A form of Suicide
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Description
He wanted to Die but his destiny's telling him not to.
She wanted to live, but her sickness is the hindrance.
In a circumtances like this.. They will meet, the one trying to live. The other trying to Die. How will the meet in the same page?
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soooorrryyyy my mind's working lately and i have to warn u this is sooooooo angst and self harm in different waaaay. Thankkkksss!! This is my firat gender bender Kyumin hooraaayyy!
(This is what you get being a sitter for a whole week and being questioned about someone's healtg just because you're wearing a mask.) huhuhuhu
Foreword
"Am I contagious that you have to wear your mask?" The patient ask rudely.
I looked at the nurse in Horror. I didn't mean to be misinterpreted . "No sir.." She looked at me Pitifully. "She just have to wear that because she didn't got a chance to have a flu vaccine for this season." clearing she went to his IV. "you know.. prevention is better than cure. They taught us that in Clinical's" she explained with her voice cracking. I just then turn my back. I have heard her crying because of me so many times, I can't stand it if she'll be crying because of me again.
When I went to the Nurse's station, Heechul followed me and said.. "You should've listened to the Doctor when he said he wants you off the hospital and By hospital I mean work." i know she's more than worried. Everyone is. They are like a family to me.
"I'll just re-"
"No!!" she almost shouted, tugging the mask's string back behind my ear. "Do not ever for sake your health just to give somebody else's theirs." She was about to ask me more when the charge nurse called her. "Be a sitter next time and don't ever work on the floor!" She reminded.
Heechul and my Doctor always check on me every now and then just like the first time.
They always spoil me and take care of me that I wanna cry to their kindness but that's not so me.
"I am sorry Miss Lee.." He bowed his head. My heart clenched as it pounds faster. I can't even hear what the doctor was saying. I have expected this, but it can't be true right?
"We have done this over and over and we still got the same result. It's a cancer." He continued not even trying to pause.
I have heard that multiple times but I am denial. How can a nursing student has that. We cure people, we help them and I've always wanted to see them live. How can this be so unfair? I took care of them most of my pre-adulthood life and until now.. Can't He give me more extension so I can take care of more people and save their lives?
"Okay.." After all what I thought I wanted to say. That's the simple word came out first as I took a deep breath. "I'm going home. I still have to comeback tonight, so I'll head now.."
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS SUNGMIN!!!! You are sick! You need a special kind of care! You need to take care of yourself first!!" He breathed heavily. "Listen! You're gonna head home, get your personal belongings as I do your paper works here. I'll ask Heechul to do your admission. And--"
"And wait til I Die!?!" I don't know what was my face, but I tried to be emotionless. "Being a Nurse Aide is what I love most that's why I am trying to be a nurse now. Taking care of people, encourage them that they can live normally again was my ultimate goal in Life. If I can't do it for myself at least for them. Let me do it for them.. Please.." He looked at me with tears streaming down his face.
"Oh God! How can you have this Illness?!" He asked hugging me tight.
I don' know..
A sudden ring of a phone snapped me back to reality. I am still working at the hospital even after the last time Dr. Hankyung and I saw each other. He tried to avoid me knowing he's just going to cry having me work even if I am sick. "Such a dedicated " Heechul will jokingly curse me.
I am the unit secretary for tonight, different from ever other night. I can say that even they don't physically interact with the patient, secretaries still have a stressful life sitting there with phone ringing asking for help, water, food., etc., But not for me, Whenever it rings Heechul or the charge nurse Leeteuk will pick it for me, before I can even move a bit. I just let them be.
Watching patients come and go with their family made me jealous. Especially when I saw Yesung passed by pushing Ryeowook in a wheelchair with their teenager son walking and laughing beside them. Sure, Dr. Hankyung is right. How can this world be cruel? That I can't get to see my future babies or just to even get married. I sighed.
I wanted to watch people live, I smirked remembering the last conversation I had with my Doctor.
"You have to stop working minnie. I am serious!" I heard Heechul burst out on the door.
I just looked at the Doctor with questioning gaze.
He just bowed his head. I smiled..
"I still want to work. Even as a sitter." I said as a final decision.
If I am going to Die.. I want to die taking care of the people who felt unloved.
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