Chapter 1

                “There she is!” Sunny said hoping that it was a sufficient enough answer for Jessica. She pointed to Seohyun and stood up to hug the younger girl. “How’s my favorite little maknae today?”

                “Ah. I’m doing good unnie.” Seohyun started. Sunny nodded her head as she listened to Seohyun’s stories. She smiled. She enjoyed talking to the maknae. But still, it didn’t make her any calmer.

                She waved Seohyun away, giving her a little hug as she made her way to the kitchen. Her eyes roamed until it saw what it wanted. She her lips as she saw the bottle of wine. She needed it. She needed to calm down. Especially if she was going to see her.

                Thoughts ran through her head of all the scenarios that could happen. On one hand, she could be forgiven and things would go back to normal, or at least friends again. They would regain their closeness. But on the other nothing could change, Sunny could be left to suffer for her mistakes forever.

                The more she thought of it, the more she drank. One glass, two, three and four. She looked at it. Guilt swarmed her. She was ashamed. Here she was, alone. Here she was, hiding in the kitchen after waving off their beloved maknae so she could get a drink. She shook her head as she felt the effects of alcohol flowing through her body.

                “Gather round girls!” She heard. Her heart skipped a beat. It was her. “It’s time to eat! C’mon!” She smiled. She shook her head and regained her composure. She was still nervous, but with her little liquid courage it was bearable.

                She made her way to the dining room table slowly. She was in the seat opposite her. She finally looked up and made eye contact with her. With their leader, Taeyeon. It was a brief moment, before Sunny could even smile at her Taeyeon broke it off and started a conversation with Tiffany.

                Sunny let out a sad smile. It was Christmas Eve. She was hoping, that at least today just for today, Taeyeon would treat her as she once did. Her only wish wouldn’t come true. The pain in her heart grew. The girls’ laughter and presence did nothing to fill that void.

                She looked up in desperation. “Taeyeon~ah,” she said cutely, “are you going home or is your family coming over?” Sunny asked.

                “They’re coming right now. They’ll be staying at a hotel nearby. Tiffany and I are going to visit.” Taeyeon said simply before moving on to talk to Seohyun. She looked at Seohyun with jealous.

                She picked at her food as she watched Taeyeon converse with the others. Hyoyeon, Soo, Yuri, Yoona and finally Jessica. But never once with her. And from there, every conversation she tried to start would end in with a one sentence reply from Taeyeon.

                She watched as Taeyeon showered her love to everyone. It was too much. Was it really too much for her to ask for? One day. One normal day where everything between them could be the same. A normal day where Sunny didn’t have to watch Taeyeon slowly push her away?

                She stood up. Everyone’s eyes followed her. “Alright girls. I think I’m going to head home and spend some time with the family before things get too hectic for us. Merry Christmas.” She said. She looked to everyone and finally to Taeyeon.

                She got a simple wave of goodbye before Taeyeon continued to pick at her food. Sunny felt the tears coming. She turned around rushing for the door. She put on her shoes. “Sunny-yah! Wait.” She heard. It was Jessica.

                She looked up and clenched her fist, hoping that the pain would somehow delay the tears. She looked up and smiled for Jessica. Before she knew it Jessica had engulfed her in a hug.

                “Are you okay?” She asked.

                “I’m fine. Just going home. My sisters are there… so I want to spend some time with them you know? Especially with our comebacks and all… it might be the last time for a few months.” Sunny lied. Jessica shook her head.

                “Liar. Did you forget you told me where you were today?” Jessica told her. Sunny looked at her blankly. She did forget. Jessica did know.

                “I’m sorry.”

                “Come back in. Please Sunny? I don’t want you to be alone. Especially not tonight… She’ll behave.” Jessica said. Sunny froze and gulped. She cursed the Sergeant’s intelligence. It was all those books.

                “Jessica… just for tonight. Please?” Sunny begged. Jessica sighed and brought her in for a hug once more.

                “My family loves you, you know? I know it would mean the world to them if you visited us tomorrow.” Jessica told her.

                “I’ll keep it in mind.” Sunny said. She walked to the apartment complex’s parking lot and looked around. She finally found it. Her car. She patted it as she got in. How long ago was it that she drove in her car? How long ago was it that she got it?

                She started the engines and drove. But she didn’t drive home. No. She drove somewhere else. To her own apartment. One she bought a year ago. How many people know about this? She wondered. She knew the answer. One.

                The apartment, the car, the drinking. These were only a few of her dirty little secrets.