Part Three. Memories...

No, they didn't like each other. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo just had those times when it rained. They'd tell each other how important they are and they're feelings for each other. It was a completely normal routine for the two. But it wasn't exactly the same to Chanyeol and Jongin as everytime they'd hear the two talk to each other affectionately, it made their blood boil to the point that they actually in the conversation and steal their loved ones and prevent the two from speaking until the topic had been cleared. But this time was different... Chanyeol wasn't there to make excuses to stop Baekhyun. Jongin wasn't there to shut Kyungsoo's mouth. They were free to declare their comments and feelings about different things... and Baekhyun had already started. By this time, Chanyeol had told Baekhyun he still had work to do and already left as for Jongin, he was alone in the dance room, practicing the new dance steps the choreographer had taught him for his performance a few days later so Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were alone together, both on the phone.

But this was reality.

Chanyeol didn’t exist anymore.

And that was Baekhyun’s undying trauma.

Present.

"Baekhyun... you okay? Remembering him again?" Baekhyun's eyes watered as he stared at the world outside his window that was so blurry, the cause of the rain. Was his life like this, too? Was it blurry like this window? "Yeah... I kind of do. But I don't want to... it'll hurt me again. It'll make me feel lonely and helpless again. I can't afford that right now... *sniff* I might not be able to control myself again." Kyungsoo knew what was happening to Baekhyun and he pitied his best friend. He wanted to embrace the brunette so tight and make him feel protected but he couldn't do anything. They were far from the reach of each other's hands. All they could do was talk over on the phone.

"Relax, Baekkie. Try and divert your thoughts." Kyungsoo tried to erase the topic he had started but Baekhyun will not let him. He started the topic and Baekhyun would finish it at the right time and that wasn't anytime soon. "No. I want to think of him, Kyungsoo. I can't forget about him. I don't want to. I won't give up... he'll come back for me... right? Right, Kyungsoo? He'll come back..." The doe-eyed boy had enough of this. He hated it when Baekhyun cried, his best friend was very precious to him and seeing him cry hurt him too much. "Baekkie... please. It's just not possible. A dead person can't come back to life." That last sentence broke Baekhyun's heart to pieces and he swore he saw Chanyeol holding his hand out for him, having his usual bright smile on. But he was imagining. Chanyeol couldn't have come back... even if he wished so, it couldn't happen. It was impossible.

"But, Kyungsoo... impossible things can be possible, right? Right...? You told me about it! You promised me he wouldn't leave!" Baekhyun broke down to tears and fell to the floor. Hugging his knees tight and close to his chest while barely holding the phone enough to keep it near his ears. "Baekhyun! Calm down. Don't do anything to hurt yourself... please..." The brunette couldn't hear anything but the sound of rain pouring. Kyungsoo couldn't hear any reply coming from his friend which concerned him more. If he hadn't left Baekhyun early, alone at his huge house, he could've comforted him... he could've done something to stop Baekhyun from actually hurting himself. Kyungsoo would not be able to stand it if Baekhyun hurt himself again.

With these thoughts in mind, Kyungsoo grabbed his hooded rain coat and umbrella. "I need to go to Baekkie's place, Kai! I'll see you tomorrow!" Jongin knew what had happened and gave Kyungsoo a kiss before letting his lover go. Even if Baekhyun's house was miles away, he had to go there. Even if he had to run as if his life depended on it because it did. Without Baekhyun, he wouldn't have been alive right now. If Baekhyun hadn't been there... he would have possibly died.

Bullying and suicide attempts were the words to explain what Kyungsoo meant. was also one of the key words. Being bullied and wasn't the worst of what happened to Kyungsoo. Because of these occurrences during their elementary and high school years, Kyungsoo attempted suicide a lot more times than someone could normally think of. He had scars of previous blades all around his body and he was glad a lot of them had already been erased since it was years ago when everything happened and he had already graduated college and had a successful life. Baekhyun who was there all his life and encouraging him to live and move on was now in danger and he would not be able to forgive himself if Baekhyun... left.

At last, Kyungsoo had arrived. Baekhyun wasn't opening the gate and it made him worry more. He had no more options left so he climbed the tall gate and jumped down, nearly injuring himself on the way. Kyungsoo had no more time to waste and ran as fast as he could to reach the second and the last gate. He found it unlocked and so he entered. Baekhyun wasn't found on the first floor and Kyungsoo couldn't think of any place else where Baekhyun would've gone to except his special room.

