II.
'Kik'ing Off on Kik!• EXO's Kik Accountswhat happens when you steal a white girl's Starbucks #sgonnagodown
BAM!
The door slammed open as an infuriated Tao stormed into the living room of EXO's dorm.
Kris raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, casually taking a sip of his venti-sized Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. "You okay, Zizi?"
The panda walked up to the blond, eyes narrowing at the drink in his boyfriend's large hands. "Is that a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte, Fannie- boo?"
Kris raised an eyebrow and tilted the cup towards the younger. "Yeah, why? Want some?"
Tao glared at him before slapping the drink out of his hand, causing it to spill all over the wooden floor and get some on Kris's hot pink denim jeans.
Kris could only stare at the mess while Tao scoffed and sashayed sassily out of the room.
>>>
Kris sighed as he looked at his text messages again.
Despite calling his boyfriend twenty-six times and sending fifty-eight "tao, confess your sins to krist before satan takes over your heart", he received no response from Tao in the past five hours.
Baekhyun sent you a message!
Baekhyun- bro, what's up with your boyfriend? did you leik him too hard or something?
Kris's glare hardened as he typed a furious response.
Kris- haha, no. We haven't ed yet, you dirty bastard. If you're curious about life, ask Kai to give you 101.
A smirk was evident on Kris's face as he typed another message.
Kris- Or even better: get Chanyeol to you.
Baekhyun- God, you're such a . Just the panda already.
Baekhyun- And me and Chanyeol aren't dating, you wit.
Kris rolled his eyes.
Kris- Get him to you. It's obvious that you're gay for each other.
Baekhyun- We all know that I'm gay for him, jeez.
Baekhyun- But he doesn't like me in that way, you know.
Kris raised a smug eyebrow.
He clearly remembered when Chanyeol screamed his head off and pulled him into his room as soon as they came home and asked for advice about confessing to Baekhyun a week ago.
Kris- And how would you know exactly?
Baekhyun- You are so lucky that he went out with Jongdae to get us Pocky. And his bipolarity only comes out to me, so I would know that he doesn't like me.
Kris blinked in disbelief.
Kris- Wait, Chanyeol's bipolar to you?
Kris- Exactly how?
Baekhyun- Wouldn't this be better to talk about in person?
Kris- I'm too lazy and you know that.
Baekhyun- ...How about a phone call?
Kris- ha nope.
Kris- Spill the beans, woman.
Baekhyun- Well, one minute he's flirting with me. Then, when I respond or flirt back, he either gets pissed or he gets extremely flustered.
The blonde blinked in confusion. *Chanyeol gets pissed at Baekhyun...?*
That's impossible; Chanyeol only gets pissed at Chen and Kai.
Sometimes SeHun.
Kris- How does he get pissed?
Baekhyun- I don't know, his face just turns red when I touch him and he yells at me to stop it.
Kris slapped his forehead- painfully hard because of Baekhyun- and slid it down his face.
God, since when was Baekhyun this oblivious?
Kris- You know what, I ing give up. Just confess to Chanyeol already and stop being a hoe.
>>>
Kai sent you a message!
Kai- dude what happened to tao
Before Kris could ask what happened, Kai sent another message.
Kai- i keep hearing "who the did it" from him in his room
Kris- What do you think he means by "who the did it"?
Kai- how the am i supposed to know
Kris- I wouldn't know either.
Kai- those sounds are seriously -blocking me and my boyfriend-to-be dude
Kris rolled his eyes.
Every member was having guy problems (yes, they were gay for each other), so the ukes feminine ones would flock to Tao and the (semes) manly ones would come to him.
Chanyeol wanted to confess to Baekhyun.
Kai wanted to confess and to Kyungsoo.
SeHun wanted to confess and to LuHan.
Suho and Lay took turns coming to him (without the other coming), but he remembered that Suho was planning to confess.
Which just happened to be the same for Jongdae and XiuMin, but Jongdae was waiting for XiuMin to confess so that he could just shut him up with a kiss.
And when they didn't come to him and Tao, they went to their managers (who just happened to be dating each other for an awkward six months).
So yeah, the EXO dorm was just one huge gay fest.
Kris- It's not like you were planning to do anything to him anyway.
Kai- He's reading the ing KaiSoo fic I sent him right now, dude.
