I opened my laptop since I really didn't have anything to do. It's not like I can go outside of this white hospital room because my health has detoriated so much that I am not allowed to leave without the doctor's consent. Cancer is killing me, but it already killed her. Damn I miss her.. 

I stop thinking when I see an unknown file in the desktop. I have no idea what it is or how it appeared here. I clicked on and her face came up. It's a video. She left something for me. Without thinking, I click play. 

Hey.. Are you surprised to see this? You're wondering how I did this? Well, let's just I have my own ways. But seriously, my name as your password? Couldn't you be more creative? 

She smiled, but it didn't reach to her eyes. But I still missed it. 

How am I supposed to do this? This is nerve wrecking.. 

But it's more nerve wrecking for me to watch you now.

Do you remember when we were in the fancy restaurant in Germany? Yeah, I guess I wore that black dress on my funeral and you wore that suit right? At least I know what you wore, you look great in suits. 

You looked beautiful in the dress, although I couldn't see your soft eyes. Now why are we talking about this? But I don't want this video to end now. 

I am sorry.. 

For what? 

Maybe I shouldn't have met you. Maybe I shouldn't have loved you. 

Don't say that. 

The day you had to get hospitalized after our first date, I had my own check up. I had suspicion all along, but it just confirmed it. The cancer reoccured, and I lit up like a Christmas tree. I fooled you into loving a healthy person. 

Either way I loved it, no matter what you say. 

I am sorry for being selfish. I should have told you about it before, but I wanted you to love me the way I am. It sure made things more complicated. 

Thank you for being selfish. Thank you for making it more complicated. 

But I don't regret it. I am happy that I could spend the little amount of time I had with you. You did give me a forever with that short time. Infinite can be anything, it's doesn't limit to numbers. There is an infinite between 0 and 1, or 0 and 2. Thank you for giving me a forever. 

I couldn't say anything. Her eyes are now filled with tears, and she looks up. I know this method: you first look up and clench your mouth. You remind yourself that your tears could hurt your loved ones, and you try to smile to give them hope. She looks at me again with a small smile, her eyes stilled filled with tears. 

I am afraid of death, Kris. Unlike you, I don't want people to forget me. Remember when you first ignored me when I wanted to be with you? You didn't want me to get hurt or cry for you when you would be gone. I understand why you didn't want me to visit you in the hospital because you didn't want me to see you like that. But I did see you.

You did?

Yeah.. A blue liquid was coming out of your body and to the tube hanging near you. The nurse who let me in didn't want me to stay for the long, so I had to leave before your parents came back. You looked really weak, but I know how brave you are. At first, I thought you were about to die, and I was glad that you would leave before I do. But that changed in a second, I wanted more time for you to fall in love with me because I want to be remembered. You didn't care if people remember you, but I am not you. 

Of course not, Amber. 

This universe wants to be noticed and remember, including me. Everyone is obsessed on leaving a mark on this world or create a history so that people will remember them. I want to be remembered too Kris, but I have to leave scars for that. 

You left a scar on me. 

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have choices in who hurts you. I like my choices, I hope you like yours. 

I do Amber.

Okay..

Okay..

I pause the video, and stare at her. My hands reaches out and my fingers are met with the smooth surface of my laptop, but I imagine that I am touching her lips. Her soft lips and skin, and my fingers brushing her eyebrows.I imagine myself wiping off the tears on her cheeks and star in her red eyes. At least I have something to hold on to. 

I love you Kris. 

I love you too Amber.