Hey kids,

       I miss Eri a lot. I tried asking around for her contact number and e-mail but no one seems to know anything. I asked Sungbin hyung for help one night but he said that Eri doesn’t do well with technology and chooses not to have anything to do with it. I have nothing but her words and I want more. Not like an obsession anymore, it’s more of a feeling now. I feel for her, when I think of her my heart pace quickens and my cheeks flush. Nothing erted, just pure feelings. And I can’t remember the last time I felt like this about someone. Kyung says it’s great that I feel this way but I should be careful of what I’m getting myself into. He keeps asking me to introduce the girl I am in love with to everyone but I don’t think I want to. Because their eyes could be filled with a different impression from mine when they see her, like the eyes of everyone else in my school. And I refuse to allow anyone to look at her like that anymore. I must do something about it.

I try to leave bits of her words here and there in my rap and lyrics, just so people will be able to hear her from our music. I hoped and prayed the BBCs are more accepting of her.

Honestly, what am I getting myself into. I am so hopelessly in love already? It’s only been a few weeks and I am already writing music for her. I am hopeless.

“Woo Jiho, you do not come to my class to space out.” Mr Eric’s voice snapped me back to reality.

I sat up and nodded at him.

“Sorry sir.” I say.

I looked at the kids around me and frown, why doesn’t anyone like Eri? I still didn’t understand. Jealousy is stronger than any harmful drug, it can destroy anyone in a blink of an eye. Just because someone is better than you doesn’t mean you have to bring them down. That’s just not right. Regardless, I don’t see Eri as a victim to their harsh words, because she knows who she really is and she doesn’t really care what they think of her. But why did she cry that day?  Because a teacher said it? Because she was hurt? Confusing, Eri confuses and scares me but that’s why I love her. I really love her, what have I gotten myself into. Class ended and I sat alone in class for awhile. I just wanted to be alone. I heard a soft knock on my table and look up. A classmate of mine smiles at me.

“You’re quite tight with Kuro right?” he asked.

I felt my cheeks go red as I scratched my head.

“N-not really…” I answered.

“Hey, no judgement man. Just wanted to ask if you could pass these to her.” he handed me a few pieces of paper that had her handwriting on them. 

I looked at him questioningly and he explained calmly that Eri had written for him a full on explanation about Socrates’ philosophy as a favour and he wanted to return her work back to her. He said that he asked her because she was the only one in class who seemed to understand philosophy the way he does and he found that amazing about her. 

“It’s really weird, of all people I didn't expect Kuro to understand my train of thought the most. Who would’ve thought, am I right?” 

So it wasn’t just me that she looked at with those eyes, she tried to understand everyone and she succeeds. But no one understands her and that’s just unfortunate. Even I don’t understand her, that upsets me the most. Yet, I am still drawn to her, amazing.

“I don’t think I’m the guy you’re looking for. I don’t even know where to find her.” I passed him the papers but he doesn’t receive them. Instead he smiled at me.

“You can find her at the hospital not too far from here. She’ll be there, she works there part time. You can take the highway…” he starts explaining how I can get to the mental hospital and I don’t even bother asking him why he didn’t just send them to her himself. 

Because I was so set on seeing her in where she belonged, a mental hospital. And I mean that in the most genuine way, because I think only the people who aren’t interested in the system that the world has set out for us to live in, would understand what Eri says and why she says it. I imagined Eri, in her element, discussing with a bunch of people, the society has deemed fit to be in that hospital, about life. It was a beautiful picture, because I am sure she’d be smiling, listen to others’ opinions on everything. Just so beautiful.

“What does she do at the hospital?” I asked the guy.

“Well, I think she plays music for the youths that live there. But I don’t really know if it’s true since it’s just rumours amongst the other kids.”

It’s always rumours, there’s never real concrete facts about Eri and that annoys me the most. Why don’t people care more about who she really is, rather than listening to stupid rumours from other kids. Empty gossip only ruins you, what’s the use of it, I can never understand. I shake hands with the guy and walked off, not uttering another word. Funny, I didn’t even care if he was going to tell the whole world that I was off to meet some mysterious girl. I didn’t care at all. 

My journey on the way to the hospital was long, it felt unbelievably long. All because I wasn’t sure with what exactly I was doing, I wasn’t sure with what exactly I was getting myself into. I shut my eyes for brief moments to clear my head, there was a lot on my mind. I wanted answers on her, about her shady relationship, about her job, everything. I want my life to fuse with hers, because I want to be a part of her world. Her world, no matter how terrifying it is, I want to be a part of it, holding her hand and protecting her from her on destruction. Eri is as self destructive as a timed bomb and I have to protect her, I just have to. I arrived at the hospital feeling determined, Eri is the girl I love after all. I went to the front desk to ask for her. The lady tending to me was a plump, middle aged woman with thick, frameless glasses. She frowned at my shady attire when I asked for Eri. I was using a black face mask and a snapback on my head. The woman must’ve thought that I was some ert. 

“I’ll get the security guard to lead you to where her mother is, you’ll find her there.” she says with a tight smile. 

I thanked her as she pointed towards a frail old man in uniform. I followed him silently as he watched me from the corner of his eyes. Everyone here must be extra wary I guess. I hear a piano being played. We stop in front of a door with a sign that read, “Doctor Ishida” on it. The guard knocks three times then twists the knob to let me in, and I look up as the keys of a beautiful symphony ringed in my ears. “Someone is here to see you, Miss Eriko.” I hear the guard speak with a raspy voice from behind me.

The music stops and I saw Eri standing up from where she was seated. Her hair was down and she was using a long sleeved t-shirt that had red and white stripes over some blue trousers. The guard bowed in her direction and she bowed back. The guard leaves us alone as she squinted in my direction before a warm smile spreads across her face. She recognised me even when I was in my shady get up. I pulled down my mask and take off my hat as she made her way towards me. She touched my hands and beamed up at me, as if we were lovers that haven’t met in a long time. My heart goes limp at the twinkle in her eyes. My black heart was bleeding red at the nimble touch of her fingers on my palm. There was barely any skin contact, yet my heart was already racing.

“I am so happy to see you.” she smiles as she tilts her head to the left. 

My cheeks were burning red as I tried to think of something to say. “L-likewise.” I answered as I gulped. 

She took my hand and led me to where she was seated before I came and sat me down. She sat next to me on the bench and sighed happily. Am I really the cause of her happiness? Impossible. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and started playing again, I knew the song she was playing from the moment she played the first key. Merry Go Round by Joe Hisaishi. A faint smile was spread across her thin lips as her hair flowed with the music. I closed my eyes as well and could picture she and I walking hand in hand in an open field. And her fingers were softly touching my palm as she looked up at me and smiled as if I were the man of her dreams. It seemed so real, my imagination, I opened my eyes and turned to look at her, she was smiling at me, her eyes studying my every facial expression. “The magic of our merry go round.” she whispered as she played the last key. I wonder what she meant. She shuts the cover of the piano then turns her attention to me.

“Why are you here, dressed up like a ert that’s about to flash me his junk.” she says emotionlessly.

“Ah…” I pulled down my mask and took my hat off before ruffling my hair nervously. “I didn’t want people to recognise me…”

She nods.

“You don’t have to worry about tha