“Here is your room. If you need anything, I’m on the next room, just asked anything to me”, I said to Tao as I open his new room which is right beside my room. Tao nodded as he smiled brightly and enter his room.

“Thank you Sehun. I’m so grateful to meet your dad and you…”, Tao said still with his odd accent. It’s hard for me to get used to his voice tone and accent. I rubbed my ears to throw away that strange feeling and nodded to Tao.

“I hope we could be friend. Best friend”, Tao said as he started entering his room. Yeah, we could be best friend after you get rid your strange accents off.

 

I leave Tao in his room and walked to my own room. As I walked to the bed, I took a glance at the drawer beside my bed. There was a framed picture of me and Luhan hyung. We looked happily there. Smiled together while embracing each other. Suddenly, previous event flashed on my mind. The moment when Luhan hyung decided to leave me. The moment he wanted to erase our feeling.

Broken hearted, I took that framed photo and after the last glance I put the picture and tore it off. Hoping the memory will fade away as I tore them apart.

 

I sat down on my bed as I put headphones on my ears. I closed my eyes to give them a rest. They’ve worked hard today for holding my tears. As I closed my eyes, the memory with Luhan hyung flashed by one by one.

The first time we met.

The first time we went out together and how our meeting became a habit.

How we addicted so much to each other.

How we could carry on random conversation and never get bored.

How we tell each other love. One by one those memories appeared in my head.

 

I shook my head and changing my position in order to get rid those memories off. I almost drove off when I heard a knock on my room’s door. I wait for awhile before decided to open it.

 

“Did you sleep already?” Tao stood in front of my door as I opened it. He seems restless and somehow uncomfortable.

“I won’t open this door and standing here if I were sleep already. What do you want?” I didn’t mean to be this cold to Tao. I just couldn’t stand his existence that brings strange feeling to me. Maybe it’s because I don’t get used to live with a stranger, so that’s way I act this way.

 

“I can’t sleep…”, he finally spoke up after stay quiet for awhile. He did look uncomfortable as he continuously scratch his head and shake his leg. I tilt my head as I look at him and let out a deep sigh.

“So…?”

“So-if you-if you don’t-if you still stay awake…maybe we could…” Tao stuttered as he tried to continue his words.

“We could what?”

“Let’s have chitchats until we feel sleepy…”

 

I open the refrigerator and took out two cans of Coke. Through the kitchen door, I could see to the backyards where Tao standing there silently looked at the night sky.

 

“Here, have a drinks”, I handed him a can of Coke and gestured him to sat down on the backyards bench.

As we sat side by side, we just keep silent. None of us had any intention to start a conversation. We were too busy with each other’s mind while once in a while took a sip of our Coke.

 

“I can’t sleep because I feel so strange…”, Tao slowly started a conversation. I waited for him to continue his word as I took a sip on my Coke.

“New place, new people, new feeling… it’s just strange…”, he continued his words as he looked at the night skies.

“You…how did you get to know my dad?”, I asked to change the topic. It’s kind of weird to hear a stranger’s feels. Tao put down his Coke beside him and tried to recall some memories.

 

“How I met your dad… I’m not really remembered it. I was so sick back then, they said I was near to death…”, he stooped for awhile, tried to recall his memories. My eyes dilated, I shocked at his stories. Near to death? how bad his condition was?

 

“One thing I clearly remember is, your dad came to me and said he’ll heal me. All I need to do just trust him and everything will be just right…”, he smiled as he said that. I just stay there silently with my Coke on my hand. There was one thing bothering my mind.

 

“Then… when you decided to stop, I mean-when you decided to do rehab…is that because of what my dad said?” Tao frowned and tilted his head as he heard my question. He seems didn’t understand what did I mean.

“My dad told me that your parents went away when you were young, also you have no family left. If I were you I have no reason to stay alive so I’ll-“, those words slipped out from my mouth. I stooped right away and closed my mouth and whispering sorry.

Tao seems relax and didn’t bother about what I said. He smiled at me and looked back at the beautiful summer night skies.

