I Know. You Don’t Know.

Mine. 
All Mine.
Just Mine.
So Mine.

You know...
Lots of stories have me falling for Yun first. And implying that Yun is Jaegay. And that I seduced him.
You don’t know…
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, girls, if only you knew. And yet, even I see it clear as day when I go and torture myself viewing Yunjae videos on Youtube. It’s right there. Me blushing like mad, his poker face barely disguising his happiness at my reactions. Oh, he knew what he was doing. I didn't know what he was doing. For way too long, I didn't know and that was part of my undoing. I was unprepared for that type of attack because it never crossed my mind he could do such a thing. Even aware of the fanservice and all the fanfics and all the youtube videos, it never crossed my mind for way too long that he was actually on a path to seduce me. Which he succeeded. No point in lying about that. He got his serving of Jaejoong. 

I know. You don’t know. 
How it was exciting, how it hurt, how it ended, how it remains. 

There is a rhythm to every relationship you have. 
It’s like you and that person are playing a song together and that rhythm belongs to just to the two of you. 
I and Changmin loved to hit each other. No hugs, no skinship, no long talks. Never meant I liked that brat any less.  We had fun, we laughed together. I miss him.
Junsu is more relaxed. No punches but still not that much skinship or long talks. It is a confortable companionship. And we all teamed up in pranking him. We became 5 because the 4 of us loved pranking him. 
Yoochun, lol. We have no sense of personal space, do we? His hand on my leg feels as natural as my own. It never ceases to amaze me how we were never a more famous couple with how into each other personal space we get. Even today we just stick to each other like glue. Oh, and we team up in trolling Junsu, gotta always do that. We weren't glued to each other from the beginning, we gradually became like that the more we got to know each other. But now, I can safely say we will always remain like that. We may always be more skin to skin to each other than with anyone else, even future wives, even if we spend time apart.
But Yunho… I don’t even know how to explain it. We started as good friends, we clicked, connected, whatever. I would not pay attention to his touches, to his hugs, to how close we would stand next to each other. And then… little by little, I started to notice, to react, to analyse. 
Damn fanservice. 
I would blush, he would look absurdly happy. I know him. That may have looked like his poker face but I saw the smile hidden in his eyes. A lot of the crazy Yunjae fans also saw it. Those moments always ended up as faved videos. 
But I didn’t know. 
I didn’t know how he had started to look at me and want more.
He knew.
He knew he wanted more. And he knew he might just use the crazy situation to maybe make me curious enough.
Just curious enough for the thought to enter my mind, for me to fantasize a little, for me to maybe consider what it would be like.
Our rhythm started simple, just friends, good friends, almost like brothers. Then some notes would fall out of place and I would falter and stumble, unsure of what just happened.
So naïve. Even I have to agree I was too naïve.
I remember those times I would look straight into the camera with his arm over my shoulders or his hand on my leg and my smile would ask you girls: “Don’t you wish you were in my place right now?”
I believed he thought like me. 
But under that poker face he was actually waiting. He tested my limits and with our higher up directions to provide fanservice and how natural I believed it was to have skinship with my team members, those limits got to a point when there were no more limits. 
It was so strange. Like I was hyper aware of every millimetre of my skin, and that exact spot where he touched me, it was like an explosion I couldn't control. I felt his warmth before I felt his touch, my breath stopped, my heart stopped, his touch was so warm, my entire body tingled from the top of my head down my spine to the tip of my fingers. God! What was that? 



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