I knew I should not have answered the call
Long time no see
Your voice is trembling
My regret is turning into sigh

Trrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!! Trrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggg!

The sound filling the silence in the apartment. Rushed steps were heard as the phone continues to ring. Long fingers wrapped around the reciever. He looked at the number and saw that it was a private number. His heart skipped a beat as anxiety slowly creeped through his whole body. Somehow he knows who the caller was, pressing the green button, he answered the phone.

"Hello?" he asked,  but all he got were hushed sobs.

"Hello? Are you planning on talking or am I just wasting my time talking to myself on the phone?" He asked again trying his best to sound angry although he himself know that he is waiting for the other man to talk. To let him hear his voice. The airy voice he'd missed so much. The voice that he used to hear every day, every hour, every minute, every second. The owner of the voice that suddenly just drifted and slipped away from his hands slowly without him knowing. 

"Y-y-yunho" A trembling voice resounded his ears, he froze. Unable to talk. Unable to move. "A-are you still there?" The voice asked and he released a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

After four years; four devastatingly long years, he heard that voice again. His chest tightened, his eyes turned watery. He looked up, trying to fight back tears that is threatening to fall, hand grasping tightly on the reciever as if holding onto his life. Flashbacks played on his head, from the point when they met up to the last days that they had shared with each other. Like a movie, was how his life was, is like a bitter lovestory; He was the protagonist that was stupid enough to fall in love to a person who is imposible to reach.

"I'm still here" he answered with an equally trembling voice, trying his best to calm down.

I thought that you would not answer my call.
I am sorry.. I cannot speak
I cannot ask you where you are and how you have been
Instead.. I started to cry

" I-I thought you wouldn't answer my call" I said, sniffling in between words.

"Well,  Jaejoong, you thought wrong. I answered it. Why did you call?" his voice as cold as ice which sent shivers through my spine. Gosh! I missed that voice. How long has it been?  I asked myself. Too long was the answered I came up with. I didn't even realized that as tears slide to my cheek, the edges of my lips formed a smile. Events from the past played through my head, continuesly. From the happiest moments to the current situation that we have today. 

How did we come to this? I asked myself again, but no answer came to my mind.

"Why did you call?" I snapped out of my thoughts when i heard his voice. Stern,  cold, full of anger. No sign of the calm and sweet spoken Yunho that I used to talk to.

"I-I" I stuttered. Coming up with no answer for his question. For some reason I started to panic. No sound came out of my mouth.

"I-I" N0 word except for the dreaded pronoun came out of my mouth.

"I'M SO SORRY" I couldn't help it anymore. This. This is too much. 

I hastily hung up the phone, kicked it as if it was possessed by a demon. Tears continuously  streamed to my cheeks as i lunged myself to my bed.

It hurts..

Too much..

Please make it stop...

We cannot express how we feel
Breath echoes in our ears

Yunho slowly put down the phone. Dragged himself and plopped himself to his bed. Tears rolling out of his eyes as he closed them and welcomed the darkness his lids provided.

Jaejoong reached for the brown stuffed bear from his headboard. Yunho had given it to him for their 1st anniversary. They named it 'YunJa' funny as it sound, it was formed out of their love. He hugged the toy as he cry himself to sleep.

Calm breaths.. 

Is there no other way?

Is this the end?

I could have lied that I am doing okay
I knew its because you are kind hearted
Just let me listen to your breath
Even only just for tonight
Just let me listen to your breath

 "I will always love you"  Yunho said as he rested his forehead onto Jaejoong's. Fingers intertwined together.

"Now.." He slowly reached for Jaejoong's nape and as their lips touch, eyes closed, happiness filled their hearts. Slowly they pulled apart, smiles decorated their faces.

"And forever..." Jaejoong whispered, lips curled in a smile and eyes twinkling as he looked at the eyes of the man he loves the most.

Happiness..

Promises..

Love...

Where have they gone?

My dear, you’ve already found a new love

I closed the fridge after grabbing a pitcher of water. I poured water into a glass, took it and went to the couch. I searched for the remote as I sat on the couch and found it in the middle of two couch cushions.

I pressed the power button but the first thing I see is a picture of Jaejoong, in what looks like a club. He seems to be whispering something to her. He looks happy.

I laughed, as the bitter truth that he found someone else lingered in my head. I felt wetness on my cheek, and when my hand reached up to feel what it was; I didn't even realize that tears has started to push their way out of my eyes, and as I try my best to calm down, more tears dropped. 

I chuckled, 'This is bull', I thought as my i ran fingers through my hair. 'This has to stop. Yunho you've got to give up. He's happy with someone else.. It's been years.. You've got to let go' 

"! If I can, I would've done it 3 years ago!" I said out loud to no one. 

There is no one like you….
I am cheating my heart

I was woken up by the rays of the sun that slipped through my thick curtain. As I tried to sit myself on my bed, I was greeted by a  splitting headache. I winced as I stood up and walked my way to the bathroom. I looked  up to the mirror and saw how haggard I looked. 

