was smiling. I was smiling widely.

" Thank you " I said as I walked up to him. He dropped himself on the sand and didn't say anything. I dropped myself next to him and for the next hour we kept quiet. We listened to the fresh breeze which was brushing against our bare skin and the sound of the waves which was so relaxing.

I gasped when I felt something on my shoulder. It was his leather jacket he put on me " You might catch a cold after this "

I only heard about him just like he must've heard of me. I knew that he's the same age as Jiyoung and that he's pretty popular despite not being in that circle of friends. He looked cold and mysterious because he barely smiled. He could come off as kind of rude because he didn't spend his time being nice to those who didn't deserve it, he didn't think he had to please the others because he didn't care about how he could appear to them.

He was what he was and he did what he wanted.

He was that someone I couldn't help but envy, that someone I couldn't help but admire.

Kai.

I repeated his name in my head.

He brought me home and I knew I didn't want him to leave. Don't leave. I would've wanted to say but before I could speak he already disappeared and I had no choice but to walk in. There wasn't anyone yet. Jiyoung must've been somewhere with Sehun and her friends as usual.

♦♦♦♦♦

Jiyoung wasn't with Sehun because she was with her friends and Chanyeol who had her on his lap and his arms wrapping her waist. There was no need to hide or be subtle there. Her friends were more than happy with her being with him and the others were too drunk or too busy with their wrong doings to notice.

Chanyeol planted wet kisses on the back of her neck as she drowned another glass of beer " Why don't you just leave him for me? " he whispered in her ear.

" Because you're not half as good as he is " a smirk curved on her face.

" Yet we both get in your pants, right? " he remarked bitterly and lifted her chin to crush his lips on hers.

Chanyeol wasn't the first guy she cheated on Sehun with and he wasn't the last either but he didn't care. He was interested in her, in her body and the things they did together but there was no way he wanted a relationship with her. Not with her, not with anyone. He didn't really mean it when he asked her to leave her boyfriend for him. He was just being a tease and he knew that was something that could never happen.

For him, the situation was just something a guy like him couldn't resist. It was just so intriguing to be able to touch her, to kiss her when she was already taken and she was taken by one of his friends but he knew their bounderies, their understanding was physical only. He knew that if ever his interest surpassed those bounderies Jiyoung was going to stop meeting him.

Because Jiyoung never thought about leaving Sehun, not once the thought lingered her mind and she never would. She was sure that there wasn't anyone else for her better than him and she loved him. She loved him even though she wasn't always nice to him. She loved him even though she was cheating on him continously. Despite everything, he was the only one that she was loving. He was the only person she would think of when she was or when she wasn't with him. Even during those times she was getting it in with someone else that wasn't him. 

No one could imagine how Jiyoung perfectly distinguished what was in her head (her friends, her environment, the others) and what was in her heart (her boyfriend, her sister, her bestfriend). No one but herself.

♦♦♦♦♦

 The day after - lunch break 

Sehun placed their tray on the table. He pulled out the seat for his girlfriend before taking a seat himself. He just had to kiss her on her shoulder as he curved a smile. There were no words to describe how much he loved her. He never felt like that before, he felt the happiest when he was with her. 

Jiyoung made a cute face and moved her shoulder towards his. She was slightly embarrassed by the way he looked at her. He was like eating her with his eyes and of course his expression screamed love. She was touched and again she confirmed to herself that there was no better boyfriend than hers.

" What did you do last night? " he asked as they started eating. Uhm? She glanced at him and grinned mischievously.

" Things I couldn't do with you " Sehun shook his head at his hopeless girlfriend.

Jiyoung always gave him these vague answers. It was a very smart way not to lie straight to his face. He knew her and he knew her antics but rather than furthering his questions he refrained himself and continued eating.

He didn't want to argue with her.

It happened countless times and it was useless. He was going to accuse her, she was going to deny. He was going to tell her he loved her, she was going to tell him she loved him back but certain things had to go certain ways because that was the environment they were living in.

