The Wus are your typical American family. Kris Wu works a 9-5 well-paying (boring accountancy) job and brings the money home for his wife, Joonmyun, who looks after their house during the day. They have a son together, who is fourteen years old, two cats and a large dog. Their house is in a nice suburb of town and has a large garden for the dog and their son's friends to play in.

Or they would be the typical American family if they didn't live in Canada, in a rather East Asian suburb, complete with Chinese and Koreans together, and if they had more than one child (and if Joonmyun wasn't a man, but who cares about that any more?).

They have lived in the community for years, since before they adopted Zitao, and know all their neighbours well. To their left are the Byuns; Baekhyun and Taeyeon with their seventeen year old daughter Juhyun and sixteen year old twins Jongdae and Chanyeol. On their right are the Lees; Taemin and Jinri with Yoona, fifteen, and Jongin, fourteen. Another family are a second pair of Lees; Jinki and Jessica, and they have two sons, Kyungsoo, fifteen, and Sehun, thirteen. Opposite are the Kim-Lus; Lu Han and his husband Minseok. They don't have children.

Two houses away, Joonmyun's best friend Zhang Yixing lives, with his adoptive daughter Sunyoung, also fourteen. He's the only single parent—single person, for that matter—in close proximity and Kris and Joonmyun regularly try to set him up on dates that don't last. He hates it, or at least he says he does. Joonmyun doesn't believe him any more.



Today is a warm, sunny Monday in suburban Vancouver.

Joonmyun wakes up before the alarm goes off. He rolls over in bed to stare at the sculpted planes of his husband's extremely nice back. The curtains are open a crack and the sun shines in through the window.

A face smiles back through the gap.

Joonmyun jerks upright, quilt falling to his waist and leaving his chest bare, as the window cleaner waves at him and goes back to washing the window. He remains frozen until the cleaner moves away, and then drops back onto the bed, waking his husband up in the process.

Kris rolls over to face him and blinks sleepy eyes. “What happened?” he asks, stretching an arm out towards Joonmyun and pulling him close.

“It's nothing,” Joonmyun tells him, snuggling into his warmth. “It's nothing.”

Their alarm goes off five minutes later and Joonmyun sighs, sad that this has to come to an end so quickly.




Breakfast is a quick affair, because neither Kris nor Zitao, more affectionately Tao, have much time before they have to leave; Kris to work and Tao to school. Kris grabs a mug of coffee and eats half a piece of toast before giving Joonmyun a peck and sliding his shoes and coat on. 

“I give you ten seconds!” Kris calls from the doorway. Tao grabs the other half of Kris's toast to supplement his own three buttered pieces, somehow magically held between his teeth, jams his feet into his school shoes, and runs after his father.

“Have a good day!” Joonmyun calls after them dutifully.

Once they're gone, he cooks himself a breakfast of bacon, eggs, beans and toast, and settles outside in the garden to enjoy it. The window cleaner has long since gone, so Joonmyun relaxes with their dog Roger by his feet, the cats Taeyang and Celestia play-fighting together in the corner.

“Pack it in!” he calls when the cats get too vicious, but the rest of the time he leaves them alone.

It's nice and restful for a while, just sitting peacefully in the garden. He wonders why he doesn't do this more often.

Then Taeyeon pops her head over the wall. “Good morning, Joonmyun!” she says cheerfully. “I thought you were out here! Do you want a coffee?”

Why not? he thinks to himself. “I'd love one,” he says.

Taeyeon heads down the gate linking their gardens together. “Come in,” she says, happily. “What a lovely day, right?”

He follows her in and nods. Taeyeon's garden is a bit messier than theirs. She has three children and two dogs, not to mention that she and Baekhyun are on a health food kick at the moment which involves them trying to grow their own vegetables, with differing degrees of success. They have some wonderful-looking radishes, Joonmyun has to admit.

They settle down at the garden table, where a pot of coffee is already waiting. Taeyeon pours him a cup and he nurses it. She makes excellent coffee. “Are you not working today?” Joonmyun asks her.

“Nope!” she says cheerfully. “You know how it is! Got a day off.”

Joonmyun doesn't know how it is because he hasn't had a job since before Tao, but he smiles and nods his head anyway. “Any plans?”