I opened the tap and leaned down to the sink to wash my face. I dried it off when I was done and went downstairs. I toasted two slices of bread, because that's all i can make right now. After I finished a slice, I drank some aspirin and headed to the living room. Sprawled on the sofa, I reached for the remote on the coffee table and the T.V. 

"Kim Jaejoong, found in a club last night, but who is the mystery woman he's talking to? Stay tuned to for more information." 

The remote fell out of my hand. My jaw just fell on the ground, my eyes still glued at the T.V. screen that is now showing a commercial. 

Club?

Mystery Woman?

What?

YUNHO!

I quickly rushed to my phone and quickly dialed his number. 'Please pick up!" I repeatedly mumbled.

It rang once, twice,thrice, voicemail. I re-dialed it again. After two rings, he picked up.

"Hello" A hoarse voice came from the receiver.

"Y-Yunho?"

"What?"

"W-Whatever you see in the T.V. it's not true ok?" My heart beating fast and loud. His silence doesn't help at all. "You have to believe me ok. I swear I am in no relati-"

"Jaejoong, What are we playing?" He asked, his voice defeated.

"What? What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"What game are you trying to play on me."

"Yunho, I don't understand. What are you talki-" Before I can even finish what i was saying, I was cut off again.

"This has to stop Jaejoong." I think i just heard my heart drop. "It's been four, almost 5 years since you decided to go. Since you decided that me, being beside you is not enough. Me, loving you, giving you all I have, is not enough." I think my heart just shattered

"Yunho! What are you saying! This is not what this is all about!"

"Jaejoong, I-It's time to move on-"

"NO! Yunho, I love you!" I started to sob. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, if this.This connection that we only have will disappear too."

"Jaejoong, i love you too, but-" He said shakily.

"NO! You can't do this to me."

"Goodbye"

I am in love, in fruitless love
Breath echoes in our ears

Please take care of yourself
I know lying can be a form of kindness

Hours, days, Month has passed, and the once cheerful and happy people had turned depressed. The once sincere wild smiles has never reached their eyes. 

Misery, eats them alive.

Slowly fading to sanity.

Too far. Their distance as at the opposite ends of the world, or that's what it feels like. 

Just your breath
I just wish I could listen to your breath at nights that I am feeling miserable

Hands reaching for the phone, fingers dialing the numbers. But courage has never stepped in their hearts.

Turning away from the phone they drowned themselves with workload, and alcohol.

'Just one more time, I want to hear your voice.' They thought.

I now understand what happiness means..
After we are separated

Happiness is where you are.

Happiness is when my lips touch your lips.

Happiness is when you tell me you love me.

Happiness is  when I am wrapped in your arms.

Happiness is when my hand holds you.

Happiness is YOU.

I want to chat with you more

Wake up. Reach for the phone. Dial the number. Stare at it. Drop the idea.Walk away from the phone 

We are so much alike only where we both are not straightforward

The endless cycle never stopped and more misery filled their hearts.

Your breath echoes in my ears
I wanna see you right now

"Yunho hyung?" Changmin opened the door from the older's apartment. Poking his head through the door, silence answered his call.

"I'm going in!" He called out again. He slipped out of he shoes and went in.

Scattered papers, clothes, and bottles of alcohol and water filled the once clean floor. 

"Aish! This hyung! how long has it been since he last cleaned his house!" He said as he carefully walked on the floor. As he neared the older's room he heard water flowing from the bathroom.

He walked to where the sound was coming from and somehow he sensed that something is wrong. He saw the door was left ajar. Light was coming out of it and from where he was standing he could see water on the tiled floor.

"Hyung?" He called again as he opened the door, what he saw can't even be covered by the melodious sound if water.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"JAEJOONG HYUNG!!! WHAT TIME IS IT !! IT'S TIME TO GOOOOO!!" Junsu shouted from the door. Curious as to what his hyung was taking so long, he stomped his way to the older's room. 

"HYUNG! WE'VE GOT TO GO!" He called again.

He opened the door and there was no Jaejoong to be found. He went to the bathroom, and what he saw made his eyes widened and his heart race. He ran outside desperately calling:

"YOOCHUN!! YOOCHUN! DAMMIT! HYUNG! JAEJOONG HYUNG! HELP JAEJOONG HYUNG"

But you are not mine anymore
But some times, I wanna listen to your breath

Two people gone in just one day. 

Two people, who was idolized, loved and adored by many.

Two people, who loved each other.

Two people who was drowned by misery.

Love so powerful, yet they are not courage enough.

Two soul meets with no plans of seperating with each other. 

No letting go.

"I will love you.. Now.. and Forever" 

They promised to each other and it was sealed by the sweetest kiss that no chocolate can be compared to.

I do not know what to do..
I started to cry..(tears run down my cheek)
Can I call you when I am feeling miserable

End