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The First SnowA/N: Haiii~ the italicized words here represent:
Jihae's thoughts. Flashback. And the lyrics.
"I really can't believe that I agreed to go with you Minah, to go with you to your gay oppas' fansigning?"
"Hey! It's ghei not gay! And come on, it's Christmas and you need to get out of the house from time to time. Plus, you're my bestie, that's why."
"Ghei, gay, what difference does it make? The meanings are the same! And you have to make it up for me since you took my precious time to go here and stand in line in the cold instead of being wrapped around a warm blanket while drinking hot coco."
"Of course I will! And it's the spelling. Duhh. " Minah retorted.
She couldn't believe that Minah got her out from her warm haven just to wait in line the cold.
"Stop making faces Jihae! You're becoming unattractive!" Minah playfully said.
"What faces?" Jihae said, frowning at her.
"What faces? You're making one now! And stop being grumpy and listen to this. It might calm you down while we're in line." Minah said putting her headset on her as she played the song.
On this afternoon, where the snow is falling.
If only I could call you, I'd be so happy.
"Who sang this and what's the title? And it's kind of nice... if you're trying to make fun of me, who ironically hasn't moved on?" Jihae asked suspiciously.
"Exo - First Snow. No I'm not, just keep listening."
Oh. It's an Exo song.
A year has passed, but I'm still not over you.
So I talk to myself, "I'm lonely"
I knew it! She's so going to get it from me after I finish this song.
(Turn back the clock) If only I could go back one year.
(Turn back my heart) Would we be different now?
Yeah it's a stupid thought, but still, what if,
Exactly the same.
If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn't be able to say anything.
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas, hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely/
I'm sorry I didn't treat you well.
That Christmas, I was only filled with regrets.
Exactly the same. Same as my cliché love story. Reminding me of the past, I want to fix.
"Let's break up." Jihae said, casually sipping on her drink.
"W-why?"
"Let's face it Sehun. In a matter of months you're going to debut in a group. You'll have busy schedules. And by that you won't have time to interact with your girlfriend. The spark will fade away through time. That's why Sehun." she coldly said.
"Really? Are you sure about that Jihae? Why are you jumping to conclusions so early? You don't even know if that'll happen?" Sehun asked with a hint of sorrow in his tone.
"Sehun, have you ever heard of an idol group not having busy schedules?" Jihae asked.
"No." Sehun answered, holding back the tears.
"It's good that you kno-"
"But why are you doing this now? Why now? Why on a Christmas day? Is my love a joke for you? Don't you care about me?" now bursting in tears, Sehun asked.
"Yes Sehun. I.Don't.Care.Anymore. And I'm sorry." Jihae lied. Leaving a crying Sehun alone. And unknowingly, leaving her heart too, to a place out of her reach; in his hands.
Jihae lied back then. She didn't want him worrying about his girlfriend, when he's got a lot of things to do because that's how much she cared for him. And still does. She didn't want to be a burden to him. Back then she was scared that she'd hurt so bad when the spark between their love fades, when their conversations are replaced with empty words. She regrets making those decisions. Regrets not having faith that they'll be the same even after he debuts. Of how she foolishly let him go.
No one knows how much I regret letting you go.
(Such a typical story) After time passed, the fact that you're so precious.
(It always passes by) Why didn't I know back then?
I want to tell you it's different now.
And now the only thing I can do is say "sorry" and drown more in regret.
"Jihae! It's almost our turn." Minah said shaking Jihae, bringing her back to reality.
"Oh, okay." Jihae said.
Even from a far she could still recognize Sehun. See his soft features. Reminding her of their bliss filled past with him. Making her want to cry.
It's so strange, just thinking of you makes tears fall.
Tears are falling, falling, falling.
I want to go back to you.
I can do anything.
Even if my whole life till now disappears.
It's our turn.
"Jihae it's our turn now!" Minah said poking Jihae on the side, and trying hard not to embarrass herself in front of her friend and her oppas.
