August 2010

“Wanna grab lunch with me later, Hyunnie?” Minjung looked at me hopefully.

“Actually, I have something I need to finish at lunch. Maybe you can go with Chanyeol?” I don’t bother correcting ‘Hyunnie,’ which she always pronounces almost as “honey.’’

“What something? You told me you finished everything last night,” Chanyeol chimed in. I kick his shin under the table. “Righ—ow!”

She bats her eyelashes hopefully, and for a second, she succeeds at making me change my mind. Just for a second.

“Actually, I forgot to put in the annotated bibliography, so…” I let myself drift off, standing up from my seat.

“Oh. Maybe next time?” She fiddles with her expensive bracelet.

“Yeah, next time, Hyunnie?” the man-boy said mockingly sweet.

If looks could kill, he’d be dead by now.

“I need to get going,” I just say as I quickly swing my backpack behind me and shove Chanyeol away from making more mess of the already sticky situation.

“Oh. Okay, bye.” She waves dejectedly.

We’re barely out of earshot when he starts. “You can’t not see that she’s obviously trying to ask you out.”

“I can see it, clear as day,” I sigh in exasperation.

“Then why not go to lunch with her? She’s smart, cute, and she’s nice. What more can you ask for?” He lowers his voice. “I’d tap that.”

I knock him upside the head. “Then why don’t you? She’s all yours.”

“Bro code, dude. You don’t go after a girl who likes your best friend. That’s just wrong.” He straightens up and keeps walking.

I mentally nod my head. Guy has a point. We walk a few beats in silence.

“Besides, is that all you think about?” I shake my head.

“What?” He puts his hands on his pockets.

“Tapping that?” I shake my head.

He laughs. “Hey, it’s better than thinking about a girl who’s never coming back.” He looks at me pointedly. “Look. It’s time to move on. Besides, does she even reply to your emails anymore?”

I don’t answer, and he takes it as an opportunity to keep going. “I didn’t think so. You’re spending precious youth away by locking yourself up to the world. There’s plenty of girls better than she is, okay?”

I walk faster, leaving him behind. He catches up in two strides. “All I’m saying is, it’s been two years, man. You might turn gay from waiting too long for a girl.” He pretends to shudder at the thought.

“Okay. First of all, that’s ist, and second of all, can we skip to the part where you start growing up?” I punch his chest. I don’t know how we manage to get along so well sometimes.

He just laughs at me. “You know I’m kidding. But it’s really worrisome. What did she do to make you so incapable of moving on?”

“I just haven’t met anyone yet. Besides, what’s the rush?”

“Maybe you already have, Byun. You just aren’t really looking.” He raises his right eyebrow, and pats my shoulder. “I gotta go. Think about it, okay?”

I watch him walk away, self-assured and very Chanyeol-like as always. And I realize that in many ways he’s more grown up than I am.

-

July 2008

I watch people through the small square of glass on the classroom door and sigh. Why does it have to be me on classroom cleanup today? I erase the blackboard, feeling my stomach grumble. I straighten up the desks and pick up gum wrappers off the floors. These kids seriously need to pick up after themselves. I sigh again.

I’m done, finally.

I grab my backpack as I go, ready to just go home and eat some ramen. Stretching my arms up to the sky, I keep walking, looking at the puffy clouds that somehow look like cotton candy. Man, I’m really hung—oof. I feel a person bump against me as books started clattering to my toes. I look down and see someone start picking the books up from the floor.

“I’m sorry about that,” she mumbles against a curtain of hair. “I couldn’t really see you.”

I resist the urge to tuck her hair behind her ear to see her face.

“No, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” We both stand up as a mountain of books separated me from her. I take half of her load before she can say anything and finally see the girl behind the books.

“Oh,” a spark of recognition in her voice.

“Oh,” I repeat. It’s Sohee’s sister. I say so.

“Yeah, that’s me.” She smiles, and we start walking towards the library, opposite from the direction I was walking.

“What’s all these for?” I raise the books I’m carrying just slightly. Then I realize they’re all the same book.

“Oh these? For class. Our teacher told me to bring them back to the library.”

“You must be the class president, then. Only select people get to do that type of work.” She must be smart, like her sister.

She laughs. “Yup. Class president. That’s me.”

“But you’re leaving soon. Who’s going to take over?”

Surprise registers in her face. “How’d you know?”

“Is that supposed to be some secret?” I feel hurt that it has to be a secret from me too.

“We just don’t want to cause any sort of occasion for people. We want to leave quietly.” There’s a tinge of sadness in her voice.

“But so many people love you. They’ll miss you.” I think of how I’ll miss Sohee.

“You don’t know that. You don’t know me.” She looks at me matter-of-factly.

“I don’t, but I’m pretty sure you’ll be missed.” I match her eye contact. I notice that her eyes are different from her sister’s. They’re cat-like, almond shaped, and wider. And I notice that on closer inspection, the sisters don’t actually look that similar.

“Thanks.” She shrugs her shoulders as we enter the library. There’s something cute about how serious she is even though she’s three years younger than I am.

“No problem.” We reach the front desk and drop off the books.

“Hi, Mrs. Choi,” she smiles.

“Hey, Dalhee,” the librarian smiles back. So that’s what her name is.

“I counted 34. Is that correct?” She talks to the librarian comfortably, as if she’s a regular.

“Yep. I trust your counting skills, hon.” Mrs. Choi winks at her genially.

“Thanks, Ma’am.” She bows. “I’ll get going.” There’s an easy-going smile on her face.

“Okay. Be careful going home, okay?” They wave at each other before Dalhee turns to walk out of the library. I follow her.

“Uh, thanks for the help again,” she tells me.

“Yeah, no problem.” I repeat myself.

“See you around,” she waves at me before turning and walking away.

Turns out, we’re going the same way, so I walk a cautious distance behind her, awkward at our acquaintance-ship. I watch her walk with a purpose, confident in her strides. I walk with my hands in my pockets, watching her suddenly trip over an unseen rock. She flails her arms a bit before regaining her balance.

I wanted to run to her to see if she’s okay, but stop mid-step. She’s laughing at herself and just keeps walking. I laugh along too, with our fifteen-foot distance, feeling that somehow, I’ve met someone precious, even if it’s just from afar.