"Being deeply loved
By someone gives you
Strength,
While loving someone
Deeply gives you
Courage."

- Lao Tzu

 

 

You said move on

Where do I go?

 

Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What would you do

If you were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

 

You're the best,

And yes, I do regret

How I could let myself let you go

Now, now the lesson's learned

I touched it, I was burned

Oh, I think you should know.

 

- Thinking of You by Katy Perry

 

 

Brunch was a noisy affair. The Kim family bonded over eggs and bacon while Eunji was babbling about her father's story to her mother.

"That seems like a nice story Eunji." Mikhaela said, taking a bite of bacon.

"You should listen to appa telling it, umma." Jongin froze as he heard what his daughter said and looked at Mikhaela, who smiled.

"I've heard of your father's story before. It was very good." She said and they continued eating.

"Since it's a weekend, do you want to go to the princess' castle Eunji?" Jongin asked and Eunji's eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"To the princess' castle? Really appa?"

"Yes, really. I think it'll be nice if you see the princess for yourself." Jongin said.

"Jongin, are you sure about taking Eunji with you?" Mikhael whispered, taking her husband's hand nearest to her and holding it tight.

"Of course I'm sure. I think it's about time." Jongin said.

Jongin stood a distance away from a house. Soojung's house. It was not a grand house, rather just a modest bungalow. The front yard was neatly trimmed with a few pots of flowers. Jongin smiled at the thought of Soojung taking care and being a part of the landscape.

He looked at the open window of their home and a faint smell of oranges wafted out. It smelled sweet and welcoming. He looked at the scene unfolding inside: Soojung and a man, who Jongin assumed to be her husband, having fun together and exchanging laughs and smiles with a small boy. They looked like the perfect family, and Soojung looked genuinely happy.

Wait, what man?

I've been imagining things again.

Jongin shook his head and looked again at the scene. It was just Soojung with a boy, laughing ang smiling and chasing around the room. It was perfect, but to Jongin it would be more perfect if he was there.

The rational part of his mind told him to stop imagining things with Soojung because it would never happen, but the creative and frankly the side Jongin preferred the most told him that it should him and Soojung and Eunji and that boy playing together and looking happy, like straight out of one of those family-oriented magazines or commercials.

He walked to the doorstep, raising his hands to knock, but he paused. He had no courage. The scene itself looked perfect, and Soojung was happy. As much as his mind told him that it would be better if he was there, it didn't need anything else, most especially Jongin.

So backed out and walked away, taking one last look at Soojung.

The Kims finished brunch and Jongin told his daughter to get ready and while waiting, he and his wife cleaned the table.

"Jongin." 

"Hmm?"

"Are you ready to face her?"

"Yes I am. Stop worrying about me."

"I will only stop worrying about you when you and Eunji come home safely and when you've dealt with your problems." At that, Jongin kissed his wife on her forehead and ruffled her hair.

"I'll come back home before sunset." Jongin kissed Mikhaela and Eunji looked at them wide-eyed, ready to go to the princess' house.

"Appa? Umma? What are you doing?" Jongin and Mikhaela broke away from each other, faces red and embarrassed.

"Way to influence Eunji." Mikhaela whispered.

"You're no better; you kissed back."

Jongin and Eunji bid Mikhala goodbye and went to the princess' house. Soon, he found himself on the all-familiar scene of Soojung's house. He parked cleanly in front and Eunji and Jongin hopped out. Eunji's least concern was the size of the 'palace' of the princess; who she wanted to see was the princess. He took the path to the doorsteps, clutching his daughter's hand.

What the am I even doing here?

Does she even remember me?

What if she slams the door on me?

"Appa? Shouldn't you be knocking the door?" Eunji asked. Jongin's other arm hung still at his sides but he raised it and knocked thrice. Faint footsteps and 'who's there' can be heard.

Soojung heard the knock on the door and she wondered when her husband's bandmates earned some manners. She expected three leather-clad men wearing clothes that clung to their skin and sporting the most ridiculous of hairstyles and hair color. What she didn't expect when she opened the door was a familiar pair of hazel eyes and she almost slammed the door.