"Your name?" said the boy named Suho.
"Jihae." she said as Suho stared at her. Even though it was very noisy, after she said her name, some of the other members turned to look at her. She looked back at them, slightly confused to why they're looking at her as if she'd murdered someone.
Did Sehun tell them about me? Wait, they wouldn't know if I'm his ex...not unless he showed a picture of me.
"S-sign?" Jihae said looking at her album. It took quite a while for Suho to recover from his trance.
After getting her album signed, glared at, stared at curiously, by the other members. Only one member was left. Oh Sehun. Jihae was quite nervous that he was last. As she was going to him, she sticked a sticky note on the cover of the album. Hoping that he would read it.
"Your name?" he coldly asked, lifting his head up to see her.
"Jihae." she said, flashing a bitter smile.
"How have you been? Oh, and Merry Christmas noona." he said, signing her album.
"...So you've become a fan of Ex-...what's that?" Sehun said, pointing at the sticky note.
"I'm so sorry Sehun." Jihae muttered, her bitter smile not leaving her face, as she took the sticky note from the album and gave it to Sehun. Leaving to follow after her friend. After being in a safe distance from him, Jihae bursted into tears. She cried, and cried as if there was no tomorrow. She thought she was moving on slowly. She didn't know that meeting him again would make her feel the way she felt before with him. She cried, and cried, regretting of how foolishly she letted go the one for her.
If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn't be able to say anything.
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas, hi, how have you been?
When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?
How ironic. He greeted me a Merry Christmas and asked me how have I been, as if like nothing ever happened. Oh Sehun, how did you do it? I really want you to teach me how? So that I won't regret too much. So that in the future, I could look back to this and just laugh it off. Because clearly, there's no more hope for us. If I didn't do that? If I had faith in us. If I had trusted you, would we be different now?
"Sehun-ah, are you okay? You remember Jiha-" a guy named Kai asked.
"Yes I'm fine." Sehun cuts off Kai, as he fishes the note Jihae gave to him on the fansigning in his pocket.
What could've she wrote? Sehun-ah, before you alway-
"Sehun-ah, before you always smiled, you'd always smile at any given moment,
but after you debuted with the others you don't smile too often.Why's that?
Is it because of me? If it is, I'm so sorry. And also I want you to know,
there was never a time when I didn't care about you. I've always cared about.
Even up till now. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope that you
would keep all the memories of us that were beautiful. Even though you've
moved on. And ironically I haven't. I hope that in the future, if we meet again,
we'd smile to each other casually, remember our past, and laugh it off.
Love the person who love[s]d you the most,
Jihae ~
She never really changed that attitude of hers. Always jumping into conclusions without thinking that there's a chance of something different.
He tried his best not to cry to loud, since he didn't want to wake up his worn out hyungs, and he didn't want them worrying about him.
Despite her breaking his heart into pieces, leaving him alone to cry on Christmas day, he still loved her. And all the scars she gave to him a year ago, re-opened. He knew she lied. She knew she got scared of love losing it's spark, conversations filled with empty words, lies. But still if he loved her so much, he should've talked to her catched up to her the day she left him. If she loved him so much, she never left him in the first place, she should've trusted in him, in them, she should've went back for him.
But since that wasn't what they did, they're now full of regret. Sleepless nights filled with soft cries. After that Christmas, everything changed.
Is it tears or is it because of the snow?
That Christmas, I kept seeing you get farther away.
But still....maybe there's still hope for them? Hope for them to correct their mistake.
A/N: okay....don't judge on how long the note on the sticky note is cause it fitted on mine! xD hahaha
Anyways hope you'd like it (due to some reasons I couldn't finish it last night...and since it's been a whole day [no...2] it became poop) ;_; (why am I explaining this? /slaps mahself) baiii~ /waves/ p.s. sorry if the colors are kind of displeasing to the eye I couldn't help myself :/
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