The room that had all portraits and paintings and pictures of Chanyeol. Gifts from the giant and many more special memories. Diaries... and letters that Chanyeol kept. Clothes and shoes and everything else Chanyeol owned, Baekhyun kept it all. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't let Chanyeol go... after all, these things were the only things left that bind him and Chanyeol together... it was all he had.

"BAEKHYUN!" Kyungsoo's eyes doubled in size at the shock that took over his thoughts and emotions. He froze for a moment there and then it struck him; he called Jongin as quickly as he could and instructed the dancer to call for an ambulance. Without any questions, Jongin followed orders.

While waiting for the ambulance to arrive, Kyungsoo thought of ways to stop the bleeding in Baekhyun's wrist but nothing worked. He even wrapped a towel around the wrist to lessen the bleeding but within a few minutes, the towel was already soaked with blood. Beside the unconscious Baekhyun, Kyungsoo saw an open diary that he saw Chanyeol had before. It was open to a specific page and what was written in there was truly heartbreaking for the petite Baekhyun.

Baekhyun had cut himself so deep that he lost consciousness the moment he realized what he was doing. Baekhyun's eyes started to get blurry and he swore he saw Chanyeol smiling at him... the bright and cheerful Chanyeol he loved. Why was he to be left again? Why? Does he have no right to be happy? To love and be loved back?

‘April 14, 2011.

Hey, Hyunnie.

Do you know how much this giant misses you? Hahaha. I know I’m too corny. I just really do miss you; I can't stay in Australia anymore without you here. I wish we’d be together ‘till the end and I promise to not die before you do. Is that sweet or creepy? Oh, what the heck. It’s love that counts! Right? You told me that. And I still remember it… I remember everything you say, Hyunnie. Everything. I don’t dare forget a word or else I won’t be able to forgive myself. I know you’re fine but still, take care of yourself. I wouldn’t want to hear from Kyungsoo that you’re sick or something… even though I’m jealous of Kyungsoo for being close to you, I still trust him at times like this. Kyungsoo’s a good friend, I know he won’t leave you. I won’t too. I won’t leave you… ever.

Love, Chanyeol.’

Kyungsoo’s heart ached at the text written on the page, this definitely hurt the brunette. "Baekhyun, why'd you do this to yourself? Please stop blaming yourself... please. I can't stand seeing you like this anymore. It hurts me too much to the point that I can't breathe. I cry every night, Baekhyun... I cry for you. Hoping you wouldn't make the same mistakes I did. Hoping I'd see you smile again... hoping you wouldn't be hurt anymore. But I guess I was stupid. I know there's no way you'd be okay... but don't blame yourself. I know Chanyeol wouldn't like it if you did. You know... Chanyeol did that for you... he saved you because he loved you. Can't you see that? Please, Baekhyun. Don't hurt yourself any more than this... you've already been in too much pain. This is enough... please." Kyungsoo couldn't help but talk to the unconscious Baekhyun lying in his lap. He just couldn't take it anymore. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to Baekhyun.

After a few more minutes, the ambulance came and Baekhyun was brought to the hospital. Jongin followed afterwards. "Kyungie!" Kyungsoo turned to see his lover still in the process of catching his breath. The younger smiled and opened his arms to where Kyungsoo had run to. He cried and cried at the younger man's chest letting all his fears and sadness show itself through his tears while Jongin craddled him in his arms and comforted him, saying things would go fine and Baekhyun would be better as soon as they know it but Kyungsoo knew that Jongin was just saying those for him. It made him happy but the sadness in his heart wasn't lessened. Baekhyun was his angel and for this to happen was a big heart attack to Kyungsoo... even though it was for the second time.

Past.

Baekhyun loved a man before Chanyeol... Jung Daehyun was the lad's name. They knew each other for three years and on a rainy day, Daehyun confessed to Baekhyun in which Baekhyun accepted. That was also the period wherein Kyungsoo loved Baekhyun. He loved Baekhyun a year after they befriended Daehyun but he couldn't tell him as a friendship was on the line. So he accepted the relationship of the two even if it stabbed his heart over and over again. The two were so happy that they couldn't be separated until one night... Baekhyun was staying over Kyungsoo's house when Daehyun suddenly called, asking for help. This made the two worry to no end and thus brought Daehyun to the nearest hospital available that night.

