“Where’ve you been this time, huh?” The figure asked after So-hyun quietly peeked through the door, hoping no one would catch her after her late night beings. Her mother had been waiting on the leather recliner, crouching back slightly so she wouldn’t be seen as easily.

The younger girl’s heart stopped abruptly for a second after the lights flicked on quickly, revealing her umma’s figure whose presence deeply surprised her. She should’ve been at her late night work at this time, but she wasn’t.

“Uh,” the girl started off, nervously thinking about an excuse that would get her past at least the night, “Out with a friend real quickly. Lost track of time.”

The woman eyed her warily, scrunching up her eyebrows in non-believement. She snarled angrily towards her daughter, “I’m not stupid. Where were you, So-hyun?”

Sighing inwardly for her mother’s keen intelligence, the girl began pacing towards her bedroom without answering her mother, but the woman was not in the mood. Tugging So-hyun’s arms harshly back, she interrogated the girl,

“I said, where were you?”

“I told you. I was out with a friend.”

Stoned from her harshness, the daughter flinched quickly in retaliation, surprising both of them.

Her mother let go of her arms quickly after the girl hesitantly backed away, suspicious of her behavior, “What’s going on?”

At first senses, she tugged her cardigan sleeves upwards again, trying her best to not relay the horrible memories. The umma was no longer angry at her daughter, but truly worried about her irrational behavior. So-hyun continued backing away towards the stairs stealthily as she was watched by the figure who had known nothing about this. It was far too late, and she had revealed too much for her disguise. Abruptly being tugged on once again, So-hyun was pulled back to her original state, though this time, her sleeves were pulled up harshly.

Eying the scar, her mother’s eyes widened in horror at the scene in which she turned up towards the soon teary-eyed girl. The worried figure bothered at this mark, worriedly asked her daughter, “What the hell is this?” Her tone had been much more rough than what she had planned on it to be. The mark was definitely not accidental though, but yet the options that seemed more realistic to be the explanation, seemed to be the nightmares.

So-hyun was stricken with ultimate panic. She plainly shrugged off the fact, pulling down her sleeves so her mother could no longer see it. It began to pace back into her insecurities, “It’s nothing.”

It was not nothing, and her mother could truly see that with the sad look expressed on her face. She wasn’t the cheerful girl that her mother had given birth to, but instead an exact replica with the opposite tones.

“It’s obviously something if you’re hiding it. Now tell me.” The mother sternly said. She was lucky that she had taken the liberty for this day to be sober. The past few weeks had been stressful, and she continued drinking her problems out hoping that each day she did it, she would awaken as a new person, but instead she awoken with a huge hangover, making her problems even worse. Even so, it was her way out. And it was her only salvation towards the stressful night shifts.

“I just cut myself.”

“That’s not a cut.”

“Yes it is.”

So-hyun’s mother’s temper began rising quickly as she knew her daughter was hiding something that was not meant for her knowledge. She felt betrayed. The girl whom she had given the beautiful gift of life couldn’t express her mere feelings, and for some reason, it stirred nothing but anger up in the older woman. Perhaps it was just her frustrations getting to her, but she would be able to lash out easily now.

“No it’s not. I know something’s up.” The umma said, her eyes now glaring at the girl who began the first few steps towards the upper floor with her sleeves rolled down to the ends of her arms, “You been acting different.”

“It’s nothing, umma. Let’s just go to sleep.” She pleadingly begged.

They waited in small amounts of silence.

Relieving a huge sigh, her mother finally had ceded towards the stubborn attitude, pushing the girl to the sides so she could embark herself up the lengthy amount of stairs.

Reaching towards the ends of the staircase, her mother called out.

“By the way, I threw away the book you had or whatever. It was empty, and it was just lying on the coffee table, so I thought you didn’t need it anymore.”

And with that, the figure disappeared towards the dark shadows of the dim floors.

The girl was left with tears once again. It seemed to her that no one in the world, was worthy enough of her trust any longer. She wasn’t fazed by the fact that her mother had thrown the scrapbook away at the moment, but instead of how her mother was pressuring the girl. It wasn’t unlike her caring, graceful, motherly figure but instead a much more frightening figure that she had never met before.

Swallowing her thoughts thickly, was quickly dry as she slumped into bed, still tearing silently as she used to a week before. Her days escalated back and forth, and she was soon sick of it.

Propping her pillow against the wall, she quickly soon lied herself against it, eyeing the desk across from the bed that lied the weapon.

Don’t do it.

Stay strong.

The razor blade felt cool against her skin as she questioned the possibilities of what would happen tomorrow when she would wake up to find another red mark bloodied under the other one. The sleek weapon was so small, but yet it could so much pain to a human being, whether it was purposely or accidental. It amazed her.

