Chapter 1 : I Lost Again !!!

HIDDEN LOVE

"Yaah!! The result is out~! Palli ..Check it.." Hoya shouted loudly in the classroom. He was exhausted after he ran when he saw the notice board was filled.

 

LEE HO WON

This is Hoya. He is your classmate and also wants to beat you because he's always been the 3rd ranking. He is really nice but a little nerdo.

 

You suddenly woke up from your nap and quickly ran to the notice board after listening to Hoya’s announcement. Your heart beated randomly as you were curious to know about the results. When you were in front of the notice board, your legs started shaking and your eyes rolled across the results to find your name.

 

"Jung Hye Ri..Jung Hye Ri..Jung Hye Ri…ahh.." you found your name, but suddenly there was someone else's hand pointing to your name and your ranking.

 

"You’re 2nd..Second place again..? Hmmm good try.." he said with a smile and a wink.

 

"Yaah!! You!! Kim Sunggyu~!!" you felt very, very mad. And of course you felt very challenged with Sunggyu as he was the 1st rank. 'His name is above me!' You really couldn't accept it.

 

"Cool down, dear. So, see me at the usual place this evening? I have an interesting thing for you to do, as promised in our deal.." he said and walked away without caring about your feelings at that time.

 

 

~~~

 

 

"You lost again..?" Dongwoo asked you when he saw you studying in the library.

 

JANG DONG WOO

This is Jang Dongwoo. He is your BFF and you called him as ‘oppa’ because you think he is mature and an adult. He always gets 7th ranking because he really likes his lucky number that is ‘seven’. ‘sleepy-headed’

 

Dongwoo knew when you lost to Sunggyu, that you would come to the library and study hard until the library closed. Dongwoo would accompany you and sometimes you would have a group discussion together with your friends.

 

" Yupp~..But I'll never give up oppa. I’m sure that one day I’ll beat him!!" you said with such determination it caused the pencil you were holding to break in half. Dongwoo started to laugh, but he controlled his voice.

 

"Hahaha it’s funny, right..? I’ll prove it; that I’ll beat him one day. It might be not today, but there's always tomorrow. Just wait and see," you stated with a ton of spirit.

 

"Yeah. You know I’ll always support you and I'm proud to have a sister like you. You’re a really determined girl and never give up. Fighting!! …Hmmm.. But I’m curious, what will Sunggyu do as your loser ‘reward’..? " asked Dongwoo with a big laugh.

 

"Yaah I don’t want to think about that. He always makes me feel like a loser. I don’t know what his agenda is, but he wants to see me this evening. So I need my physical and mental states to be well prepared because he is really unpredictable.!!" suddenly your brain could only focus on the Sunggyu matter. Dongwoo was still talking but your mind was no longer in the library; it had flown away..

 

'What will he do..? Will he make me his slave again..? Or does he want me to catch the frog for his biology experiment..? Or does he want me to teach his weird same age brother..? Or does he want me to read all of the English novel..? But I've already done all of that. Those are the most boring things I've ever done. Ahhh why am I thinking about all of this..?' "Palli finish your homework, because this evening Sunggyu will steal your study time." You kept reminding yourself to focus on your homework and ‘stay down on Earth’.

 

"Do you hear me..? Yaah palli do your homework~! Or I’ll not let you go home," Dongwoo patted your head as he warned you not to daydream and he then started arranging his books to make them a comfortable pillow for him to sleep.

 

"Sleepy head," you spoke slowly and smiled. You continued doing your homework, ignoring Dongwoo who just came to the library to sleep. You knew that guy only studied at night. That was a weird fact about your oppa.

 

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jooniRa #1
i like ur story so far :) aren't there any more chapters ?
towel- #2
Hello there. You posted this link on my wall and so now I'm here.

About your presentation: You should keep the font and font colour the same all the way through to the end of your story, and I don't think putting images in your story is a very good idea, after all the idea of writing is to paint a picture with words.

English isn't your first language, am I right? I think you should get a beta reader. They help.

Otherwise, your plot is good, Sunggyu is portrayed as a smart kid again. I like that.
gyuwifey #3
Chapter 7: i'm totally agree with Nhoxmew's review..seriously u should listen to the advice..
Nhoxmew #4
Chapter 7: Hey, here comes my review, but don't feel down okay?

First thing I wanna say is your presentation. Why is your font size increasing after each chapter? Also, I strongly discourage putting pictures in your fanfic... One, it's kinda interrupts with the story flow although it was a helpful reminder, but you could do better by actually describe them by words :) Two, I think all of the characters pic and description should be in the character list in the foreword. Everyone has their own writing style. If this is how you like it to be, please keep it this way. Afterall, this is your fanfic, but do consider my advice :)

Your English is a big problem here. From this I guess English is not your mother language? I suggest you find a beta-reader. That would really help :)

The story plot is interesting so far :P But please reduce the font size and keep it constant through out the chapters. It hurts my eyes with such a big font and the change in size lol Sorry for being such a picky reader :(

Please, please, please don't take this personal. I'm just being honest. You have a good idea and plot. You just need to work on your English and presentation. Just keep writing and eventually you will be good at it. After all, practice makes perfect! Hwaiting!

P.s/ I wish I could be nicer to a wonderful subscriber like you, but my honesty side prevents me from doing so. Please, I don't mean to offend you in any way. I apologise for being so harsh :( Thank you for subscribing to my fic!
byeollie #5
Chapter 5: Oh, and of course another way to improve your writing is to read more. For the first step, you have to find and discover good stories in AFF because there are many talented authors out there. Don't be shy to talk and ask for their writing tips. I think most of them are friendly and generous people. They won't bite. :)
byeollie #6
Chapter 5: You'll get better as long as you keep writing. Im not perfect with my grammar and all but just make sure that the vocabs you write are correctly used or it might change the meaning hence your readers might confuse. Anyway, keep practicing. :)
azure_bliss #7
Chapter 7: The story is interesting so far, but... Luhan is just Luhan, there's no 'Xi' in his name. Lol, don't feel bad about it, cause frankly, a lot are confused too. The characterizations are good too ^^ However, you might wanna check back your sentence building and grammar. There's little of them now but the sooner you fix them, the better the story will be.

Good luck with the story and happy writing. Hwaiting!
Arisa_Ameiru #8
Aw... I just read the forward, but it's really interesting! :D The quotes were what really got to me. :) I hope you do amazing in the future author-nim! :D Hwaiting! ;)
Wuyifanwifeylol #9
Chapter 6: omo ~ luhan... <3
update sonon~
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