Oh where are my manners?

No. It can't be.

But... is it really him?

Is it really-

"Jongin? Kim Jongin?" Soojung asked, wide-eyed. The Kim Jongin, along with a little girl she thought was his daughter, stood in front of her.

"Yes it's me." Jongin smiled and Soojung's heart fluttered a bit, then remembering she had a husband, it stopped. She invited her visitors inside and make themselves comfortable.

"How'd you know my address?" Soojung asked from the kitchen, making snacks and drinks.

"I Google'd your address." Jongin said in a deadpan voice. "Just kidding. I keep in touch with Kris. I heard he and your sister married. They used to live here right?"

"Yeah they did. Jongin it's been a long time. 10 years I think? I see you already have a family. This is your daughter right?" Eunji bowed respectfully to Soojung while she set down a tray of food.

"Annyeonghaseyo ahjumma! Jeoneun Kim Eunji imnida!" Eunji introduced herself.

"Call me.... call me Krystal." Soojung said, sitting down so she's level with the girl. Jongin smiled, looking at how his daughter and his first love interacted.

"Are you the princess? Appa said we're going to visit the princess." Eunji asked. Soojung looked at Jongin with an inquiring look.

"Go with the flow." Jongin mouthed.

"Yes I am the princess Eunji." Soojung said. Eunji seemed satisfied with the answer so she grabbed some food from the tray and ate.

"Jongin, who's her mother?"

"Park Mikhaela. Well she's a Kim now. Met her in university."

"Oh. How long have you been married?"

"Around 4 years. Eunji came a year after our marriage. She was a honeymoon baby." Jongin smiled.

"Too much information Jongin. I'd love to meet Mikhaela sometime." They heard the sound of a door opening and a man wearing a leather jacket and tight ripped jeans emerged, along with the smell of cigarette smoke.

"I have a gig to- who's lover boy? Your new boy toy?" The man looked at Soojung with a smirk. Soojung sent the man a look of pure hatred and said,

"He's a friend."

"Friend? Really? That's your latest excuse? I wouldn't be surprised if I hear you ing with that friend tonight." The man, slamming the door behind him.

"Rude. Who was that? Flatmate?" 

"Husband, unfortunately. Kim Myungsoo."

"So you're a Kim now?"

"I am. I still insist people address me as 'Jung' though." A boy, probably older than Eunji, came outside a room and Soojung told him to come over.

"Say hello to Jongin ssi and Eunji dongsaeng Hyunsik." Hyunsik did as he was told with a bow.

"Annyeonghaseyo ahjussi, Eunji dongsaeng." Jongin patted the boy on his head and noticed his daughter stopped eating and her eyes twinkling.

"Eunji, why don't you play with Hyunsik?" Jongin said.

"But appa he doesn't know what I play." Eunji pouted.

"Well show him then. Have fun!" Jongin and Soojung sent the kids to the bedroom and settled down on the couch. A slightly awkward air settled in.

"So, what have I missed? It's been far too long Soojung." Jongin asked.

"Where do I start? I went to Uni, graduated as an Accountancy major, ment Myungsoo at work, fell in love, got married, had Hyunsik and took a break from work to take care of my family. In the midst of all that Myungsoo met some guys at a local club, formed a band with them and somehow the Myungsoo I knew disappeared to be a 'rockstar' wearing leather jackets and ripped jeans, drinking, smoking and taking drugs." Soojung sighed. "All in the span in 10 years. Then here I see you again. What have I missed, Jongin?"

"My life... has been fulfilling so far. I went to university, met Mikhaela, went outside the gates with a diploma for Bachelor's Degree in Civil Engineering in one hand and Mikhaela on the other hand. I got married to a wonderful woman and had Eunji a year after. I'm still working full-time though. All in the span of 10 years. Then here I see you again." Jongin said in the same pattern as Soojung.