Kai- He's on my laptop, right next to me
Kai- We're sharing earbuds as we listen to Goodbye Summer with him singing along to his parts and humming the other parts while I do Amber's parts
Kris- wait what are you doing?
Kai- I'm multi-tasking with Kik and Flappy Bird.
Kris- Well, that's... interesting...?
Kai- i know. he's gonna say 'The feelings feel so real~' when he finishes and then imma be like 'because they are real' and hopefully we'll start making out and date each other.
The EXO-M leader couldn't stifle the laughter erupting from inside.
Kris- That has got to be one of the weirdest confession plans ever.
Kai- gee you're supportive
Kris- I have to be, how else are you all supposed to get laid by each other?
Kai- speaking of getting laid, have you done it with tao yet?
The blonde rolled his eyes.
Kris- No, Kai. No.
Kai- ay if you need help just come to me ;););)
Kris- ew no
Kai- ANYWHO
Kai- what happened to taozi .-.
Kris- I don't know and I'm getting scared.
Kai- stop being a
Kai- im inviting everyone else to this chat k
Kris- ugh fine
You are now having a group chat with Kai, XiuMin, Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Joonmyeon, Yixing, LuHan, and SeHun!
Chanyeol- KRIS
Jongdae- KRIS
Baekhyun- KRIS
LuHan- KRIS
SeHun- KRIS
XiuMin- KRIS
Yixing- KRIS
Kyungsoo- KRIS
Joonmyeon- KRIS
Kai- KRIS
Kris- wtf gaiz
Joonmyeon- What's up with Tao?
Yixing- .-.
SeHun- Yeah, he hasn't come out all day.
LuHan- ^Well, after he came back from the mall, really.
Kyungsoo- No wonder it's been so quiet around here
Kyungsoo- And Kai, we're right next to each other. Couldn't you have consulted me in person?
Kai- I didn't want you to abandon the KaiSoo fic.
Kyungsoo- ...?
Kai- What, Hyung? I think it's a good one ;;
Chanyeol- did kyungsoo say quiet?
Chanyeol- there is no quiet when im here
Jongdae- ^see there's proof
XiuMin- ^Can you at least grammar properly, Chanyeol?
XiuMin- Like add the commas and apostrophes and hyphens?
Kai- geez, minseok hyung. when'd you become a grammar nazi?
XiuMin- ^At least you're an improvement compared to that (happy) virus.
Kyungsoo- ouo
XiuMin- N-Not in that way, Kyungsoo...
XiuMin- I would never do that to you, dude.
Yixing- Do what?
LuHan- ^Why are you so preciousssssssssss o3o
Yixing- I'm not precious.
Joonmyeon- ^Yes, you are.
Baekhyun- ^Of course YOU'D say that, Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon- ^One more word and I'll sew your onto your forehead with a harpoon and force Chanyeol to it c:
Chanyeol-^ what ew hyung
SeHun- ^You know you wanna
Jongdae-^ If you know what I mean
Kyungsoo- ^ooooooh kill 'em
LuHan- ^*wriggles eyebrows*
Baekhyun- Guys, where's Kris?
Chanyeol- KRIS
Jongdae- KRIS
Baekhyun- KRIS
LuHan- KRIS
SeHun- KRIS
Yixing- KRIS
XiuMin- KRIS
Kyungsoo- KRIS
Joonmyeon- KRIS
Kai- KRIS
LuHan- Hm, still no response.
Kyungsoo- Hey guys, what's that noise?
Joonmyeon- It sounds like Kris is walking towards Tao's door.
XiuMin- ...Autobots, roll out~!
>>>
Kris knocked on the door cautiously, hearing loud sobs from the inside (most likely from Tao). "Bae, you in there?-"
"WHY LORD?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
The blonde raised an apprehensive eyebrow before knocking again. "Bae, I know you're in there."
" OFF, KRIS!"
"No, Zizi. I will not."
BZZT
Kris's phone buzzed in his left pocket.
Tao sent you a message!
Tao- bae ill tell you if you leave me alone in my room
Kris raised an eyebrow. *How about no?*
Tao- ill give you a tonight
*Nah, not good enough.*
Tao- how about we watch together
Tao- you can see me ~?
*Better, but still not enough.*
Tao- and a grinding session
And Kris never ran away from Tao's room faster than that moment.
