If there’s anything I want for tonight, it’s to keep my mind off of you. Distractions are all I need to keep myself sane, but only time will tell the stability of my mentality.

Everything around me is a distraction.

The photographs we used to take are still hanging on our wall. Every time I look at it, the memories come rushing back. I can’t help but close my eyes and reminisce those precious moments of ours. I remember how much you didn’t like taking pictures but said you’d do anything I tell you. My favourite one would be when you slept like a pig. You were just so cute that I couldn’t resist. I captured you at your most unguarded moment for my own amusement. You didn’t like what I did and took revenge on me while I was asleep on another day. It happened when I least expected it. My guards were down. I miss those days.

Everything around me is a distraction.

The stuffed teddy bear you once won for me. We were at a carnival held in the heart of downtown. Carrying me on your back with the constant stares and snickers of strangers, you didn’t mind. You wanted me to feel special and I felt it. I whined about my friend’s boyfriends who all bought them something on their special days, or any other days because it doesn’t have to always need to be special. I complained about my own boyfriend not showering me with gifts, not spoiling me like how a boyfriend should spoil their girlfriend. You laughed. Moments later, you told me to get off your back. I didn’t feel special anymore. But when you dragged me to one of those game stands, I was surprised when you said you’d win me something. You told me that buying gifts weren’t sincere enough, that you’d rather sweat tears and blood for me instead. I found that super sweet and fell harder for you. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

Everything around me is a distraction.

I’m here sitting on the love seat we bought together. Your favourite colour was navy blue. Mine was bloody red. Our favourite colours were each other’s least favourite colours. I didn’t understand why you didn’t like bloody red and neither did you understand why I didn’t like navy blue. But we still worked out. You gave into me and surprised me by buying my favourite coloured love seat just when I decided on buying the navy blue one. We weren’t really a normal couple. Instead of going out on dates, we’d cuddle together on our love seat. You always made me feel at home. Here I am, snuggling against it with my legs propped against me. It’s warm. But it’d be even warmer if you were here with me.

Everything around me is a distraction.

The walls that were once empty have turned into a beauty masterpiece. I remember how you weren’t interested in the arts but ended up taking slight interest in it because of me. I loved to paint with mixed media on anything empty – watercolour paper, canvases, walls, shirts. I would’ve painted on your heart but it was already taken, by me. We decorated these walls together. With my favourite bloody red and your navy blue. It took months to complete but we did it in the end. With calligraphy ink we signed the bottom of the wall and drew a heart around it. You painted with your heart as I did with mine. I remember those fun times. When you’d purposely get paint on me with your hands. In return, I accidentally got paint on you with my paint brush. Bloody red. Your least favourite colour. But you said it represented your love for me. That you’d die for me.

Everything around me is a distraction.

The cell phone sitting peacefully on the coffee table is staring at me. I’m staring at it wondering when you’d call. Or … if you’d ever call again. When was the last time you dialed my number? I’ve called you so many times but it sent me to your voicemail. Just when will you return my calls? I miss you.

Everything around me is a distraction. It keeps reminding me of you when you’re the person I least want to remember right now. My sight is getting blurry. Why can’t I stop these tears of mine? Hurry up and come back to me. I’ve been waiting for a long time. It’s been days. Weeks. Months. Why aren’t you replying? Hurry up. Even if I have to wait for another ten years, just hurry up and come back to my side.

I miss you.

Don’t you love me anymore?

I pick up my phone with my fingers hovering over your name. I’m going to call you again. If you really love me, then answer the phone. Please.

Let me hear your voice.

Tell me you love me.

Tell me you’d sweat tears and blood for me.

Tell me you’d die for me just like I’d die for you.

I love you. Do you love me?

Pick up the phone.

Please.

I just want to hear your voice again.

Everything around me without you by my side is distracting me.

I miss you.