Jongin's eyes averted to the many frames adorning the top of the mantel and took notice of every picture. Most of them were Soojung and a few friends, memories of university life retained fresh in the photographs. Others were pictures of her and her husband in which, he noticed, she looked happy and sad but still smiling ("It's in the eyes") and some pictures fo her family and her son. But the one that caught his eye the most, is a small picture frame positioned at the very back but still visible, of himself with Soojung taken after their charity showcase, his arms around her shoulders and looking very happy.

To the normal person they would've seen two best friends. But to Jongin, he saw what would've been a family pictures is they photoshopped Eunji and Hyunsik in it.

"I see you've taken a liking to the pictures. They're great aren't they? Keeps all the memories fresh in your mind. And a perk-me-up if you don't want wine." Soojung said.

"You keep a picture of us? Doesn't your husband know?" Jongin smiled at Soojung's rebelliousness.

"Why do you think I keep it in the back? Before I married Myungsoo, when I was still in a tiny old apartment, that was the center of everything."

"Good to know your husband doesn't know you keep a picture of me." Soojung laughed a little and Jongin took the frame containing the picture and held it, the memory replaying in his mind.

"What do you think happened if we settled for a science fair for the charity showcase?" Jongin asked.

"I would've died of boredom. I'm not exactly a science person." Soojung said. "Besides, I wouldn't want that to happen."

"Do you still keep relations with our old classmates? I still do."

"I keep in touch with Amber, Jinri and Victoria. We went to the same university, then we met Sun-young in a bar once. She was a singer there and she was known as Luna. You?"

"Met Kyungsoo once. He found himself a girl. Bang Minah I think she was? I'm close friends with Sehun."

"God I miss the old days." Soojung smiled.

"I miss the performance and our practices. Remember the time you threatened you would skin me alive?" Jongin smirked.

"I would do it if I had the chance" Soojung laughed.

"You wouldn't." Jongin said.

"Yes I would. Wouldn't hesitate for a second." Soojung threw a pillow at Jongin who deflected it.

"Remember that time we built a snowman and called it Kaistal?"

"Kai and Krystal? If anyone else knew that I would be embarrassed and ashamed." Soojung laughed. The air of awkwardness was gone as they began recounting memories of their high school days, laughing and smiling freely.

"Hey Jongin, do you want to go to the karaoke bar nearby?" Soojung asked.

"What about the kids?"

"I could always call the ahjumma. She used to take care of Hyunsik when I was working. I hope she's free." Soojung picked up the telephone and called.

"Yeoboseyo. Ahjumma? Can you come here and take care of Hyunsik for a while? I'm going out.... with.... a friend. 10 minutes? Kamsahamnida!" Soojung disconnected the call and her and Jongin reminded the kids that they were going out for a while.

"Can't you take us with you umma?" Hyunsik asked.

"I can't Hyunsik I'm sorry. I'll bring home something though. Ahjumma will take care of you." Soojung said.

"Who's ahjumma?" Eunji asked.

"She's nice. She's not the evil queen Eunji, I promise." Jongin assured his daughter.

"Evil queen? Really Jongin." Soojung scoffed.

"Hey, you probably grew up with the same thing." Jongin shot back.

"Touche. We'll come back soon." Soojung heard the doorbell and opened it. The ahjumma entered and Soojung and Jongin greeted her.

"Ahjumma! Thank you for coming, I swear we'll be back soon."

"How many times have I told you to just call me Hyo-jung? And who's this?"

"Oh, this is Jongin ahjumma. My friend from high school." Soojung introduced Jongin to Hyo-jung and he bowed.

"Good! I can't stand that filthy excuse for a husband you call Myungsoo. You finally found yourself a decent man. I waited years for this Jung Soojung." Hyo-jung said frankly.

"Ahjumma!"

"Whatever Jung Soojung. Be back soon, or else." Hyo-jung said strictly, but the twinkle in her eyes and the smile that threatened to escape betrayed her.

"Bye ahjumma! Bye Hyunsik and Eunji!" Jongin and Soojung gave their children a hug and left. The karaoke bar was just walking distanc so it did not require a taxi. Soojung paid for the initial entrance and they were led to a room with karaoke equipment.