She pressured it towards the once milky skin, which now was bruised up from other attempts surrounding the successful one which still remained a deep blushed red. She recalled the hatreds that she was given to at school, from her classmates, from Ye-jin, from the fangirls. Tears continued to stream quickly out of her eyes as they fell upon the scar she had, stinging the girl slightly. She didn’t wince though, but instead, cherished the burning sensation.

Closing her eyes, her vision quickly blurred out as all turned a moody black color, allowing her to see nothing but a straight-forward void.

Why am I so unstable?

For what she thought was a good day, veered up towards to be an emotional night.

~

“What do you want now?” So-hyun snarled quickly towards the girls who pushed her up against the lockers quickly, having others watch them do their actions in laughter.

The middle-first of the girl, who happened to be the tallest and most vicious looking, quickly countered, “You’re such a .”

“What the hell did I do?” So-hyun asked confusedly as she struggled to push against the three girls’ grips. She had found it entertaining that for this time, it wasn’t Ye-jin stating the cruel facts but instead other girls who she had no knowledge upon.

The girl to the left of the middle-first had quickly interrupted, “Don’t act innocent. You know what you ing did, with your hands all over Dongwoon.”

What?

“Wha--?”

The strike signalled the first physical attack she had ever received upon her first steps onto the school grounds.

Laughter quickly erupted towards the crowds of students as more poured in to watch the sudden fight that had stirred up quickly as soon as she had entered the hallways. For what had seemed to be a small slap, the noise echoed through her minds loudly.

Hearing a loud voice, that seemed at first to be the most pleasant company she could have at the moment, quickly vesseled towards the voice that had caused all of this.

“What the hell is going on?” The blonde idol asked as the three girls quickly whirled towards him, twirling their hairs in an innocent state.

The most quiet girl quickly spoke up as she twiddled her fingers around her long and silky brunette hair, “Ah, Dongwoonie! We were just talking to your friend!”

"Cut the act." Dongwoon said sternly, causing the trio to be taken aback. Without waiting to see the reaction, he then grabbed huddled girl's hand, pulling her away from the heated scene.

"Ignore them." He said quietly after they took a few steps away from the crowded areas of the hallway. She rolled her eyes in reply as many had already told her this piece of advice.

"I know," she muttered quietly as they briskly received attentions from others, "Everyone told me that."

Sighing deeply, “Are you okay,” Dongwoon asked quietly as if he was trying to make it look as if he wasn’t talking to her. She could tell these expressions well, and wouldn’t take any light-hearted excuses for it.

Suddenly stopping upon the midst of the hallway, she then turned to him, “Why are you speaking so quietly,” she asked him coldly as his eyes widened up in horror, “You don’t have to talk to me. I’m not forcing you to be here.”

“So-hyun--”

“No. You don’t have to be here. You did cause all of this, remember?”

Frustrated with her short temper, the girl continued glaring at him. How dare would he think that she was just some pitied girl. She was doing perfectly fine without him, and she would continue to be within those tracks. She didn’t need an idol to just lift her out of her depressions, and she would make sure that was clear to him.

Quietly whispering to her, “Keep your voice down.”

“Why?” She asked sharply, “Are you embarrassed to be talking to me? The girl who everyone hates, huh?”

He was quick to snap back, “No. I never said that, did I?”

The stress from the past days finally reeled up to their sour moods, though none would back off easily. “You sure are implying that. And if so, I don’t really care.” So-hyun said in a strained voice as she begun to take off through the hallways just to get away from him. She had already passed their homeroom, but she didn’t want to deal with his mood at the moment.

Biting his lip, Dongwoon struggled to keep his temper low as he didn’t want to explode on the girl. The comeback was nothing but a few days away, and the late nights and stress had rolled up slowly onto him as well. With an irritable mood, he pulled the girl harshly back to him. “Calm down.” He harshly said.

“No, just let me go.” She pleaded, surprising the boy. Hesitantly, he released her from his grip unconsciously, as she walked towards the ends of the hallway where the front entrances laid. She wouldn’t be dealing with his sympathy right now. She was much more stronger than that, and for him to even have the audacity to speak ever so quietly. Was he embarrassed to be hanging out with her? Well, she would make sure that wouldn’t be able to happen anymore. Seeking her eyes around the crowded crowds, the girl locked her eyes onto the brunette girl, “Suzy!”

~

And her life become nothing but a simple rollercoaster that looped through the many twirls and circles that every simple rollercoaster would have. She passed the first loop, but the first was never the worst. It was never the steepest loop that would make one get the chills or perhaps hurl, it was just the mere beginning.

