Spring 2008

“Jihu, why can’t you be more like your older brother?”

He just looks down on his pancakes. This isn’t the first time they’re having this conversation.

“Mom.”

“No, Baekhyun. You stay out of this.”

I shouldn’t even have tried. Jihu just gives me a stink eye. Mother has the tendency to compare us with one another. I know it’s just her way of trying to bring out the best in us, but it’s gotten worse lately. Ever since my school ranking started climbing to two-digit numbers, ever since I started studying harder, the pressure’s been heavier on my siblings.

“How do you expect to get to a good university if you keep playing video games all day?”

Jihu keeps his silence, and that just irks her even more. “Are you listening?! Answer me when I am speaking to you, Byun Jihu.”

“Yes, Mom.” I know he’s resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Mother sighs, and I know Jihu wins this round. He knows this too, and before she gets the chance to pick up steam again, he goes to his room.

“What’s wrong with that boy? Doesn’t he know how much we spend on his education?” Mother sits on the nearest barstool in defeat.

“He’s gonna get his head out of his sooner or later,” I reassure her.

“Watch your language, Byun Baekhyun,” she looks at me with mild distaste, but I know she doesn’t mind too much. Her mind drifts for a moment. “If only he’d get a nice girl to influence him towards the right direction…” She looks at me with a mischievous glint she only shows me once in a while.

“Mom,” I say in warning. She better not get me started.

“What?” She smiles with mock innocence. “I’m just saying, Sohee did you so much good.”

She did, but that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable talking about her with my mom.

“I mean, when is it going to be official?” She nudges my elbow. “You’re already almost on your senior year of high school. If you don’t make a move soon, someone’s going to scoop her away. She’s too good to be single for long.”

“I know that,” I give her an annoyed look.

“I’m just saying,” she holds her hands up in surrender. “Does she even know?”

“Mom.” It comes out more a childish whine than anything else.

“You’re head over heels for her, and it seems she’s not rejecting your advances. I’m sure if you get up the courage to officially ask her out, it’ll only be a matter of time. You’re handsome, you’re on the top twenty—“

“You’re my mom; you’re required to think I’m good looking and smart,” I sigh in exasperation.

“But you are.” She me hair, resting her warm palm on my cheek. Normally, I would’ve turned away from her touch. I’m a grown man. But days like these, I feel comforted, so I let it stay there. I let it give me courage.

“Just ask her. It’ll be alright.” She gives me an encouraging smile, and I’m reminded of those nights when she lulls me to sleep after a particularly horrible nightmare. It’s the smile that tells me everything will be okay, regardless of what I’ll see after I close my eyes, after I let dreams take their course.

I scoff to show her I’m unaffected, but I know I’m going to tell Sohee. Tomorrow.

-

My heart threatens to burst out of my chest—it’s as if my heart knows of an impending storm, the one that will leave it broken into a hundred million pieces.

I shake my head, remember the smile that chases away nightmares, remember that “mothers know best,” and I walk forward. Yesterday has been a sleepless night, so today is the day. I can’t afford more compromises on my sleep cycle.

I heave a big sigh and enter my first class, the first class I have with her. I’ve got it all planned out. I’ll talk to her over lunch break, give her a box of Ferrero Rocher, her favorite. Then I’ll tell her—calmly and coolly—that I have feelings for her. I’ll gauge her reaction, then that’s where we move forward. Or not. But I’ll worry about that later.

I sit in my assigned seat, the one two seats away from her. Instinctively, I look at her seat to see if she’s there. She’s not. There’s ten more minutes before the warning bell rings, and it’s just like her to come at the very last minute. She’ll be here.

I can already imagine her speed walking her way to our classroom, hair still damp from the shower, her books slightly askew on her arms as she makes it into her seat just as the final bell rings. I smile at the thought. I imagine I can smell her raspberry shampoo already, the one that’s distinctly her smell.

The warning bell rings, and students start sitting down. Our teacher enters the room, setting her things down on her desk, prepping for the hour of discussion. Two minutes till the bell. Where is she? She should be here by now. I watch the door for her lithe figure rushing in.

The bell rings, and the teacher begins.

She can be late, right?

The teacher starts talking about a pre-lab assignment on titration, but I can’t concentrate. Don’t tell me Sohee’s not showing up today. She’s never absent, rain or shine. She comes to school even if she has a fever—that’s how much she cares about school.

“Mr. Byun, let’s keep our eyes on me, please,” the teacher says. I feel my cheeks warming to a blush, and I peel my attention from the door. I guess she’s not coming today.

I feel my heart crack in the corners. I’m not superstitious, but this just screams something ominous. What if she knew I was going to confess today, and purposely avoided going to school?

I almost smack myself in the head. Of course she’s not that shallow. She won’t miss school for a twit like you, Byun Baekhyun. I am so absorbed in my own thoughts, I almost don’t hear the whispering in the school corridors during break.

“I heard something about Sohee from my mom last night,” a student says.

“What is it?” another one reflects the question on the tip of my tongue. I feel my feet slow down to listen.

“Don’t tell anyone else…” she gives a dramatic pause. “I think her whole family’s moving.”

“Where? Is she still going to attend our school?”

“No. I don’t think so. According to Sohee’s mom, they’re moving to America for good.”

My stomach suddenly feels like lead, and my feet start pounding on the floor, fast and on its own. I’m running, and I don’t know where I’m going. Questions swim on my mind.

How soon?

How long do I have to tell her?

What does this mean about us?

Will there even be an ‘us’?

Mom was wrong. Everything’s not going to be alright. Not this time.

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More OC's coming your way. :) Please comment. I really want to hear what y'all have to say about how I've shaped the story so far. ^_^