“I was going to go shopping and buy a dress for Ju,” Taeyeon says. “There's a school dance coming up. I'm sure she'll get really excited when she has a dress!”

Juhyun is the oldest of the children who live around the suburb, and she is interested in two things: politics and singing. Joonmyun can't see her wanting to go to some school dance, but then again, he has no daughters (Celestia doesn't count due to being furry, though that has never stopped him from calling himself the cats' Mummy) and couldn't possibly comment on someone else's.

“Are the twins going?” he asks instead. Jongdae and Chanyeol are like two peas in a pod, despite not looking at all related, and Joonmyun suspects that if they're allowed to go they will only cause havoc for everyone else.

“Oh, no,” Taeyeon says. “They got banned from going because they set fire to some student's locker.” She sounds remarkably cheerful about it. Joonmyun probably would have blown a gasket if Tao and his friends had done anything remotely like it. “Boys will be boys.”

This is not the occasion when anybody should be using boys will be boys. Joonmyun finds it all remarkably distasteful.

“How's Tao? Jinri told Jessica who told me that Yoona had said he was struggling a little in some of his classes.”

The gossip leaves a sour taste in Joonmyun's mouth, but at the same time he knows it doesn't come from malice, because Yoona doesn't have a malicious bone in her body, and neither does Taeyeon. They're just a little bit dim, which is one of the reasons Joonmyun can't entirely understand how Juhyun became so smart.

He shakes his head, anyway. “He's fine,” he says, as lightly as he is able. “He's got pretty decent grades, and he goes to dance, basketball or martial arts practices every day but Mondays. I don't think that Yoona should be worried for him.”

Taeyeon smiles at him. “Ah, I'm so glad! I wouldn't want him to suffer at all, he's such a nice boy. You and Kris have done a wonderful job of bringing him up.”

Joonmyun smiles back at her. She may have no tact sometimes, but ultimately she is a kind person and Joonmyun likes her—even if her twins have tormented Tao in the past. But that was before they grew up to be decent people, if terrible troublemakers. Joonmyun has always thought they are trying to be the second coming of the Weasley twins from Harry Potter, only real. Tao likes them well enough now, anyway. “Thank you,” he says, and tops up his coffee.




They've had a few moments of quiet when there's a call. Taeyeon answers the phone, her demeanour relaxed, and then she jerks still.

“No!” She runs around, looking for things quickly. “I'll be right there.” She hangs up the phone and twists her hands into her hair.

“What's wrong, Tae?” Joonmyun asks, resting his hand on her shoulder. She throws herself into his arms.

“There's been an accident,” she says, and when she pulls back, her mascara is running down her cheeks. “Chanyeol got hurt.”

Joonmyun's blood runs cold. “Come on,” he says, “I'll drive you to the hospital.”

He ushers her into his car and drives as fast as he can under the speed limit, trying to reassure her the whole while. “He'll be fine, he's strong,” Joonmyun tells her.

“I know, I know,” she says, “it's just scary, you know?”

When they reach the hospital, they are taken through to Chanyeol's room. He's sitting up in bed in a hospital gown, a Capri Sun in one hand and a bowl of jelly in the other, and an enormous smile on his face.

“Hi Mum!” he says happily. “Isn't this great?”

“No!” Taeyeon says. “You're okay, Baby? You're not hurt?”

“I'm great!” Chanyeol says. “This guy hit my car but it's all good, the car didn't even have a dent. They're just keeping me here for a bit.”

“Why the hospital gown?” Taeyeon asks, voice clearly confused.

“I wanted one!” Chanyeol says. “They're cool!” He turns to Joonmyun and waves, grinning. “It's cool, right?”

Joonmyun sighs and drops into a chair beside the bed as Taeyeon clutches Chanyeol to her chest, the jelly and juice still trapped between them.

“It's fine, really,” Chanyeol says. “I can go back to school.”

“Why weren't you at school?” Taeyeon asks.

“Free period! I was going to get stuff for Dae but I didn't get the chance. Because that jerk hit me.”

Taeyeon breathes deeply and then says, “You are so grounded for this.”

“What?” Chanyeol gasps. “I got hit! I'm in hospital! Why am I being punished?”

Joonmyun thinks that's a fair point, but completely understands where Taeyeon's coming from. After all, she thought her son was injured, but he's completely fine. Nothing wrong with him at all.