 

“I was so lonely, that’s right. That’s why I decided to made new friends. And you know, there were no better friends than alcohol. That’s what I thought back then…”, Tao had lost again, recalling his old memories.

 

“That was a dark time. What I did all day just drink and drink. I used to a martial art player. As I became a heavy drinker, my body became so weak, I hardly concentrate, I finally gave up on martial arts…”

“You were right, I have no reason to live, I have no goals anymore. I’ve ruined my life… There was a time when I didn’t care anymore. If I have to die, than just die. I have nothing to regrets. No one will cry if I died. I’ll just go silently and quietly…”

 

“When I was at the hospital, the patient next to me was a little kid. She was really cute and lively… Everyday, she’ll come to me and asked me to eat the meal together. She said that the hospital’s meal was so bad but when she eat it together with me, it’ll taste good… ”, he smiled and chuckled as he said that.

 

“She said that she had to eat a lot if she wanted to get out from the hospital. She hate it a lot to be at the hospital. She tried so hard to recover. She didn’t even complain about how much medicines she need to take. She just want to get out…”, as he continued, his expression changed so sudden. He stared at his toes before he finally continued his words.

 

“I found out later that the she was suffering from cancer. She had no much time left. The last day before she passed away, she told me that I was so lucky. I was lucky to live until now. She said I should grateful about my life, no matter how hard it is. I should live my life to the fullest…”, Tao smiled as he looked at me. I looked away, didn’t know how to response.

 I never expected to heard this much. Somehow, those strange feeling that I felt before about Tao, had gone. I’m not an easy going person. It’s hard for me to talk to a new people. Also it’s inconvenient for me to hear someone’s private stories like this, but this time it’s different.

I could listen to Tao’s stories all night long despite he was just a stranger for me. Tonight was the first time for me to get closed to someone this quick. Tonight was the first time for us to get to know each other…

                                                      ***  

The cold wind is breezing. Blowing the tree’s branch and blowing my hairs. The wind also blew away my memories. Happy memories that we made together, one by one was passing by.

 

The first time I met him at my backyards.

The first time he knocked on my door.

The first time we had a deep talk and got to know each other.

I clearly remember those memories. But what can I do? Memories were just memories. Nothing we can do about it. No matter how hard I wish to get back to those memories, all I can do just looked back at them.

 

His smile was clearly printed on my mind. I wish I could see it one more time, one more last time. I could still feel his touch, his scent, his presence. How I wish he was here standing right beside me. But now I’m alone standing here, on the grave yard.

 

Standing beside a newly made cemetery, I just stare blankly at the gravestone. Reading the name engraved there over and over again. Hoping I read that wrong.

Hoping it was another name.

Hoping this is just a bad dream…

 

I closed my eyes and count to ten. Hoping when I open my eyes, I will be in my room and everything that happened today was just a dream. I did that about 20 times already. No matter how many times I did that, when I opened my eyes, I was standing here alone.

 

I feel like me eyes were dried out. I cried too much today. I just couldn’t face the fact that hit me. I read the name engraved on the grave stone once again.

 

That’s right, my eyes won’t deceive me. No matter how much I read that over and over again, his name was still engraved there.

The name that I gladly let it crossed on my mind.

The name that I addicted to called it over and over again.

The name that my heart skips a beat when I heard someone mentioned it.

 

“Huang Zi Tao…”, I slowly spelled that name, those lovely name that I adore. Somehow I hate it to see that name engraved on the grave stone. I hate it a lot. It just didn’t fit at all.

 

Isn’t he gone away too fast? He’s just a young boy. How could life being so mean to him? How could life being so mean to me?

 

He tried so hard to recover, at least he tried. Why life didn’t give him a chance? Didn’t give me a chance?

We just started to get so close.

We just started to talk a lot to each other.

Just started to miss each other.

Started to realize each other feeling…

 

“We didn’t even bid a goodbye… Isn’t this too much?”, I said to myself. Regretting everything that I couldn’t do and say on our last time together.

As I about to leave, I read the grave stone once again. Reading the words engraved under Tao’s name:

 

                                              Only the Good Die Young. The Evil Seem to Live Forever