After a few hours of pacing around the hallway, the doctor came out of the emergency room, having an awful aura around him. The doctor's expression was surely bad news, Kyungsoo knew something was wrong. "You're Jung Daehyun's friends, am I right?" The two nodded as slow as they could as they were both afraid to know what was Daehyun's condition that made him cough and vomit blood. "He's fine..." Baekhyun almost screamed because of the happiness he felt but he reacted too fast. "...before. He went into a coma while we were examining him and we found out that there was a big blood clot in his brain and we can't touch it or else... he might die." The last sentence made Baekhyun's knees weak and fell to the floor. This worried Kyungsoo and so he brought the brunette up and sat him down on the seat he was previously sitting on. Baekhyun was frozen but his tears showed his sadness, it flowed endlessly but Baekhyun didn't seem to notice. Everything was too big of a shock for him and he couldn't process it all at once. 

Was everything true? But, how? Why...? He had no answers. He tried searching but no answers existed. It just happened in a blink of an eye and in that brief moment, Baekhyun realized how Daehyun was going to leave him. This made the brunette cry to no end. Saying incoherent words while begging the doctor to let him in but the doctor refused, saying the patient needed time for peace. Kyungsoo cradled the brunette in his arms and let his own tears flow. The thought of losing Daehyun was hard but seeing Baekhyun cry because of that and because he loved someone else, hurt much more. He couldn't breathe as he felt suffocated. But he remained strong, strong for Baekhyun. He knew the brunette was hurting so much inside that all he could do was cry himself to sleep. Kyungsoo stayed with him all night long, checking his condition after an hour or so.

While Kyungsoo took care of Daehyun, Baekhyun would go home and rest. That was what Kyungsoo normally thought of what Baekhyun was doing but he was wrong. Upon arriving at the brunette's huge house, Kyungsoo heard sobs coming from a room on the second floor. He hurried to see what the cause of that sound was and as soon as he stepped onto the second floor's hardwood floor, the crying stopped. The doe-eyed boy ran to the room where he heard all the crying and opened it, noticing it was lock, he kicked the door instead which made a huge crack in the middle. He kicked again and the door fell down, broken to pieces.

And when the door fell, so did his heart as he saw the horrible sight in front of him... Baekhyun was hanging at the middle of the room with a rope around his neck. He had no shirt on and had hundreds of cuts on his arms and some were on his stomach. It was horrible but Kyungsoo knew why he did it. He had been here before but he stopped and now, he was not going to let Baekhyun continue doing this to himself. He would hate himself if he was to let Baekhyun do this again.

Kyungsoo rushed the brunette to the hospital where Daehyun was admitted to and Baekhyun was immediately brought to the emergency room. He paced back and forth, waiting for the hours to turn into minutes and minutes to seconds but it seemed longer than usual. 'Please, God. Save him... save Baekhyun.' Kyungsoo prayed over and over again and after a few more minutes that passed by, the doctor came out and shared with Kyungsoo the great news. Baekhyun was fine and the cuts were deep but they had replaced the blood that Baekhyun lost. Kyungsoo felt so relieved. He rushed to Baekhyun's room and saw the brunette staring blankly at the window on the left side of his bed. It was a huge glass window that was almost the size of the entire wall. But it was blurry and only fuzzy lights were seen because of the humidity and rain... rain... so that's why.

Daehyun and Baekhyun started going out on a rainy day. Rainy days should've been fun for everyone but not for Baekhyun. Rainy days were mournful nights for Baekhyun as he remembered his moments with Daehyun. The precious memories he cherished so much.

"Baekhyun..." Kyungsoo whispered which made the brunette snap out of his daze. Baekhyun smiled at the lad and motioned him to come closer in which Kyungsoo obliged. "You feeling okay?" Kyungsoo asked while sitting down at an empty space near Baekhyun's feet. The brunette's smile was gone and he had burst into tears. "No, Kyungsoo. I-I'm not fine... not one bit." Kyungsoo felt hurt and his heart was aching so bad that it was hard to breathe but he managed. "Baekkie... Daehyun will survive. He will..." Kyungsoo tried to comfort Baekhyun even if it was to give his best friend false hopes. He knew it was bad... but what could he do? He wanted to see Baekhyun smile. He wanted to make Baekhyun happy... it was the only thing he could do right now in this situation.