“Sorry buddy,” he says, “I agree with your Mum on this. You probably shouldn't have been out of school.”

“Aww man,” Chanyeol whines, pouting. “This . I don't even have a cool scar to show Dae.”

“Get your clothes, we're going home,” Taeyeon says, and turns and marches out. Chanyeol makes a pathetic face at Joonmyun, but there's nothing Joonmyun can do about it.




As they drive home, Taeyeon decides to send Chanyeol back to school, so they take a detour there and drop him off, even as he pouts and whinges about everything.

“We'll pick your car up for you,” Taeyeon tells him sternly. “You can walk home with Jongdae.”

Once he's gone, they drive for a little while, not necessarily aiming for home, because Joonmyun knows that she needs to cool down a bit. When she's calm, Joonmyun steers the car back towards their little suburb.

When they arrive home, there's a huge blow-up across the street. Jinri is throwing things at Taemin, like garden chairs and muffins and lumps of coal.

“How dare you?” she screams. “How could you do this to me?”

“It's all a misunderstanding!” Taemin shouts, cowering.

Joonmyun and Taeyeon look at each other in confusion. Joonmyun isn't sure they should interfere, but it's a huge and public fight and it's rather quit irritating.

“You were t her hedge!” Jinri shouts back. “Why were you near her hedge?”

“It's a hedge!”

“Exactly!” Jinri says, “you shouldn't have been there!”

“She's only a few doors away, I thought I'd be helpful to her, and Jessica asked me to.”

“Jessica asked you to do things to her sister's hedge?”

“To cut it, yes!”

“Why couldn't she cut it herself? Why did she need you?”

Joonmyun really has no idea what's going on.

“Is hedge a euphemism?” Taeyeon asks, tilting her head, and suddenly Joonmyun understands.

“Oh,” he says. “She means that kind of hedge.”

“It's very bushy!” Taemin says, and now Joonmyun is thinking of the wrong kind of hedge and he bursts out laughing, which is probably not the best thing to be doing right now.

Jinri whirls around to face them. “You two, what are you doing here? Here to spy on my cheating husband?”

Joonmyun tries his best to stop himself from laughing because he is a Good Person but it's really quite difficult.

“He was cutting a hedge,” Taeyeon says, and then bites her lip so she won't crack a smile. “I don't see how that can be seen as cheating. Unless hedges are one-man-only.”

Joonmyun can't help it, and starts laughing again.

“Why are you laughing, Joonmyun? Do you know something I don't? Are you cheating with my husband as well?”

“Hold up,” Joonmyun says, trying to stop from laughing once more because hey now, that is really uncalled for. “I'm not cheating on my husband with anyone, thank you very much. It's just it sounds so funny. I haven't heard hedge used as a euphemism since school.”

“Wasn't it garden that was used anyway?” Taeyeon offers. “We used to ask boys to come into our gardens.”

“I'm pretty sure I've never used that,” Joonmyun says, with a chuckle. “But come on, why would any woman ask a man to trim her hedge?”

“Is the t part a euphemism as well?” Taeyeon asks. “Because it sounds very painful. Unless she wants a Brazilian Wax.”

Joonmyun gives up this time and bursts into guffaws. “Okay, I'm going home, I have too much washing to do and I can't be distracted by hedges. See you later everyone,” he says, and heads back home, chuckling to himself. This was definitely the laugh he needed today.




Yixing comes to visit in the early afternoon, taking a break during lunch. He eats some of Joonmyun's sandwiches and almost bounces off his chair with delight.

“You know the girl you set me up with last weekend?” he says.

Joonmyun blinks at him. “Zhang Liyin?”

“Yes.” Yixing exclaims, “She's—she's magical. You know, I think she could be—” He smiles dreamily. “I hope Sunyoung likes her.”

“Do you think she likes you?” Joonmyun asks, smiling warmly because Yixing never likes any of the dates he and Kris set him up on and Kris has long suspected it's because they're too female (and don't look like Joonmyun, which has been long-disputed between the two of them).

“Yes,” Yixing says. “We've been on three dates now, and we spent all last night talking. Sunyoung even came in to tell me to go to sleep at one point.” He grins.

“Good girl,” Joonmyun jokes. “Well, I'm really glad for you, Xing. You deserve this.”