>>>
Kris landed on his bed with a soft FLOOF and he typed to his boyfriend.
Kris- okei bae
Kris- I'm in my room.
Kris- Now confess your sins to Krist.
Tao- omfg.
Tao- no
Tao- fannie boo
Tao- plz
Tao- no fannie boo
Kris rolled his eyes and chuckled.
Kris- Fine.
Kris- But can you please tell me why you're ticked off?
Tao- im not ticked off
Kris raised an eyebrow.
Kris- Then what are you?
Tao- im pissed
Tao- theres a difference kris
Tao- cuz like ticked off sounds like you're less mad than pissed
Tao- and then theres the word 'pissed'
Kris- OKAY BAE JUST TELL ME WHY YOU WON'T COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM
Kris- jesus christ
Tao- ugh fine be that way
Tao- But, um, you know how i snuck out and went to the mall this morning?
Kris thought back to when he saw Tao, completely clothed in a stylish shade of sapphire blue, creep out of his room with loud footsteps.
Kris- Yeah, what about it?
Tao- When i snuck back in about two hours later i had a venti pumpkin spice latte from starbucks right?
Kris nodded.
Kris- Yeah, but how does that piss you off?
Tao- well it was almost finished so i set it down somewhere and now i cant find it
"..."
Kris's nostrils flared with exapsperation and anger. "THAT WAS ALL THERE WAS TO IT?!?1!1?1!1?!1?1!1!"
>>>
The remaining ten members gathered around Kris's door, leaning in to eavesdrop.
Of course, Kris was the most antisocial being out there, so they'd probably chat online instead of chatting in person, but he would still most likely give a response.
"Do you think Tao is planning to break up with Kris or something?" SeHun whispered loudly to LuHan, who was purposely or not- he didn't know- squished against him.
LuHan leaned on SeHun's shoulder, not knowing how many butterflies swarmed inside at the comfy feeling for both of them. "I dunno, but I doubt it."
"Yeah. Besides, Tao's not the seme in the relationship." Baekhyun piped in.
"But ukes can break off relationships too!" Yixing frowned.
"True, but how often does that happen?" Jongdae pondered, looking at XiuMin.
XiuMin raised his hands and backed away, shaking his head vigorously to hide his burning cheeks. "Wooooaaaaaahhhhhh, dude, I don't know. Why're you asking me?"
"But he wasn't asking you." Chanyeol added.
"He was staring at you while asking it, but that's not the same as asking you directly." Kyungsoo said after briefly thinking about it.
Joonmyeon sighed and shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Gosh, it's so hard being the leader of y'all, I swear."
Kai rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not a part of your job at least...?"
Joonmyeon stared at the younger incredulously. "It is a part of my job, Kai. I get paid for being the guardian of EXO."
"...wait what."
The guardian rolled his eyes and stared at the dancing machine for EXO. "That's like saying you don't get paid for dancing."
Kai's mouth formed an 'O' as he nodded solemnly. "I get it now..."
Joonmyeon turned away, muttering "dumb ", causing Kai to frown even more.
Kyungsoo gave a reassuring smile before leaning on the other's shoulder and the chcolate brown locks in comfort.
Baekhyun, Chanyeol, XiuMin, and Jongdae were arguing about if coconuts were a form of nuts while SuLay, HunHan, and KaiSoo awkwardly cuddled, still waiting for Kris to say something.
"I AM ING TELLING YOU THAT COCONUTS ARE NUTS!" Chanyeol screamed as he jabbed a finger into Jongdae's chest, face red with anger.
Jongdae slapped the finger away in return. "I DON'T WANT YOUR NASTEH OGRE CLAWS ON MY CHEST! I KNOW WHERE THEY BEEEEEEN!"
"THAT WAS ALL THERE WAS TO IT?!?1!1?1!1?!1?1!1!"
"THAT WAS ALL THERE WAS TO IT?!?1!1?1!1?!1?1!1!"
Smirks made their way onto everybody's faces.
"I wonder what it could be." LuHan wriggled his eyebrows while making the face he made on Beatles Code 2.
SeHun, who was staring at LuHan the entire time, winced at his boyfriend-to-be's (yes, everyone used that term for their potential partner since they were not dating...yet) ugly derp face. "LuHan, please don't make that face."
The Chinese male pouted and wordlessly cuddled into SeHun's side, digging his head into the crook of the taller's neck.