~

“And so he’s just being friends with you because he feels bad?” Suzy asked, making sure there was a confirmation to the unbelievable story she had just heard of the stories between the two who were once victim and bully, to now friends. It was indeed too good to be true.

The other girl nodded in confirmation as they both sat against the creamed wall, waiting for the lunch period to end.

“Ah, well you can do better than him.” Suzy noddingly said, patting the other girl in support who had soon broken down quickly.

So-hyun sputtered words mixedly as her feelings couldn’t be expressed correctly. “I--I..just. I don’t know.” She stared at Dongwoon who sat feets away from the two seated girls, but even from a far distance, an electrifying shock connected both of their eye contacts together, though they fought against the force. He had been sitting within the lunch tables with his friends who laughed hysterically while he looked solemn.

Damn fool.

“It’s okay, you’ll get through it. And whatever happens, I’ll support you through it all.”

“Thanks, Suzy-ah.” So-hyun said, expressing her gratitude gratefully, “It means a lot.”

The girl nodded in return, and they continued staring through the crowded lunch hallways, where others sat near them and chatted animatedly while others sat at the tables, eating their lunches. Though the crowded scenes did take up a majority amount of her attention, a little flick always reeled the girl’s eyes back to the familiar blonde-haired idol, who had girls swooning all over the table. He did nothing but just give the girls a small grin back, which was enough to send them off bragging to their friends.

“He’s a really good friend, really.”

“Not from what I heard.”

“He is!”

So-hyun wasn’t sure what her viewpoint was on the boy anymore. One day the two would be the bestest of friends, but the next day they would pretend as if they didn’t know each other. Her mind was frazzled, and she needed to know the ultimate feelings soon. Remembering the memories they had with the fangirls, the girl smiled wistfully without knowing, earning a puzzled look from her friend.

She was quick to question her behavior, “What are you smiling about?”

Snapped out of the memory, So-hyun quickly shook her head and stared down into her hands, blushing slightly at her own conscious mind for even bearing the memory any longer. “Nothing, just something funny popped into my head.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

~

As her friendship resumed it’s path with Suzy, her family’s problems had worsened.

“How could you just throw away the scrapbook? You know Dad got it for me, specifically made!” The young girl angrily yelled at her mother. Upon coming home from late study hall, So-hyun was stressed, and she recalled the only way of relieving her problems. Her scrapbook. But of course, as soon as returning home, she had found nothing lying on the coffee table, and she then remembered the heated argument she had stirred up with her mother the other night.

Her mother was also not in the mood. “What do you expect me to do? It looked like a book with nothing in it, god damn.”

She was astonished at her mother’s pure stupidity. “You could’ve asked?” The girl said annoyingly as her mother began fuming air through her nostrils loudly. So-hyun didn’t take this as a sign to back off and instead continued, “Instead of throwing it away!”

“Calm the hell down, I’ll go buy you another one.” Her mother said, now annoyed as well with the girl, but that wouldn’t just cut it. The scrapbook meant more than just a cheap book that was able to be bought at any crafting store. The one her dad supplied her had been custom made, just from his photography company in California, and now it was gone. She rummaged through the trash cans despite how unsanitary it was the past days, and found nothing. There was nothing left to do but just argue. It was the simple way out of everything for her instead of looking at it in a more calm way.

“You can’t just buy it!” So-hyun yelled towards her mother who glared her eyes in frustrations at her daughter.

Fuming her anger, her mother countered quickly, “Well, I don’t know what you want me to do then.”

“Just leave.” So-hyun said angrily. She didn’t mean it, but the words that she always said during her heated arguments with anyone weren’t the most well thought. Her mother gasped quickly before soon raising her hand up into the upper hand causing the girl to close her eyes and brace for the pain.

Nothing happened.

The elongated silence continued.

Peeking open one eye, she saw her mother stare at her absentmindedly as her hand was now lowered towards her sides. She soon opened the other eye and stared back at the figure who had changed heavily ever since her lifestyle had been affected.

“Why did you just flinch? You know I never would hurt you.” Her mother asked softly after they continued staring at each other in silence.

She couldn’t usher anything in reply. So-hyun was stunned, it was as if she had been struck but she wasn’t. The question instead had shocked her heavily. It questioned herself too. Why did she just flinch? It was her mother, the human who she trusted with everything. She shouldn’t be scared of her, but then she replaced the image of her mother with the cruel figures from school who had bullied her.

Ushering a small croak, So-hyun quickly turned towards the door and took off within the opposite direction, hoping to get away as quickly as possible from the awkward scene. She didn’t hear her mother call for her--not that it would matter--and so she continued running towards any direction until her legs would give in.

The wind blew in her face harshly as she continued running.

I just need to get away.

From this world.

From everything.

~