“Thanks, mate,” Yixing tells him, and gives him a warm hug. “You've done it this time, I'm so happy.”

Joonmyun hugs him back. “Just invite me to the wedding,” he teases.

“You can bet on it,” Yixing tells him, and gives him a clap on the back. “You really are the best.”

Joonmyun feels proud of himself, and he grins. If only he'd found Liyin sooner.




The door opens at half past three, as it's Tao's day when he has no after-school activities. Joonmyun has both started the washing and made after-school snacks for the kids.

“Mum, I'm back!” Tao calls as he kicks off his shoes. Two more pairs follow him, one just as loud and one far quieter, and Joonmyun knows he's brought Sunyoung and Jongin home with him. Ever since he met them, he's been glued to their hips. He thinks Sehun might join them in a year or so. Tao seems to like him a lot.

“Welcome home!” Joonmyun calls back, avoiding the urge to call him honey. “I've made sandwiches, they're in the kitchen!”

The children scurry away and Joonmyun gets back to work, to the comforting sound of video games and loud Chinese pop music. Once he's finished, he heads to the kitchen, where the plate of sandwiches has been taken away, and begins to cook dinner. He does this everyday, but everyone knows Joonmyun's skills of cooking are, well...

The food is in the oven and things are suddenly suspiciously quiet in Tao's room. Joonmyun heads towards it when the noises begin.

“Harder, harder,” Jongin moans.

“You're not doing it hard enough,” Sunyoung says. “Here, let me push you in a bit more—”

A louder moan comes from the room. “Oh God, yeah—” Jongin purrs.

Joonmyun feels a twitch in his forehead. He has absolutely no idea what is going on, but he hopes that what he's thinking is nothing like what is actually happening.

He tries to give them the benefit of the doubt until, “Yeah, that's it, just like that.” He opens the door with far more force than he probably should have, making Tao tumble off the bed in surprise.

“Are you all right in here?” Joonmyun asks as sweetly as he can manage, eyes scanning the room. Jongin's got his shirt off, lying on his stomach, and Sunyoung is straddling him, her fingers against his shoulder blades. Joonmyun twitches.

“Yes, Mum,” Tao says, picking himself up of the floor as gracefully as one can in such situations. “Jongin's back was hurting, so we offered to give him a massage.”

“I want one now,” Sunyoung says. “He seems to like it a lot.”

Joonmyun wants very much to quip, “I'll say,” but he doesn't, because he's a Nice Person, and he's not really sure that they'll understand the implications. They're just kids, after all.

“Just...you know where I am if you need anything,” Joonmyun says, as kindly as he possibly can.

“Yes, Mrs Wu,” Jongin says. Joonmyun rolls his eyes even though that's what the kids (except Sunyoung, who calls him Auntie) all call him—he's not and never has been Mrs anything, due to not being a woman (he has no issues with Tao calling him Mum, though—in fact, he was the one who suggested it)—and leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him.

“Remind me to mention some kind of sound insulation to Honey,” he says to himself under his breath, and goes to the sitting room to read a book until his husband arrives home from work.




“I'm home!” Kris calls as he arrives and shucks his shoes by the door.

Joonmyun scurries out to greet him. “Welcome home, Honey,” he says, and leans up to give him a kiss. Kris kisses back.

“So gross,” Tao whines from the doorway to his room, where he and Jongin are covering their eyes.

“It's like watching my parents kiss,” Jongin whines.

“Shush!” Sunyoung scolds. “It's cute.”

“Just wait until Uncle Yixing kisses someone in your house, then you won't find it cute!” Tao tells her, peeking through his fingers to look her way.

Joonmyun smirks, covering his mouth so they can't see, thinking that it might be sooner than they think that Yixing will be kissing people in his house.

She huffs, and turns away from them, folding her arms and scowling until she sees Kris and her eyes twinkle. “Welcome back, Uncle Kris! Did you have a good day?”

Kris is an accountant, and as such makes a lot of money, which is one of the reasons that Joonmyun doesn't work, even though he would actually quite enjoy it. But this means that his days are really boring.

“Oh, yes,” he says. “I met two new clients, had several meetings. I met your dad, too.”

“Ahh,” Sunyoung says, nodding her head as if this is the most interesting thing she's ever heard. Joonmyun finds her adorable. She does a far better job of pretending to be interested than even he does, sometimes. “Is Daddy okay?”