"What do you want to sing?" Jongin asked, flipping through the book of songs.

"Terrified. You know, the song we sang at the performance." Soojung said nervously, clutching the microphone. Jongin looked at her, searching her expression. He entered the number for the song and took the mic. Soojung started the singing,

"You, by the light, is the greatest find

In a world, full of wrong

You're the thing that's right.

Finally made it through the lonely

To the other side~"

"You set it again, my heart's in motion.

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark.

And I~ am in love

And I~ am terrified

For the first time

And the last time

In my only life."

They moved closer to each other, singing their hearts out and making music as an outlet for their feelings. After 10 years, evidently they still harbored feelings for each other. Both of them knew it wasn't right, harboring feelings for people who already have partners. But just for this day, maybe they can go back to their high school days, practicing for that performance.

"This, could be good

It's already better than the last

And nothing's worse

Than knowing you're holding back.

I could be all that you needed

If you let me try~"

"You set it again, my heart's in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I~ am in love

And I~ am terrified

For the first time and the last time

In my only life."

 

"I only said cause I mean it~

I only said it cause it's true

So don't you doubt what you've been dreaming.

Cause it fills me up, and holds me close

Whenever I'm without you."

"You set it again, my heart's in motion

Every word feels like a shooting

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark.

And I~ am in love.

And I~ am terrified.

For the first time, and the last time

I'm my only~ life."

They stopped, finding themselves too close to each other. Soojung moved back but Jongin moved closer. His hands moved to Soojung's chin, drawing them closer and so did their lips and he sealed the gap with a kiss. All pent-up feelings kept for 10 years he poured into that kiss. It wasn't rough, it was chaste and sweet. He didn't try to french-kiss her, just a soft kiss that conveyed his feelings would be enough. Soojung kissed him back, also pouring her feelings into the kiss. She rested her arms on his neck while he on her waist. She didn't feel tears forming and falling down her face. She didn't mind them, until something clicked in her mind.

You shouldn't be kissing him Soojung. He has a wife waiting for him at home and a child for god's sake. And so do you!

Both of you are technically cheating on your partners.

Two wrongs don't make a right Soojung.

And so she pulled away, wiping her tears away and clearing .

"Jongin... forget about that kiss. That wasn't supposed to happen. Oh my god, I just cheated on my husband. We aren't supposed to... just forget about it. Everything." Soojung fixed her hair and clothes.

"Forget about it? It happened Krystal. Why are you denying it?"

"Don't call me Krystal." Soojung snapped.

"Soojung."

"What?"

"If your husband went from a respectable person to a drunkard, smoker and drug addict, why didn't you divorce him?" Soojung looked at him, eyes still red.

"Why would ask such a question?"

"Well it's baffling to me why you still stay with him."

"I can't let Hyunsik grow up without a father for most of his life Jongin. Maybe I should wait until he grows up even if it came with a bit of sacrifice and suffering. And I... I still love him. I'm an idiot aren't I?" Soojung laughed at her answer.

"Yeah you are stupid. You still love him after all that he's done. Say he was a good guy when you fell for him and married him. Then he got influenced by some bastards and a smart person would've divorced that guy right away. Why didn't you?"

"Love blinds some people of the reality. It's why I was afraid. But I took a risk and fell in love with Myungsoo. I-I can't divorce him Jongin. I can't have Hyunsik growing up without a father. I would do anything for my son, he's the only one I have. And if it requires something as not divorcing your dickhead of a husband then so be it."

"You should've taken that risk when I told you I liked you." Jongin said. 

"We were young, with young hearts that break easily. I doubt we would last anyway." Soojung paid and left, but Jongin held her hand.

"Krystal."

"What?"

"Remember the time I rescued you from that guy in Hongdae? Can I do it again? Can I rescue you again from Myungsoo? Would you let me rescue you from Myungsoo?"

"Wha-What are you talking about? The only rescuing I would need would be from you. After we go back home, say goodbye and don't... don't talk to me again. Don't show up." Soojung said.

Jongin and Eunji thanked Hyo-jung and Soojung for their time, Jongin thanking Soojung somewhat stiffly.

