Review done by: Exonextdoor 

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Title: The Bridge
Author: AliyaShawol 
Characters: N and Hyori + Hongbin and Ravi 

Story title: 
3/5. This is because the title is telling me that "The Bridge" was one of the major parts of the story. I mean of course it was. Hyori commited suicide from the bridge therefore it was the concluding point, but I still feel as though the title could've explained the situation from the beginning to the end. Titles are important, important, important. They must give leverage to your story and provide short yet clever choice of words to describe what it is all about. 

Poster/Graphics/Layout:
4/10, but honey if the poster is your creation and you love it because you worked hard for it, don't take it to heart. I was a fine arts geek so I know that art is very subjective, but I also know that if you want a creation to make sense, it's gotta relate to your original intention or your fan fiction for this matter. Throughout the entire fan fiction I read about a young woman distraught over a man who wouldn't allow her to be his, yet the poster has her looking as though she was just swept off her feet. Well.. Maybe not that happy, but you get my gist. Plus, toward the end when she commits suicide I felt a sort of dreariness to the fiction. Hyori would appear more relevant to the character she plays in the story if she were frowning or hiding her face. N on the other hand has a sort of "I'm totally not dealing with the girl I love wanting to commit suicide" expression. Plus color choice could help set the mood. 
The layout is alright. Even though I prefer fancy fonts, it's not necessary that you must as well. 

Description/Forward ( if applicable ): n/a 

Character description ( if applicable ):
- Images;
6/10. I like that you posted some visuals for the character descriptions, but STILL I can't help but stress the fact that I need some visuals that apply to the description being written. Hyori's image is her smiling while the description up top states that she just got rejected. 
- Other Pointers: 
The descriptions are short, which is fine, because it's possible that you don't want to give much away before writing the story, but I still think you could've passed on some secret messages or implied hints that cleverly set the characters apart from ones we see in every fan fiction on this site. Plus, having the two characters helping N and Hyori out really sort of made it pointless to add them into the list as they really just jumped in for maybe a sentence or two and then never came back. Again, keep in mind to try and find some relatable pictures to set the mood of the overall fiction. Trust me, it will gather eager eyes if not hoards of attention. 

Plot: 
10/30. Ten points because I like suicide plots and they are just so very interesting to read, but a reduction of the rest of the points because it was not quite a plot we were working with here. As much of a plot there was, I could see nothing original and not cliché. Now, this could have plenty of potential with some other aspects included, like maybe explaining why he thought that their future together would not work out. It's a thought. 
Along with this, I really cannot stand stories with women who are emotionally weak and alter their lives for the man that they "love". It's just a plot I really cannot handle so it makes it difficult to read. Women empowerment! Yeah! 
Okay anyway, ADD more to the plot or alter it so much that it's just mind-blowingly amazing. One shots are usually difficult to write, especially for me because they need to be like a frisbee. When tossed, it's gotta come right back and hit you in the head, then giving you an idea of what just happened and how it happened and how amazing it was. Maybe a deeper background in characters could totally help a reader become emotionally attached to them so the suicide hurts the reader as well. It's a thought. 

Vocabulary/Detail:
16/20. I liked your vocabulary and word choice at times and the detail about the river, on the bridge and even about the starts not being shown really set the mood. I would love to see more of those words you'd never incorporate with a star. You used the word "innocent" to describe the star which was not a word frequently used. Two other words used were "black" and "abyss" to describe the river she was about to plunge herself into. Even though I've seen them used in comparison to the follow up word, these words are super amazing and I think if you keep adding them to the story you would be one step closer to poetic and descriptive writing. 
Also, I really enjoyed the fact that you didn't start every sentence with "I" or "me" or a similar word. You changed it up which made it more of a story than a list of instructions. Great job!
The negatives I noticed were the words used TOO frequently. Such as the word "Hurt" might've invaded the story because it was everywhere. I suggest looking up synonyms for the words you're afraid of using too many times and their definitions so you can better describe the situation, feelings and plot. 

Grammar issues/Improvement: 
12/15. I can tell that you are a fluent English so your grammar is fine. You did good on keeping It on a first person narrative so good on that. I just had a few issues with tense changes. You had quite a bit of changing between past tense and present tense. For example, one sentence would be a thought Hyori had and it would be in past tense as if she was telling the story and then just then, as you introduce an action that N does, it turns into present tense. I'm not too worried about this because I know several people, especially myself, that have issues with this and it might just be how you're thinking, but just so the reader is not confused, please try with me to fix this error. Periods and comas are fine, but there could be more usage of comas in place of periods because it may end up sounding robotic if the natural flow isn't there. Be careful though. Comas start to become a mess later on too. 

Reviewer comments: I could see so much developing potential in your writing. The similes and the word choice were my absolute favorite. I can only encourage you to keep writing and incorporate some more clever little surprises to keep the reader engaged. Please work on the plot for me. Research some great stories, read them, and experiment the characters on one you've created. Go outside and watch people ( don't let them catch you, but don't become a stalker!  ) and try and come up with a background story to their lives. Realize that everyone has a story and you do too which makes you special too. So while thinking up a plot, try and look at yourself or a sibling. Try and keep it real and original. I promise, it will all pay off in the end. When someone tells you your writing is amazing it's worth way more than a few hundred more subscribers. Keep up the great work! You're definitely on the road! Just keep going! 

Overall [ With Character Description Only ]:  51/90 = 56%

★Heartbreak Shop★

A/N: Thank you soo much for the constructive criticism! This will definitely help me in the future. :)