“He's fine,” Kris says. “You should probably go and see him. I think he has a surprise for you.”

She lights up. “Okay!” she says. “Bye, everyone. Thanks for the sandwiches, Auntie, they were delicious as always.”

“No problem,” Joonmyun tells her. “You're welcome them any time.”

She hurries out after this, leaving Tao and Jongin behind.

“Good to see you, Jongin,” Kris says. “How's your sister?”

“Boring,” Jongin says automatically, before catching himself. “I-I mean she's very well, Sir. And Mum and Dad, too.”

“Good,” Kris says. “We should invite them over for a meal one of these days. Be sure to mention it to them, will you?”

“I will,” Jongin says, and shifts from foot-to-foot, as if he doesn't know if he's just been dismissed or sent home or what.

“Let's play some more Call of Duty,” Tao says, hooks his fingers into the back of Jongin's shirt, and tugs him back into his room.

“I guess he's staying for dinner then,” Joonmyun says.

“Apparently,” Kris agrees, and heads to their room to change out of his suit. Joonmyun follows, just to smile at him, because he can.




“How's school?” Joonmyun asks the boys conversationally as they settle down to eat dinner; rice, potatoes and mince with peas and carrots. Jongin picks out all the peas until Kris glares at him, and he scoops them into his mouth with a grimace. Kris has always been of the opinion you eat everything you're given—even peas.

“Fine,” Tao says.

“Jongdae got detention for something stupid and Chanyeol wasn't there so Jongdae got really mad and says he won't talk to him at all,” Jongin says. Joonmyun winces at this, as he knows full well where Chanyeol was.

“Oh, Kyungsoo broke his ankle,” Tao adds. “Sehun climbed this tree to show off and he tried to get him down, but Sehun was totally fine.”

“Mrs Westfield wasn't there and we had this awful substitute instead called Mr Green who just made us look at cards all class.”

“He was so bad,” Tao agrees. “I don't know why he's a teacher.”

“Mr Lu gave us so much homework,” Jongin continued. “And then Mr Kim told us he shouldn't have given us so much but there's nothing he can do.”

“That's because they're married,” Tao says, as if they aren't all aware of that fact. “And Korean was so hard.”

“Korean is not that hard,” Jongin says. “You only think it's hard because you spend the whole time staring at the back of Sunyoung's head.”

“That isn't true!” Tao shoots back, turning red. “I don't like her, she's my friend.”

“I didn't say you liked her, just that you stare at her a lot.”

“You were implying I like her! I don't, you like her!”

“I have no interest in her, she's like a sister to me,” Jongin argues.

“She's my sister too!” Tao says, flapping his arms.

Joonmyun turns to face Kris, who is projecting question marks with his eyes. “I have no idea,” Joonmyun mouths back. He turns to Tao and opens his mouth before shutting it again because he knows it won't help.




“How was your day really?” Joonmyun asks Kris as they're snuggled together in bed. Jongin left shortly after dinner, still fuming from the implication that they were fighting over their female friend. Tao had stormed off to his room and his parents had been alone together every since.

Kris sighs. “It was fine. Baekhyun is having problems, but it's nothing we can't solve, but Kyuhyun—you remember Kyuhyun, right?—well, he didn't show for work today and nobody knows where he is, and I'm a bit worried. And Jonghyun just found out his wife is pregnant and he's flapping about like a lunatic about it. And Stephanie—well, you know how she is, it was even worse today. It's all a bit mad at the office.” He kisses Joonmyun on the forehead. “How was your day? Quiet?”

“Taeyeon told me that our son is having troubles at school, Chanyeol got into an accident and we had to go to hospital where we learnt he is absolutely fine, Taemin and Jinri almost split up because Jinri thought he was having an affair with Jessica's sister Krystal, even though he was just t her hedge for her, which I have only just learnt is a euphemism apparently, and she even accused me of cheating though I have absolutely no idea why, Yixing came over to tell me he thinks that Liyin is The One, and I heard really awkward noises coming from Tao's room and now I know that both boys have a crush on Sunyoung, which makes everything all the worse. We need sound insulation in Tao's room, please.”

Kris opens and shuts his mouth. “Okay, Love,” he says, one of the rare times he uses a pet name for Joonmyun at all. “You win.”