As I walked across the bridge in the middle of the night, I wondered what just happened.

“I can’t love you back.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry. It’s for your own safety. I don’t want you to hurt when I leave for awhile.”

“You’re leaving? When?”

“Soon.”

“To where?”

“I can’t say.”

What did N mean?

He’s leaving and he couldn’t tell me? We had been friends for years. I loved him, and confessed, but he rejected me before I could even get the words out of my mouth.

Hot tears slid down my cheeks like acid.

Then the rain comes. It drizzles for a while, and I stop in the center of the bridge to overlook the black water as it reflected the sky. There were no stars, only clouds, lightning and thunder.

“Perfect.” I say. Why should such innocent things as stars want to show themselves on a night like this?

To mock me.

 “It’s already going to be hard on me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tell me. Have you never liked me?”

No answer.

“Never thought about what it would be like to be with me?”

No answer.

“Never thought about what our future together could be like?”

No answer.

“Answer me!” I cried.

He hesitates. “No.”

“You’re lying.”

This wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I be happy? It’s said that God created people with two heads, four arms and four legs, then split them in half, condemning them to finding their other half for the rest of their life.

I truly believed that N was my other half.

What was the rest of VIXX going to say when he left? Did they already know?

All of these unanswered questions swarmed in my head as the rain came down harder, soaking me, and chilling me to the bone.

I didn’t care.

The pain of rejection was all too real to me. I covered everything in such a sad grey that I thought there would never be a bright light in me again. I leaned against the slick railing, the yellow light above me flickering.

It felt like my heart.

“Please believe me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’ve never felt anything for me? Tell me the truth.”

By now I was crying.

“No.”

“You’re still lying.”

Then I left the comfort of the small park where we had our fallout.

Why did he have to lie? He knew I could see through it, so why? No matter how much I wanted to hate him for trying to break it off with me, I still loved him. Even if he supposedly didn’t love me back.

I leaned over the edge of the railing to see the water moving fast beneath me.

Was it cold? What would happen if I jumped in?

Just as I said that, a crack of lightning lit up the sky, the thunder rumbling in my ears, and a car screeched around the corner so fast I flipped over the edge. I stared up at the railing, and as if in slow motion, N’s face appears and reaches out for me as I fell.

“Hyori!” He grabs my hand, saving me from the fall that would have likely killed me.

“N!” Everything comes back into focus. N saving me; me dangling from the bridge; the fast water rushing beneath me.

“Guys, help me!” He yells behind as he tries to pull me up.

“N.” I say looking at his fearful face calmly. “Stop.”

“Are you crazy?! Are you trying to commit suicide?! Guys hurry up!” I hear scrambling across the pavement above me, then Ravi’s and Hongbin’s faces appear above me, and the three of them haul me back over the railing. I would have collapsed on the pavement if N hadn’t been holding me in his arms.

I missed him, even though we had just seen each other a while ago. He holds my face in both of his hands.

“What were you thinking? Why would you tell me to stop? Why are you out here?”

I stare at him, feeling dead inside, his rejection ringing in my ears. Slowly, I peel his hands off of my face, the cold rain pounding down. He pulls off his jacket and puts it around me. “You’re going to get sick. Let me take you home.” He begins to pull me towards the black car -that had caused me to fall over the edge of the bridge where the rest- Ravi and Hongbin had gone. I pull my hand away from his. “Stop.” I say, taking his jacket off and handing it back to him. I was crying, but he couldn’t see.

“Hyori I-“

“Will you leave me alone please? I still hurt, and you’re making it worse.”

“Hyori let me explain-” He holds his hand out to me.

“N.” I say, stopping him. “I’m leaving now.” I turn to walk away, but N grabs my arm.

“Hyori. Stop this. I can’t be the only one-”

I smile bitterly and shake my head. “You still don’t get it. You’ve always been the only one for me. Ever since we became friends, I’ve loved you. I just realized though that not everyone gets happy endings.” I turn to leave again, but N grabs my arm again, and pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

“I thought you could tell if I was lying or not.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Then you should know. Of course I have feelings for you. I love you too. More than I should.  Of course I like you. Of course I thought about what it would be like to be with you. Of course I thought about our future together. I didn’t think it would work, since I was leaving soon. I do love you. I thought pushing you away would make it easier for me and for you. I hoped that you would give up and forget about me so you wouldn’t hurt.”

“Stupid!” I say pounding on his chest, tears streaming down my face. “Of course it would hurt! I have feelings! Do you know what rejection feels like? It hurts! What made you think that it wouldn’t hurt?!”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intentions. I just wanted to make it easier for you when I left so you wouldn’t be sad over me.” He holds me tighter, and I give up, relaxing in his arms.

“It’s not working.” I say.

“I see that now. I want to be with you so bad.”

“But you can’t.” I say, knowing what he was already going to say.

He looks at me with a pained expression. “I’m sorry.”

I pull myself out of his arms, the tears coming again. “Stop saying that.” I say, and walk back to the edge of the bridge, looking at the black rushing water.

“Hyori-” I turn and look at N, but before he could make it over to me, I hoist myself onto the railing, and throw myself over the edge, head first into the river'a black abyss.