Always the same things. He concluded.

Too many things he was forgiving, too many things he wasn't seeing, too many things he was denying. Was he being patient? Was he being blind? Was he being in denial? Or simply in love.

" Hey kids, do you mind if we join you? " they looked up to find Luhan and Seohyun placing their tray on their table. Jiyoung waved her hands and smiled before motioning them to make themselves comfortable.

Luhan and Seohyun have been dating for a little over a week. They were a fresh couple in the school and they were already being gossiped for being a perfect match. They were beautiful separately but put together they were something breathtaking. They were the male and female version of each other in terms of image. Both giving off this clean and pure aura that people wouldn't even dare to touch them for being afraid that the two could get dirty.

" Jing, did you see your unnie? " wh.. why? Jiyoung stiffened at the girl's question. She didn't like to be asked about her sister, she didn't want to be related to her at school but she kept her composure and shook her head.

" No, I didn't "

Even though Jiyoung wouldn't usually even bother to look at her sister when they met in the hallway, that day she still noticed her absence and secretly wondered where she could be. Did she skip school? She asked herself.

" I had something to ask her " Seohyun said with a slight of disappointment.

" What is it? " Sehun asked curiosly earning a nudge from his girlfriend. Drop it.

" I wanted to ask her to come to my birthday party. Do you think she can come? Can you ask her for me? "

" She's not into parties.... anymore " Jiyoung brushed off with a forced smile.

" You can still ask her, right? " Sehun didn't want to let go. Jiyoung turned to the two and nodded forcing another smile.

Sehun didn't only respect Nicole and felt thankful towards her but he also wished for the two sister to go back to what they used to be. They were so united. There was also that curiousity of him as he wondered if the old Jiyoung could appear again if ever she distanced herself from her circle of friends and group of followers. He wondered what would happen if she settled everything with her sister.

Of course Seohyun noticed how uneasy Jiyoung was being asked about her sister and it was known at school how the two drifted apart so she dropped the topic and decided to ask Nicole personally.

Seohyun wanted to befriend Nicole. She liked her. She liked the courage she had as she gave up everything to live a normal and peaceful high-school life and when they talked she found her really nice and she saw in her a possible very good friend.

Luhan was just eating. He would've preferred to have lunch with his girlfriend only or with his friends at least but Seohyun insisted to go there.

Luhan knew Nicole from their first year. She was one of the most popular freshman. At that time he never happened to talk to her. He would only hear about her from his friends who would drool over her. He had to admit that she was pretty interesting but he was more into the cute, shy and feminine girls. Someone like Seohyun who had her studies as her priority rather than make up, heels, and parties.

He got kind of shocked when he saw the revolution the girl went through. How could someone change so drastically? He didn't necessarily think that it was for the worse or for the better but such a huge change was really something.

They happened to talk a few times after that. Their short conversations were mostly about school matters and once or twice about their brother and sister dating. He figured out that she was nice and when they met in the hallway he would greet her with a smile.

For reasons unknown to him, he noticed that in the past couple of weeks she seemed.... cold towards him? They were never really friends or he couldn't even say that they were anything close to that but he thought that they were at least on friendly terms. Could he be wrong? Because some days before, he saw her and he prepared himself to greet her but when their eyes were about to meet she quickly looked away.

Maybe she didn't see him, maybe she was immersed in her thoughts, maybe it was just him thinking too much about it.... he shrugged it off.

 

Here is the first chapter which briefly introduced some of the characters and their (future) relationships. 

The first draft I had of this story was really fluffy, light. I don't know how it ended up like this. I guess I decided to experiment with messed up characters as I worked on it wanting to try something different from my other stories. 

For those who followed me should know by now how much I love both Nicole and Jiyoung but this time.... female leads possibly not being saints and the boys being the ones suffering because of them. Two sisters and boys, a lot of boys.

 As I said, dear readers, I got no high-expectations and I warn you not to.

Feel free to drop comments, constructive criticism or unsubscribe if you are disappointed :)