Chapter 2 : Flashback...

HIDDEN LOVE

"Who are you?" you asked fiercely.

 

"I’m a human," he said coldly without seeing your face.

 

"I’m not too bold and I can’t determine whether you’re a human or an alien..I asked you who you are? And where are you from? Why are you here?" you asked patiently to the cold hearted boy. 'How can this boy act so cold and arrogant?'

 

"Owhh I guess you're bold. I’m Kim Sunggyu. I'm from Seoul. I’m here to get into Busan International Highschool," said the boy proudly and walked away.

 

"Hahhh..? @#%#^^&*&@ .." you felt like you wanted to yell at him. 'WHY IS HE SO ARROGANT?!!'

 

~~~

 

Tomorrow morning, at the school.

 

"Today all of you will get a new classmate. He comes from Seoul. I hope you’ll take care of him," Mrs.Yoo talked nicely to the class and everyone cheered; happy to get a new classmate.

 

"Annyeong haseyo Kim Sunggyu imnida. Nice to meet you all and please take care of me," he smiled and the whole class seemed happy to know Kim Sunggyu, except for you.

 

'So he is 8 years old? I thought he was older than me because of his act last time. Ahh~!!.. don’t care about him. Focus on your 1st term exam.' You started studying as your 1st term exam was just around the corner. You had to maintain your ranking as the 1st ranking student of the school.

 

 

~~~

 

 

When the result of 1st term examination was out, everyone was shocked. You got the 2nd place and Kim Sunggyu, the new boy got the 1st place. He broke your academic record and everyone congratulated him. Now he got the attention from the whole school and he became more popular. You sighed. 

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jooniRa #1
i like ur story so far :) aren't there any more chapters ?
towel- #2
Hello there. You posted this link on my wall and so now I'm here.

About your presentation: You should keep the font and font colour the same all the way through to the end of your story, and I don't think putting images in your story is a very good idea, after all the idea of writing is to paint a picture with words.

English isn't your first language, am I right? I think you should get a beta reader. They help.

Otherwise, your plot is good, Sunggyu is portrayed as a smart kid again. I like that.
gyuwifey #3
Chapter 7: i'm totally agree with Nhoxmew's review..seriously u should listen to the advice..
Nhoxmew #4
Chapter 7: Hey, here comes my review, but don't feel down okay?

First thing I wanna say is your presentation. Why is your font size increasing after each chapter? Also, I strongly discourage putting pictures in your fanfic... One, it's kinda interrupts with the story flow although it was a helpful reminder, but you could do better by actually describe them by words :) Two, I think all of the characters pic and description should be in the character list in the foreword. Everyone has their own writing style. If this is how you like it to be, please keep it this way. Afterall, this is your fanfic, but do consider my advice :)

Your English is a big problem here. From this I guess English is not your mother language? I suggest you find a beta-reader. That would really help :)

The story plot is interesting so far :P But please reduce the font size and keep it constant through out the chapters. It hurts my eyes with such a big font and the change in size lol Sorry for being such a picky reader :(

Please, please, please don't take this personal. I'm just being honest. You have a good idea and plot. You just need to work on your English and presentation. Just keep writing and eventually you will be good at it. After all, practice makes perfect! Hwaiting!

P.s/ I wish I could be nicer to a wonderful subscriber like you, but my honesty side prevents me from doing so. Please, I don't mean to offend you in any way. I apologise for being so harsh :( Thank you for subscribing to my fic!
byeollie #5
Chapter 5: Oh, and of course another way to improve your writing is to read more. For the first step, you have to find and discover good stories in AFF because there are many talented authors out there. Don't be shy to talk and ask for their writing tips. I think most of them are friendly and generous people. They won't bite. :)
byeollie #6
Chapter 5: You'll get better as long as you keep writing. Im not perfect with my grammar and all but just make sure that the vocabs you write are correctly used or it might change the meaning hence your readers might confuse. Anyway, keep practicing. :)
azure_bliss #7
Chapter 7: The story is interesting so far, but... Luhan is just Luhan, there's no 'Xi' in his name. Lol, don't feel bad about it, cause frankly, a lot are confused too. The characterizations are good too ^^ However, you might wanna check back your sentence building and grammar. There's little of them now but the sooner you fix them, the better the story will be.

Good luck with the story and happy writing. Hwaiting!
Arisa_Ameiru #8
Aw... I just read the forward, but it's really interesting! :D The quotes were what really got to me. :) I hope you do amazing in the future author-nim! :D Hwaiting! ;)
Wuyifanwifeylol #9
Chapter 6: omo ~ luhan... <3
update sonon~
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