"Really, D.O? Will he really...?" Baekhyun looked up; Kyungsoo heart's ached for the nth time now. He couldn't dare lie to Baekhyun but what else can he do but that? He wouldn't be able to control himself if he were to see the brunette shed more tears; the pain Baekhyun had been feeling was enough. Baekhyun can't feel any more pain than that, Kyungsoo wouldn't be able to take it. "Yes, Baekkie... he'll come back..." What a lie. 'Kyungsoo... why would you lie to Baekhyun?' Kyungsoo regretted what he said but he did not dare take it back. He treasured Baekhyun so much that he would do everything he can to make the brunette happy.

It was all he could do for Baekhyun.

"Kyungie... Kyungie, wake up." Kyungsoo felt Jongin's tugging on his shirt. He slowly sat up while rubbing his eyes and examining the place where he was. "Umm... Kai... what are we doing here? Why are we-" Then reality struck him. Baekhyun was in the hospital! He had cut himself so deep that he lost a lot of blood. This occurrence triggered Kyungsoo's tears and seeing this, Jongin's heart ached. It ached so much that he thought it had already been cut in half. "Kyungie... it's alright. Everything will be fine... don't worry." Jongin felt weak to see his lover in this state. It was very heartbreaking for the dancer.

"How's Baekkie? What did the doctor say? Is he alright? Will he be fine? Where is he?" Kyungsoo asked so desperately that Jongin had to cradle him in his arms to muffle Kyungsoo's cries. He was too hurt to think rationally and Jongin was scared something bad might happen to his lover.

Jongin took a deep breath before talking. "Kyungie... Baekhyun's in a coma." Hearing this, Kyungsoo fell to the floor, unable to stop his tears from falling. He could not do anything but hug his knees close to his chest and cry. 'Baekhyun... don't leave me. Please. I can't bear to continue living without you here... please.' Kyungsoo thought as he recalled memories with Baekhyun. Even that moment where he had done an unexceptional sin. Something he shouldn't have done. But he regretted nothing.

"Mmm..." Kyungsoo mumbled as he felt pressure on his lips. The pressure was moving and Kyungsoo felt something wet entering his mouth... 'Wait... is someone kissing me?!' This thought awakened Kyungsoo and brought him back to his senses.

Baekhyun had been having nightmares all night and he had dreamt of Daehyun in bed and was calling out for him. Everything seemed real in which Baekhyun fell for... but it was only a dream. Everything was just the product of his wild desperate imaginations. He woke up crying and he was heavily sweating. Baekhyun examined the dark room and saw nothing in the darkness but Kyungsoo who was peacefully sleeping at the sofa near the window. "Kyungsoo... I'm sorry." Because of his dream, Baekhyun was ually active. He wanted it but Daehyun wasn't there to give him what he wanted but there was someone else who'd do everything to make Baekhyun happy... Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun walked out of bed and tiptoed towards the younger that was peacefully sleeping. "Kyungie... please let me..." He leaned closer and pressed his lips against the other's. The sensation and pleasure was gradually turning him on and an evident was visible in his pajamas, between his thighs. He felt Kyungsoo moving and took this opportunity to enter the wet cavern of the younger. 'I'm sorry, Kyungsoo. I can't help it... I'm sorry.' Baekhyun felt guilty but he also wanted more which made him feel more guilt.

"Mmm..." He heard Kyungsoo's muffled moans. The lad liked the sensation but what was actually happening? Who was kissing him? Kyungsoo opened his eyes just to close it again after seeing Baekhyun's half-lidded eyes staring right back at him. Baekhyun let the lad's lips go and moved downwards, placing kisses in sensitive parts. "Baekhyun... what are you doing?" Kyungsoo asked in disbelief. Baekhyun glanced at him but didn't give an answer which made the doe-eyed boy more curious. But the curiousness was instantly replaced by overwhelming sensation the brunette was giving him. As Baekhyun moved downwards, his hips arched, moving along with Baekhyun's rhythm. It was utterly amazing for the two.

The sensation and lust was overflowing that Kyungsoo couldn't stop himself from giving in to Baekhyun's soft touches. It was a wonderful night for the two but after Baekhyun fell asleep, he knew Baekhyun would feel apologetic tomorrow and he'd feel guilty for what they had done that night. What hurt him the most is the fact that he knew Baekhyun would regret making love to someone he didn't even love. Thinking of these mournful thoughts, Kyungsoo's tears fell without him knowing. It was just too heartbreaking him that it made him cry...

While Kyungsoo cried, so did the clouds as the rain started to pour for the second time that day.

END OF CHAPTER