Kai wriggled his eyebrows at SeHun, whose neck and face slightly pink.
Ohohohohoho, SeHun blushed.
And he never blushes.
Chanyeol coughed loudly and awkwardly, earning SeHun's attention to give him a thumbs up.
Baekhyun pouted (his senpai didn't notice him even though he's literally been blowing air into his ear for the past minute or so).
SeHun blushed darker, his pale cheeks turning into a light shade of fuschia.
LuHan giggled.
Joonmyeon and Lay made awkward eye contact and turned away from each other.
Kyungsoo puffed out his cheeks in boredom before tightening his hold around Kai's arm.
XiuMin whistled softly, cheeks turning pink as Jongdae caught his stare and stared back.
And all was silent.
"KRIS YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!" Tao appeared behind the crowd, forced his way through, and kicked the door down as he stormed in.
The remaining members all looked at each other before awkwardly shuffling inside Kris's room like a bunch of penguins during winter.
"LOVE IS AN OPEN DOoOooOooOOOOoOoOoooooooooooooOOOOOoOOoOoOooooOOR- HOEMYGOD TAOZiIiiIiIiIiIiiiiIiIi!1!1!1" Kris jammed to Frozen's Love Is an Open Door, and ended up accidentally punching his boyfriend in the face while trying to spin in his wheely chair (what they called their chairs that had wheels and could spin around endlessly) with his arms stretched out.
>>>
"Damn, well, uh, that was interesting." Baekhyun said absentmindedly as he stretched his limbs on the couch, not noticing Chanyeol's predator stare on his .
"TAO! STOP MOVING!" Yixing yelled as he tried to bandage the cuts on Tao's cheeks.
It was an interesting sight, indeed.
SeLuKaiSooXiuChen were in a heated game of Monopoly while Joonmyeon supervised with a disappointed look.
"I swear, I taught you better than this." The leader sighed and plopped down next to Baekhyun, ignoring the heated glare he got from Chanyeol.
"Anywhoooooo, what's up with you, Taozi?"
Tao rolled his eyes before adjusting his position on the unicorn's lap. "I'm pissed as hell."
"Whyyy~?" Yixing and Baekhyun tilted their heads in confusion.
"I can't find my-"
"HUANG ZITAO!" Kris exclaimed as he kicked the door open, making one of Chanyeol's photos on the wall fall off.
"GUYS STOP RUINING MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Chanyeol complained as he reluctantly got up to fix his beloved creation. "FIRST YOU GUYS STEAL BAEKHYUN AND NOW THIS?! COME ON!"
Baekhyun crawled off to the bathroom at this time, so he was no longer a part of the EXO's Living Room Get-Together.
Kris rolled his eyes and grabbed Tao's wrist. "Bae, I found it."
Yixing hissed and slapped the blonde's hand away from Tao. "DON'T TOUCH HIM!"
"Wait, really?"
"...It's in the trash."
"...ALRIGHT!" Tao screamed as he abruptly stood up, pointing his finger at everyone's chests. "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERERS THREW OUT MY VENTI-SIZED STARBUCKS PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE?!"
Jongdae walked backwards, hands up in surrender. "Listen, dude, you have two things wrong here. The first thing is that we're not motherers- well, maybe Kai, but I have NEVER ed a mother in my entire life-"
"! YOU KNOW I'M GAY!" Kai shouted.
"But, you DO act like a man slore." XiuMin added, LuHzan thoughtfully nodding after him.
"Excuse you!"
"Actually, I haven't seen a single Starbucks drink today, so I'm out." Kyungsoo said before flouncing out of the room and into the kitchen.
"Same here!" The remaining members replied in unison.
"Tao, I think you threw out your drink." Joonmyeon said as he pried Kai away from LuHan.
"Oh yeah, I did." Tao smiled before running off and locking himself in his room.
"SO YOU GOT SEKAI AND XIUHAN INTO A FIT BECAUSE OF THAT?!" The leader screamed after the reatreating panda, eyes wide and clearly showing his betrayal.
But it was too late, for the storm already started.
('Kik'ing Off on Kik! EXO's Kik Accounts) IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED PLS FORGIVE ME SCHOOL IS WEIRD IM WEIRD IM SO SORRY BUT HERES A CHAPTER TO APPEASE U
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