"Bye bye Princess! Bye Hyunsik! I'll see you soon!" Eunji said. Soojung escorted them outside. Eunji was already in the car when Soojung called Jongin for what could be the last time.

"It still pains me that I didn't return your feelings back then. The memories haunt me every night. I obviously carried the punishment and got landed with a ty husband. I... I love you Jongin, but you have a wife and a daughter and I have a husband and a son. I want us to stay friends though. Just friends, no feelings or anything. Oh and disregard what I said earlier. I still want to see Mkhaela and I want Eunji and Hyunsik to be friends."

"I... I'd like that. Just friends. No feelings. That'd be hard." Jongin smiled and hugged Soojung who hugged back. He stepped inside the car, promising Soojung a visit soon.

Jongin put Eunji to sleep after dinner, singing her to sleep with lullabies. Mikhaela watched from the door, leaning on the door frame. She smiled at the sight. It was nice to see Jongin with their daughter. Finally, Jongin kissed Eunji on her forehead and closed the lights.

"Jongin-ah. Yeobo."

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to you? Before we sleep."

"Yeah. Why are asking permission for this kind of things? I'm your husband." They sat down on the couch in the living room.

"The night before, when you were telling Eunji a story, I heard it."

"You did? Well... I don't know how to respond to that to be honest."

"Well I know your side of the story now, and I guess you went to her house earlier with the excuse of letting Eunji see the princess."

"I'm sorry. I've been inconsiderate to you about this. You're my wife for god's sake."

"It's fine. What's important is have you dealt with your problems."

"Yeah I have. She just wanted to remain a friend. She would like to see you too, if you want." Jongin said.

"I would love to see her, and bust her because she stole my husband." Mikhaela joked.

"Yah Mikhaela. If you knew I liked somebody else until now, why didn't you separate from me?"

"That's why I let you sort out your problems. If I was somebody else I would've refused and filed a restraining order. And you know I won't sign any divorce papers. I love you Kim Jongin, so I hope you've settled it with Krystal then we can live in peace. Oh and Jongin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd love to have a prince here someday. I don't want Eunji to be lonely. Maybe... now?" She asked teasingly. Jongin got the message and led her to the bedroom.

They made slow, sweet love that night. It's about time for a prince, and about time he paid attention to his wife. He kissed her on the forehead and wrapped his arm around her petite waist, hoping for a boy.

"I love you Kim Mikhaela."

"And I love you too Kim Jongin. No matter how much of a nutter you are."

"Hey! Is that the code for round two?"

The princess fell in love with a prince and had a child with him. They became king and queen, with the prince as the heir to their kingdom. They were happy and in love with each other, but the princess slowly grew unhappy because the king grew to be a bad king who made bad decisions and died early of disease. The princess ruled by herself with the little prince by her side. She became happy, the memories of the prince who she loved truly with her. She wasn't alone physically and for the princess it was fine.

The prince and his wife had many children after their little girl, two were boy and their last was a girl. They grew up to be respectable princes and princesses who married into equally respectable families.

The princess grew old enough to witness his son go to school and meet the daughter of the prince she loved, who grew to be a king of a nearby kingdom. The princess and the prince remained friends, and the princess became friends with the prince's wife. They grew old enough to see their children become friends, going through courtship and eventually, after studying, getting married and soon inheriting their kingdoms.

The princess never remarried, no matter how much protesting the prince and his wife made, for she was better off having no husband but was happy than having a husband but was unhappy. The princess, the prince and his wife all died of old age, happy and content of their fulfilling lives. The prince and princess harbored no romantic feelings for each other after their last meeting after 10 years of no communication. 

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending. Maybe it's about the story."

 

Author's Note: And that's the end of 'Terrified'! I hope you liked it. I tried to make it as light hearted and angst free as possible. This is dramatic that's for sure. I dedicate this story to Mikhaela, who is a real person (she's my classmate) and who loves Kai :3 Unfortunately she isn't married to him hohoho. 

P.S. Here's what Eunji and Hyunsik look like!