I always know where I stand
But now I don’t know what to do
Am I change?
~Jessica~

Sehun thought his pain would disappear as soon as he left the studio but not until he saw Jessica stood there leaning to the door frame. Sehun wanted do nothing with her anymore.

He felt all of his body was in pain, he just wanted to have hot bath. he looked to Jessica, and decided he would finish it soon.

“What do you want?” Sehun asked her, “You want to hit me again?”

Jessica looked at him coldly, “No, it no use.” Jessica said, “Seemed you do my advice so well.” Jessica said sadonically.

Sehun clenched his fist, “So what you want? Thank you?” he asked her.

Jessica let out the sarcastic laugh, “But I also say that she deserved more, and be grateful about what you have.” She said. “And don’t you stupid, hoping for something that you couldn’t have.”

“Now I am stupid? And before I am coward?” Sehun shoted back, “Let me tell you something, because of your words I became like this, because you pointed it out, I started to realize what I feel.”

“But it doesn’t mean you have to hurt Yoona because of your selfishness.” Jessica snapped him, she didn’t want to admit it, that she was part of Yoona pain.

Sehun let out the smirked, “You are not the right person to tell me about selfishness.”

“I am selfish but I never hurt anyone with my selfishness.”

Sehun snapped her, “So do I. We never have feeling to one another.” Sehun argued, “do you think it’s easy for me? I care about Yoona too, so I do this.”

“You care about her?” Jessica walked closer to Sehun, “Do you know because of you, she cried? She is still until now. Do you know when she stop crying?” Jessica asked him, “Just when she fell a sleep.”

Sehun grew silent, Yoona cry? Yoona never cry before, not even once Sehun had seen Yoona cry. Yet, when he ever pay more attention about Yoona?

Sehun didn’t know anything about Yoona.

She was the strongest girl he knew. Something flicked in his mind, when Yoona laughed when they scared to watch the horror movie? When she smiled so widely seeing Luhan tremble in fear.

Crying? Yoona never cry, somehow knowing Yoona cried made a small part of his heart ache.

“You are lying.” Sehun stated.

“I have no enough care for her to lie.” Jessica said, “I said right, she deserve more, she didn’t deserve the pain you give to her. She didn’t deserve a bit of it.” Jessica said.

Sehun closed his eyes, Yoona cried, Yoona cried, he kept encant that words in his brain. What did he do?

“You are right, she didn’t deserve it.” Sehun muttered it. “She deserves someone who love more than everything, not me. For god sake, you know I...”

“You what? Make it real? You love her brother’s fiancee.” Jessica said, “Don’t you think you will hurt Luhan also?”

“And since when you care about them?” Sehun was so tired being cornered by her, he couldn’t think anything beside Yoona was crying. “Since when you care about anyone but yourself?”

Jessica shocked when she realized what Sehun said was true, since when she cared about them? Since when?

“You know it from start why don’t you tell them?” Sehun asked her, “You just can’t go around and blame me. What should I do then? I must keep pretending to accept this engagement? And everyday I will see Seohyun with Luhan? Tell me you have the advice right?”

Sehun looked at Jessica, Jessica could see the devasted gaze from it. she never cared but somehow she felt half responsible to what happen to Yoona and Luhan.

Was it because of her careless words? She was just saying that Sehun had to honest with his ownself right?

She didn’t know when honesty hurting someone else? Someone like Yoona and later then Luhan and Seohyun? Was honesty always hurt like this? Was it better with sweet lie?

“I can’t live like that.” Sehun let out the desperate sighed, “I can’t. I can’t see they laugh everyday...and I can’t love Yoona.” Sehun said, “I just can’t then what should I do?”

“Yoona can get someone who will love her not a coward like me.”

Jessica just watched him, yet she knew that he was hurting also, that stupid boy was hurt also by all of these things. She didn’t know why? Why he had to have the devasted look in him.

He was looked so in pain. So genuinely.

“Tell me what should I do?” Sehun asked her, “I want Yoona become happy also, I want her meet someone who can love her with all his heart not me. Not someone who only look at Seohyun.” Sehun said.

“You can try to love her, damn it!!” Jessica bursted out, “Learn it.”

“I can’t!! I can’t!!” Sehun almost yell to her, “I don’t want Yoona get someone who only love her half hearted!! Don’t you know I care about her!! I don’t want to hurt her!!”

“Then you don’t hurt her now?” Jessica snapped him.

Sehun felt something tied in his throat, that knocked him down, “I hurt her right?” he asked softly and desperately.

Jessica nodded, “May be it’s better now then later.” She said, and then she chuckled, “I don’t know! I don’t know what should I say and what should I do!” she said.

Sehun looked at him, “Guess you don’t have all the answer. Is she okay?” Sehun asked her.

Jessica shot him a death glared, “Of course not!”

“I am sorry, I am sorry.” he said.

“Say it to her not me.” Jessica stated coldly, “I am not the postman.”

Sehun nodded, he knew he had to face Yoona soon, could he see Yoona again? Could he stand the pain in Yoona’s eyes? Could he say that words clearly?

Yoona-ah, I am sorry, find another man that can love you. Don’t cry for me Yoona-ah, don’t cry for someone who didn’t deserve your tears? Someone who think about another? Yoona-ah, Don’t cry. Because it hurt me also.

Sehun wished that it wouldn’t complicated like this, Sehun wished he could say that words to Yoona, he wanted Yoona’s happiness as much as he wanted his happiness...

Yoona deserved someone who better than him.

Jessica looked out at the door, when her driver drove her home, she didn’t say anything like usual but she was thinking.

“Minki ahjussi.” Jessica called suddenly, “Tell me why sometimes honesty is hurt?”

Min Ki never expected that Jessica would speak to him, she barely spoke anywords when he drove her home, she would only hear music. This was the first time Jessica talk to him.

“Why care about someone make me feel this bad?” Jessica asked him again, she titled her head, “Why I became guilty?” she asked with her flat tone.

Min Ki smiled, someone entered that girl heart. Min ki always wished for her happiness also. He didn’t know but he had the affection to the cold Jessica, she cold outside to protect herself.

He really wished someday someone would shower her with love? Teaching her how to care, and that she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Because you are the good girl, Miss.” Min ki said affectionately, he saw her like her daughter, “Because you have heart, Miss.”

Jessica sighed, “I hate having heart.” She said. Yet it was too late for her to make her heart numb like the old Jessica, that’s why she hated changing, it pained her a lot.

She thought she doesn’t have heart, but suddenly she found it out of somewhere, and It made her uncomfortable and hurt alot.

I will update soon, I am making Jessica stood for Yoona right?

but it wasn't easy, because she felt half guilty, and emotion all new for our Jessica...

next chapter is Krissica wait patiently okay?

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